He looked at her for a quick beat before turning back to the road. Me, too. Look, to be honest, Im damaged goods at best. Once again, he glanced over at her. Screwed up in the head, he clarified. Its not exactly conducive to a relationship.
Does that have anything to do with Matt?
I guess it does.
And hes
Dead. His fingers tightened on the wheel. And, Jesus, that never gets easier to say.
A close friend?
The closest. His voice had lowered, and was laced with pain. He died on a rescue mission in the Midwest floods six weeks ago. He eyed the flooding all around them. Try to appreciate the irony. I certainly am.
Oh, Jase. She understood the pain. Im so sorry. What happened?
We were there pulling people out of a building that had collapsed. I was in the rescue boat and Matt was in the water, trying to reach the victims. There was a hillside, creating a sort of waterfall. We were working not to go over while trying to get everyone in the boat. He was silent a minute. Matt was shoving people up to me and I was lifting a badly injured kid when the boat got caught in the current and cap-sized. Matt was trapped beneath it, and drowned.
His voice broke a little on the word, and her heart broke for him. Were you hurt?
Cracked a rib, concussion. He shrugged. It was nothing, the gesture said. Nothing compared to being dead.
Shit. Hang on.
She turned forward and saw the problem-two fallen power lines across the road, with the water rushing over and under them so that they writhed like snakes, and sparkled like fireworks.
Lizzy braced herself as Jason hit the brakes, but he handled the Jeep like hed been born to it, and the vehicle came to a controlled stop right in front of the downed lines.
Staring through the howling winds and curtains of rain, he shook his head. Not good.
Should I call the PUD?
Definitely. He pulled out his cell and tossed it to her while he backed the Jeep up, away from the live wires. Im going to take a closer look.
Lizzy nodded as she called information, but when she could only get a recording at the Public Utilities Department, she hung up. The wind shook the Jeep, making it shudder. She looked out the windshield and literally saw nothing but gray as the air thickened with rain and God knows what else.
She could see no landmarks.
No Jason.
She opened the door and, squinting against the spray of rain, yelled, Jason!
Nothing.
She pictured him trying to move the line and getting electrocuted, and was about to run out into the storm when suddenly through the thick air she saw his outline.
Relieved, she pushed away from the Jeep, hands out until she slid her palms over his shoulders.
He turned to face her, his hands immediately reaching for her. What are you doing?
Hoping you werent electrocuted.
Come on, back in the Jeep. Turning her away from him, he stayed steady and solid at her back as they staggered to the Jeep.
Inside, he sagged back and wiped the rain from his face. Hoping I wasnt electrocuted, he repeated. Jesus, I know how not to get electrocuted.
Its so bad, she murmured, staring out the window. So very bad. The whole day
I dont know. He looked over at her, drenched to the skin, his lashes spiky black. Its had some good moments if you ask me.
Something within her turned over. Her heart, she realized, exposing its tender, vulnerable underbelly.
Tell me why youre not a doctor, he said quietly.
What does it matter?
It matters to you, or it did. That was all you talked about, going to Los Angeles, being at UCLA, going through medical school so that you could be an E.R. doctor. Everyone knew how much it meant to you.
Its complicated. My parents died. Two weeks after graduation.
My God. He shoved his hair back from his face. How did I not know that? He just shook his head, clearly stunned. You were so young.
Older than you when you lost your dad.
But I wasnt alone. I had my mom and Dustin and Shelly. Who did you two have?
No one, which is why I couldnt just go to L.A.
So you stayed and gave up your dreams.
No. Shed never given up the dream. But after six months, shed known she wouldnt be able to leave Santa Rey. Cece had been a lost, grief-stricken hell-on-wheels teenager. Itd taken a lot of attention and effort to keep her reined in, which meant shed had little time for anything else.
But itd been worth it. Cece had grown up and taken responsibility for herself. She was doing great, too, with the sole exception of having gotten pregnant by a complete asshole loser. Im good with how it all turned out, she told him quite honestly. Shed come to love her job, and would be sad to leave it. And actually, Im going in the fall. The hospital gave me a scholarship for medical school.
Im glad for that, Jason said quietly.
Yeah. Everyone was glad for that.
Except, oddly enough, her. She kept telling herself it was because it hadnt hit her yet, thats all. Shed be over the moon once she got started.
A heavy gust shook the Jeep. In front of them, the street was becoming lakefront property. Shed never seen anything like it, with the swirling sheets of rain, the shocking howl of the wind.
Complete havoc.
So now I know how you got to be so tough, he said, reaching over to lightly stroke a finger on her temple, pushing a wet strand of hair away. So tough, and so unwilling to accept a hand. You lost your support system, and then had to become Ceces. Youre used to counting only on yourself.
Yes.
Is it really so awful to let someone help you?
Im letting you help, she pointed out. Even when I know that this is all a moot point, that Cece is fine. She paused. But Im grateful.
I dont want you to be grateful.
What do you want?
So suspicious. He ran his thumb along her jaw, played with her earlobe. Maybe I just want a peek at your sweet and sunny disposition.
She had to laugh at that, even as parts of her tingled. She wasnt sure what they were going to do with all this shimmering chemistry, but she had an idea, and it made her shiver. Jason.
Lizzy. He leaned in, his mouth nearly connecting with hers, letting the anticipation build for a beat, until-
Something smacked into the car hard enough to make her gasp and jump. It was a large branch, which rolled off the hood, landing in front of them. It caught on something in the water and snagged, blocking their way.
Jason looked out and shook his head. Ill get it.
Hed just shut the door when his cell phone vibrated in her pocket. Shed forgotten she had it. She debated with herself for a minute, then flipped it open. Jasons phone.
There was a moment of silence, then a soft, unsure female laugh. Well, hello, strange woman answering my brothers phone.
Oh, boy. Uh, hello. Hang on, Ill get him-
Oh, no, please dont. Id much rather talk to you because Jason wont tell me a damn thing except that hes alive. Is he okay? Is he really okay?
Lizzy took a peek at Jason as he came back into the Jeep. He is.
Is he exhausted? his sister asked. Pale? Are his eyes haunted like they get when hes first on leave? Because he says hes fine, but thats all he ever says since Matt. So maybe youll tell me the truth. Is he still hurting?
Lizzy took a peek at Jason as he came back into the Jeep. He is.
Is he exhausted? his sister asked. Pale? Are his eyes haunted like they get when hes first on leave? Because he says hes fine, but thats all he ever says since Matt. So maybe youll tell me the truth. Is he still hurting?
At the love and worry in her voice, Lizzy softened immediately. Maybe a little.
Jason slid her a look. Who is it?
Your sister.
Dont tell him Im drilling you! Jasons sister whispered frantically. Hell take the phone and tell me hes fine. That hes not still blaming himself for Matts death.
Lizzy felt an overwhelming surge of emotion for his sister, and for Jason. It felt like protectiveness, empathy. Affection.
And more, so much more. She felt the need to wrap herself around him and squeeze until he felt better, or until she felt better, whichever didnt come first-
Listen, his sister said quickly. Whoever you are, promise youll at least feed him. That youll-
Jason gently relieved Lizzy of the phone. Shelly. Its sort of a bad time. Can I call you back? He listened to what sounded like a long litany and rubbed a spot between his eyes. Well, I am fine.
Lizzy had been looking at him all day, and yeah, no doubt he was incredibly fine, but she could see beneath the surface now, past the rugged face and body which tended to rob her of cognitive thought, and she agreed with his sister.
Beneath the easy, calm, I-can-handle-anything air he wore, there was that edge shed already seen, that haunted hollowness she now understood. And added to both was a sheer exhaustion that probably went to the bone. As shed worked all night, he wasnt alone in that, but Jason was more than just physically tired, and her heart ached for him.
I promise, Jason said in the affectionate but frustrated voice that was a universal sibling-to-sibling tone. Ill come see you and Mom the second the storms over and Im free. He looked at Lizzy. Ill invite her, yes, but the decision is hers. A reluctant, fond smile curved his lips. Yeah, you, too, brat. Bye.
They love you, Lizzy said softly into the silence.
Well, not silence. There was no silence, not with the whipping wind and rain hammering the poor Jeep.
They love me, Jason agreed, craning his neck to look around them. But love isnt going to get us out of this mess.
Water was rushing and running beneath the Jeeps tires, the force of the storm rocking them back and forth. No. Love wasnt going to help them. Im sorry. I cant believe I took us out in this.
Dont be.
She knew Cece was capable, dammit, she knew. But a small part of her couldnt help but try to be there, just in case Cece still needed her.
Hell, maybe even a small part of her wanted Cece to still need her. Arent you glad you came home for some food and rest? she asked drily. Andwhat else was it you wanted?
His eyes heated, and her breath caught. Oh, thats right, she murmured. Sex. You wanted sex. At just the words out of her own mouth, something deep inside her belly quivered. She peered out the window toward where she knew the power lines were. And I nearly gave you electrocution. Man, did you get ripped off.