My daughter, ChelseaChelse, say hello to Lindsey, he said, more brusquely than he meant to.
Chelsea dutifully muttered, Hlo.
Hi, Chelsea, Lindsey said, holding out her hand. Which Chelsea didnt seem to have a clue what to do with, and Alan made a mental note to speak to her mother about maybe it being time to teach the kid some basic social graces. Covering up the awkward moment with a light touch on Chelseas arm, Lindsey added, I love your jacket-pink is definitely your color.
Thank you, Chelsea said-he was glad at least for that. My mom bought it for me.
I hope you brought your bathing suits, Richard said, every inch the jovial host. Hard to believe its November, isnt it? Pool waters warm, and if it does get chilly later on, the heater over there does a pretty good job. What do you say, young lady? Feel like going for a swim? Plenty of time before we eat.
Chelsea glanced over at the pool, where several children of various ages were engaged in a game of Marco Polo, then turned a look on Alan he knew could be roughly translated as: Id rather have my head shaved.
Uhmaybe a little later? he suggested, directing a look of appeal at Lindsey. The awkwardness of the whole thing was beginning to make his jaws ache. What had he been thinking of, to bring Chelse along on what was essentially police business?
Of course, Lindsey was saying, and she slipped an arm around Chelseas shoulders and scooped up her backpack. Im sure youd rather get your bearings first, wouldnt you? In the meantime, how about if I show you where you can stash your stuff?
Mutely, Chelsea nodded. Alan quelled another impulse to kiss Lindsey, this time out of sheer gratitude. He might have debated with himself whether it would be more productive to stay and chat with Richard Merrill rather than accompany the girls on their house tour, but his daughters death grip on his arm pretty much took the matter out of his hands. So, he found himself trailing after the two of them into the house, following Lindseys very nicely rounded bottom up a zigzagging flight of stairs.
If hed been able to kid himself up to now about whether or not he was attracted to the lady for real, that wouldve put any remaining illusions to rest for good. No doubt about it, Lindsey Merrill had gotten under his skin. The only remaining question was, what was he going to do about it? It wouldnt be the first time hed met someone in the course of an investigation that made him regret the personal and professional code of ethics that put any such liaisons off-limits. Though it might be the first time hed doubted his ability to stick to it.
This was my room when I was growing up. Lindsey had paused in an open doorway and turned to wait for Alan and Chelsea to join her. Chelsea, if you like, you can leave your stuff in here. Then, if you feel like swimming, you can just come back up and change. Okay?
Oh, wow. This, unexpectedly, from Chelsea, who was standing in the doorway, peering into the room.
A few steps behind her, Alans first general impression was of a whole lot of pink. Then he got close enough to get a good look. He looked at Lindsey and lifted his eyebrows.
What can I say? she said with a small shrug, amusement glittering in her eyes. Im a girl. I liked dolls.
Id say so. Hed moved past her, and his fascinated gaze was taking in what seemed to him like a museum of little-girlhood. Although he had to admit that, even with its very feminine pink, cream and pale green color scheme, it was in good taste, not too overwhelmingly frilly. The walls were pale green, the furniture painted cream, window curtains, bedspread and rugs all in various shades of pink. Dolls, along with a stuffed animal or two, sprawled on the bed amongst an assortment of pillows in those three colors, and filled most of the space in a rocking chair upholstered in pink, green and cream stripes. A low table in one corner of the room held a large Victorian-style dollhouse that looked both custom-made and expensive. A shelf ran all the way around the room, up high near the ceiling, and every inch of it was occupied by more dolls-most, he was pretty sure from being the father of a daughter, were Barbies. Bookshelves held books, but there were a few dolls and a couple of teddy bears tucked in here and there, as well. The only departure from the doll theme, as far as Alan could see, were the framed and matted black-and-white photographs of children playing on beaches hanging on the walls, and a collection of framed youth soccer team photos arranged above a small study desk.
It didnt look like this when I went away to college, if thats what youre thinking, Lindsey said dryly. She was leaning against the door frame, arms folded, watching him, and her smile was crooked and unreadable. My decorating scheme at the time was probably best described as late Springsteen-casual. My mom did this after I got pregnant and she found out I was having a girl. I was kind of amazed to discover shed saved all this stuff.
Alan nodded, but discovered he didnt have anything to say in response. Because he knew, now, what that little bit of a smile on her face was trying to disguise. I was having a girl. Susan Merrill had created this room for her granddaughter, the baby who had died. Lindseys baby.
Alan nodded, but discovered he didnt have anything to say in response. Because he knew, now, what that little bit of a smile on her face was trying to disguise. I was having a girl. Susan Merrill had created this room for her granddaughter, the baby who had died. Lindseys baby.
Careful, he said to Chelse, who was trying to peer into the open back of the dollhouse, and found his voice was filled with gravel.
Lindseys was firm and unemotional. No, no-shes welcome to play with anything in here. Its time someone did. To Chelsea she added with a smile, Feel free, dear.
Cool, said Chelsea, but she was moving on, pausing now to study the soccer team pictures. In each of them Alan noticed, a younger, slimmer, darker-haired Richard Merrill, obviously one of the coaches, stood behind or a little to one side of the double row of little girls in their team jerseys.
Chelsea leaned closer, then touched one of the photos, pointing to a slender, long-legged girl with her dark hair pulled back in a ponytail. Is this you?
Lindsey nodded. Thats me. We were the Red Devils. We won the championship that year.
You were pretty. Chelseas voice had a wistful note, and Alan felt his stomach clench.
Geez, Chelse, he said with an uneasy laugh. Were?
Then he felt like a real jerk when he saw both Lindseys and his daughters cheeks turn pink. The latter threw him a look, a little grimace of embarrassment. Dad, I didnt mean
Lindsey laughed and said, Its okay, I know what you meant.
But Chelsea stumbled on, frowning and earnest. I mean, you were pretty when you were a kid. Now, I think youre beautiful.
Oh, boy. Nice save, Chelse. Alan couldnt think of a thing to say to that, either. Then Lindsey threw him a look, and he thought the shine in her eyes might be tears. Just keeps getting better and better, he thought.
Why, she said softly, touching Chelseas shoulder, what a sweet thing to say.
And while Alan watched in agonized silence, his daughter got even pinker, then said, I really like your hair.
Thank you, Lindsey said, looking genuinely touched.
I want to get mine cut, Chelsea went on, but my mom wont let me. She says not until Im older. And my dad says I have to do what she says. She cut her eyes at Alan, who could only lift his hands in mute wonderment. He was thinking he hadnt heard that many words come out of his daughters mouth all at once in months.
Lindsey gave him a quick, uncertain look, as if she realized the path she now found herself on might be leading her into a place she had no business going. She cleared her throat, then said gently, Oh, Chelsea. Your mom just doesnt want you to grow up too fast.
But Im already almost ten. I should be able to get my hair cut if I want to.
This time, Lindsey didnt even look at Alan. She reached out and touched Chelseas hair, then let the ponytail slither through her fingers. Trust me, youll have lots and lots of chances to decide what you want to do with your hair. And you can also trust me when I tell you, youre probably going to regret a lot of those decisions.
I know. Chelsea moaned, clearly unconvinced.
Lindsey smiled. I know how you feel-I do. When I was ten, I couldnt wait to be a teenager. Then when I was thirteen, I couldnt wait to be fifteen, so I could get my learners permit. She threw a glance at Alan, who had been unable to stifle a groan, then went on, speaking only to Chelsea, and softly, now, as if the two of them were alone in the room. Her smile had changed in some subtle way he couldnt name, but that made his throat ache anyway. I always wanted to bewhatever was out there ahead of me. Now, I kind of wish Id paid more attention to how much fun it was to be ten.
Chelsea tilted her head quizzically, and didnt reply.
What the hell was that about?
They were on their way down the stairs, having left Chelsea in the pink, green and cream room, now thoroughly engrossed in the dollhouse.
Lindsey glanced at him in surprise. What was what about?
YouChelsea. He tried to make his voice light, casual. What were you two doing, bonding?
I dont know what youre talking about. I was just talking to her, thats all.
Yeah, and she was talking to you, probably more words strung together in complete sentences than shes spoken to me in a whole day, lately.
Im sorry. I didnt realize that was a bad thing. She spoke quietly, but her voice sounded strained. Edgy.
Ashamed of himself, Alan tried to backpedal. Its not, justunexpected.
Hed begun to understand that hed wandered into territory that was unfamiliar to him; these emotional, mother-child interactions werent something he encountered much in his line of work. He didnt know why watching Lindsey communicate with his child had stirred him so. It had seemed to come so naturally to her, and he wondered if what he felt was as simple a thing as jealousy, because lately hed been feeling his relationship with his daughter slipping and communication a challenge, at best. Fear clutched at his belly when he thought of losing his little girl, watching her turn into an uncommunicative stranger, and after that, what next? Drugs? Everything that went with that? Hed seen too much not to know the dangers that lurked outside his protective embrace.