As he worked, he followed Lindseys progress with his ears, listening to the sound of the kitchen door opening, a brief snatch of conversation:
Dad-youre home early! What happened-
Lindsey? What are you doing here at this time of day, honey? Is that Alans-
Before the door closed, cutting off the rest.
God help us, he thought. I just hope she can stall him long enough.
Chapter 7
The woman talked a lot. She told me about her child, a little boy, how much she loved him, and how much he needed her. I knew what she was trying to do. She was trying to make me see her as a human being, a mother with a child. Hoping to soften my heart, I think. But I had a job to do. You must understand-they were not human beings to me. Simply objects to be disposed of.
The man, thoughthe man was very quiet. He barely spoke, but his silence didnt reassure me. I could hear determination in that silence.
Excerpt from the confession of Alexi K.
FBI Files, Restricted Access,
Declassified 2010
I thought youd be home, Lindsey said with a nervous laugh. We, uh
You know Ev and I always play golf on Mondays. Her fathers lips were tight, his eyes narrowed with suspicion, and there was a coldness in them shed never seen there before. So, where is Alan? His eyes darted to one side, aimed past her at the door shed just come through.
Choosing to ignore the question, Lindsey shifted slightly, trying to block his path, saying brightly, Oh-gosh, Daddy, I forgot about your golf date. Wait-thats right-this is Monday, isnt it? But dont you usually have lunch together? And oh, it felt so wrong. So awful. Is everything okay? Is Ev-
Everythings fine. Evs fine-just had an appointment with his chiropractor. Took a rain check on lunch. Alan inside? Id like to say hello to him, since hes here. He threw her a crooked smile as he reached past her to open the door, but she couldnt help but notice the smile didnt reach his eyes.
She squeezed back against the door frame as he brushed past her, then followed him into the kitchen, breathless, her heart pounding in her belly, fear squeezing her insides. Dad-wait-please let me explain
He paused a moment to look at her, and the hurt in his face felt worse than a slap. Honey, youre a grown woman. Why do you feel you need to explain?
She opened her mouth to reply-with what, she didnt know-but he was moving past her again, striding purposefully through the kitchen and into the hallway. All she could do was follow, while her heart seemed bent on pummeling its way out of her chest.
In the hallway she nearly slammed into her father, who had stopped dead in the middle of it. Looking past him, she saw Alan standing at the top of the stairs. He was shirtless, and drying his dripping wet hair with a towel.
Air gusted from her lungs. She managed to gasp out, This isnt what it looks like, Dad. She felt an absurd impulse to giggle.
He turned his head to look at her, his expression quizzical. Honey, like I said, youre a grown woman. The only thing I cant quite understand, is why here? Dont the two of you have your own places?
Now she did laugh. A nervous and guilty titter that almost eclipsed Alans, Oh-good to see you, sir. Just stopped by-
To pick up the dollhouse, She finished, then stopped, fingertips pressed to her lips.
Where had that come from? She had no idea. She was shocked, shaking inside, and at the same time felt absurdly pleased with herself-quite exhilarated. Realizing the two men were both staring at her in what appeared to be uncomprehending silence, she rushed on.
Daddy, I didnt want you to know I was giving away your dollhouse. I didnt want you to think Im sorry, Daddy, I know you made it for me, and I love it, but its just been sitting there. When had she become such a good liar? And yet, it was perfect, so perfect she wondered if the idea had been there in her subconscious all along. And Chelsea enjoyed it so, and I just thought
No, no, no-honey, its perfectly all right. Her dads voice sounded relieved, and his arms were around her, gathering her into his familiar embrace. She buried her face in his shoulder and breathed in the familiar smells of Bay Rum and Tide detergent and the faintest hint of the single beer hed probably enjoyed with Evan Norwood in lieu of lunch. I made that dollhouse for you, honey, its yours to do with as you please. And although Id always hoped Id live to see my grandkids enjoy it, if you want to give it to a little girl who will love it and play with it the way you used to, thats okay with me.
Lindsey lifted her head from his shoulder. Through a tear shimmer she could see Alan at the top of the stairs, absently mopping water droplets from his chest and staring down at her with a bemused look on his face. She drew a breath and sniffed. Daddy, are you sure?
Absolutely. He gave her a little shake as he moved her to arms length and said severely, And you should know that about your dad. Now, you go and gather up all the little pieces, and Ill give Alan a hand carrying that monster down the stairs.
She nodded, only half paying attention. Now that the crisis appeared to have passed and disaster averted, she couldnt seem to take her eyes off the spectacle of Alan, naked to the waist. She couldnt help but notice he was pretty impressive, even for Southern California, land of compulsive joggers and workout addicts.
Hope it was okay, my borrowing your bathroom. Alans voice, speaking to her father as he climbed toward him up the stairs, brought her to her senses. She closed her mouth and cleared her throat self-consciously as he went on, Ive been at a crime scene all morning. You knowdidnt feel good about touching anything until Id washed up a bit.
He smiled crookedly, and Lindsey watched her father clap him on the shoulder and say warmly, Son, thats quite all right. Youre welcome here anytime.
Just give me a minute to get my shirt on. I sure do appreciate this. Chelsea is going to go nuts when she sees that dollhouse. Its awfully kind of you and Lindsey-not to mention generous
The voices trailed off as the two men disappeared into the upstairs hallway, and Lindsey was left, as she seemed to be so often these days, with a childish urge to cry. She was turning into an emotional wreck, she thought, always feeling like a little girl, sick to her stomach at the thought of disappointing her daddy. Something about having her belief in her parents shaken, she supposed. Particularly a parent who had always been the rock shed depended on, the pillar of strength, security and stability in her life.
Oh, grow up, Lindsey, she muttered to herself as she almost ran up the stairs in her dads wake. When she reached the top she could hear the two men talking farther down, somewhere in the vicinity of the bathroom. From the sound of things, it appeared Alan was showing Dad his weapon.
Perfect-bonding over guns. Guy stuff.
Anger came almost as a relief. She made a disgusted sound and stormed into her old room, where she blew off steam gathering up the dolls and accessories that went with the dollhouse and packing them into a beach bag she found in her old closet. She didnt even look at the two men when they came in to pick up the unwieldy dollhouse, laughing together and conversing in monosyllables the way men do when theyre involved in a task requiring joint effort. But she was seething. She wanted to scream at Alan: How dare you bond with my dad! How can you pretend to be his friend when you suspect him of being some kind of monster? A murderer? Liar!
But she kept her face averted so they wouldnt see the anger.
She went down the stairs ahead of the house movers. By the time they had the dollhouse wrestled into the back of Alans SUV, she had herself under control and was able to give her dad his usual goodbye kiss on the cheek. He hugged her and shook Alans hand, then waved them off and went back in the house.
Watching him go, Lindsey thought he looked older, suddenly. Old andunbearably lonely.
Alan opened the drivers side door of his SUV and took out his jacket, gave it a shake before shrugging into it and adjusting it over the holstered weapon at his hip. Once more fully clad, he looked at Lindsey and said quietly, You dont have to do this. I can take the dollhouse to your place-I guess you can leave it there, cant you?
She shook her head. Her chest felt tight, and her voice showed it. I want Chelsea to have it. Its time somebody played with it. It deserves to be played with.
He ran a hand through his hair and blew out a breath with a little gust of laughter. Well, Im sure it will be. And I have to say, it was a brilliant idea. Im impressed.
It was a lot better than yours, she said hotly. What was that business with the towel? No shirt? Please.
At least he had the grace to look a tiny bit embarrassed. Yeah, wellit was the best I could come up with on the spur of the moment.
She snorted. You know, you do seem to have a certain lack of imagination in these circumstances. How come all of your spur of the moment ideas seem to involve sex?
He burst out laughing, and said with an unexpectedly endearing shrug, Hey, Im a guy, what can I say?
And somehow she discovered that her anger had evaporated, and now she couldnt help but smile. For a long moment she just looked at him, and he looked back at her. Words theyd both spoken-guytowelno shirtbrilliantsex-now seemed to echo back at her, filling her mind with the accompanying images, and she had no doubt whatsoever that the same montage was playing in his mind. His eyesshe remembered wishing theyd look at her with warmth, the way theyd looked at her mother. But this-this wasnt warmth, this was heat. And it made her feel breathless. Like opening the door of a roaring furnace.
She wondered if she might have made a sound-an involuntary gasp, perhaps-because Alan gave a slight start and said abruptly, Better be going. Ill start looking into cold cases, now that we have an idea where to start. Ill let you know if I find anything that looks promising.
He was about to get into his car. She said, through stiff lips, Better kiss me goodbye. Dads probably watching.
He nodded-grimly, as if faced with an unpleasant task. She stepped closer, steeling herself. He reached out and hooked his hand around the back of her neck, pulled her to him and kissed her, roughly and hard.
She felt the firm and vibrant shape of his mouth, the faint rasp of his half-days beard, the strength of his hand on her neck, but before any of that could fully register in her consciousness, he took his mouth away from hers, exhaled sharply and wrapped both arms around her and pulled her close. He held her that way, as if theyd both just come through a terrifying moment together, and she felt his heart thumping against her chest and realized her arms had gone around him, and that she didnt want to let him go. He held her for a long time, and it seemed to her he didnt want to let her go, either.