Tess was surprised she truly could visualize exactly what he was saying. Youre swimming. No other thought except moving your arms and legs. Youre enjoying yourself. You can feel the afternoon sun against your upper back, and the water runs over you and around you, cooling you. Comforting you.
Tess smiled, allowing the sensations to take over. And then, out of nowhere, an image popped into her brain. An image of herself strapped to a table, tubes and needles stuck in her arms-in her legs-in her neck. Her legs jumped, and in a haze, she looked up, watching as the figure of the ghost, cartoonish in its shape, hovered and floated overhead. She grimaced. What did it mean? The ghost reached out to her, but he was too far away.
Tess smiled, allowing the sensations to take over. And then, out of nowhere, an image popped into her brain. An image of herself strapped to a table, tubes and needles stuck in her arms-in her legs-in her neck. Her legs jumped, and in a haze, she looked up, watching as the figure of the ghost, cartoonish in its shape, hovered and floated overhead. She grimaced. What did it mean? The ghost reached out to her, but he was too far away.
A small whimper slipped between her lips, and Tess tensed. The tempo of her breathing quickened, the sound harsh and rasping in her ears.
Next to the bed, Ryan noticed the change immediately. He shifted closer, reaching out to stroke her forearm, trying to impart a sense that she wasnt alone. That he was there with her.
He continued to talk, Youre perfectly safe, Tess. No one can hurt you. He watched her eyes move rapidly back and forth beneath her eyelids. Nothing is going to happen. Nothing will hurt you. You are in total control. You can wake up anytime you need to.
Beneath his fingertips, her muscles relaxed, and he could see the tension seep out of her shoulders. Her breathing slowed to normal. She was responding to him. Trusting what he said.
Tell me what you see now, Tess?
Firecrackers. Thousands and thousands of firecrackers, all going off at once. Her voice shook with a touch of wonder. Its beautiful. Theyre filling up the sky. Its like one big giant celebration. She paused as if listening to something. I can hear people shouting and clapping, she said dreamily.
I want you to concentrate on the voices, Tess. What are the people saying?
Concentration knitted itself between her delicately arched brows. Ryan could feel some tenseness return to her body. I cant make it out. Theyre shouting, but the words arent clear. Suddenly her entire body jumped as if jolted by an electric wire.
Ryan touched her cheek, stroking her skins velvety smoothness. Youre okay, Tess. Just tell me whats happening. Youre safe.
Oh, God! Oh, my God! she gasped. Someones dead! Her voice was harsh, strangled, but her eyes remained shut. She remained in a deep trance.
Tell me who is dead.
I-I dont know. Her head lifted as if she was trying to see something. I cant see his face. But hes dead. I can tell hes dead. Everyone is standing around him. People are crying. Confusion flooded her delicate features. No, wait, it isnt terrible. It-its a good thing. Im glad hes dead.
Ryan watched as anger and sadness fought for dominance on her face. Some kind of battle raged inside her. She was torn, unable to decide how to feel. How to react.
Ryan fought an overwhelming urge to gather her into his arms, to hold her and comfort her. To tell her that everything would be okay. That hed help her figure things out.
But at the same time, he knew it was wrong to even consider offering her comfort like that. It was impossible for him to step across the invisible barrier erected between them.
She was his patient, and no matter how personal her pain and anguish seemed, Ryan knew that he could not allow himself to become personally involved. He had to maintain his distance.
Her teeth chattered and her limbs trembled violently beneath the sheet. Oh, God, hes been shot. And theres blood everywhere. Her hands came up in front of her face and air hissed between her teeth. Oh no, its on me! Ive got blood all over me. Get it off! Get it off. She frantically tried to wipe the imagined blood off on the sheets, her hands twisting and rubbing frantically on the sheets.
Ryan tried to gently restrain her frenzied movements, but she pulled away, sat bold upright and opened her eyes.
She stared at him, her pupils wide, her expression crumpling.
Ryan knew that he needed to calm her, to give her a feeling of being safe. He continued to speak quietly, his words reassuring. Soothing.
But the look in Tesss eyes remained wild, and tears streamed down her face. She leaned forward, wrapping her arms around him and burying her face against the side of his neck. He could feel her tears on his skin.
I dont understand, she sobbed against his neck. Please help me understand.
Ignoring the voice that warned him not to, Ryan wrapped his arms around her, pulling her slender frame close. He gently stroked her back, trying to make her feel safe and protected.
His fingers tangled in the luxurious strands of white-gold hair streaming down her back. He could smell the sweet fragrance of soap in her hair, and he felt a tightening in his groin. A sign of danger.
As he fought against the reaction, Tess dropped her head back and stared up at him through tear-filled eyes. Eyes that turned an astonishing crystal green.
Her lips trembled and softened, parting slightly. They were inches from his own and a slow heat built inside Ryan, a heat so hot that it seemed to singe his lungs with each inhalation, making him feel as though he would never again catch his breath.
And even as the voice inside his head cautioned him to remember who and what he was, Ryan found himself slowly losing the battle, forgetting everything hed promised himself he wouldnt do.
He dipped his head and brushed his lips across hers, savoring the taste. A taste like new honey on a hot summers day, smooth and sugary, with a warmth that reached so deep inside him that he thought he might surely die.
But when Tess responded, her lips moving beneath his, her hands tunneling deep into his hair and her mouth making soft, urgent little sounds of need, Ryan froze and then pulled away.
My God, what was he thinking? Had he gone completely and totally insane? Lost his objectivity? His sense of professionalism? His heart pounded in his chest, and he shook his head as if clear the heavy, mind-numbing fog that threatened to engulf him. Damn! Im sorry, Tess. I had no right to do that.
You dont need to apologize for anything.
He turned away and then turned back again, unsure what he wanted to do or say. But he knew he needed to do something.
That was wrong. Totally wrong. I dont know what I was thinking. He raked a hand through his hair.
Tess watched him, her hair in wild disarray from the stroke of his hand. Her eyes were troubled. Why did you stop? she asked, and then laughed something soft and shaky. She lifted a hand and wiped a tear off her cheek. You werent doing anything wrong. I wanted you to kiss me. Actually, I needed you to kiss me.
You might have wanted me to, but I stepped over the line.
She smiled, the tears drying on her face. Whats the matter? Didnt you like it?
Its not a matter of me liking it or not. Im your doctor. I need to maintain a professional distance and I forgot that for a minute. I cant treat you one minute and then kiss you the next. Its totally unethical.
She shook her head. We already discussed this. Im not looking for a doctor. There was nothing wrong with us kissing. Other than the fact that it was too short.
Ryan didnt want to argue. He knew in her confused state, Tess wouldnt understand. Besides, it wasnt her responsibility to keep the line between them clearly defined. That was his job, and hed failed.
He quickly cleaned up the supplies hed used, leaving the antiseptic on the small table near the bathroom in case she needed it in the morning. He tried desperately to regain control of the emotions raging inside him.
He would not forget his role again. No matter how vulnerable or beautiful Tess was, she could not be subjected to him trying to fulfill his own needs at her expense. This was about her getting better, not him satisfying his desires.
Tomorrow he needed to find someone else willing to treat her. Someone who could help her overcome her memory loss and help her heal. But he knew that person wasnt going to be him. It was too dangerous for the both of them.
Somehow, Tess had touched a chord within him, unleashing feelings he hadnt realized existed. Shed brought out something in his own psyche that had pushed him over the edge, allowing him to break a sacred trust between doctor and patient. It would never happen again.
TESS WOKE. One minute she was sound asleep and the next her eyes were open and she was wide-awake. She was disorientated for a minute, unsure where she was other than in a bed and it was dark. But a few seconds later, the light filtering in from the bathroom told her she was in Ryan Donovans house.
Rolling over onto her back, she listened, wondering what had woken her up. The tiniest of warning bells was going off inside her head. Something wasnt right.
A light breeze, warm with a summers taste to it, ruffled the curtains and drifted across the room to brush her face. Outside, she could hear the crickets chirping, their sound comforting.
She refocused her attention on the inside of the house. No sounds from the direction of Ryans room. But that didnt surprise her. Hed retreated pretty quickly after kissing her last night, telling her hed close his bedroom door to keep Jung from jumping onto her bed and snuggling up with her during the night. She grinned in the darkness. Something told her it wasnt Jung he was afraid would come visiting during the night.
She tightened her shoulders. Damn, she needed to stop thinking like that. Her survival relied on her senses being sharp, tuned in. She didnt need to be thinking about what it would feel like to make love to Ryan Donovan. Hed been pretty clear that he wasnt going to let that happen.
She shifted her attention to the downstairs. The steady tick of the clock in the living room and the hum of the refrigerator in the kitchen. Nothing else. She rolled up on her side and snuggled deeper into the pillow. She needed to get some sleep.