This seemed like as good a time as any for Rachel to take her lunch hour. With a guilty half wave in Mays direction, she crept toward the door, not wanting to get caught up in Mrs. Nugents righteous indignation over the highway robbery of professional photography. Once Rachel was outside and contemplating where to go for lunch, she admitted to herself that food was the last thing she wanted.
Finally, something good about stress-it had her stomach so upset it was killing her appetite. Maybe shed fit into that bridesmaids dress after all.
A niggling voice in the back of her head pointed out shed been stressed all morning, yet hadnt been in danger of tossing her cookies until that fish smell hit. It was similar to last spring, whenShe stopped dead on the sidewalk. What a ridiculous thought. Still, now that she considered it, when had her last period been? Rachel bit her lip, not sure. For the first time in nearly two years, she wasnt obsessively tracking her cycle, trying hard to let go and reach a healthier emotional state.
Oh, yeah, Im a picture of mental health. She gave a quick shake of her head. Now that she was off the medications that had regulated her cycles, it wasnt surprising that she might skip a period-or two?-as her body adjusted. In fact, her bursting into tears at the drop of a hat lately and her sensory overreaction to odors was probably just PMS. Shed start her period any day and feel silly about this.
Yep. An-n-ny day now.
Chapter Four
Hey, Rach! Come in where its warm. Arianne opened the door of her parents house. She lived in a garage apartment these days-Susan kept saying she and Zachariah didnt need all the space, but they couldnt bear to put the family home up for sale even though it was just the two of them there. Its finally starting to feel like December, isnt it? Davids inside getting a fire started.
Rachel had seen his car out front; hed probably come straight from work. A stray memory broadsided her of her husband wanting to create a romantic scene by lighting their first fire in their new home and making love in its glow on the living room sofa. But it had been a ridiculously warm winter that year, and to make the house cold enough, hed cranked up the air-conditioning. That was David, determined to control his environment.
Then again, there was something to be said for a man who worked that hard to create a romantic moment for his wife. Hed met her while she was vacationing in Mistletoe, and knowing their time together might be temporary, hed systematically pulled out all the stops in wooing her. Hed-
Rachel? Arianne prompted.
She started guiltily, as if shed been caught committing a crime instead of daydreaming about her own spouse. I had to let the dogs out! Winnies dogs, I mean. Th-thats why David and I arrived separately.
Yeah, we know. Arianne studied her, looking perplexed.
Well, subterfuge never was my strong suit. Shrugging out of her coat, Rachel scooted past her sister-in-law to greet the rest of the family, which was segregated along gender lines. She heard Tanner and Zachariah offering unsolicited advice on how to arrange the logs; the women were gathered in the kitchen. Rachel made a beeline for the latter and hung her jacket over the back of a chair. Her black jeans and red scoop-necked sweater certainly fitted in the overall color scheme.
Lilah sat at the table in a casual red dress chopping carrots, while Susan, wearing a white-and-red checkered cardigan over dark slacks, seasoned the pot of stew on the stove. The dishwasher stood ajar. Since Arianne hated to cook, Rachel bet her sister-in-laws job had been unloading dishes.
Smells divine in here. Rachel kissed her mother-in-laws cheek.
Shed always admired Susans aura of balance and domestic elegance. The woman seemed comfortable at home cooking for her husband, but equally capable when she was juggling volunteer work in town and at the store. Rachels own mom had fought hard to be successful in the workplace, devoting a lot of energy to her career. Though Rachel hadnt questioned whether she was loved, Mrs. Nietermyer had never seemed completely, well, motherly. As a girl, Rachel had thought her mother harbored an unspoken disdain for homemakers, as if they werent as smart or driven. But Susan Waide was sharp as a tack, and Rachel now wondered if what shed perceived from her mom had been, in part, jealousyenvy over skills she herself couldnt seem to master.
What kind of mother would I have made? Her chest tightened at the thought, and she pushed away the painful what if. What can I do to help?
Were pretty well set in here, Susan said. Could you go remind Zachariah that he and Tanner were supposed to put the extra leaf in the dining room table?
Arianne and I can probably take care of that.
I appreciate the offer, Susan said as Ari resumed putting away pots and pans. But if the boys plan to eat with us, they have to do their part. It wont hurt them to work for it, dear.
Lilah laughed. That sounds like something Aunt Shelby would say.
Though Rachel always considered Lilah a Mistletoe native, the woman hadnt been born here like David and his siblings; shed moved in with her aunt and uncle years ago after her parents had died in a crash. Lilahs uncle Ray would walk her down the aisle.
Thats because Shelby Tierney is very wise, Susan said approvingly. Youll have no shortage of marital advice, if you want it. Im always here. She swung her shrewd gaze back toward Rachel in clear invitation.
Rachel swallowed. Shed considered discussing the deteriorating state of her marriage with Susan, but it had seemed somehow disloyal to run to Davids family with their problems. Werent the Waides duty-bound to take his side? Well, maybe not Arianne. She regularly labeled her older brothers as pains in the butt.
Ill miss them all so much. She turned away. Ill go see about having the guys set up the table.
Before Rachel reached the living room, she heard masculine laughter. From the snatches she gathered, David and his brother were teasing their father about a fire hed once tried to start on a camping trip.
To this day, Tanner was saying as she entered the room, Mom still-Oh, hey, Rach. He crossed the room to hug her, so like his brother in build and coloring that her return embrace was awkward. It had been such a long time since David had held her just to be close. She used to laugh at the way hed hug her from behind at silly times-while she was trying to put away groceries or brush her teeth. She missed those embraces, but as their married life had grown more tense, their physical relationship had withered.
Now, David watched her wordlessly from the hearth. Their gazes met, held, as the flames behind him crackled. Her stomach somersaulted, not with nausea this time but jitters. A confusing combination of dread and excitement reminiscent of a teenage crush. Zachariah Waide moved in for his hello, interrupting the visual contact.
Rachel regained her composure enough to smile up at him. Your wife sent me to remind you about the table.
He grunted in acknowledgment. Knew I forgot to do something. Come on, Tanner. You can help me while Rachel and David start opening boxes.
The tree stood in the corner. Someone had brought down four large containers, two cardboard and two clear plastic, of Christmas paraphernalia from the attic. After dinner, they would all help decorate. She thought of the Our New Home ornament shed put in Davids stocking their first year of marriage. It had fallen off the tree once, knocking off the chimney and cracking the roof on the little house, but hed glued it back on, insisting the ornament was as good as new.
Hey. He spoke first, not looking nearly as nervous as she felt.
After a moment, she realized she was studying him a bit too intently. He hitched an eyebrow questioningly.
So. Boxes, Rachel told herself. Much safer to divert her attention to the boxes. Where should we start?
He glanced down, considering. The lights. Might as well check to make sure theyre all working before we go to the trouble of putting them on the tree.
Rachel read Susans neat handwriting and meticulous labels. Assuming everything had been put away correctly, the lights should be in the cardboard box closest to her. She bent at the waist and unfolded the flaps.
Rachel straightened, saying over her shoulder, Here they-What are you doing? she demanded as David hurriedly raised his gaze.
Hmm? he asked, not meeting her eyes.
Rachel frowned, the tingles shivering through her making her self-conscious. Was she crazy or had he actually been ogling her butt? Were you
Just standing here. Waiting for you to hand me one end of the lights so we can plug them in. But she wasnt the only one who was bad at subterfuge. Even with his head ducked, she recognized the glint in his eyes-shed been his lover for five years.
She couldnt help grinning at how unconvincing he was. You lie.
Oh, really? He did look up then, his answering smile a challenge. What exactly are you accusing me of?
They both knew the answer to that, but she wasnt quite gutsy enough to vocalize it. Shed felt David pulling away physically, had thought for a while that he didnt find her attractive anymore. So, on the one hand, it was validating to catch him staring, made her feel feminine in a way she hadnt for a long time. On the other hand, theyd split up, even if they were the only ones here who knew that. Why confuse the issue with flirtatious conversation?
Never mind, she backpedaled. I was mistaken.
He moved toward her, reaching for the lights. No, you werent.
Please dont. She didnt want to be seduced by the mischievous note in his voice, reminded of everything good theyd shared-sure, the journey had had some high points, but that didnt change her unhappiness with where theyd arrived. And if he hadnt been just as miserable, David Waide would have fought for her.
When shed finally dredged up the nerve to confess she didnt think their marriage was working, that it had long since become a marriage based on technicalities rather than intimacy, shed braced herself for argument. Hed always been a man who refused to brook defeat. Hed once planted a tree that didnt successfully take root in the soil, but hed come back with some kind of specialized fertilizer and continued watering it for weeks, not ready to acknowledge that it was dead. Rachel had anticipated that hed tell her she was being melodramatic-whenever shed tried during the past year to broach the difficult conversation of their not being happy, hed turned into Mr. Optimism, automatically downplaying her fears and telling her he loved her. That they could do anything together (except possibly have a child). She wanted to appreciate his positive thinking, but it became more difficult over time in the wake of her growing frustration that he was not hearing her. After Thanksgiving, shed been determined to make him finally listen, but she hadnt expected him to capitulate so readily. Shed anticipated his saying that things would look better in the morning, his once again proposing immediate solutions before shed had a chance to fully articulate what she saw as the problems.