Thats right, love, he said. He had his thumb on the bell, and was looking up and down the street. A few paces off a well-dressed woman was running towards the bus. He pressed the bell; the bus began to move; and the woman fell back, annoyed. Now he had held up the bus over the affair of the potatoes as if he had all the time in the world. Once again Mr MacNamara exclaimed: I say! Whistling under his breath, the conductor passed down the bus. The three working women opposite surveyed us with critical eyes, in which showed a calm triumph. The bond between them and the jaunty conductor could be felt.
It should be reported, said Mr MacNamara belligerently. At once occurred that phenomenon which is inevitable, in an English crowd on such occasions. The women looked straight ahead of them, disassociating themselves, shaking gently with the shaking of the bus. Every face, every pair of shoulders expressed the same thing: This is no affair of mine. In this emotional vacuum, Mr MacNamara fumed alone.
My stop appeared and I stood up. Good-bye, I said. At once he got up. You havent got my address, he said.
I havent a pencil, I said. At this, there came indulgently pitying looks on to the faces of the women, I found a pencil in my hand. Try that, urged Mr MacNamara, restored to normal by the familiar situation. Thats a real pencil. I can get them for you from a friend in Brixton.
Ah, Brixtons the place for pencils now, said the conductor.
Thats enough, said Mr MacNamara, his eyes once more suffused with anger.
Temper, temper, remarked one of the women gazing out of the window. When Mr MacNamara said: Here, whats that? she turned her head with a look of calm unconcern, and rose to her feet. To the conductor she said: Give the bell a shove for me, love. The conductor came right down the car to help her out. To the rest of us he said: Hurry up now. As I stepped off, the conductor said to me, grinning, Mind his pencil, lady. The women began to shriek. The bus departed in a tumult of good humour. Mr MacNamara, his fists squared, shouted after it: Ill report you, and the conductor shouted calmly back: A sense of humour, thats all I ask.
That wouldnt have been possible before the war, said Mr MacNamara.
What wouldnt?
Theyre all out of hand.
Who?
The working-classes.
Oh!
Of course you wouldnt know, he said after a moments suspicion. In your part of the world there isnt any trouble, is there? With niggers its easy. Ive often thought of emigrating.
Here I must leave you, I said.
Tomorrow morning at nine-fifteen. He glanced at his watch, frowning. No, at nine-forty. Ive an appointment at nine-fifteen.
Ill telephone you, I said. For I had already decided I would go back to Rose and take the flat she offered, I felt that this was where I would end up. Besides, it was the first time I had heard, in all those weeks of hunting, of a landlady who would welcome a child.
Mr MacNamara and I were facing each other on a street corner, while people surged past. We kept our places by sticking out our elbows into aggressive points. He was very irritated. I work to strict business methods, he said. But Ill tell you what Ill do for you. Ill constitute myself your agent, thats what. Ill work for you. Ill get you a flat by tomorrow morning.
That, I said with politeness, is very kind of you. I was by now longing to be rid of him. He smiled suspiciously, Good-bye. I said.
Wait, he said. The fee is two guineas.
What fee?
I know of just the place. Three rooms, kitchen, pantry, bathroom. Hot and cold and all modem cons. Three guineas a week, inclusive. I thought that if this place existed it was cheaper than anything I had seen. I promised it to someone else, but for a retainer Ill give it to you. I got nothing out of him, all promises he was. A look of disgusted anger came on to his face. This look was genuine: the flat, therefore, must also be genuine? But this is an excuse. I felt as if I had been stung into torpor by a predatory spider. I was being impelled to hand over the money. I began fumbling in my handbag, and as I did so, I knew I was a fool. The thought must have shown on my face, for he said: For you. Ill make it pounds. The money melted into the air above the flesh of his palm. I could hardly believe I had given it to him. So strong was this feeling that I wanted to count the money I had left to see if I had given it to him.
A couple of policemen who had been standing against a wall, upshifted themselves with a stolid and determined movement and came towards us. Instinctively I looked around to see if Mr MacNamara had vanished. I was wrong, for he stood negligently beside me, gazing with impatience at the policemen. They, it seemed, had also expected him to vanish, for now they appeared uncertain. Anything I can do for you? enquired Mr MacNamara efficiently. They hesitated. He turned his back and marched off.
Everything all right? asked one of the policemen.
I do hope so.
They looked at each other, communed, and moved back to their wall, where they stood, feet apart, hands behind their backs, heads bent slightly forward, talking to each other with scarcely-moving lips, while their slow contemplative eyes followed the movements of the crowd.
I walked slowly towards the jewellers shop, thinking about Mr MacNamara. It had by now occurred to me that he was what they referred to as a spiv. But he was not in the least like any of the rogues and adventurers I had known in Africa. They had all had a certain frankness, almost a gaiety, in being rogues. Mr MacNamara had nothing whatsoever in common with them. His strength was and I could feel just how powerful that strength was, now I was recovering from my moment of being mad his terrible, compelling anxiety that he should be able to force someone under his will. It was almost as if he were pleading, silently, in the moment when he was tricking a victim: Please let me trick you; please let me cheat you; Ive got to; its essential for me.
But the fact remained, that at a time when I had less than twenty pounds left, and counting every halfpenny, I had just parted with two pounds, knowing when I did it that I would never see it again. I was clearly much more undermined by England than I had known; and the sooner I got myself into some place I could call my own the better.
When I told Rose I had lost the piece of paper with the address she said it didnt matter, shed take me home with her. The pale woman entered from the back, and said unpleasantly: Closing early, arent you?
Rose answered: Half past five is closing time, isnt it?
Like your pound of flesh, dont you, dear?
I dont get paid overtime. She added casually: I worked three nights late last week. I didnt notice any complaints.
The pale woman said quickly: I was only joking, dear.
Oh no you wasnt, said Rose. Without another glance at her employer, she began making up her face, not because there was any need to, but so she could stand negligently, back turned, absorbed in her reflection and her own affairs. Before leaving, however, she said Goodnight quite amiably; and the pale woman returned, indifferently: Sleep tight, just as if this exchange had not occurred.
Rose had said the house she lived in was just around the corner; it was half a mile off. She did not speak. I didnt know if she was offended because I had lost the address; or whether she was irritated with her employer. She replied listlessly to my remarks: Yes, dear; or Is that so? Her face was heavy, despondent. It was difficult to guess her age. In the dimly-lit shop, she looked like a tired girl. Here, though her skin was spread thick with dun-coloured powder, under her eyes were the purple hollows of a middle-aged woman. Yet she looked defenceless, and soft, like a girl.
At first it was all shops and kiosks; then towering gloomy Victorian houses; then a space where modem luxury flats confronted green grass and trees; then a couple of acres of rubble. Bombs, said Rose dispassionately. We had them around here something awful. It was as if the houses had shaken themselves to the ground. Thin shells of wall stood brokenly among debris; and from this desolation I heard a sound which reminded me of a cricket chirping with quiet persistence from sun-warmed grasses in the veld. It was a typewriter; and peering over a bricky gulf I saw a man in his shirt-sleeves, which were held neatly above the elbow by expanding bands, sitting on a tidy pile of rubble, the typewriter on a broken girder, clean white paper fluttering from the rim of the machine.
Whos he? I asked.
An optimist, said Rose grimly. Thinks hes going to be rebuilt. I shouldnt be surprised. Well, it takes all sorts, thats what I say.
Whos he? I asked.
An optimist, said Rose grimly. Thinks hes going to be rebuilt. I shouldnt be surprised. Well, it takes all sorts, thats what I say.
We turned finally into a street of tall narrow grey houses. I understood, from our quickening steps, that we were going downhill. I was almost running. Rose was moving along the street without seeing it, her feet quick and practised on the pavement. I asked: Have you always lived in London?
There was a short pause before she answered; and I understood it was because she found it difficult to adapt herself to the idea of London as a place on the map and not as a setting for her life. There was a small grudging note in her voice when she said: Yes, dear, since I was born. I was to hear that reserved, non-judging voice often in the future the most delicate of snubs, as if she were saying: Its all very well for you
Rose stopped in front of a wooden gate slung loosely between pillars where the plaster was flaking, and said: Here we are. The wood of the gate was damp, and in the cracks were traces of green that I thought at first were remains of paint. Looking closer I saw it was that fine spongy fur that one finds, in the veld, cushioning the inside of a rotting tree trunk where the sun never reaches. Rose led the way down steps, along the side of the house, into a narrow gulf of thick damp brick with water underfoot. She let herself in at the door, and we were at once in darkness that smelt strongly of ammonia. A stairway led up, through darkness, to a closed door. In front was another door outlined in yellow light. There was a blare of noise. The door opened violently and out spilled puppies which scrambled and snapped around our feet. Rose said: Come in. She went forward into the room, abandoning me, indicating why I was there to the other with a brief meaningful nod of the head.