Logan Russell?
Yes.
You were out of time. You threw off the entire group, Mr. Russell.
I dont care.
Steel-blue eyes peered over bifocals at Logan and held him for an icy moment.
Someone coughed. A snicker was stifled. Logan Russell, you will see me after practice. The spinster Sobil Mounce-Bazley was a legendary music director, having led childrens choirs in London and New York until she retired to her brothers ranch near Cold Butte. When word spread of the historic papal visit, she accepted the schools invitation to form and lead the choir that would sing for the Holy Father.
Music had been her life, perfection her standard. But things werent going well today. Number 27, the lovely alto, was straining her patience.
You want to tell me what your problem is, Mr. Russell? she asked Logan after everyone had left.
He didnt answer.
Im sure youve heard it said ad nauseam that to sing for the pope is a once-in-a-lifetime oppportunity.
I miss my mom.
Where is she?
In California. My mom and dad kinda split up and I moved here with my dad and his new girlfriend.
That might be tough, but its no excuse for rude ness.
During her time in London and New York, Sobil had directed children whod had parents murdered, baby brothers or sisters whod been sold by crack-addicted relatives. Acting out over a divorce was not high on her sympathy scale.
I wont pry. Ill cut you some slack. Mind your manners. Memorize the songs, practice the tempo. If you dont improve by the end of the week, youre off the team. Is that understood, Mr. Russell?
It was.
On the school bus home, Logan leaned his forehead against the window and watched as cloud shadows floated over the eternal empty grassland.
Hed never felt so alone. Tears filled his eyes.
Mr. Russell.
Russell was a lie. His name was Logan Conlin.
He didnt even know who he was anymore.
He didnt understand anything, anymore. Ever since his dad went off to Iraq, nothing seemed right. His dad wouldnt talk about what had happened to him over there. But when he came back, he was weird. Different. He had headaches, lost his temper all the time, argued with Mom all the time. Logans friend Robbie said thats how it was with his parents before they got divorced.
Logan didnt want his parents to get divorced.
He needed both of them. Together.
Then came the worst moment ever, on the soccer field with Logans coach, Mr. Ullman. It scared Logan the way Dad wanted to fight him. The look on Mr. Ullmans face-like his dad was a psycho. At night he heard Mom crying in her room. A couple of months later, things seemed better, but Logan still feared his parents were getting a divorce.
Then it happened.
Not with lawyers and courts and papers like Robbie said.
Dad just surprised Logan at school. Just showed up in his rig.
Weve got to go, son.
Dad wouldnt say where they were going, or why. At first it was like the coolest adventure. They just drove and drove. But as they left the city behind, his dads face got all serious and Logan got scared.
This will be the hardest thing youll ever have to face, son. It wont make any sense to you. It doesnt make sense to me. Your moms in love with another man and wants to have a life with him.
Thats a lie!
I wish it was. Im sorry. I know this is hard, but please listen. Theres no other way to say it. Your mom and I are splitting up and youre going to live with me.
Turn around.
I cant. There are complicated court orders. Laws, rules we have to follow. A lot of changes Ill tell you about later. But the bottom line is we can never go home again.
Never go home again.
No! You take me home right now!
We cant. There are rules and the law.
Then let me call her. I want to talk to Mom!
Logan, we cant.
He tried to punch his dad but only hit air. Something inside Logan broke in two. Pain shot everywhere. It hurt so bad he couldnt understand why he wasnt bleeding.
Then he felt nothing.
When they pulled into a truck stop near Barstow, Logan snuck to a pay phone on the wall just outside the washroom and tried to call his mom. He couldnt remember her work number, had trouble making a longdistance call. Just as the operator came on, the line died.
His father had disconnected the call, replaced the handset then hauled Logan back to the truck.
Son, I told you we cant ever call her. We have to stick to the rules, the laws and the court orders. Im sorry but thats just how it is.
Logan cried for several hundred miles as the Cali fornia desert rolled by and he fought to understand what no nine-year-old boy could ever understand.
All he knew was that something he loved had just died.
That something he needed was gone.
And all he could do was cry.
As they reached the outskirts of Las Vegas, his dad told him they were going to meet someone. Then Dad made a call on his new cell phone and they went to a restaurant at one of the big hotels where some woman waved to them.
Son, this is Samara. Samara, this is my son, Logan. Hello, Logan. She had a foreign accent and her hand was cold when he shook it. Your fathers told me so much about you.
Logan didnt give a shit.
Just like he didnt give a shit for the banana split his dad had ordered for him. Like that would make every thing okay.
Son, I never told anyone this but Samara helped me during some pretty horrible times in Iraq. She saved my life. Shes a nurse from England and now shes working here in the States-in a part of Montana where theyre short of nurses. Thats where were going to live, son. In Montana with Samara.
No, were not! Were going home!
Son, I know this is a lot to handle and its compli cated.
I hate you, you fucker!
The banana split sailed from their table, landing in an explosion of ice cream and glass near the feet of the startled waitress.
Gears clanked and rattled, brakes creaked. The school bus stopped and the doors opened to Logans place.
He tensed at the postbox with the name Russell. Sticking out like the lie it was. Dad said they had to change their names, something about court-ordered property law and complex rules.
Logan hated it here.
Dad was on the road driving most of the time, leaving him with Samara. She worked for the county and came to the school more and more for meetings about the big visit. At the start, when they got here, the other kids thought she was Logans mom.
It made him angry and sometimes he corrected them with his fists.
He got sent to the principals office a lot when they first got here. His dad and Samara thought putting him in the choir would help him settle down.
Samara kept saying that she thought he had a nice voice.
She never bothered Logan much. She made sure he did his homework and she took care of most of the house stuff. She made him what he liked to eat, like chili.
It was never as good as his moms.
Besides, she was always busy taking these nursing courses and studying all the time. Always typing on her laptop and talking to friends on her cell phone at all hours. She had a strict rule that Logan was never to touch her phone or laptop, something about patient confiden tiality.
He didnt want to touch her stuff. He didnt really like her.
Sometimes, late at night, he heard her talking on the phone in a strange language. From the action movies hed watched, he guessed it was Arabic, or something. She was from Iraq. He told his dad who explained to him that Samara had friends around the world who worked with relief groups, like the Red Cross. These people did good things and she was just talking to her friends.
Whatever.
Why couldnt Logan talk to his friends in California?
He didnt understand it.
Once he secretly tried to e-mail his mother from a friends computer but he didnt know her e-mail. Then they tried to reach her through the bookstores Web site but a thing popped up about credit-card security and Logan backed off.
What if what his dad said was true about there being some stupid mean law that he was not supposed to talk to his mom.
He yearned for her today as he got off the bus and walked down the long lane that cut across the flatland to their house, an ugly yellow square thing in the middle of nowhere.
Might as well be on Mars.
Logan saw his dads red rig parked under the tree where he was working on it.
How was school?
Logan shrugged.
All the kids must be getting excited with the count down to the big day.
I think Im going to be kicked off the choir.
What makes you say that?
The teacher says Im not concentrating and gave me some extra work to do to prove that she should keep me on.
Then youd better do it and focus, son. This is a big deal. Like meeting the president. You dont want to blow it now. Samara worked hard to get you on the choir and youve put in the time.
Logan looked out at the horizon and blinked at his problems.
Want to tell me whats on your mind, son?
Are you going to marry Samara?
His father wiped his hands on a rag.
I dont know. We take things day by day, you know that.
Are you and Mom ever going to get back together?
Weve been over that a thousand times, Logan.
How come if this pope things such a big deal, I cant call Mom and invite her? She would like to see this. Please.
His dad sat on the trucks step and pulled Logan closer.
Weve been through this. We cant call her, ever, we cant see each other. Its over. Its finished. We might not like it, but thats the way it happened with the court stuff. We just moved on with our lives.
I tried to call her and e-mail her, Dad.
What? Dammit, Logan! When?
When we first moved here and a few times after.
I specifically told you never, ever try to call or contact her. Logan- his dad looked away to soften another lie -the court ordered us to do everything that we did. We are to have no contact with her, ever.
But I was really sad and you were gone. I tried to call but I couldnt get through. Its like our phone here wont let me call our old number in California. Same with e-mails.
His dad nodded and told him he had a block arranged with the phone and Internet companies. All part of the courts rules, he said.
Dad. I dont understand. What happened? Tears filled Logans eyes.
Weve talked about this, son. Were just not part of her life anymore. Thats why we moved here. Youve had friends whose parents got divorced. Well, its like that. People change. Mom changed. So we had to start over. Start a new life with new names in a new place.