She just didnt know. If David really thought she was a crazy quitter who got overemotional and didnt appreciate what a good thing hed hadwell, then, no wonder he hadnt fought to save their marriage.
Chapter Seven
Just going for a run, nothing more. Definitely not stalking. The rationalization had seemed more convincing in the foyer of his own house as David laced up his running shoes Monday morning. After all, he went jogging at least three times a week. No ulterior motives there. Of course, he didnt normally go in an endless loop up and down Winnies street, hoping for a glimpse of his wife.
Was she still sleeping, like most of the neighborhood, or had the dogs already awakened her? Was she experiencing nausea? Rachel hated to throw up. He supposed everyone did, but shed fought it during the flu and one bout of food poisoning when hed reminded her shed feel better if she just got it over with. He wished he could bring her a cold cloth or glass of water or something.
David hated feeling useless, helpless. The way hed felt for nearly a year.
It had been so frustrating watching his wife slip away, becoming practically a stranger. Once upon a time, theyd tackled problems together. Since the miscarriage, everything had changed. If he could have suffered it for her or shielded her from that lossBut thered been nothing he could do. Shed seemed so unreachable, and hed felt angry and impotent. Eventually shed suggested they try again, shed started smiling on a daily basis and, although most people assumed she was all right, she hadnt been the same. After being so frustrated at being shut out, neither had he.
David had wondered if what they were doing-the medical appointments, the physical side effects of the treatment, the emotional and financial cost-was worth it. He and Rachel had a lot of love to give and it seemed as if adoption would be so much easier. When hed told her that, shed distanced herself even more. Her emotional rebuffs had infuriated him, reducing him to a glorified sperm donor. She couldnt talk to him, couldnt lean on him anymore, but she could expect him to jump into her bed when the ovulation kits said it was time?
Pride. Was he really going to throw away a life with the woman he loved just because shed hurt his feelings?
Hed handled this all wrong. When shed told him their marriage was faltering, that she didnt think she could do this anymore, hed honestly thought some distance might be good for both of them. Deep down, though, hed never accepted it as the end. Hed believed-just thinking it made him feel petty, but Rachels absence was forcing some hard truths-hed believed she would see how much she needed him, that shed blamed him for things that werent his fault and would come home. He would forgive her, wait a respectable period of time, then try to persuade her to pursue the reasonable course of adoption.
Her walking out had hurt his male ego, stunting his emotional response. Other than snapping at her once or twice, hed barely had a response. How much time did he have to repair his mistakes-nine months? Less.
There was a light on in Winnies house now, and he stared at it, hoping no one mistook him for a prowler. What if he didnt have until the baby was born but only a matter of weeks? Would Rachel follow through on her plan to leave after the wedding? What if she didnt intend to have the baby in Mistletoe?
Davids heart raced, and it had nothing to do with his so-called run. Pure, unadulterated panic coursed through his veins. I have to get them back. Shed fallen in love with a take-charge guy whod taken one look at her and set about wooing her. He was still that man.
And he refused to lose his wife.
WHOA. May let out a low whistle as she glanced from the front door to Rachel, who was installing a new ink cartridge in one of their printers. Since I havent had a hot date in months, Im guessing those are for you.
Guessing what are for me? Rachel asked cautiously.
Half of Natalies shop, by the looks of it.
Former Mistletoe High cheerleader Natalie Young was the majority owner of the local flower shop and in charge of floral arrangements for Tanner and Lilahs wedding. Someone had sent flowers? Rachel left the printer and joined her co-worker at the counter. Whoa didnt begin to cover it.
Delivery for Rachel Waide. The cheerful delivery boy was barely visible behind the profusion of pink roses, white tulips and smaller graceful yellow flowers, all arranged with greenery in a crystal vase that probably weighed a ton.
May was practically vibrating with excitement. Thats her! Shes Rachel.
While Rachel stood frozen in shock, the other two settled the flowers atop the counter. May nudged her.
I think youre supposed to sign for them.
David. A guy didnt send his estranged wife flowers, did he?
Then again, maybe she was reading too much into this. Maybe he was simply excited over their news. Shed been so awestruck that, even though shed felt bone-tired, she hadnt been able to sleep. Shed spent the night awake, staring at the ceiling, wondering how many months before she could feel the baby move, daydreaming about nursery themes and a little girl with Davids blue eyes or a little boy with his smile.
Her doctors appointment was tomorrow afternoon; shed e-mailed David with the time and suggested they meet there. This bouquet was probably a platonic expression of joy. She plucked the card from the plastic holder in the center of the flowers. Hed written the note himself; she knew his handwriting as well as she knew her own.
Congratulations! Im sorry I couldnt find flowers as beautiful as you are, but I hope this paltry offering will still demonstrate how happy I am.
(Id be even happier if you came home.)
Love, Your Husband
Do I get to read it? May asked, unrepentantly nosy.
Its personal. And inappropriate. It was impossible to let David off on the platonic-joy defense if he was going to sling around words like beautiful and your husband.
Okay, I get that its personal, May conceded. But were friends. You could tell me anything in confidence. You know that, right?
Like what? Rachel was a little taken aback by the intense, meaningful glances her boss was giving her. Since no one knew about the separation, her husband sending flowers wasnt that notable. Hed done so once or twice on special occasions. Im not having a steamy affair with Paolo or anything.
Mays eyebrows shot upward. Whos Paolo?
Nothing, nobody. Imaginary male stripper. She needed to call Arianne back about the bachelorette party. I just meant, the flowers are from David.
To celebrate a happy event, maybe? Or a happy future event youre expecting?
How does she know? Rachels bewilderment and her tacit admission must both be readable in her expression because May laughed.
Oh, honey. When I walked in here last week with that fish sandwich, you turned positively green. And Mindy Nelson saw you in the womens aisle at the grocery store. She said you were acting nutty. Weve both had our fingers crossed for you all weekend.
Perhaps the conjecture had been unavoidable, but Rachel wished David hadnt cemented the gossip with flowers. She was still in the statistically dangerous first trimester. One of the worst parts of the miscarriage had been running into people who somehow hadnt heard the news yet, having to suffer through the painful well-meaning questions and the awkward strain once she told them.
Dont get too excited just yet, Rachel warned.
But her words seemed to have the opposite effect on May, whose eyes brightened. So you do at least think youre pregnant?
I dont know for sure. Even if I am, Im not ready to tell people. You know the first trimester is She swallowed, unable to dwell any more on that horrific possibility. Instead, she switched tactics. David and I dont want anything upstaging Lilah and Tanners wedding.
Oh. I think theyd be too happy for you to mind, but you guys are being really considerate. May mimed locking her lips and throwing the invisible key over her shoulder. You can count on my discretion, sweetie. Mindy will just have to speculate alone. I wont confirm a thing.
Rachel would prefer no one was speculating anything about her at all, but that was asking too much in a town this size. I appreciate your keeping the secret.
Dont mention it. May grinned. Itll be fun knowing something no one else does. Well, besides you and David, of course. You want me to make myself scarce so you can call him?
Actually. Rachels fingers tightened involuntarily, and one sharp edge of the card scraped her skin. Do you think you could spare me for a little while?
Absolutely! You take any time you need.
Great. Rachel reached for the coat shed hung on the brass rack by the counter. I think maybe I should go thank him in person.
AS SHED EXPECTED, Rachel found David seated at the desk in the private office behind Waide Supply. He glanced up with a smile that bordered on cocky, sending her temper through the roof.
She didnt yell, not with Arianne and Zachariah just on the other side of the wall, but her tone was pointed. Have you lost your mind?
No. Why, have you found one?
And now he was making jokes, not taking her seriously at all. You sent me flowers. At work!
Well, it seemed like the best place since its where you are during the day.
David! She leaned forward, bracing her hands on the desk. This isnt funny.
His boyish smile would have melted a weaker woman. Not even a little? Come on, most women get mad when their husbands dont send flowers.
Youre not my husband anymore, she said in desperation.
His humor-filled features hardened so quickly that it made him look like a different person. The hell Im not.
You know what I meant. Were not married in the typical sense.
We could be, he coaxed. Dont you miss me, Rach? I miss you.
His tone was as dangerously addictive as really good chocolate. Dont.
Why not? He rose from his chair, bracing his own hands on the desk and angling toward her. They were practically nose to nose.
Because she couldnt recall him claiming to miss her before hed heard she was pregnant. Tears pricked her eyes. Was this how shed thoughtlessly made him feel all those months theyd been trying, as if his primary value to her was as someone who could give her a baby?