We were going to expand the business-offer combination adventures, rafting and rock climbing. Wed already checked out several climbs-this one wasnt any more difficult than some of the others wed done. We were almost to the top. I was ahead of Matt. I heard him shout-not a scream, like he was scared, justa shout. There was some scraping, the sound of rocks falling. I looked back, and Matt was lying on a ledge about halfway down. I knew he was hurt. I thought, you knowI was afraid he was dead.
When I got to him, he was conscious, and I was just so glad he was alive. I didnt even think about anything else. But he had this scared look on his face. Likehe knew. He told me he couldnt move, and I kept telling him not to move. I made sure he wasnt bleeding anywhere-well, except for some cuts and scrapes-and I went for help. They got him out with a helicopter. They were good, those guys-they handled him like he was made of glass. They did everything they could-
When I got to him, he was conscious, and I was just so glad he was alive. I didnt even think about anything else. But he had this scared look on his face. Likehe knew. He told me he couldnt move, and I kept telling him not to move. I made sure he wasnt bleeding anywhere-well, except for some cuts and scrapes-and I went for help. They got him out with a helicopter. They were good, those guys-they handled him like he was made of glass. They did everything they could-
Im sure they-and you-did everything you could.
Her freckles stood out almost in relief against her golden skin, and he wished he knew her well enough to go to her and offer more comfort than the words shed probably already heard too many times before.
So And he hesitated, the journalist in him struggling against the compassionate man he was and the brother he was only just learning to be, trying to put the question he had to ask in the least hurtful way he could. After my brother got out of the hospital, and had been through rehab, whose decision was it for him to stay in Los Angeles?
His, of course. Again, she swatted the words back at him, as the hurt shed so far been able to hide spasmed across her face like summer lightning. Hebroke things off with me. Told me it was-quote-better for both of us. I wanted him to come back, stay and run the business with me. I tried to convince him. I told him it didnt matter- She broke off, looking appalled, probably because shed said so much, and to a total stranger.
I wonder why, Cory said, keeping his voice dispassionate-the reporters voice. You told me you take physically disabled people on the river. It doesnt seem as though being in a wheelchair should have kept him from continuing on with you in the business, if hed wanted to.
Yeah, wellthats the point, isnt it? Her voice was quiet, and rigid with controlled anger. Evidently, he didnt.
Cory studied her thoughtfully and didnt reply. There were so many things he could have saidasked about. Things like his brothers pride, and hers, and whether shed ever told Matt how she felt about him. Whether shed ever asked him to stay-actually said the words. It was obvious to Cory, whod spent a good part of his life ferreting out the feelings behind the words people employed to hide them, that Alex Pennys feelings for his brother ran deep. The kind of anger and pain hed seen in those golden eyes of hers didnt come from nothing. Thered been something more between those two than a business partnership-a lot more. In Alexs case, at least, the feelings were still there.
And hed be willing to bet shed deny it with her last breath.
He looked at his watch and rose, smiling apologetically. Wow, look at the time. Ive taken up more of yours than I intended to. Id figured on being halfway to L.A. by now.
Youd have hit rush hour traffic, Alex said stiffly. Probably better this way.
Yeah, maybe. Well- He held out his hand. I really appreciate you taking the time to talk to me.
No problem, she said as she took his hand and shook it-a quick, hard grip.
Its been a big help. I think I understand a little better what Im dealing with now.
Glad one of us does. She said it with a smile, but her voice had the funny little rasp to it that told him she was keeping a tight grip on emotions she didnt intend to share.
They exchanged the usual goodbyes and thank-yous and Cory left the offices of Penny Tours feeling lighter of heart and of mind than when hed arrived, for reasons he couldnt quite explain.
After Matts brother had gone, Alex made her way to her desk and lowered herself carefully into the chair hed just vacated. She felt shaky and weak in the knees-a fact that both frustrated and infuriated her.
Damn you, Matt, she said aloud.
As if shed heard the name, or-which was more likely, since she was practically deaf-sensed something, the dog Annie came padding across the room to thrust her white muzzle under Alexs hand. After receiving her expected ear fondle and neck hug, the old Lab collapsed with a groan at Alexs feet and went instantly back to sleep.
That was where they both were some time later when Eve returned from the Rafting Center.
She opened the back door a crack and peeked through it, then, seeing Alex was alone, came to claim the chair at the empty desk next to hers. She slouched into it and spun it around with a noisy creak to face Alex.
Hey, she said, with a poorly suppressed grin. Your visitor take off?
Yeah, Alex said, rousing herself. So, howd it go with the Las Colinas kids?
Great. Everybody had a ball, as usual. The grin blossomed. Bobby got dunked.
No way.
Oh yeah, way. Twice, actually-hed just managed to climb back in the boat when he went over again. The kids loved it. Randy got some great footage.
Nice. Alex produced a grin in return, though her heart wasnt in it.
In the silence that followed, Eve rotated her chair back and forth with that annoying creaking sound, and finally said, So, the dude with the glasses. You said hes Matts brother? Sure didnt look like a cop.
Cop? Oh, no, no, different brother. Alex waved a hand dismissively, hoping Eve would take the hint from that and leave it alone. The last thing she felt like doing was explaining Matt Callahans family to Eve. The last person she wanted to talk about in any way was Matt Callahan.
He was the last person she wanted to think about, too, and she knew she was going to do that whether she wanted to or not, as well.
So, what did he want with you? I thought you and that guy were finished.
Alex scrubbed her burning eyes with the hand shed used to try to fend off the question. We were-we are. Its not-its nothing to do with me, actually. He justhad some questions about Matt. About the accident, andstuff like that.
Thats kind of weird, isnt it? Why ask you? Why not just ask his brother?
Its not that simple. He doesnt really know Matt. He hasnt seen him since they were little kids. Look, its a long story, okay? And I dont really feel like talking about it right now.
And instantly she thought, Damn, why did you do that? You know Eves going to have her feelings hurt.
And yes, now she was looking like a kicked puppy. Which she really didnt deserve.
Sorry, Alex said gruffly. Hey, you know me. I justreally dont want to talk about it. Okay? Ill tell you all about it later, I promise.
Well, you better, Eve said sternly, then grinned as she levered herself out of the chair. Hey, the guides are getting together at The Corral to toast Bobbys double dunking. You coming?
Idunno. I have a killer headache and a bunch of paperwork to do here before I can call it a day. You go on. Maybe Ill catch up with you later.
Okay. Eve paused at the door to look back at her, head tilted. Hey, Alex.
Yeah?
Hes not thinking about coming back, is he? Your ex? I mean, youre not thinking about taking him back?
Alex gave a short hard bark of a laugh. Oh, hell no.
Well, good. Because the guy ran out on you, right? I mean, I remember how it was. It was pretty rough around here for a while.
Hey, dont worry about it, Alex said with a flip of her hand, as if she were swatting at a fly. Matt Callahan and I are ancient history.
Eve hesitated, then nodded. She gave the door frame a slap. Okay. See you later. Ill save you a cold one.
For a few minutes after shed gone, Alex sat without moving. Then, slowly, she swiveled to the desk and reached for the phone. Picked it up. Held it for a long time, then put it back in its cradle without dialing the number she still remembered, even after five years.
Just as she remembered the words theyd spoken to each other then. Words she didnt want to remember. Words that made her cringe to remember.
Ah, jeez, Matt. Dont do this.
Do what? Its not like Im asking you to run off and get married tomorrow. Just talk about it. Whys that so hard? Weve been doing this-whatever it is were doing-for five years. Dont you think its about time?
Doing what? Whatve we been doing? Seems to me weve been fighting for five years! So now you want to get married?
Yeah, and what is it we fight about? Ill tell you what we fight about-we start to get close, and you get scared, so you do something to screw it up.
I dont! Thats bull-
Sure you do. Every damn time things start to get really good for us. Just because your mother messed up your head-
Dont you dare blame my mother for this!
Why not? Shes managed to convince you every mans a jerk like your father, leaving her cold when he found out she was pregnant. Well, Im not your father, okay? Im not a jerk. Weve been working together, sleeping together-hell, weve been best friends-for five years, you should know that by now. Weve got a good thing going. Or it could be good, if youd quit trying to ruin it. Its no big secret how I feel about you, I tell you often enough. So, now Im asking you. He paused to give her a hard, burning look. Do you love me?
Do I love you? The question was a white-hot fire burning inside her head. Somewhere inside the fire was the answer she feared even more than she feared losing Matt. The answer she couldnt bring herself to grab hold of or even look at, as if, like some mythical curse it would sear her eyes blind, or turn her to stone.