But the police did come later that day, and they talked to Melanie for a very long time. She couldnt answer any of their questions. She couldnt describe the men in the backyard that day. She didnt know where theyd taken her, or what, if anything, theyd done to her. She didnt know where shed been for the past four years or how shed finally gotten back home. She didnt remember anything, not even her own face.
All she knew was that she wasnt supposed to ask questions. Questions were forbidden.
It was late by the time the police finally left. Melanies mother led her back to her room and tucked her in bed. She sat on the edge, fussing with the covers as if she had to get them just right or Melanie wouldnt be able to sleep.
Mommy?
Her mother put a hand to her mouth, as if overcome with emotion. Tears streamed down her face.
Melanie said contritely, Im sorry.
Oh, baby, you have nothing to be sorry about.
Im sorry I made you cry.
These are happy tears. When you called me Mommyits just been so longI thought Her mother dried her eyes with the back of her hand. It doesnt matter what I thought. Were together now, and thats all that counts.
She gathered Melanie into her arms and hugged her as if she would never let her go. When she finally did pull away, Melanie said softly, Mommy, wheres Daddy?
Your daddy had to go away, honey.
Why?
She bit her lip. Because it made him too sad to stay here after you were gone.
Is he dead? Melanie asked worriedly.
No, hes not dead. He just went somewhere far away from here.
Where?
Houston, I think. Do you know where that is?
Texas?
Yes, thats right. Her mother looked surprised that Melanie knew the answer.
Why didnt you go with him? Melanie asked.
Her mother hesitated. Because someone had to be here when you came back.
Why didnt you go with him? Melanie asked.
Her mother hesitated. Because someone had to be here when you came back.
Melanie thought about that. Can he come home now?
Her mother looked as if she was about to cry again. Melanie was suddenly sorry shed asked about her father. No, honey, he cant come home. HesI dont even know if hes still in Houston. But wherever he is, Im sure hes fine. She leaned down and kissed Melanies cheek. Everythings going to be okay, Melanie, I promise. Ill take such good care of you from now on. When you wake up in the morning, Ill fix you blueberry pancakes. That was always your favorite breakfast. Maybe later well go to the zoo. Just the two of us. Her voice broke as she smoothed her hand down Melanies hair. Sleep now, my precious little girl, and when you wake up, itll be as if you never left.
And her mother had tried very hard to make it so even when the police detective in charge of the case had implored her to seek professional help for Melanie. His advice had fallen on deaf ears.
Shes not talking to a shrink, her mother insisted. I wont put her through that.
Mrs. Stark, Melanie has been through a very traumatic experience. Shes blocked all memory of the time she was missing.
You seem to think thats a bad thing, her mother said. I happen to think its a blessing. Im glad she cant remember what happened to her. I hope she never does.
But what if those memories come back to her someday? She wont be prepared to cope
I appreciate your concern, but I know whats best for my daughter.
And that had been the end of it. The last time Melanie had talked to the police about her abduction. She and her mother never spoke of it again, either. Her mother seemed convinced that if they pretended hard enough, those four years would just go away.
And for a while, that missing time did seem like nothing more than a bad dream. They sold the house on Long Island and moved to a little town in upstate New York. Melanie started back to school as if shed never been absent a day, let alone four years. Wherever shed been, shed obviously been schooled. If anything, she was far ahead of her peers. She made new friends, played on a softball team, did all the things that normal nine-year-old girls do. On some level, she might even have been happy.
But at night, when she lay alone in her room or when she dreamed, thats when the screams would come back to haunt her.
Melanie soon learned that putting her hands over her ears wouldnt block the torment. Nothing would. But that didnt stop her from trying. As she grew older, she experimented with new and increasingly destructive means to shut out the screams. There was a time during her teenage years when shed been completely out of control.
But her mother still wouldnt seek counselling for Melanie. She insisted that all Melanie needed was unconditional love, which she gave to her daughter in abundance. Through the truancy and all the wild parties and even rehab, her mother never judged, never scolded, never punished. If anything, she seemed to love Melanie even more.
Finally, after high school, things started to improve. In spite of her self-destructive behavior, Melanie had always excelled in her studies, and when she was accepted into a premed program at a local university, it seemed as if shed finally gotten her life back on track. She even fell in love.
She and Andrew were inseparable all through college, but then, just weeks before graduation, hed come to her and told her their relationship wasnt working for him.
Melanie had been devastated. Why?
He gazed at her sadly. Because what I see when I look into your eyes scares the hell out of me, Mel.
Wounded, Melanie bit back her tears. What do you see?
He gave a helpless shrug. Nothing. All I see in your eyes is emptiness.
Hed walked out of her life that day, and just two weeks before getting her degree, Melanie had dropped out of school. For the next few years, she drifted from place to place, from job to job, from relationship to relationship.
And then six months ago, when her mother had died unexpectedly, Melanie had returned home to try to put their affairs in order. Shed come across the stack of letters while cleaning out her mothers closet. Theyd been stored in an old shoe box shoved to the farthest corner of the top shelf.
The first one had been sent from Houston more than twenty years ago. Melanie hadnt recognized the handwriting on the envelope, and shed hesitated to read through her mothers personal correspondence. But then curiosity had gotten the better of her, and shed opened the letters one by one, stunned to learn that they were all from her father. All these years, when Melanie hadnt heard a word from him, he and her mother had kept in touch.
The early letters, written while shed still been missing, had been outpourings of grief and guilt. Then later, after Melanie had returned, his letters took on a disturbing paranoia.
Im sure the police are pressuring you to allow her to see a psychiatrist, but you have to remain strong. If Melanie remembers what happened to her, theyll take her away again. And this time, they wont let her come back.
She mustnt remember, Janet. Melanie must never, ever remember.
As shed read through those strange letters, Melanie had been bombarded with questions. Who were they? And why was her fathers fear so great that he wouldnt even come to see her?
Nine years after Melanies return, the letters had stopped, leaving a ten-year gap in the correspondence. The final one had been posted from San Cristóbal, Cartéga just weeks before her mothers death, but something seemed to be missing in the exchange, leaving Melanie to wonder if perhaps her parents had had some other form of communication in the years between the letters.
Her father now seemed to be pleading for a chance to see Melanie.
I know you dont agree, Janet, youve made your position perfectly clear. But I think its time Melanie and I meet. Shes had such an unhappy, troubled life. I think I can help her.
Our daughter will be twenty-eight in August. A grown woman. Old enough, surely, to make her own decision about this.
If you decide to let her comeand I pray that you willI should probably have you warn her that she wont recognize me. Neither would you. I had my appearance altered a long time ago, but even more than the surgery, the years away from you and Melanie have taken a toll.
I cant tell you what it would mean to me to see her again, to have one last chance to tell her how much I love her, how much Ive always loved her. And how very sorry I am for my part in what happened to her. My guilt is a hell I live with every day of my life. Please give me this one last chance for redemption.
I want to see her, Janet. I want to see Melanie on her birthday. Tell her Ill be waiting for her in the clouds.
Melanie rose from the bed and put the letters back in the suitcase. Shutting and locking the lid, she shoved the case back into the closet, then walked over to the window to stare out at the twilight.
It was stuffy inside the room. She opened the door for a moment, letting in a fragrant breeze, but she didnt step out on the balcony. She was careful to remain in the shadows as she gazed down at the street.
Gooseflesh prickled along her arms, although the evening was mild. Perhaps it was the tears drying on her face that made her cold. Or the loneliness that suddenly engulfed her.
I cant tell you what it would mean to me to see her again, to have one last chance to tell her how much I love her, how much Ive always loved her. And how very sorry I am for my part in what happened to her.
His part in what had happened to her. His part.
What had he meant by that? Did his guilt stem from a fathers inability to protect his daughter? From the fact that if hed stayed outside with her as shed begged, she wouldnt have been taken?
Or was his remorse the result of something far more sinister?
Had he been a party to her abduction? Did he know who had taken her and why? Had he known for those four years where she was and what was happening to her?
Did he know what theyd done to her?
Melanie had no idea of the answer to any of those questions, but she knew she had to find her father and confront him. She had to ask him point-blank why he felt so guilty. She had to make him look her in the eye when he told her the truth.
Then she would know.
And all those years of running and hiding and trying to block out the screams would finally be over.