It was what guys did.
Drive her crazy.
They made the decision to transport, and while loading the patient in the small kitchen, Brooke bumped into Zach. She looked into his face, feeling hers heat, watching him smile as if he knew what she was thinking.
Its what guys do She moved past him but their arms touched, and damn if she didnt feel her stomach quiver. Because their arms touched. How ridiculous was that? If he ever touched her in a sexual way, shed probably come before he even got her clothes off.
You okay? he murmured. Youre looking at me funny.
Me? Her voice was as high as Mickey Mouse. No. Not at all. I was looking at you like I wanted to gobble you up for my next meal, thats all.
He cocked his head and studied her a moment. Sure?
Sure. Liar, liar
Chapter 4
Hey, new hire seven, Cristina said several days later, the next time she saw Brooke. Any more Viagra calls?
Brooke looked over as Firefighter Barbie entered the fire station living room grinning from ear to ear. Brooke. My name is Brooke.
So. You ever have a patient with a perma-boner before?
No. That was a new one, Brooke admitted.
At least you didnt have to climb a tree to get to him, huh?
At least he was human.
Cristina laughed and walked past Blake, who was on the computer, and affectionately rumpled his hair. You get the message that your sister called?
Yep, thanks.
Kenzie sounds good. I saw her on Entertainment Tonight last night, she was being interviewed about being nominated for a daytime Emmy for her soap.
I taped it.
We still all having dinner tonight, right?
Yep.
Brooke knew that they did that a lot, got together. All of them. Theyd asked her to join them weeks ago, on her first night, but she had been anxious to get started packing up her grandmas house. Now that shed been doing that for two weeks, shed love to be included, but didnt know how to ask.
A lifelong problem-not knowing how to belong. But for the first time in her life, she wanted to. She didnt know if it was her grandmothers house with all that family history, or the way she yearned and burned for Zach at night, or just wanting more for herself from life, but she wanted to be a part of this team. A part of their family. At least for the month she had left. Then, when she did go, shed have these memories. Shed have her own history to look back on and remember.
Cristina leaned over Blakes shoulder. Got anything good today, Eeyore?
Blake pulled open a drawer and held out a candy bar. Careful, he warned. I rigged it. The person who eats that is going to turn sweet.
Not a chance.
With a sigh, Blake went back to the computer.
Brooke headed into the garage to restock their rig as end-of-shift protocol dictated. And then, blessedly, she was off the clock. Stepping outside, she was immediately hit by a sucker punch to the low belly area-not by the hot, salty summer air, but by good old-fashioned lust.
Zach stood on the bumper of the truck, hose in hand, leaning over his rig, squirting down the windows. Stripped to the waist, his skin glistened with a light sweat. She broke into a sweat, too, just from looking at him.
His back was sleek, smooth and sinewy, and improving the already fantastic view was the fact that his pants had slid low enough to once again reveal a strip of BVDs, blue today. His every muscle bunched and unbunched as he moved, hypnotizing her, fusing her to the spot. She didnt mean to keep staring, she really didnt, but was unable to help herself as she eyed his sun-streaked hair, his rock-solid and ready-for-action body, all corded bulk honed to a fine edge, topped with so much testosterone she could hardly breathe. He looked like the perennial surfer boy all grown up-and it hit her.
This might be more than a crush.
If you come help, you can get a better view.
Oh, for Gods sake. She jerked her gaze off him and pretended to search her purse for her keys while silently berating herself. Im sorry, I-
Are you kidding? A pretty woman looks at me, and shes sorry?
I wasnt looking-
Tossing aside his hose, he lithely hopped down from the rig and came closer, letting out that damn slow, sexy smile of his. Anal, uptight and a liar?
Okay, so I was looking. She crossed her arms and tried not to look at his chest but it was right in front of her, drawing her eyes. But I didnt want to be looking.
With a soft laugh, he turned the tables, letting his gaze slowly run over her, from her hair to her toes and then back up again, stopping at a few spots that happily leaped to hopeful attention.
Stop it. God, was that her voice, all cartoony-light and breathless? What are you doing?
Looking, he murmured, mocking her. And I wanted to.
Okay, you know what? You need a damn shirt. And Im going now.
Leaning back against the rig, he smiled, and damn if it didnt short-circuit her wires. Have anything special planned for your days off? he asked. Visiting friends, family?
No. Fantasizing about you Unacceptable answer. Shed be working on the house. The house that she was beginning to wish was hers in more than name, because being there reminded her of exactly how rootlessly shed lived her life, and how much shed like to change that. Going through decades of family history had brought it home for her. It was exhausting, almost gut-wrenching, but also exhilarating.
And honestly? Flirting with Zach was the same.
But no matter what the house represented to her, no matter what someone like Zach could represent to her, she still didnt know how to get there.
How to belong. I dont have either friends or family here.
Everyone back East?
She hated this part. Telling people about herself, getting unwanted sympathy. My mothers in Ohio. Im an only child. And I havent made any friends here yet.
He didnt dwell or give her any sympathy. I thought we were friends.
She gave him a look.
Arent we?
I dont know.
Lets do something, then, and you can decide.
I cant. Im closing up my grandmothers house before it sells, and Ive only got a month left in town.
You think youll be able to leave Santa Rey without falling in love with it? Or the people?
She looked into his eyes, wishing for a witty response. But the truth was, she fell a little bit more for her grandmas house every single night she slept there. I dont know.
Do you know how you feel about surfing?
Im pretty uncoordinated.
Im a good teacher.
Uh-huh. She bet he was.
Come on, say yes. Im betting you dont take enough downtime.
I take lots.
He arched a brow, and she let out a breath. Okay, so I dont.
Is that because you like to be so busy your head spins, or because you dont know how to relax?
Is there an option number three?
You work a stressful job.
So?
So He smiled. Maybe you should let that hair down and just be wild and free once in a while.
Wild and free. Is that what you do?
When I can.
She hadnt expected him to admit it, and she ran out of words, especially because he was still standing there with no shirt on.
Not your thing, I take it, he said. Letting loose.
Ive never thought about it. Okay, shed thought about it. Im not sure how tolet loose, she admitted, going to tuck her hair behind her ears. But he shifted closer and caught her fingers in his.
That electric current hummed between them. He looked at their joined hands and then into her eyes. Maybe its time to think about it, he said silkily and stroked a finger over the tip of her ear, causing a long set of shivers to race down her spine. Then, with a look that singed her skin, he walked off.
She managed, barely, not to let her knees give and sit right there on the ground. He wanted her to relax? Ha! So not likely, and not just because he wound her up in ways she hadnt anticipated. Relaxing, getting wild and free, those were all alien concepts for her. No matter what her secret desires were, she had responsibilities, always had. She didnt have time for letting loose.
But, as hed suggested, she thought about it. Thought about it as she drove home-yes, shed begun to think of her grandmothers house as home-and she thought about it as she finished the attic. She thought about it, dreamed about it, fantasized about it
Ironically enough, in the pictures that chronicled her grandmas life, she saw plenty of evidence that her grandma had known how to relax, and be wild and free.
How was it her grandmother had never insisted on getting to see her only grandchild?
It made her sad. It made her feel alone. She had missed out on something, something she needed badly.
Affection.
A sense of belonging.
Love.
Damn, enough with the self-pity. Having finished the attic, she moved down a floor to box up her grandmothers bedroom. There she made an even bigger find than pictures-her grandmothers diaries. Brooke stared down at one dated ten years back, the year shed graduated from high school.
I tried calling my daughter today but shes changed her number. Probably long gone again on another of her moves. Of course she didnt think to let me know the new number, or where shes going.
Shes still mad at me.
I really thought I was doing the right thing, telling her what I thought of her bohemian lifestyle and the shocking way she drags that child across the world for her own pleasure. I thought she needed to hear my opinion.
For years I thought that.
Now I know different. I know its her life to live as she wants, and if Id only arrived at this wisdom sooner, I wouldnt be alone now, with no one to belong to and no one to belong to me.
Brooke remembered that year. Her mother had gone after some guy to Alaska, and shed entered junior college in Florida, feeling extremelyalone. Hugging the diary to her chest, she stared blindly out the window, wondering how different her life might have been if stubbornness hadnt been the number one trait in her grandmothers personality
Or her mothers.
Or hers
If anyone had asked, Zach would have said he spent his days off surfing with Eddie and Sam, and replacing the brakes and transmission on his truck.
What he wouldnt have mentioned was how much time he spent thinking about Brooke. They most definitely had some sort of an attraction going on, one he wanted to explore. He wished shed taken him up on spending some of their days off together. His weekend might have turned out differently if she had.
But with too much time to think, hed gone over and over the Hill Street fire, the one he was so sure had been arson.