No. I came to get mad at you, but I dont feel mad anymore.
Lets have lunch.
Its too early.
Breakfast then.
Im not hungry.
Suzanne. He let out a little laugh. Youre driving me crazy here.
I know. She pressed her fingers to her temple. Me, too. Im sorry. Im a little confused, Ryan. I just need to think.
Cant you think with me around?
Frankly, no. She touched his jaw. I dont want to hurt you.
Then dont.
I justneed to be alone to think, okay? Good-bye, Ryan.
He snagged her hips and held her still, feeling unreasonably panicked, though he forced a smile. I dont like that word, good-bye, not when it applies to you and me.
Its the only one I have at the moment.
Be patient, he ordered himself as she drove away. She cared, she cared deeply, he could see it in her eyes, feel it in her touch. Just be patient.
He might as well have asked himself to stop breathing.
13
THE PARTY Suzanne was to cater that night was for a wedding anniversary. Another referral from the party shed done for Ryans brothers.
It crossed her mind that it was likely Ryan could be there, but as the party was a fiftieth wedding anniversary, and the happy couple was well into their seventies, she figured she was safe.
That he was safe. Because she had no doubt, she would destroy him.
But he probably wouldnt be there, so she could relax. Thered be no long, direct stares that made her knees wobble. No light touches that caused her thighs to quiver. No secret smiles to both lighten and freak-out her heart.
I followed my nose all the way in here, Taylor said as she walked into the kitchen, sniffing appreciatively. We thought wed help you carry your stuff down.
We?
Taylor turned aside just as Nicole appeared in the doorway.
I was signing the rental agreement for the loft, she said with a shrug that caused her myriad of earrings to tinkle like wind chimes. The scent drew us in here. She wore military green cargo pants that hugged her slim hips and a camouflage T-shirt with the sleeves ripped off, emphasizing a tiny, lean and incredibly toned frame. Her short, sleek hair was carefully tucked behind her ears as she leaned over the trays and inhaled dramatically. My God, youre a genius, too.
Too? Suzanne looked at Taylor.
Yeah, she graduated college at thirteen. Disgusting, huh?
Id give it all up to be able to cook like this. Nicole took another hopeful whiff. No, I take that back. I dont want to be able to cook like this, I just want to live above someone who does.
Taylor laughed. You managed that feat, Super Girl.
Yeah, well, Ill feed each of you whatever you want if you help me load all these trays. Suzanne wondered if she needed to change her blouse, or if anyone would notice the small chocolate stain beneath her right breast. No time to worry about it, she decided.
Nicole looked at her watch.
What, you got a hot date? Taylor asked her.
Work, Nicole answered.
Food should always take precedence over work.
Youre right. Nicole picked up a tray.
It took four trips down the stairs, and by the time theyd finished, Suzanne was huffing and puffing. For how much I lug around every day, I should be thin. I deserve to be thin.
Nah. Taylor jerked her head toward Nicole. If you were thin like Nicole, for example, you wouldnt have boobs.
With a frown, Nicole looked down at her small breasts.
Suzanne laughed. Id give up the extra ten pounds each in a heartbeat.
Really? Wonder if Ryan would say the same
Taylor then ducked past Nicole to avoid Suzannes extended foot. By the way, I hope hes there tonight, you look great.
Suzanne did not feel great, she feltharried. She was wearing her usual uniform of a white shirt-with the small chocolate stain-and black skirt, which, upon reflection, actually was kind enough to hide her biggest flaw-her hips. It doesnt matter to me one way or the other if hes there.
Taylor snorted. Right.
Singlehood, Suzanne said. Remember?
Hey, Im keeping the vow, Taylor said. Dont you worry about me.
Or me, Nicole muttered, sliding the last tray in the back of Suzannes car and swiping her palms on her thighs.
Youre too cute and young for such a vow, Suzanne said.
Nicole lifted a brow. Im twenty-seven. Same as you Id guess. And besides, a woman can never be too young to decide no man is a good man.
Only a few weeks ago, Suzanne would have said amen to that. But the image of Ryan came to her-tall, dark andwell, hers.
Damn him. Ive got to go.
Give Ryan a kiss for me.
Shut up.
Taylor smiled knowingly at Nicole. Shes going to give him a kiss for me.
Suzanne sighed. There are containers in my fridge. Help yourselves to dinner.
Taylor and Nicole high-fived each other and vanished up the stairs.
Suzanne got into her car, and all the way to the job lectured herself on the reasons why singlehood was a good idea. Why shed made the vow in the first place.
And all the way there, the reasons didnt make much sense.
An hour later the party was in full swing. She was in the kitchen, racing around, humming to herself, when she turned toward the door and froze. Ryan stood in the doorway looking at her with an expression that completely stole her breath.
And suddenly, she couldnt remember a single one of those reasons shed recited to herself on the way over here. She couldnt remember anything but how he made her feel.
He wasnt wearing his usual jeans and work shirt, but instead a pair of khakis and a collarless thin sweater that clung to his broad shoulders and chest in a way that made thinking all but impossible.
Before she could recover, his long, long legs swallowed the distance between them. Hey, he said softly.
How was it possible to be so off balance just by looking at him? He hadnt even touched her, couldnt touch her when he had his hands in his pockets as he did, and yet her heart had already taken off.
He slipped his hands out of his pockets to tuck a wayward strand of her cursed hair behind her ear. Just a gentle touch, an easy touch, one he drew out by not retracting his hand right away, instead letting his finger trail down her cheek.
I have work to do, she managed.
Okay. He ran his finger over the pin on her blouse, just above her breast. Her nipples would have hardened, but theyd already done that at the first sight of him.
She lifted a tray but he took it out of her hands.
Ryan-
Let me help.
Before she could say that wasnt a good idea-if she let him help, she would feel obligated to him, and if she felt obligated to him, she might do something stupid at the end of the night like beg him to make love to her-he simply leaned close and kissed her cheek. Just her cheek, just a quick connection, and yet her entire body reacted. Wanted more. No other man had ever had that kind of power over her.
And, she realized, no man ever would. Her legs wobbled at this realization.
Ryan walked out the double swinging doors of the kitchen with the tray, leaving her standing therestunned. Aching.
Fine, then. Take the tray. Muttering beneath her breath about beautiful, bossy men who had to have their own way, she whirled back to the counter and began to fuss over another tray that had gotten a little sideways on the drive.
Why is it that every cook I know mutters to themselves? asked a female voice.
Angel. Suzanne didnt turn around immediately, as she wasnt ready to face yet another Alondo. How many cooks do you know? she asked lightly.
Well, theres you. And my brother. Even though we tease him, Ryan is pretty handy in the kitchen, did you know that?
No. No, she didnt. She didnt know a lot about him, and despite the pull low in her belly at the thought of him, say standing barefoot in his kitchen whipping them up a midnight snack, she decided that was a good thing.
He cooked dinner for us every night after our parents died. Angel looked over the dessert tray carefully as she spoke. Through homework. Through basketball games. Through me being a stupid, vain and mean teenage girl. Through Rafe and Russ not wanting to sit down for family dinners without Mom and Dad. Through thick and thin, Ryan was there, making us dinner. Angel plucked up a brownie. Popped it into her mouth. Chewed, then closed her eyes and moaned with pleasure. Oh my God, this is sinful. Her eyes opened again. He always made a veggie. She shuddered. Usually a green one. He made us eat it. I used to hate him for that.
Suzanne pictured the three of them, Russ, Rafe and Angel, young and scared and hurting, being gathered together for dinner by Ryan. Ryan, who just wanted to keep his family together and safe. Ryan, whod do anything, including giving up college, simply to make that happen.
A man like that was different from any man shed ever known. A man like that wouldnt just walk away when the going got tough. A man like that would say only what he meant, and would never, ever, hurt her on purpose.
She couldnt ruin a man like thatright? So what was she afraid of? What was she really afraid of here?
Maybe, she thought with a hitch in her breath, nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Worse, maybe the truth was shed hidden behind her fear of nothing.
And that made her a coward. And now? Suzanne asked quietly. How do you feel about him now, knowing all he sacrificed to keep you guys together?
I love him more than anything or anyone, Angel said simply. She popped another brownie. Mmm. She licked her lips. And Id seriously hurt anyone who hurt him.
Suzanne leaned back against the counter and considered the younger woman. Is that some kind of a warning?
Angel looked at her. Do you plan on hurting him?
Dont be silly, Suzanne said with a little laugh that didnt hold any real humor. I dont have the power to hurt him.
Is that what you really believe? Clearly disappointed with Suzannes response, Angel put her third brownie back. Really?
Suzanne pictured how Ryan had looked a moment ago, eyes hot and aching.
For her.
In their wildest dreams, neither of them had ever intended for thisthis thing to go as far as it had. She knew that, just as she knew what theyd wanted had little to do with it. Their hearts had taken over.
Oh, Ryan. What a pair we are.
As if he could hear her thoughts, he came back into the kitchen, looking bigger than life. Dividing an even glance between his sister and Suzanne, he raised a brow. Whats the matter?