Maybe Im not the only one, Ben said. Sandrine Lacombe looked every bit as wrecked as he felt.
She shrugged. Ill stay with him as long as I can. I might go home myself for a couple of hours sleep, but Ill have my colleague Dr Sauveterre call me if theres any change in his condition. I live nearby, so, any developments, I can come straight over.
Ben was touched by her determination to do whatever she could for Jeff. Ill go, he agreed. There are some matters I need to attend to back at the house. But before I do, can I see him?
Dr Lacombe frowned and seemed about to say no, then relented. Just for a minute, okay?
She was about to lead the way when a movement outside caught Bens eye and he looked out of the window to see a black Peugeot taxicab come speeding into the hospital car park. It pulled up close to the entrance and a pretty brunette in a tweedy winter coat clambered out, her face red and streaked with tears.
Sandrine Lacombe noticed Bens expression. The fiancée?
He nodded. Chantal Mercier had arrived.
Moments later there was commotion in the reception area. Ben grimly went to meet her, but didnt have a lot of talking to do as the doctor took charge of the emotional scene and broke the news of the latest negative developments with a level of calm, sympathetic but firm professional control that a lot of top-rank military commanders would have envied.
Chantal sniffed, wiping her eyes. Where is he? Her voice was hoarse from crying.
You can see him, Sandrine Lacombe said gently with a glance at Ben. But only for two minutes.
Chantal barely looked at Ben as the doctor led them down a series of corridors to the ICU. Jeff had been moved into a room behind a glass partition. His bed was surrounded by so much equipment that he was barely visible. A coloured monitor on a stand showed his heartbeat, slow and steady. More screens and racks of beeping electronics were flashing up streams of data that were meaningless to Ben. A drip bag dangled above his friend. Lying there completely still in the middle of it all, Jeff looked shrunken and frail under the sheet, as if all the vital force had been sucked out of him. The respirator tube was attached to a mask over his mouth and nose. Dozens of smaller pipes and hoses hung off him like snakes. His eyes were shut. He was barely recognisable.
Chantal let out a stifled cry when she saw him, raced to the bedside and clasped Jeffs hand in both of hers, her face contorted and streaming with tears all over again. Oh my God, oh my God, she kept murmuring. He feels so cold.
Thats normal, Sandrine Lacombe said, but Ben could see the sharp worry lines etched into her face.
Chantal pulled herself as close to Jeff as all the tubes and wires would let her. Mon pauvre amour, est-ce que tu mentends? Réponds-moi.
He cant hear you, Sandrine Lacombe said softly. Hes far away.
Chantal looked up, eyes swimming and full of terror. How long will he be like this?
I cant say.
What does that mean? Are you trying to tell me he could be like this for ever?
I cant say, the doctor repeated, tight-lipped.
If he wakes up, will he be like before?
Im sorry. I cant say that either.
An angry flush of colour came back into Chantals cheeks. Youre supposed to be a doctor. How can you not know these things? I want a second opinion. I insist on
Ben couldnt stand it any longer. He stepped around the foot of the bed, gently took Chantals arm and said, Dr Lacombe is doing all she can. Let me drive you home. We can come back when its okay to visit.
But Chantal jerked her arm away and shook her head furiously. I want to stay with him.
Thats not an option, Sandrine Lacombe said, gentle but firm. Chantal opened her mouth to protest, but all that came out was sobbing.
It was a long and sombre drive back. The cold rain was lashing down, and all that remained of the earlier snow was the dirty roadside slush. Chantal sat with her head bowed and her face in her hands all the way, not speaking. Ben didnt know what to say to her. He was having a hard time dealing with his own emotions, and in the end he fell into silence too.
The short winter day was darkening by the time they reached Saint-Acaire. When the Alpina pulled up outside her little terraced house on the edge of the village, Chantal got out and ran to her door and disappeared inside without a word. The door slammed.
Ben sat for a moment, lit a Gauloise and then drove on.
When, a few minutes later, he turned off the road onto the innocuous farm track that led to Le Vals entrance, he found its floodlit security gates partially blocked by a TV crew van and alive with a throng of reporters armed with cameras and microphones and clamouring for details about the shooting. A cop car was in attendance nearby but the gendarmes seemed content just to smoke and watch from a distance as Serge and Adrien, from inside the locked gates, were kept busy holding the noisy crowd at bay, repeating No comment, no comment to a thousand insistent questions fired at them like bullets.
Ben slipped the BMW through the chaos, as thankful for the tinted glass shielding him from flashing cameras as he was for the tall fence and barbed wire keeping the zombie horde from invading the private sanctuary inside.
Once hed made it through the gates and down the track to the heart of the compound, Le Val had never seemed to him so empty and desolate. The fleet of police vehicles had all gone. Jeffs Ford Ranger was still where Ben had left it. Parked behind the pickup was the old Land Rover, and behind that was a little Renault Clio hatchback he didnt recognise, but he was too tired and upset to think about it.
Tuesday must have seen the approaching lights of the BMW. He stood silhouetted in the glow from the open farmhouse door as Ben stepped out of the car and walked up the steps. Tuesdays face was drawn and grim, and became even more so when Ben gave him the latest update on Jeff. They spoke for a few moments in the kitchen, where a bottle of scotch and a half-empty glass rested on the table. It wasnt like Tuesday to drink, but hed made some inroads into the bottle already. Ben fetched down another glass from the cupboard, filled it to the brim and knocked half of it down in a long, stinging swallow that made his eyes water.
Were all over the TV news, Tuesday said. Its a bloody circus. Ive given up watching.
What do they know?
Just that some British guy got shot. None of the details have been released yet. But watch this space. This is going to be terrible for the business.
To hell with the business, Ben said. He slumped at the kitchen table with his drink. It was only now that the full reality of the situation was beginning to kick in. It would be a long night. And a long day to follow. The first of many long days.
Tuesday was shifting about uncomfortably as though he wanted to say something but didnt know how to put it. Ben looked at him. What arent you telling me?
Tuesday pointed in the direction of the living room. You, um, you have a, erm, visitor.
Bens heart fell, remembering the strange car outside. Tuesdays nervousness and the way he suddenly made himself scarce a moment later, told him all he needed to know. Left alone in the kitchen, Ben refilled his glass. He walked slowly from the room. Paused outside the living-room door. It was ajar and he could see a dim light on inside.
He pushed the door silently open and stepped through it.
She was standing with her back to the doorway. Her rich auburn hair was shorter than it had been last time hed seen her. The sight of her brought a whole new flood of emotions that Ben didnt know if he could handle, not at this moment.
Hello, Brooke, he said.
Chapter 8
She turned. Apart from her hairstyle, she hadnt changed. She was as achingly beautiful as ever. More, even, but maybe that was just because he hadnt seen her in such a very long time. But there was no smile. Not that hed expected one from her, even on a better day than today. Her green eyes, vivid even in the dim light of the single side lamp, were moist with tears.
I came as soon as I heard, she said.
Brooke was officially still on the books as a member of the Le Val team, although she hadnt worked there lately. Tuesday must have called her earlier that day. Thanks for letting me know, Ben thought.
What happened? she said. Who did this?
He shook his head. I wish I knew what to tell you. A long mournful silence filled the room. He took a step towards her. Its good to see you again, he said, because he didnt know what else to say. In any case, it was a lie. Seeing her again, especially now, like this, was indescribably painful.
Whatever, she murmured.
How are you? It sounded so lame.
She shrugged. There isnt much to say, Ben. Im working. Living in London again. Life goes on. Im with someone else now.
Ben said, I hope youre happy.
Dont try so hard to sound like you mean it. Her voice rose a tone, cracking out at him like a whiplash. Then she paused, softened a little, let out a sigh. Im sorry. I shouldnt have said that. Yes, Im happy. I think I am. That is, I was, until today, until I heard about Jeff. This is so awful.
He hesitated, knowing that the question bursting to come out was the wrong thing to say, especially at this moment. But then he thought, Fuck it, and let it out anyway. Please dont tell me youre back with that prick Rupert Shannon again.
She stiffened. Give me some credit, will you?
Thats something, at least. Then who is he? Ben asked, knowing very well how badly he was crossing the line. But hed committed himself now and there was no turning back.
Brooke folded her arms across her chest and gave him a piercing look. What I do and who I see is my business. You took yourself out of my life when you walked away. Your choice, Ben. Live with it.
He had been living with it, not always successfully. Yeah, he muttered. Im sorry I asked. It was wrong.
Is Jeff going to be okay?
They had to induce a coma.
Brookes face fell. Shed known Jeff for years, going back to when shed first come to lecture classes at Le Val as a visiting expert on hostage psychology. Dr Brooke Marcel, one of the leaders in her clinical field. One of the great lost loves of Bens life. Letting her go the way he had was his biggest regret it hurt him every day, like an old war wound that could never quite heal.