She smiled. I used to work in a cat food factory. Ive put my fags out in a lot worse, believe me.
I preferred not to think about it. Well, Gloria, how can I help you?
I need a bodyguard.
My eyebrows rose. We dont normally
These arent normal circumstances, she said sharply. I dont want some thick as pigshit bodybuilder trailing round after me. I want somebody with a brain, somebody that can figure out what the hecks going on. Somebody that wont attract attention. Half my life I spend with the bloody press snapping round my ankles
You said, somebody that can figure out what the hecks going on, I said, focusing on the need I probably could do something useful about. What seems to be the problem?
Ive been getting threatening letters, she said. Now, thats nothing new. Brenda Barrowclough is not a woman who minces her words, and there are a lot of folk out there as cant tell the difference between Northerners and the real world. Youd be too young to remember, but when I was first widowed in the series, back about fifteen years ago, I was snowed under with letters of condolence. People actually sent wreaths for the funeral, addressed to fifteen, Sebastopol Grove. The Post Office is used to it now, they just deliver direct to the studios, but back then the poor florists didnt know what to do. We had letters from cancer charities saying donations had been made to their funds in memory of Harry that was my screen husbands name. Whenever characters move out, we get letters from punters wondering what the asking price is for the house. So whenever Brenda does owt controversial, I get hate mail.
I dredged my memory for recent tabloid headlines. Hasnt there been some storyline about abortion? Sorry, I dont get the chance to watch much TV.
Youre all right, chuck. Me neither. You know Brendas granddaughter, Debbie?
The one whos lived with Brenda since she was about ten? After her mum got shot in the post office raid?
You used to be a fan, then?
I still watch when I can. Which was a lot more back when Debbie was ten than it is now.
Well, whats happened is that Brendas found out that Debbies had an abortion. Now, Brenda had a real down on Debbies boyfriend because he was black, so the audience would have expected her to support Debbie rather than have a mixed-race grandson. But Brendas only gone mental about the right to life and thrown Debbie out on her ear, hasnt she? So me and Sarah Anne Kelly who plays Debbie were expecting a right slagging off.
And thats whats happened?
Gloria shook her head, leaving a ribbon of smoke drifting level with her mouth. Sort of, she said, confusing me. What happens is the studio goes through our post, weeding out the really nasty letters so we dont get upset. Only, of course, you ask, dont you? I mean, you want to know if theres any real nutters out there looking for you.
And the studio told you there was?
No, chuck. It werent the studio. The letters Im worried about are the ones coming to the house.
Now I was really confused. You mean, your real house? Where you actually live?
Exactly. Now, I mean, its not a state secret, where I live. But unless youre actually a neighbor or one of the reptiles of the press, youd have to go to a bit of trouble to find out. The phones ex-directory, of course. And all the official stuff like electricity bills and the voters roll dont come under Gloria Kendal. They come under my real name.
Exactly. Now, I mean, its not a state secret, where I live. But unless youre actually a neighbor or one of the reptiles of the press, youd have to go to a bit of trouble to find out. The phones ex-directory, of course. And all the official stuff like electricity bills and the voters roll dont come under Gloria Kendal. They come under my real name.
Which is?
Doreen Satterthwaite. She narrowed her eyes. I didnt think it was because the smoke was getting into them. I struggled to keep my face straight. Then Gloria grinned. Bloody awful, isnt it? Do you wonder I chose Gloria Kendal?
In your shoes, Id have done exactly the same thing, I told her. I wasnt lying. So these threatening letters are coming directly to the house?
Not just to my house. My daughters had one too. And theyre different to the usual. She opened her handbag again. I wondered at a life where it mattered to have suit, shoes and handbag in identical shades. I couldnt help my mind slithering into speculation about her underwear. Did her coordination extend that far?
Gloria produced a sheet of paper. She started to pass it to me, then paused. I could have taken it from her, but it was an awkward reach, so I waited. Usually, letters like this, theyre semi-literate. Theyre ignorant. I mean, I might have left school when I were fifteen, but I know the difference between a dot and a comma. Most of the nutters that write me letters wouldnt know a paragraph
Now she passed the letter across. It was plain A4 bond, the text printed unidentifiably on a laser printer. Doreen Satterthwaite, its time you paid for what youve done. You deserve to endure the same suffering youve been responsible for. I know where you live. I know where your daughter Sandra and her husband Keith live. I know your granddaughter Joanna goes to Gorse Mill School. I know they worship at St Andrews Church and have a caravan on Anglesey. I know you drive a scarlet Saab convertible. I know you, you bitch. And soon youre going to be dead. But therell be no quick getaway for you. First, youre going to suffer. She was right. The letter sounded disturbingly in control.
Any idea what the letter writer is referring to? I asked, not really expecting an honest answer.
Gloria shrugged. Who the heck knows? Im no plaster saint, but I cant think of anybody Ive done a really bad turn to. Apart from my ex, and I doubt he could manage a letter to me that didnt include the words, you effing bitch. He certainly cant manage a conversation without it. And besides, he wouldnt threaten our Sandra or Joanna. No way. I took her response for genuine perplexity, then reminded myself how she made her living.
Have there been many of them?
This is the third. Plus the one that went to Sandra. That were about the sins of the mother. To be honest, the first couple I just binned. I thought they were somebody at the wind-up. Suddenly, Gloria looked away. She fumbled another cigarette from the packet and this time, the hand that lit it shook.
Something happened to change your mind?
My car tires were slashed. All four of them. Inside the NPTV compound. And there was a note stuck under the windscreen wipers. Next time your wardrobe? Or you? And before you ask, I
Thats serious business, I said. Are you sure you shouldnt be talking to the police? I hated to lose a potential client, but it would have verged on criminal negligence not to point out that this might be one for Officer Dibble.
Gloria fiddled with her cigarette. I told the management about it. And John Turpin, hes the Administration and Production Coordinator, he persuaded me not to go to the cops.
Why not? Id have thought the management would have been desperate to make sure nothing happened to their stars.
Glorias lip curled in a cynical sneer. It were nowt to do with my safety and everything to do with bad publicity. Plus, whod want to come and work at NPTV if they found out the security was so crap that somebody could walk into the company compound and get away with that? Anyway, Turpin promised me an internal inquiry, so I decided to go along with him.
But now youre here. Its observational skills like this that got me where I am today.
She flashed a quick up-and-under glance at me, an appraisal that contained more than a hint of fear held under tight control. Youre going to think Im daft.
I shook my head. I dont see you as the daft type, Gloria. Well, it was only a white lie. Daft enough to spend the equivalent of a weeks payroll for Brannigan & Co on a matching outfit, but probably not daft when it came to a realistic assessment of personal danger. Mind you, neither was Ronald Reagan and look what happened to him.
You know Dorothea Dawson? Gloria asked, eyeing me out of the corner of her eye.
The Seer to the Stars? I asked incredulously. The one who does the horoscopes in TV Viewer? The one whos always on the telly? A horse born under the sign of Aries will win the Derby? I intoned in a cheap impersonation of Dorothea Dawsons sepulchral groan.
Dont mock, she cautioned me, wagging a finger. Shes a brilliant clairvoyant, you know. Dorothea comes into the studios
I bet she had. Gifts from all the stars of Northerners. And Dorothea said something about these letters?
I took this letter in with me to my last consultation with her. I asked her what she could sense from it. She does that as well as the straight clairvoyance. Shes done it for me before now, and shes never been wrong. In spite of her acting skills, anxiety was surfacing in Glorias voice.
And what did she say?
Gloria drew so hard on her cigarette that I could hear the burning tobacco crackle. As she exhaled she said, She held the envelope and shivered. She said the letter meant death. Dorothea said death was in the room with us.
Chapter 2
SUN TRINE MOON
Creative thinking resolves difficult circumstances; she will tackle difficulties with bold resolution. The subject feels at home wherever she is, but can be blind to the real extent of problems. She will not always notice if her marriage is falling apart; she doesnt always nip problems in the bud.
From Written in the Stars, by Dorothea Dawson
Anybody gullible enough to fall for the doom and gloom dished out by professional con merchants like astrologers certainly wasnt going to have a problem with my expense sheets. Money for old rope, I reckoned. By Glorias own admission, hate mail was as much part of the routine in her line of work as travelling everywhere with stacks of postcard-sized photographs to autograph for the punters. OK, the tire slashing was definitely more serious, but that might be unconnected to the letters, an isolated act of vindictiveness. It was only because the Seer to the Stars had thrown a wobbler that this poison pen outbreak had been blown up to life-threatening proportions. Does she often sense impending death when she does predictions for people? I asked, trying not to snigger.
Gloria shook her head vigorously. Ive never heard of anybody else getting a prediction like that.
And have you told other people in the cast about it?
Nobody, she said. Its not the sort of thing you go on about.
Not unless you liked being laughed at, I reckoned. On the other hand, it might mean that the death prediction was one of Dorothea Dawsons regular routines for putting the frighteners on her clients and making them more dependent on her. Especially the older ones. Lets face it, there cant be that many public figures Glorias age who go through more than a couple of months without knowing