Hatushaly lifted his chin towards the youngster who stared in their direction. Raj, he said in a venomous tone.
Hearing that name, Donte turned. Across the room, near to where the students travel bags were stored, squatted three young men, eating silently. Rajs lopsided smile was easily recognisable. The boy had a strange face: delicate features and deep brown eyes that were overshadowed by a heavy brow, giving him an unbalanced appearance.
Donte sighed and said, Do not start anything, do you hear me? He gripped Hatus tunic and said, I know Rajs look; hes ready to start something. He knows he can goad you, so just leave it alone.
Hatu forced himself to look away, and Donte added, Were already in trouble with Hilsbek, and if you start a fight with Raj He made no further comment, simply put his hand on Hatus shoulder and steered him to the waiting food.
After a few steps, Hatu shrugged Dontes hand away and said, Im not going to start anything He glanced back at Raj and saw that the boy was still staring at the three of them.
What is it between you two, anyway? Hava asked.
Hatu remained silent as they reached the table where food had been laid out on wooden plates. When they had settled into an unoccupied corner of the room, he said, I dont know, it started
Years ago, supplied Donte. Do you even remember what that first fight was about?
He called me a name, said Hatu, I think
Havas brow furrowed. You think?
It was before you came to school, said Donte. He took a bite from his platter. The food was plain, and as usual cold, but they ate gratefully, for over the years they had trained for periods of privation, and going without food was a normal part of their lives, even if only for short periods of time in training.
It was quiet in the warehouse. Students rarely spoke while eating. From an early age, they had been taught to focus on things most people took for granted, like food, water, and rest, to conserve and build their strength. These drills and lessons had been hard ones: two days without food was not life-threatening, but to a child it felt like an eternity of starvation. Many mornings had broken on severe stomach aches as the youngsters learned which foods were safe to eat and when. Water was always close at hand, for while going without food for days was possible, severe dehydration would kill sooner, and incapacitate even faster. Rest was precious, for the rigours of life under their masters would often require long periods of sleepless exertion.
Hatu looked at the small square of wood that served as his plate and ate his food with his fingers: cold lumps of sticky rice in a congealed broth, a slice of a roll, and a small portion of bitter greens. He would finish every bite.
After a moment of silence, Hava asked, Before I came? How old were you when it happened?
Seven, or eight, said Hatu quietly.
Donte shrugged. Ive lost count of the fights theyve had.
Seven, said Hatu, keeping his voice low, though both his friends could sense his rising tension. He glanced at Donte. Eight?
More, said Donte. I lost count at about eight.
Hava shook her head in disbelief. Ten, eleven? So at least once a year you and Raj just decide to fight?
Sometimes you just dont like someone, said Donte. For no reason. It takes most people a while to dislike Hatu, but Raj hated him from the first moment they met.
I dont care what his reason is, or even if he has one, said Hatu, clearly on edge. Hes a piece of shit to everyone. I just fight back.
True, said Donte, turning to Hava. You and I are the only two people on Garn who truly like Hatu, but nobody likes Raj. He just bullies people into pretending they like him.
I know that, replied Hava. I just wanted to know what started the whole thing.
Cant remember, replied Donte. He smiled, then purloined the greens from Havas plate, a theft she allowed without protest. She couldnt abide the bitter leaves and would always eat them last, and only then if one of the gang captains or a master was watching. They made her sick but that didnt matter to those supervising the students meal.
Donte, on the other hand, would eat almost anything. He had won many bets for eating all manner of disgusting things, including some large insects that were still alive.
Hatu didnt care much for food one way or another. He enjoyed some tastes, but he didnt seek them out to satisfy a craving. As far as he knew, food was necessary for life and beyond that he took little pleasure in it.
While he ate in silence, Hatus thoughts turned inwards, and his frustration began to grow. He found Dontes antics amusing at times, especially in Havas company, but on other occasions the big lads disregard for authority caused problems.
Rajs presence did not help calm the situation. Hatu could feel the boys gaze upon him, and it took all of his self-control not to turn and meet it. He felt his anger building as he tried to push his mind away from their previous encounters, and from his annoyance that Donte had pulled him away from this fight; more annoyed that Donte was right to do so rather than anything else.
If Hatu dwelled on this intervention, he could easily start to resent his friend, and knowing this unsettled him, for among the male students, Donte was his closest friend and one of the few for whom hed risk his life. Hatu hadnt fully accepted the lesson that he might one day have to choose to complete a mission over saving a friend. When asked to envision it, he had little difficulty forsaking most of the other students but he could never reach the place in his imagination that permitted abandoning Hava and Donte to a lonely death. But there were moments where his friends antics got on Hatus nerves so much that he felt like killing Donte himself. He knew he was letting his deep seething anger rise up and forced himself to practise a calming exercise silently while he ate.
He finished his food and put down his plate. The orders had been simple: silence until everyone had finished eating and then they were to wait for instructions.
He looked around the room, avoiding Raj, and saw only a few faces he recognised in the scattering of strangers. Hava was now leaning against the back wall with her eyes closed. Hatu admired her profile and felt a stirring. He pushed aside the sudden emotion and felt an unexpected rush of foolishness and then anger at himself. He saw Donte also scanning the room for someone to cajole, bully, or bribe for extra food, so he was oblivious to what Hatu thought must have been an obvious display of his reaction to Hava. Donte could usually read Hatus moods easily.
Hatu settled back against a crate, finding scant comfort. He tried to calm his mind and failed; instead his impatience grew. The students were often kept waiting; Hatu suspected it was designed to stem their restlessness. When they were little, students would often act up, unable to abide the silence. Hatu quickly realised that repeat perpetrators of such behaviour disappeared from the school.
Thinking of the school made Hatu recall his earliest memory. It was a painful one, a sudden startling sting that quickly faded. It was a memory that had been repeated many times since the first birch had struck the back of his hand, a sharp memory of correction rather than punishment.
He remembered his first experience vividly: he had reached for a carp, golden in the afternoon sun, swimming just below the surface of a pond, and had fallen into the pool when one of the matrons had been distracted.
Perhaps the odd combination of sensations, the metallic burn of water in his nose, his sudden blurry vision, and his heavy coughing, was why he remembered that moment so vividly, but hed only been a toddler and had cried until the sharp sting of the birch wand had shocked him into silence. He recalled every second: standing there dripping wet, shivering with the sudden cold, and struggling to understand what had happened.
Hatu shifted slightly while those around him finished eating. As usual old emotions rose with the memory, a mixture of anger and fear. He could even feel an echo of that first flare of shock and it reverberated within him.
The experience had marked Hatu: from that moment to this, hed had a deep need to know what was expected of him, to understand all aspects of any situation he faced. He was content to rise or fall on his own ability, but when he failed due to lack of information, Hatu flew into a rage often at himself for not acquiring the knowledge, or at others for not providing it. Unreliable information was what he hated most.
He was told he had been a difficult baby, prone to tantrums and fits of violence, and even now his constant frustration often put him at odds with the demand of the clan for obedience and silence. Hatu had learned to stay silent when there was need; to keep the building rage inside, away from others. He held his anger deep, rarely allowing it to reach the surface, but for most of the time, he was on edge.
No matter what caused his anger to rise, it always felt the same: a burning, seething tension that formed as a tight knot in the centre of his body. Only after many lessons, and many beatings, had he learned to control it. But it was always there, a burning just below the surface of his skin, like a fire that would not he quenched. The thrashings he received for fighting had taught Hatu to keep his retaliation in check, though from time to time the instinct bubbled to the surface. It had been months since his last brawl, sparked by a casual remark from a student at the end of a particularly gruelling day of training, when his temper got the better of him.
A sharp poke in the ribs brought Hatu out of his reverie. He glanced at Hava, who had come to sit beside him and now regarded him with a half-smile, an expression very familiar to Hatu. He had been so lost in thought he hadnt noticed her come over.
What? he snapped, keeping his voice down lest he draw unwanted attention.
Youre doing it again, she whispered.
What?
That thing where you go inside your head and get angry.
I do not he began.
No! she cut him off, raising her voice slightly. You do it. You know you do. Ive seen you, many times, go back and remember something and get angry over it, all over again, for nothing! Now, stop it! she hissed.