No.
Oh, come on. The mara rolled her eyes at my hesitance. I figure a drop in her morning diet shake should be enough to do the job. That cant be any worse for her than those pills she pops when she gets upset.
Aunt Vals sedatives.
I made a mental note to sneak into Sophies room in the middle of the night and flush the whole stash.
We could at least ask her if she wants to. Em shrugged. She did look pretty jealous....
She cant know about it! Sabine insisted. If we tell her, shell know she has no reason to be jealous, and there goes our carrot.
Were not going to spike her protein shake and throw her to the wolves! I insisted.
Tod chuckled. I thought they were lions. Or donkeys. Youre losing control of your metaphors, Kay.
I turned on him, but before I could yell at him to stop lightening the mood, Nash spoke up. We could watch her. All of us. We could take shifts. That way, if anything goes wrong, we can stomp on the brakes immediately.
No.
Tod took my hand again. Shes already in danger, Kaylee. You said it yourself. We all are. At least this way, someone will have her back, 24/7. If you think about it, she may actually be safer this way.
So I thought about it, and I had to admit they were right. Id done everything I could think of to keep Emma safe and only wound up getting her killed. Twice. Maybe the best way to keep Sophie safe was to manipulate her environment.
I thought we should at least tell Luca what we were doing, though, so he could watch out for her, too. But he would never go for it. And he was spending almost every waking moment with her anyway, so hed definitely notice if something went wrong, even if he didnt know she was in any particular danger....
You all swear youll help me look out for her?
Heads nodded all over the living room, but Sabine only shrugged. Im in the perfect position for that, unfortunately.
Fine. But were not giving her a drop of Invidias creepy liquid hair until weve tested it.
Wait. Emma frowned and raised Lydias thin, pale brown eyebrows. Isnt that stuff, like, corrosive? It sizzles like acid.
Yeah, in its concentrated form. It was a challenge to contain. Over time, itll eat through nearly anything but plastic. Sabines grin looked almost vindictive, and I started to question her motives. But its easily diluted in anything water based, like coffee or tea. Or nondairy diet protein shakes.
Tod set his empty soda can on the coffee table. Youve been experimenting with it?
Just a littleI dont want to waste it. But one drop dissolved in eight ounces of water is perfectly safe to touch. I stuck a finger in and felt nothing. Even took a little sip.
And? Nash prompted.
And I dumped the rest of it out. I just wanted to make sure it was safe, not feel the effects myself.
I groaned, Do we even want to know why you were testing it?
Sabine shrugged. Probably not. But Im willing to take a full dose this time, if thatll convince you that its safe. Physically, at least.
No! Em and I said in unison. She continued, The last time you were all hopped up on jealousy you tried to sell us in the Netherworld.
Ill try it, I said. Otherwise, were not doing this.
Sabine shrugged again and sank back against Nashs shoulder. Fine. Ill go get it when were done here.
Its not somewhere Sophie could find it, right? Tod said.
Its in the toe of my left boot. The dancing queen wont go near shoes without a designer label. She thinks shes allergic to cheap fabric. She twisted to scowl at Nash. Sophie and I are not compatible. I still dont see why your mom wont let me stay with you guys.
Emma actually grinned, for the first time in days. Because Harmony thinks shes too young to be a grandmother. But shes, like, what? Eighty?
Eighty-two, Tod said. From puberty on, bean sidhes age much slower than humans. Our average life span is around four hundred years. Not that Id know from personal experience. Half the bean sidhes I knew were already dead or living on borrowed time. But Nash didnt know his brother had traded death dates with himTod didnt want him to feel guilty about something that was beyond his control. Anyway, its not the grandmother thing that bothers her. Its the thought of you two as parents.
That thought bothers me, too. Sabines gaze settled on me and Tod. Not a risk for you, though, right? You two have all the luck.
Yeah. Sarcasm dripped from the word as Tod pushed pale curls back from his face, and I could feel my own cheeks flame. Not having to worry about teen pregnancy totally makes up for the fact that were dead. His eyes flashed in anger, probably on my behalf. Every time I think youve reached the pinnacle of insensitivity, you exceed your own reach.
No way. You dont get to be mad about the truth. Sabine turned to Nash, obviously puzzled by social etiquette she didnt understand. Are they pissed because I mentioned sex or death?
New subject! Nash stood and stomped into the kitchen with his soda.
I second the motion, I mumbled as he drained his can and dropped it into the recycling bin. I would much rather talk about trekking toward certain death in the Netherworld than ever again discuss sex in front of my boyfriend, his brother/my ex, and his new girlfriend. Who was also his old girlfriend/first love, whod once tried to sell me to a demon to get rid of me.
Some conversations will just never be comfortable.
Okay. So. I shook my head, trying to mentally strike the previous two minutes from the official record. Any ideas for how to lure Belphegore into our hellion cage match?
Vanity, right? Nash reappeared in the living room with an open bag of potato chips. I nominate my venerable brother. He likes to play hero, and one look at him should establish the vanity angle.
Nash! I really shouldnt have been surprised by the dig. But I was.
What? He raised one brow at me in challenge. Its okay to call me jealous, but not to call him vain?
Awareness of ones obvious advantages doesnt imply vanity, Tod insisted calmly.
Nash turned on him. Does it imply narcissism?
Tod huffed. This coming from the guy who owns more hair products than his girlfriend.
I dont own any hair products, Sabine said. And that was true. Her beauty was natural. Dark, fierce, and kinda scary at times, but completely natural.
Nash glared at his brother. When you were still alive you spent more time looking at yourself than at girls, and I doubt death changed that.
Seriously? Are we doing this again? The overhead light flickered in response to Sabines irritationanother creepy aspect of hanging out with a mara. Youre pretty. Hes pretty. She turned to scowl at Nash. Your brothers arrogant, and youre confrontational. Youre both fed, clothed, sheltered, and sexually satisfied.
Sabine! I hissed, while Em stared at the floor, evidently lost in her own thoughts. But the mara continued without even glancing at me.
Now bury the hatchet in this stupid little family feud, or Im going to bury one in you both!
For a moment, we all stared at her. I should have been accustomed to her lack of a verbal filter and apparent determination to discuss my private life in front of the entire world, but every now and then she still shocked me.
Well? She glanced from one brother to the other, but before either of them decided to make the first move, Emma looked up, her jaw set in a determined line, though she wasnt looking at anyone in particularin fact, she seemed to be looking inward.
Ill do it. Ill be Belphegores carrot.
For a second I could only stare at Emma as what she was saying sank in. Then I shook my head, horrified by the thought. When Id said we would be the bait, I hadnt meant Emma. More than any of us, she deserved a little peace.
No, Em, you dont have to do that. Youve been through so much already. This is the last thing you need right now.
She twisted on the couch to face me, tucking one leg beneath her, and again I was thrown off by how odd it was to look into Lydias face and see Emmas eyes. Hear Emmas voice. Your plan is good, Kaylee, she said. Its smart, and its bold, and it could work. But it wont work if youre not willing to accept help. To let the rest of us take the risks youve been taking on your own.
No, Kaylees right. Ill do it. Tod shrugged. I prefer to think of myself as a pretty accurate judge of my own gifts, but in the right slant of light, that could be seen as vanity, and
Im the natural choice, Em insisted.
Youre the least vain person I know
Just listen, my best friend said, and I did, because that was the least I owed her. I never thought about it until I died and woke up with a strangers face, but who we are is very much influenced by what we look like. By our own self-images. Think about the crazy things people will do to change the way they look. Dangerous diets. Obsessive workouts. Unnecessary surgeries. And what theyre really trying to change is who they are. Or at least how they see themselves. As if changing what they look like can actually do that. It cant. But for the first time, I understand that mind-set. Its like my name.
Your name? Nash looked just as confused as I felt.
Yeah. We went through several baby books and at least a dozen baby-naming websites looking for a new name for me, but no matter what we triedno matter what names I thought I likedI couldnt remember to answer to them. Because they werent me. I didnt associate those names with who I am. Just like I dont associate this bodythis facewith who I am. Every time I look in the mirror, Im surprised. Theres this moment of disorientation when I have to remind myself that Im seeing my own reflection. And I know I should be grateful. Sophie was right about that. Im still alive, and thats the most important thing, and I should be grateful to Tod and Kaylee for directing my soul, and to Lydia for giving me her body. Not that she had any choice in the matter.
Em sniffled and a tear fell from each of her eyes to roll slowly down her cheeks. But I cant help it. Every time I look in the mirror, Im disappointed.
Because youre not pretty anymore? Sabine said, and Id never wanted worse to smack her.
Okay, except for that time I did smack her.
What? the mara said, like she actually didnt understand her gaffe. Its true. Lydias not pretty, and Ems used to being pretty. That cant be easy. I may not go through a lot of trouble in the morning, but that doesnt mean Id be happy to wake up tomorrow with nothing to fill out my bra, you know? She gestured toward my nearly flat chest, and that time my palm itched to connect with her face.