He did the same. Incredible, he said in a husky voice. He gestured to the food on his plate, but his hooded gaze never wandered from her face.
She felt a burning flush rise to her cheeks. I thought you were a steak and potatoes kind of guy, so I madesteak and potatoes. She was rambling because his intense stare awakened her desires for so much more than food. Desires shed promised herself to control until the time was right.
You seem to know me pretty well, he said.
Superficial information, Kayla thought, and it wasnt enough. She wanted to know more. She shrugged. Instinct. Something you cops must believe in.
Its kept me alive more than once.
She smiled. And now mine is keeping you fed. She pointed to the meal with her fork. Its not gourmet, but its decent food. The time had come to push some barriers. Mama couldnt do more than boil a pot of water, but somehow, we did okay. Catherines been the cook in the houseever since the restaurant owner gave her that job to work off the unpaid bill. She glanced at Kane. So who did the cooking in your house?
He speared another piece of meat. I made sure we didnt starve, my uncle made sure we werent thirsty.
She blinked, not yet comprehending.
Alcohol, sweetheart. The man guzzled the stuff whenever he got the chance. His face was a blank, uncaring mask.
Kayla suspected he wasnt even aware of the change. Hed had too many years of practice, she thought sadly. What about your father? she asked.
He shrugged. Wouldnt know. He took a hike when I was five. Just like your old man.
She nodded. Though she hadnt known much about Kanes family history, shed always sensed hed grown up on his own. Sensed he, too, knew what it was like to be alone. But she hadnt realized how very much they had in common.
At least shed had her aunt and her sister to give her a sense of family, of belonging. Hed had no one. It wasnt always easy, she said. But we got by.
Same here. Having cleaned his plate when she wasnt looking, he leaned back in his seat. Your sister might be the chef in the family, but youre pretty good yourself.
Though she appreciated the compliment, she recognized the change of subject for what it was. Thank you.
No sweat. He rose and began stacking the dishes.
She shook her head. Ive got it.
No. You take it easy while I finish up in here. Weve got a long night ahead of us.
The books, she said softly.
His expression darkened. Yeah, the books. He turned away.
She followed him to the sink, dishes in hand. His shirt strained against the powerful muscles in his back. Theyd once rippled beneath her fingertips. She exhaled a sigh. If by a long night, he meant one fraught with sexual tension, she agreed.
His abrupt turn caught her unaware. Suddenly she wasnt faced with the mans back, but his face. His eyes, a turbulent wash of emotions, none of which she could decipher, settled on hers. Razor stubble darkened his cheeks, matching his current mood.
Her fingertips curled around the dish in her hand.
I want to get one thing straight. He eased the ceramic plate out of her grip and placed it in the sink behind him.
Nothing stood between herself and Kane, no barrier existed between his magnetic pull and her tempted body. Without the small dish in her hand, she felt exposednaked. What is it? she asked.
Im here because I have a job to do.
Tell me something I dont know, she muttered.
But that doesnt mean I dont want to be here.
Kayla forced a smile. You want me. I think weve covered this territory before.
Yeah, I do. But my job means keeping you safe and, despite what I said earlier, that means keeping my distance.
I didnt know one thing had anything to do with the other. Just twenty minutes ago, Kayla had listed every reason in her mind why she wouldnt sleep with Kane again. Hearing him agree with her, however, hadnt factored into her plan and hurt more than she would have imagined. Now she found herself wanting to argue against her own logic.
This battle of wills they had going was beginning to wear on her. Coupled with the constant sexual pull, the result was a roller-coaster ride of emotions. She wanted the battle to end, but only Kanes capitulation on all levels could do that. He had to trust in her-he had to trust in himself.
Funny, she thought. For years, shed lacked similar faith in herself. But a few days with Kane, and shed begun to regain the inner strength and belief shed been lacking. He did that for her. And regardless of the outcome of them, she could never regret the time theyd shared.
But that didnt mean she was about to relinquish control.
One thing has everything to do with the other, he said.
Kayla froze in place. She sensed the import of his statement, understood this was as close a view inside Kanes mind as she was likely to get. So she listened.
Theres something in life called an edgeat least there is in my life. Without it, Im no good as a cop and even worse as a man. Every time Ive let my guard down in any way, things go wrong.
The guilt thing again. She shook her head. You arent responsible for whats happened to me.
Thats not what you said earlier.
You know that wasnt what I meant. I wasnt blaming you.
Then maybe you should. Maybe both of you should, he muttered.
Who, Kane? she asked quietly.
He shut his eyes before speaking. Deep grooves formed at the corners, testament to how difficult this upcoming admission would be. I always came straight home from school. My mother was fragile, and she relied on me walking in the door at the same time every day. Even before my dad took off, routine was important to her. She got up, washed her hands, ate breakfast, washed her hands, watched TV, washed her hands, I came home, she
Washed her hands, Kayla finished for him.
He met her gaze.
She sounds obsessive compulsive.
He shrugged. I guess she was, but I didnt know the clinical term back then. She had good days and bad days, up days and down days. He drew a deep breath. If I came home from school when I was supposed to, she took her medication on time. And the one day I didnt
She walked in front of a moving bus. Kane didnt have to speak for Kayla to hear. His body shook in reaction to his unspoken words. She reached out and took his hand, silently offering comfort.
The man shouldered more responsibility than was necessary, more guilt than shed ever imagined. You said she had good days and bad days, Kane. Isnt it possible she didnt kill herself, but got confused, or wasnt looking? Did she leave a note?
He shook his head. Does it really matter? If Id been home, it wouldnt have happened. His warm hand curled around hers. And if Id been thinking about my job and not preoccupied with my feelings for you, you wouldnt have been attacked.
Kayla tried to sort through his words, to hear past his misplaced guilt. He hadnt let go of the boy who felt responsible for his only parent. He couldnt accept it wasnt an eleven-year-olds job to be the adult of the household. While growing up, she and Catherine had borne too many adult responsibilities of their own, and felt an out-of-proportion responsibility for each other. Kayla could relate to Kanes life.
The emotional barriers, the distance, and the all-consuming need to control things around him-they all made a strange sort of sense to her now. She wasnt sure she could ever undo the scars embedded in his past, no matter how much she wanted to.
In the library, hed told her he was doing all he could do. That had to be enough. When the case was over, if he wanted to stay, shed welcome him with open arms. If he wanted to walk away, shed let him go.
He deserved to know he had that kind of freedom.
CHAPTER NINE
HER TOES WERE PAINTED PINK. Ridiculous he would notice considering she sat deciphering books that put her life in danger. With all quiet for the moment, Kane leaned back in his seat enjoying the view.
She chewed on the eraser head of a pencil, her shimmering lips pursed in thought. Maybe he could take just a quick taste. He shook his head, knowing it wouldnt be enough to lessen the constant ache of arousal, nor would it ease the pressure in his chest that had been present since their earlier conversation.
When was the last time hed thought of his mother, let alone discussed his past aloud? It had been a long time and he planned for it to be never again. But if soul-baring had given Kayla an explanation for his reluctance to take things further, dredging up the pain had been worthwhile. Shed spent too many years believing herself unworthy of more than an admiring glance or a groping hand. Better she believed he had the problem, not her.
Better he walked away from her knowing hed given something in return.
Sullivan, John. Her voice brought him back to the present.
Another big player, Kane said. He owns real estate all over the city. Theyd been at the books over two hours. Rather shed been at them.
Hed been watching. The shifting of her legs, drawing his attention to the warm place in between. The animation then the scowl of frustration crossing her face, resulting in a pout of her lips that made him desire more than a simple kiss. All in the name of the case, he reminded himself more than once, trying to push aside the things she made him feel.
The first book contained a list of female names that neither he nor Kayla recognized. The women, Kane assumed, who worked for Charmed!s side business. The last few books produced a list of male names as impressive as it was extensive. Where before they only had an informants tip, they now had probable clients and their call girls. Thanks to Kaylas intelligence and persistence.
As much as hed fought against letting her handle things, he had to admire the results. He sure as hell admired the woman.
Kane was certain these highly placed, mostly married, men would talk. The more puzzle questions she answered, the longer the list of names had become. They covered all upper-crust walks of life. And none of these men would want the scandal sure to be caused if their private lives were made public.
I need a break. She stretched her legs out in front of her. Bare feet peeked from beneath narrowed blue jeans and she wiggled her toes in a long stretch.