Its okay if you dont want to talk about it, he said. But in her heart, it jarred, made her think he was too often ready to move forward and not look back, just like the major.
I was a cop, she said.
A guardswoman, he said with a strange note in his voice. When she glanced over, though, he shook his head. Its nothing. You said was. What happened? This is about your partner?
I froze. She crossed her arms, caught herself doing it and jammed her hands in her pockets instead. Youre shocked, Im sure. And yes, that was sarcasm. When he didnt say anything, she told herself to leave it alone, let it lie. Instead, she found herself saying, We just went in for coffee, thats all. Benz didnt even want tobut I was cold, tired and cranky, and our shift was going to run over because a couple of guys had called in sick, so he stopped and went in for me. And he didnt come back out.
Maybe it was the wolfsbene, maybe the crazy reality out of reality she found herself in, but suddenly the memory was right there in front of her, where before she hadnt been able to remember any of it clearly.
CHAPTER SEVEN
SERIOUSLY, BENZ, WHAT is taking so long? Reda killed the cruisers engine, pocketed the keys and climbed out, slamming the door harder than she really needed to. Did you have to grow the coffee beans or milk the half-and-half cow yourself?
More likely he was chatting up the pretty brunette who worked the counter at the Porthole Packie. Normally, it didnt bother Reda when her good-looking, easygoing partner went into casual-flirt mode, even when the flirtee was a good ten years younger than him and a coed at the nearby state college. Tonight, though, the thought set her teeth on edge. She might not have been all that into the guy who had just its not you, its med her, but being newly dumpedagainreally ought to earn her some priority in the coffee department. Maybe even a bonus Snickers.
Which, apparently, she was going to have to get for herself. Muttering under her breath and ignoring the curious looks of a couple of passersbywhat, never seen a girl cop wearing a uniform and a mood before?she pushed through the portholed door and into the liquor store, which, like so many of the local places, had recently been forced to diversify to stay afloat, putting in a general store section that boasted damn good serve-yourself coffee.
As she came through the door, she automatically glanced up at the curved overhead mirror, which was angled toward the register area and backed up by video surveillance.
She froze at the sight of Benz standing on the wrong side of the counter with his hands up, a gun in his face and the coed cowering behind him with her eyes closed and her hands covering her ears. Then Reda looked from the mirror to the register, and saw it was for real.
In the nanosecond it took for the perp to look over, go white-eyed and start screaming for her to toss Redas gun and lie on the floor, her brain snapshotted the sceneassessed the lines of sight, possible cover and the positions of the three other people in the store. She instantly saw herself pretending to follow orders but instead launching herself into a nearby display, saw it fall into the gunman, saw Benz come over the counter and take the guy down. It was training, planning and instinct all wrapped into one. And it didnt happen anywhere but in her mind.
In reality, she just stood there.
Get down! The perp jumped back a step and shifted his gun from Benz to her. She saw the panic in his eyes and knew she had to react, had to get the hell out of the line of fire, but she freaking couldnt. Her brain wouldnt work; her body wouldnt move.
The guys eyes changed. And Reda saw her own death.
No! Benz lunged over the counter and went for the guy, just as she had pictured, but she hadnt provided a distraction, hadnt done anything.
The perp spun back and fired as Benz hit him. The .38s sharp report jolted her from her paralysis as the men went down together, but she was too slow in fumbling her weapon from its holster. The gunman got up, scrambling out from underneath Benz and bolting for the back exit.
Stop! she yelled. Freeze, police! Which just wasted time.
Besides, he was already gone, the door swinging into place behind him.
She hesitated another gutless momentchase or stay? One look back at Benz made the decision for her. Blood pooled dark ruby-red on the hardwood floor. She grabbed her radio and called in an officer down, assistance and an ambulance needed, then crouched beside him, skidding in his blood and seeing the ragged tear in his neck.
She clapped a hand over the wound, putting on pressure like crazy, telling him to hang on, that help was on its way.
None of it mattered, though, because like the man who had killed him, Benz was long gone.
And when the detectives started asking me about the perp, I couldnt remember a damn thing, she finished, oblivious now to the dark forest pressing in on either side of them, seeing only the liquor store, the blood, the expressions on the faces of the other cops afterward. The other wits hadnt seen his face and the video was useless. If I could have given them somethingbut, no. It was all gone, pfft, total fog, like my mind had locked up along with my body. I couldnt even help that way. I was deadweight. Useless. She glanced over at Dayn. Just like I have been pretty much since I got here.
He met her eyes, though his expression was lost in the darkness of the predawn that had started lightening the horizon to a deep, rich blue. Youre expecting me to say it wasnt your fault.
Her stomach gave an ugly-feeling lurch. You think it was.
I think it wont matter worth a damn what I think. Youve got to work it out for yourself and find a way to make peace. Or not. But although his words put up barriers, the soft rasp of regret in his voice went right through them, and reminded her who she was talking to and what hed been through. He hadnt just lost a partner; hed lost his family, his life, his heritage.
Sorry, she said, blush coming on hard and fast. You were just asking to be nice, and I rambled on, and
He reached over and took her hand. Reda, stop. Thats not what I meant.
She swallowed, trying not to cling too hard to his hand. Sorry. Im not good at reading cues. My brothers say its because I spend too much time by myself. Or they had before they moved away to start new jobs, new families, leaving her behind.
Im familiar with the concept. He let go of her hand, but they were walking closer than before, their shoulders and arms brushing in rhythm as he said, Ive spent twenty years dying to get back to Elden, reconnect with my brothers and sister and kick the Blood Sorcerers ass, not necessarily in that order. But Ive also spent most of that time blaming myself for not being in the castle when the attack came.
Im familiar with the concept. He let go of her hand, but they were walking closer than before, their shoulders and arms brushing in rhythm as he said, Ive spent twenty years dying to get back to Elden, reconnect with my brothers and sister and kick the Blood Sorcerers ass, not necessarily in that order. But Ive also spent most of that time blaming myself for not being in the castle when the attack came.
You wouldnt have been able to, she trailed off, getting it.
Exactly. Right or wrong, what matters is that I feel responsible. He paused. There was a girl, Twilla. She was a guardsmans daughter, and planned to train for the queens guard.
Oh. It was ridiculous to feel a twinge. But she did.
My parents didnt approve because she was common-born and they had plans for me. We argued and I stormed out, and was gone when the castle fell. Worse, the last things between us in their lifetime were angry words and accusations. He spread his hands; the gesture was visible now in the pink light of a new day. Im not proud of myself. I wish I had been a better man, a better son. Hell, a better prince. But I cant go back and change that. All I can do is be better the next time, whatever form that next time takes.
Oh, she said again, only this time it was a softer noise, one of understanding that was what he meant when he talked about moving forward and looking ahead. He wasnt trying to get away from the past, or ignore it. He was trying to fix the future.
And in that, he was nothing like her father and brothers, who spent so much time looking ahead of themselves that they couldnt see what was right in front of them.
Her opinion of him, which was already dangerously high, notched up again. And that, combined with the wolfsbene, made her far too aware of the way their arms brushed now and then as they walked. The contact was almost undetectable through the layers of sweaters and leather, but she knew. She knew.
Yet even though the heat of arousal stayed high in her bloodstream, her energyat least for hikingwas rapidly fading. She didnt say anything, though, just pushed onward until Dayn nudged her with his elbow and pointed to a narrow game trail leading away from the main track. There. Thats what I was looking for. It leads to a hunting cabin about a mile in. His teeth flashed. Its Kenars, and we know for a fact that hes way behind us. The pack will need to rest, so we should be safe. I brought a couple of wards. Ill set one down here to warn us if someones coming up the trail, then set the other to surround the cabin.
She nodded and said, Okay. But what she really meant was, Thank God.
The sun was coming up over the horizon, signaling the end of a nearly interminable night, but she didnt look around, didnt care where they were or what it looked like in the light of day. Her focus narrowed to the few feet in front of her as she followed Dayn up an incline that at times turned so steep that they were going almost vertical, using roots and rocky outcroppings as hand and footholds.
Then, finally, he crested the climb and turned back to her. Come on. Were here.
She gave him her hand, trusting his strong grip to pull her up onto what proved to be a wide ledge at the base of a rock-strewn mountain face. Near the back, snugged up against the rock ledge, a small log cabin was nearly hidden among squat, scrubby pine trees that looked short, proportion-wise, but towered over the small structure.
Barely even registering that reminder that she wasnt in Kansas anymore, she followed Dayn to the cabin and obediently hung back at his gesture, too tired to insist on helping him scout the area and set the wards. As he rejoined her, he was mixing some sort of powder into the contents of the waterskin hed carried over his shoulder.