Theres nothing to let out, she told him.
Yes, there is.
But instead of answering, she got a faraway look in her green eyes. Moments ticked by. But, finally, she spoke. I know you must find it odd.
Since he hadnt a clue what she was talking about, he waited for her to elaborate.
Emily said I should rebuild. Jenny leaned back, holding herself steady with a firm grip around the top rail. That sounded good to me. I rather like the idea of starting from scratch, building a life that reflects who I am today, and not Her voice trailed away.
He waited.
What must I find odd? he finally asked.
I hear what youre saying. She seemed to wander off on yet another conversational tangent. A normal person would be a little upset that everything she owned had just turned to ashes.
A little upset?
Jenny did have a gift for understatement.
Thing is, she continued. I dont really care.
Of course you care. Clearly, the woman was in shock. Or maybe she was in denial. Was there something he ought to do about either of those conditions? Or did they simply work themselves out over time?
She shook her head. I dont care. Its stuff, Mitch. I can get new stuff.
Its not the stuff itself, he felt compelled to point out. Its stuff as the representation of your life, your achievements, your milestones.
I guess I have no achievements.
Thats ridiculous.
Jenny was one of the most accomplished people he knew. The TCC couldnt run without her. Mitch wouldnt even want to try.
She gave a little shiver. Maybe this isnt the best time- Then she laughed. Or maybe youre not the best person.
He reflexively reached for the propane heater switch, flicking it on, causing three tall, strategically placed heaters to glow to life. He sure didnt like thinking that he wasnt the best person to help Jenny.
We should drop it, she told him.
You have dozens, maybe hundreds of accomplishments, he told her. Ask ten other people in Royal, and theyll tell you exactly the same thing.
Youre not dropping it, she pointed out.
Because youre not making sense.
My house just burned down. Im allowed to not make sense.
Are you in shock? He scanned her face. She wasnt pale, and she wasnt shaking. In fact, all things considered, she looked remarkably calm.
Just because I dont have a stash of silly little life mementos that are vulnerable to loss or destruction, doesnt mean Im in shock.
Mitch tried to figure out what she meant. Everybody has mementos. Whatever they were, she had to be upset at losing them.
She gave a cold laugh. Hard for the all-American kid to understand, huh? We didnt all live that storybook childhood, Mitch.
Mitch hadnt lived a perfect childhood. Far from it. Are you angry with me?
No. Im not angry with anyone. She backed away from the rail and plunked down on one of the couches. Lets talk about you instead.
Mitch hesitated. But he knew people reacted to stress in different ways, and he should probably humor her. He took the chair across from her. What do you want to know?
Tell me about your mementos. What would it absolutely kill you to lose in a fire?
Besides Jenny?
Not a good answer.
He gave it some thought. My Fitzpatrick Trophy.
Why?
Because theyre hard to win. And its the rookie of the year award. Its not like Im ever going to be a rookie again.
So, it reminds you of something good?
Yeah. Well, sort of. It mostly reminded him of his hard-ass dad, and how Mitch had finally stuck it to the old man by proving that he wasnt a complete screwup. Still, who wouldnt hate to lose the Fitzpatrick in a fire?
Winning it was immensely satisfying, he said to Jenny.
She gazed at him for a long moment. What else?
I dont know. The usual stuff. Pictures, certificates, ribbons, my college diploma. Why are we talking about me?
Because its more fun than talking about me.
No, its not. Mitch would rather talk about Jenny any day of the week. In fact, now that the subject had come up, he found himself with a burning curiosity. What, exactly, did you lose tonight?
Well, it sure wasnt any rookie of the year trophy, she finally offered.
Other things are just as important as sports trophies. Pictures of your tenth birthday party, for instance. Or that stellar report card I just know you got in first grade and every other grade after that. Hed be willing to bet that even back then, Jenny had been pretty much perfect, always punctual, always neat, all work complete and in on time. In short, a teachers dream.
He smiled encouragingly, but Jennys eyes had clouded to jade. Had he just reminded her that shed lost all her childhood photographs?
What a complete cad.
Impulsively, he moved to the couch beside her.
No tenth birthday pictures, she said.
Not anymore. Mitch could have kicked himself.
No report cards. Using both hands, she raked her fingers through her damp hair. Funny thing about my mother. She leaned back and tipped her head against the couch.
Mitch wanted to reach out to her, but he forced himself to stay still. Something important was obviously going on inside her head.
She liked to clean, said Jenny.
Okay, that wasnt what hed expected. Clean? he prompted.
A lot. Jenny stifled a small laugh with the back of her hand. Youve heard of hoarders?
Of course.
Mom was the opposite. It was some kind of an obsessive-compulsive disorder. Shes on medication now. But, well, lets just say Im pretty accustomed to starting over when it comes to worldly possessions.
Mitch found himself moving closer. What are you saying?
Im saying she got rid of things. Every year or so, in a fit of psychological confusion, she would throw out every single thing in my bedroom.
Mitch was struck silent.
I tried so hard when I was little, Jenny continued, a faraway look coming into her eyes. I thought if I kept everything in my room just so. She gestured with both hands. Neat as a pin, dolls lined up by size, their clothes ironed, pictures alphabetical, socks in the top drawer, underwear next, pajamas, tops and skirts and slacks. Her voice faded away.
You ironed your doll clothes? He couldnt keep the incredulity out of his tone.
It didnt help. She cleaned them all out anyway.
Mitch felt as though hed been given an astonishing window into Jennys makeup. Is that why youre so meticulous and efficient?
In small doses, its a good thing.
But do you like being meticulous and efficient? It had never once occurred to him that she might not. Did she get satisfaction out of running a tight ship at the office, or was it a leftover compulsion from her childhood?
Laughter wafted out from the raucous poker game, as Emily accused Cole of being a jinx.
Jenny didnt answer, and Mitch realized he didnt know her nearly as well as he thought he had. Was she unhappy? Did she struggle emotionally?
You can change, you know, he told her.
I have changed.
I dont mean putting on a sexy dress for a wedding and getting all gorgeous-
She laid her index finger across his lips, but it was too late. The image was already coursing through his brain. And the touch of her finger put a physical element into the fantasy.
He was going to kiss her again.
Unless lightning struck him dead, he was going to lean in, capture her lips and drag her into his arms all over again.
From the poker table, Cole gloated in triumph, reminding Mitch that they were in full view of five other people. But he didnt even care.
He captured her hand, holding it tight against his cheek. When he spoke, his voice was strangled. What am I going to do about you, Jenny?
A beat went past.
Take me to a hotel.
For a split second, he misunderstood and desire roared to life. But then he got it. You meant without me.
Her cheeks flushed bright, and her lips flattened together, her entire body stiffening with anger. Its not fair for you to send me mixed signals like that. What is it you want, Mitch?
What I want, and what I can have are two completely different things. He knew he was wrong. He was doubly wrong to say it out loud, and it was unforgivable to say it to Jenny. But that didnt change the way he felt.
You were the one who called a halt to everything, she reminded him.
The heated air suddenly felt stifling. I explained to you why I had to do that.
You never did.
He cataloged their conversations through his brain. Of course hed explained it to her. What exactly had he said to her? Its because you are you, and I am me.
She came to her feet, expression closed off. Nice. Youre the big celebrity, and Im a boring small-town girl.
No, you dont-
I understand perfectly, Mitch. Her eyes blazed, and she held up her hands. Do me a favor. Lets keep it strictly professional from here on in. I dont want to know about your childhood, and I dont want you to know about mine.
I threw smelly socks in the corner.
She blinked in incomprehension.
When I was a kid, he elaborated, for some reason, refusing to let the conversation end. He wanted to know about her, and he wanted her to know about him. And as a teenager. I used to drop my socks, my jerseys, shorts, pretty much anything, wherever they fell, and let em sit.
Why are you-
It ticked my mother off something fierce. And my dad yelled at me for doing it. Then again, he yelled at me for every little mistake. Especially on the football field.
Mitch-
He ignored her interruption. From the time I was nine years old. It didnt matter if a receiver was out of place, or if a blocker screwed up. Everything that happened on that football field was my fault. The pass wasnt long enough. It wasnt accurate enough. I should have run. I should have faked. I should have found a hole, handed off or cut back.
Mitch couldnt believe the words were tumbling out of him. Hed never shared this with anyone. When I wasnt a first-round draft pick, he called me an abject failure. He said I hadnt put my heart into it.
Jenny was looking at him with pity now. He hated pity. But from her, hed take it. It was better than indifference.
But your interviews, she put into the silence. The two of you go on camera together. And you rave about his inspiration and support.
Mitch gave a cold laugh. I do, dont I?
Its all an act?
We have an unspoken agreement to revise history.
Jenny sat back down. Are you trying to make me care about you?