We stared at her in surprise. I think we all expected her to sit up with a smile and jokingly demand a do-over day. When that didnt happen, I put one hand on her shoulder. Em.
What? She didnt even look up.
Nash took her text from Sophie. Your idiot lab partner brought your chemistry book.
Em sat up and snatched the book from him. She probably stole it. Sabotage. I had no idea we went to school with so many stuck-up little bitches.
A sick feeling swelled in the pit of my stomach. Something was wrong. Something beyond the obvious.
Sophies brows rose. As one of those stuck-up bitches, I have to say, Im a little offended.
Sometimes the truth hurts.
I gaped at Em. She was going through something really difficultwe all knew thatbut she was still Emma. She was still loyal to her friends and relatively calm, unless she was defending one of them, and generally a pleasant person to be around.
Em, is something wrong?
She turned on me, anger flashing in her eyes. Werent you paying attention? Everything is wrong. Im too short to see the whiteboard from the back of the class, and no ones even said hi to me all day. And its your fault, Kaylee. You stuck me in this stupid twig body, and no one notices twigs. When was the last time you saw a guy hit on a girl shaped like a chopstick? She frowned, then rolled her eyes. I guess Im asking the wrong person, huh? Obviously the Hudsons like girls who look like little boys. That androgynous thing might work for you, but for me, its a definite step down.
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I couldnt think past my shock and the sting of her words. Id never seen her so angry.
And I was not androgynous!
Sabine? Nash looked as confused as the rest of us. Are you doing this? He couldnt be more specific without risking clueing Sophie in on the fact that Sabine was intentionally manipulating fears. Again.
Its not me. The mara looked like she wanted to say more. I can only mess with fear, and she doesnt have any right now. None. This tastes like anger to me.
No fear? I said, and Sabine shook her head.
No fear of not fitting in? Of standing out for all the wrong reasons? Of having bombed the math placement test? Of being sucked back into the Netherworld by the hellion whod already killed her once? Id never met anyone who had no fear.
You bet your ass its anger. Emma shoved her chemistry text into her bag. What the hell do I have to be afraid of? I should be pissed off to be stuck in a second-rate body, in this stupid-ass school, without my own clothes, and my stuff, and my car. Whose brilliant idea was this, anyway? Yours? The depth of anger in her gaze stunned me. And scared me a little. Sounds like something youd do. Another pathetic attempt to help that only makes shit worse.
Back off, Em. Sabine stood, both palms planted firmly on the table. This is the only warning you get. Kaylee may be skinny, and naive, and clueless more often than not, and borderline adulterous, but youre lucky to have her as a friend. She saved your life.
Part of it, anyway, Em mumbled. But she seemed a little calmer.
If I didnt know any better, Id swear Sabine just came to my defense. Sort of. Im not adulterous, I said, for the record.
Sabine shrugged, still frowning at Em like shed hardly heard me. I said borderline.
Nash put a hand on Sabines arm, and she sat. Reluctantly. Less than mollified by Ems response. Somethings wrong with her.
Yeah. Emma huffed. I just rattled off a whole list of whats wrong with me.
Emotionally, shes been kinda all over the place for the past two days, I added, still reeling from her outburst.
What the hell are you talking about? Em demanded.
You cried at the funeral.
Lots of people cry at funerals, Luca pointed out, and when he said it aloud, it sounded perfectly reasonable. But it wasnt reasonable, even if I couldnt explain why.
She was fine one minute, assessing the funeral shed planned for herself. Then she was bawling and clinging to her mom.
Well, yeah. Her mom was crying. Nash stuck a fry upright in a pool of ketchup, but it fell over. Crying moms are contagious.
But it was more than that... Then, that afternoon, she got all angry and determined to dish out vengeance to Invidia, and that kind of came out of nowhere, too....
That wasnt out of nowhere, Sabine said around a bite of her burger. She swallowed, then continued, You were feeling the vengeance, too, Kay. We all were.
Yeah. And Em caught it from uslike it was contagious.
Wait, when was that? Sophie said, and I realized Id said too much.
Stop talking about me like Im not here! Em stood and people at the next table turned to stare until she noticed and sat again, glowering at them from a distance.
Sorry, I whispered, leaning toward the center of the table. This just doesnt make any sense. Weve been friends since we were kids, and for more than ten years, Ive been the one bouncing from one emotional extreme to the other
Thats true, Sophie interjected. Kaylees never been incredibly stable.
Thanks. I scowled at her. Now stop helping. My point is that Ems always been my rock. Steady. Even. Nice. I turned to her so shed know I wasnt trying to leave her out of a discussion about her. Youve never blamed me for anything. Even things I deserved the blame for. And these are the same cafeteria hamburgers weve been choking down for three yearswhy are you just now mad about that? And what on earth did Jennifer Lamb do to deserve being called an idiot?
Em frowned, and her gaze fell. She was thinking. Really thinking. She... Well, she bumped my elbow and made me spill water all over our lab table. But she did apologize. And clean it up. Her frown deepened. I do hate those burgers, though. And you... Her eyes widened. Oh, Kay, Im so sorry. I didnt mean any of that. None of this is your fault. You did save my life, and I am lucky to have you as a friend. I dont know what the hell I was thinking. I was just so mad.
But that was only partially true. Shed meant everything shed said. I could see that in her eyes. She did hate living in Lydias body, and on some level she did blame me for that. But the part that made the churning in my stomach ease a little was the fact that Emmathe Em Id known most of my lifewould never admit that. She would go to her grave trying to spare my feelings.
Whatever was wrong with her, it was wearing off.
Luca cleared his throat and pushed his empty tray toward the center of the table. You know, considering how common it really is, death is actually a strange process. Inhabiting someone elses body is even stranger. Maybe something about her death or her occupation of someone elses body has thrown her emotions out of balance.
Balance.
Oh, no... I stared at the table and that sick feeling in my stomach grew to encompass my chest, too.
What? Em looked worried now. Everyone else looked curious. Whats wrong?
Its about balance. Luca had no idea how right he was. Lydia was a syphon. And now youre in her body.
Yeah. What exactly is a syphon? Sophie said. I was never very clear on that.
Its a psychic predator. Like a mara, Sabine said, but I shook my head.
Kinda. But not really. The way Lydia explained it to me was that something inside her is very sensitive to imbalance of any kind. Pain. Stress. Anger. I glanced at Em to drive home my point. And when a syphon feels an imbalance in someone near her, her body has an instinctive need to impose balance, by taking what someone else has too much of, or giving what they have too little of.
Thats how she helped you? Nash said. At Lakeside?
Yeah. Lydia and I had met as patients in the mental health ward. Shed saved my life. I needed to wail for one of the patientsfor his soul. But I didnt know I was a bean sidhe, and I didnt know how to control the need to scream, so trying to bottle it up hurt. A lot. Lydia could feel that, so she took some of my pain. Just enough so that I could manage what was left.
Em frowned. She looked scared now. And what, this syphon ability comes with the body?
I shrugged. Maybe. When Avari possessed Alec and Sabine, their abilities came with their bodies.
Sabine scowled at the reminder that shed been possessed. She hated knowing that shed been out of control of her own body, even for a short while.
Is that what Im doing? Ems voice rode the thin edge of panic. Im possessing Lydia? Like a hellion? Or like a ghost? Because Im still dead?
Shhh! Evidently oblivious to Ems latest trauma, Sophie glanced around to make sure no one else in the quad was listening.
No! I sounded surer than I really was. Thank goodness. Youre not a ghost. Fortunately, I didnt have to worry about anyone else hearing me.
There are no ghosts, Luca added.
Maybe Im the first. Ems eyes were open so wide I was afraid theyd pop right out of her skull. Maybe thats all a ghost isa disembodied soul taking up residence where it doesnt belong. And I dont belong here. I wasnt meant to be a syphon. I dont want to be a syphon.
You belong here. I turned her by both shoulders so that she faced me. So I could look right into her eyes. You belong here with us, no matter what it takes to make that happen. Even inhabiting someone elses body. And anyway, her body may not be what carries the syphon abilities. It could be that bit of Lydias soul that got stuck in there with you.
That bit of her what? Em slapped her own sternum with one hand. Theres part of Lydias soul still in here? she hissed. When were you planning to tell me that?
Sorry. I shrugged and tried to look as guilty as I felt. Which was a lot. Ive been kind of preoccupied with the police investigation into your death, and the funeral plans, and figuring out where you were going to live, and how to get you back into school. The soul thing just kind of slipped my mind.
Its not that bad, Em, Nash said, when nothing Id said seemed to be helping. Lydia was syphoning some of your pain when you died, and when Kaylee captured your soul, she got part of Lydias, too.
What happened to the rest of it?
I took a deep breath. There was no good way to say the next part. It kind of...
Got disintegrated, Sabine finished, when I held on to the thought for too long. Poof. Dissipated throughout all four corners of both the human- and the Netherworld, for as long as it takes to coalesce again.
Wait. Her soul will coalesce?
Luca nodded. From what my aunts told me his aunt Madeline was my boss at the reclamation department it will slowly pull itself back together. Until then...its like being in limbo. Floating. We dont think that it hurts. We dont think theyre even aware, when that happens.