She seemed to go very still when he said the love word, but she didnt immediately answer. Moments later, he realized shed fallen asleep.
That was okay, he told himself. He just wanted to reassure her that he loved her for her. Maybe hed hoped she would say something to indicate she wanted him to stick around in her life. But shed just revealed that huge hole in her heart. Rome wasnt built in a day. Maybe she needed to think about that love word for a while. They had time yet.
Surely they still had time yet.
Girls. Could you keep quiet for a full three seconds? Both girls whirled around in surprise at her sharp tone. She never yelled at them. She never yelled at anyone, but darn it, August had blown in on a hot, mean wind. A few days ago shed picked up a stomach bug she couldnt seem to shake. The cats were crabby; she hadnt been sleeping; and the girls had been talking for hours about school coming, boys, clothes, boys and then more boys.
We need to make some more insect repellent. Remember the recipe? Ten parts lavender, ten parts geranium, five parts clove-
Hey, I remember it, Vi, not to worry.
All right then, if you twoll make up two dozen of those vial- She tried to finish the sentence, couldnt. Suddenly every smell in the Herb Haven seemed to fill her nostrils. She loved those smells. Every single one of them. Always had, always would. But just then, she put a hand over her mouth and ran like a bat out of hell for the back bathroom.
Twenty minutes later she decided that she wouldnt die, even found the strength to fumble in the medicine cabinet for her spare toothbrush and toothpaste. She worked up a good foam as she stared in the mirror. Her cheeks were pinch-pink, her eyes bright, her hair wild as a witchs but certainly glossy and healthy. Yet over the past week, shed found an excuse to cry every day and hurl at least once.
Of course, crying was nothing new. She cried for the national anthem and for dog food commercials. But usually her stomach was cast iron. Last night theyd had fish with a spinach sauce and peachy sweet potatoes. Nothing a normal man would eat, but Cameron, par for Cameron, ate anything she put in front of him and asked for seconds. For herself, they were old favorites, comfort foods, no matter how weird they might be for someone else. Nothing, for damn sure, to inspire an upset tummy.
If she didnt have those skinny tubes, she might fear she was pregnant.
Hey, Violet. Barbara rapped on the bathroom door. We think you should go up to the house. Just forget all this. Well make up the vials and those sachet things and handle the customers.
You just want to talk about boys.
Yeah, so? Go on. Go lie down or something.
She didnt want to go home. Cameron was up there packing. He wasnt leaving for another couple of days, but the lavender harvest was over and it was not as if he could get all his stuff ready in a second. Between her missed period and her upset tummy and the insanely radiant cheeks she kept seeing in the mirror, Violet kept finding the pregnancy word sneaking into her mind. But skinny tubes didnt suddenly disappear, so she figured she was simply emotionally upset about his leaving.
Im not leaving you two kids alone in the shop, she said firmly.
Barbara opened the door, took one look and popped a bubble. Yeah, you are. She aimed her thumb at the house in a clear-cut order. Go on. Its hot. Go drink some lemonade or something.
Violet winced. Dont say lemonade. Dont even think it out loud.
Thats it. They pushed her out. And the heat was too searing and sticky to just stand there, so she had to traipse up to the house. The back door was open, the phone ringing, but hells bells, the phone was always ringing. She opened the refrigerator and then just leaned into the cold smoky air with a sigh.
Oh, God. Let me waste some electricity along with you. Cameron suddenly appeared from the dining room, shirtless and shoeless, just wearing low-slung khaki shorts and carrying packing tape. Now, though, he tossed the tape and hiked over to the open refrigerator. Faster than lightning, he dropped a soft, lingering kiss on her mouth. Mmm. Fresh toothpaste. What an aphrodisiac.
I hate to say this, Lachlan, but you could find an aphrodisiac in a dust bunny. Oh, God. Even that light kiss and she was not only fine again, but her pulse was soaring like a hummingbirds. Hed changed her so much. Healed her. Made her feel like a whole woman again. And all because of those long, wicked nights and wild, sneaky kisses. Because of the way he loved her.
And the way she loved him back.
Have you been out to our lavender? You know how it needs to be cut back, hard, as soon as the crops taken. Well, old Filbert and the crew finished an hour ago. Shes all tied up and pretty again.
Bad news. She closed the refrigerator door-after filling a cup full of ice-and headed for the couch in the living room. It was too hot to stand up. Too hot to hear bad news anywhere near that bright, happy sunlight. You talked to Jeunnesse?
Yup. He didnt sit on the couch, instead, pulled up the old round ottoman and plunked down, facing her. You know what has to happen now. Ive tested all I can here. The rest has to happen in a bigger lab.
I know.
The next part of the testing takes time. Perfumes have a top note, a middle note and a base note. Lavender is used for all three. But the top note is usually the most volatile-the scent you pick up when you first put on perfume. And the base note-thats the scent that lingers even hours after youve been wearing the perfume.
He was talking as if she didnt know these things. As if he believed he needed to carefully cover them again. He was looking at her as if she were some kind of fragile treasure. Searching her face the way hed searched her face for days-even though shed never told him, and never would, how strangely sick shed been.
The middle note in the perfume isnt so much about smell. Its about staying power. About chemistry. Its what makes one perfume last and another completely dissipate. Its what makes the best perfumes endure. And the right lavender is the key to that enduring power. Its what were hoping your lavender has.
She had no idea why he was telling her this. She knew it all. He knew it all. Somehow, though, every darn time Cam brought all this up again, all she could think of was how something was terribly wrong with her. Because unlike a good lavender, she seemed to have no enduring power for men. It wasnt just Simpson whod left her.
Cam was leaving her now, too.
Simpson, shed just loved. But Cameron was about to take her heart and soul with him. It was definitely some kind of flaw in her-she just seemed to attract men who didnt want to stay. For three years now, shed blamed her infertility, but Cam had certainly proven that theory wrong, because he didnt care if she could have kids or not. Hed made it more than clear that he needed no more children.
Vi, I have to go back to France. To the Jeunnesse labs.
Of course you do. Because her voice sounded so hollow, she said more strongly, Ive known that from the start.
Theres a good staff of chemists there, and they can run most of the tests. But I know the lavender. I need to take charge of it.
Cam, why are you telling me this? Ive known from the beginning that you were only going to be here for a few weeks. We both knew.
I just want to be sure you realizethat this isnt about wanting to leave you. Its just about the work. He waited, as if hoping shed ask him something, say something.
And Violet knew exactly what he wanted to hear, so she put on her best ultraviolet smile and touched his cheek with love. Didnt I tell you I never wanted ties? she asked fiercely. I love you, Cameron Lachlan. Just the way you are. Just the way weve been together. I wouldnt have given up a second of our summer for the world.
She saw his jaw clamp tight, and a light seemed to deaden in his eyes, but she couldnt fathom what else he might conceivably have wanted her to say. Theres no reason we cant see each other again, he said.
I hope we do. But I dont want you worried about it. She couldnt tie him down. Wouldnt. Cam was who he was, a heart-free vagabond, a lover and a giver and a healer of women-but hed tried marriage before, already had two daughters. Hed been terribly unhappy, and if there was one thing she wanted for this man whod become her whole world, it was to love him. There was no way shed ask him for anything he hadnt clearly offered.
Have you picked a time to leave? she asked lightly.
He nodded, then had to swallow as if something thick were stuck in his throat. Tomorrow morning at daybreak. I cant wait longer than that.
So, Violet thought. Now I know the exact minute my hearts going to be broken for all time.
Eleven
Cameron watched his daughters Jeep bounce out of his driveway. It had rained the last five days in September. His gravel driveway could have been renamed Mud Puddle Avenue. He waved another goodbye to Miranda and Kate.
The two girls were ecstatic hed quit Jeunnesse and come home from France for good. Theyd both asked about living with him-which could happen, if their mother agreed. He wasnt that sure what the girls really wanted or needed yet, but in the meantime he was less than two hours from their home. They could visit him anytime they wanted, especially now that Miranda had a drivers license.
When the car rounded the curve out of sight, he stuck his hands in his jeans pockets and aimed for the old shake-shingled cottage. The surrounding woods were starting to change color, picking up tips of gold and vermilion and bronze. The brook, at the back of the property, glistened in the sunlight. He took in a long clean breath, wanting to feel like he belonged here.
He didnt.
He wanted to. Hed loved the place when he bought it, even though at the time it was only to have a house close to his daughters for their visits here. And hed quit Jeunnesse once hed finished Violets business and knew she was going to be set up any way she wanted to be in the future. At that point, though, he knew he no longer wanted to continue with that job. The work had been good to him and for him, but was nothing remotely what he wanted in his life anymore.
Hed thought-perhaps crazily-that he could recapture the feeling he had with Violet. He wanted that feeling of belonging. Of roots. He wanted a red barn and a stone fence. Rocks. Insane neighbors. A place private enough to make wild love in the moonlight with his one and only lover.