You know youre not supposed to be there, Camille said irritably, and sank down between them. Although Miss Priss couldnt be bothered to open her eyes, she immediately started purring. Damn cat purred every time she was stroked. She still looked like a pumpkin run over by a tar truck, but now she looked like a big, fluffy, well-brushed run-over pumpkin.
You know youre not supposed to be there, Camille said irritably, and sank down between them. Although Miss Priss couldnt be bothered to open her eyes, she immediately started purring. Damn cat purred every time she was stroked. She still looked like a pumpkin run over by a tar truck, but now she looked like a big, fluffy, well-brushed run-over pumpkin.
When Camille tried to stop petting her, those gold eyes opened and a small wet nose nuzzled into her palm again. Killer, finally realizing someone was getting attention-and it wasnt him-rolled over and moaned. He expected his stomach rubbed, and hed just moan and whine until he got his way.
So Camille rubbed and stroked, trying not to think about Pete, trying to just concentrate on the cats soft fur and the dogs thumping happy tailbut then she caught a glimpse of herself in the old, wavy mirror over the bureau.
The damn cat looked as if she should be prancing in a cat show. The dog looked just as well tended. The only appalling reflection in the mirror was hers. Her chopped off hair had grown exuberantly for two months into a downright thatch; shed slept in an old threadbare T-shirt; her nails hadnt seen an emery board in weeks. She looked distinctly like a woman who didnt give a damn about her appearance.
And of course, she hadnt, weeks ago.
Petes words from that wild morning kept coming back to haunt her. Show me. Show me how much you dont feel.
And for all these months, shed honestly believed that she was dead emotionally. That she couldnt feel again. That shed somehow be disloyal if she felt something strong for anyone besides Robert. And all those worrisome beliefs had become painfully bigger since Pete, because she did feel things with him. Things shed never felt with Robert. Things shed never dreamed a woman could feel-that she could feel.
But now she took one last look at the mirror and jerked off the bed, away from that image. Killer and Miss Priss perked up, looking at her with alarm now.
Breakfast is already in the kitchen, all cooled down. Killer, you know how to push open the screen door, and Miss Priss, you know where the litter box is. Quit giving me those guilty looks. Everything isnt about you two. I have to be gone a few hours, thats all.
She pulled on clothes, grabbed a purse, and then hightailed it out to the car. Unfortunately, because shed charged off so fast and impulsively, she reached town before businesses opened. Maybe that was just as well, because it gave her a few minutes to plot and plan.
At nine on the button, though, lights punched on and locks clicked open. By then Camille was primed. She hit a styling salon first, unsure if theyd take her without an appointment, but both stylists took one look and dragged her in. New Englanders, being practical by nature, tended to take people as they were. They regarded her as someone in desperate need of a massive overhaul.
Two hours later she left that shop, and started for the clothing stores and boutiques with her credit card in hand. By then, her heart was thumping like an alarm clock under water, a loud thud thud thud that she couldnt ignore. She was well aware she didnt have an immediate way to pay for all this-except with savings she could ill afford, while she was still out of work. But sometimes a woman had to invest in her future.
Shed failed to do that before, she realized.
She had one more stop to make before driving to Petes house, and it was something that had to be well thought out and couldnt be rushed. Then, all her clothes and purchases had to be stashed in the trunk to make room for the ninety-pound present parked in the back seat. It wasnt a present she would have chosen for just anyone. In fact, it wasnt a present shed normally give to her worst enemy. But these were unique circumstances.
As she drove the final mile to Petes house, she had to swallow every few seconds because her throat kept drying up. It wasnt that easy to build up her courage. She kept thinking of all the messages hed given her that shed been too self-centered to hear. He thought shed only wanted him for sex. He had no idea how much she valued him-no idea what she felt for him at all.
Now-when it was obvious, and could be too late-she realized thats what a man would think whose ex-wife had cheated on him.
Its not that shed only cared about herself. From the start, shed worried herself sick about his sons-especially that they were having a hard time trusting a woman because of their mothers behavior. But somehow shed failed to include Pete in that worry. He was so damned strong that it was hard to think of him as vulnerable, but he was the one who assumed a woman would walk on him, not be there for him. Not stay.
When she pulled into his driveway, shed gotten over the first case of hiccups, but there was no one in sight. Naturally, fresh after lunch, everyone was likely to be outside doing something. Since the far barn doors were gaping open, she suspected at least someone was close by.
Hopefully, Pete. Please, let it be Pete and let it not be too late.
She climbed out of the car and then slowly, carefully opened up the back door. The bloodhound stretched out took almost the entire back seat. She was young. Barely two years. And although she opened her sad, mournful eyes when Camille bent down in front of her, she showed no inclination to budge.
Hey, Camille! Simon, loping out of the far barn, suddenly spotted her and came galloping over. Then stopped dead. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What happened to you?
Um
Simon had always been the more sensitive twin. Immediately he looked stricken that he might have hurt her feelings. Look, Cam. Dont be feeling bad. Itll grow. You wont always look like this. Itll be okay. Tentatively he patted her on the back. Really, I know how you feel. That first haircut Dad makes us get before going back to school-its always a killer. You feel like a complete dork. Not that you look like a dork, he said swiftly, reassuringly. Im just saying- I can still tell that its really you.
Um
And look. Just because you look like a woman and allthats not the worst thing, you know? I mean, you could have leprosy. You could have mange. Think about it. Looking like a woman isnt the worst thing.
She touched two fingers to her temples. Possibly this was proof that her transformation had been successful, but conversations like this with the boys still tended to leave her speechless. Um-
Simon suddenly noticed the open car door and chanced to glance in. Holy cow. Whos that?
She took a breath. Wheres your dad?
He and Sean are at this horse place that sells Morgans. Theyll be back before dinner. And Gramps is in town, because this is the afternoon he has his blood pressure checked.
Okay. Sometimes even desperate plans took some rolling readjustments. If she couldnt immediately see Pete, she had to do something. Perhaps shed start with taking Simon into her confidence a bit. This is Hortense, Simon. Shes depressed.
Yow. I can see that.
Well, actually, I think all bloodhounds look depressed. But this one really is. She lost her owner about a month ago-Jerry Abrahams, you know, the cop? He adored her. She adored him. And she just cant seem to stop grieving. Cant seem to get her life together. Cant seem to find the get-up-and-go to, um, get out of the back seat.
Yeah? Simon reached in, and petted the dogs floppy ears. Hortense opened her eyes and let out a gusty, soulful sigh, but didnt move. She is so cool.
Yeah? Simon reached in, and petted the dogs floppy ears. Hortense opened her eyes and let out a gusty, soulful sigh, but didnt move. She is so cool.
I think your dad needs this dog.
Huh? Simons jaw dropped, but then he stood up and looked at her. Oh, I get it. Revenge.
No, no. Id never put an innocent animal between me and revenge, she assured him. This is an honest thing. I was at the vets a couple days ago to get Miss Priss her shots. Thats how I heard about Hortense. But it was late this morning when I called the vet again and was thinking of your dad. The thing is, this dog is running out of chances. Shes losing strength, losing heart. Either she finds someone to help her get over her grief, or she just might not make it. And your dad, Simon Maybe no one in the universe is better at helping someone like that than your dad.
Simon stuck his hands in his jeans pocket. Thats a lot of horse manure, he said admiringly. Youre really gonna stick my dad with that dog?
I am. With your help. Id like to get her inside, where its cool, and get her a bowl of water.
Sure.
She gulped. Maybe this was impulsive. But I think its a good idea. To be honest, I thought it was a great idea. But Ill listen to you, Simon. If you and Sean think Im out of my mind
Simon quickly shook his head. No, no. Hey, Cam, Im totally on your side. So will Sean be. This is the coolest idea on the planet. Hes going to love Hortense. And so are we. And well all help get her heart back, you know? God. Seans going to be over the moon. You cant imagine how happy this is going to make him. And Dad
On your dad, she interrupted carefully, if he has any problem with this, you can tell him to bring me back the dog. In fact, if you wouldnt mind leaving a message for metell him Ill be having dinner around seven. He doesnt have to come. But just tell him that Ill set an extra plate if he wants to talk.
As she drove back home, her heart seemed to be beating harder than a shaky drum, yet she told herself nothing had gone that badly. She hadnt seen Pete directly, but there was no immediate help for that. Shed set some things in motion that had to be. And there was one other good thing, because Simon had been totally disgusted with how she looked. That was a good sign, wasnt it? And if Simon thought she looked bad, Sean would think she looked worse. So that was extra heartening.