I wish youd let me go with you.
Three days later, Mallory was standing in the front hallway at Woburn Square again, this time watching as Grace buttoned up her mackintosh and adjusted her hat in the mirror.
Ill be fine. Grace pulled on her gloves.
Mallory looked worried. Im not so sure. Besides, my French is better than yours.
A cats French is better than mine, Grace smiled. Anyway, I appreciate you driving me to the airport.
Grace opened the door and stepped outside, into the misty early morning fog. Mallory followed, taking the suitcase. She fitted it into the boot while Grace locked up the house. Then both girls climbed into Mallorys car, a blue Aston Martin DB2.
Have you even spoken to him? Mallory asked.
Not really. I told him I had some unexpected business to attend to in France.
And that was all?
Yes. I didnt go into the details. Then she added quietly, And he didnt ask.
Humm. Mallory took in this final bit of information.
And that was all?
Yes. I didnt go into the details. Then she added quietly, And he didnt ask.
Humm. Mallory took in this final bit of information.
Matters were worse than shed suspected.
She started the engine. I dont like you going on your own. Lurching into traffic, she pulled out directly in front of a slow-moving milk float. Its all so sudden. And, well, youve had a dreadful shock. Tell me again what they said when you rang the lawyers in Paris.
Grace sighed. Theyd already been over this half a dozen times.
I spoke to a man named Tissot. I told him I thought there must be a mistake, that theyd clearly sent the letter to the wrong person. But he was insistent. He said he was certain the information was correct and that I should examine the will and see for myself.
And thats it?
Thats it.
Perhaps he didnt understand you.
No, he understood. His English was quite good. Grace shifted. By the way, she tried to sound casual, were you able to get it?
Its in my handbag.
Do you mind?
Go ahead.
Grace opened Mallorys handbag and took out the mother-of-pearl lighter. She wanted not to ask the question but couldnt help herself. What did Vanessa say when you asked for it back?
Mallory concentrated on the road. Nothing. She just gave it to me.
Nothing? This wasnt at all what Grace had expected. Well, what did you say?
Mallory made a sharp turn, narrowly avoiding hitting the back of a number 19 bus. Bracing herself, she took a deep breath. I told her that I believed she had something that didnt belong to her and that I would appreciate it if I could have it back, on behalf of the original owner.
Oh.
Grace had imagined something more heated; for sides to be taken, honour defended. The polite civility of Mallorys interchange felt like a slap in the face.
Mallory sensed this. But she didnt want to tell Grace the truth; that Vanessa had barely even acknowledged the request at all. In fact, her nonchalance had been nothing short of magnificent.
Shed merely raised a black eyebrow. Oh? And what might that be? shed asked coolly.
It was Mallory whod been embarrassed, unable to meet her gaze. A lighter, shed mumbled. With mother-of-pearl on it.
Vanessa had obligingly searched through her handbag, handing the lighter over with an easy, open smile. One hardly knows where one picks these things up!
That was it.
No guilty looks, no pretend surprise. If anything, Mallory was the one left feeling apologetic for taking up her time.
It only struck her later that Vanessa didnt bother to ask to whom the lighter belonged.
She didnt have to.
Still, Graces disappointment hit a nerve. Mallory knew shed been unable to rise to the occasion. And to her shame, part of her had even been secretly impressed with Vanessas subtle blend of poise and audacity.
What did you want me to say? Mallorys voice was brittle.
Grace looked out of the window. I dont know.
She was being unfair to Mallory. Shed got the lighter back, after all.
Grace slipped it into the pocket of her coat, where she often kept it; within easy reach. It had already begun to wear a hole in the silk lining.
It was bloody awkward, I can tell you. We were at the Royal Horticultural Society Spring Luncheon, Mallory added, as if that made her efforts more heroic. Do me a favour. Light me a cigarette, will you?
Grace lit two.
They smoked for a while.
Mallory turned on the radio, moving from one station to the next, then turned it off again.
The tension remained.
Soon she reverted to her favourite subject. So, what are you going to do about Roger anyway?
I dont know.
Bloody fool! Mallory exhaled. It was easier to talk about his failings than hers; they were, after all, so glaring. Men are so stupid, you just want to strangle them.
Grace said nothing.
What was he thinking of? She was building up momentum now. Or was he thinking at all? I doubt it. How could he do this to you?
Grace turned the lighter over and over again in her pocket, feeling the reassuring weight of it in her hand. Its not entirely his fault, I suppose, she said quietly.
Not his fault? Mallory turned to look at her. What on earth are you talking about?
Grace paused, shifted uneasily. There are other factors, Mal. Things you dont know about.
What factors? You cant possibly be defending him.
Im not. Not really.
It sounds like you are.
Its just well, the thing is Grace stopped. She longed to confide in someone. And sitting here, side by side with Mallory in the car, felt safe; she wouldnt have to look directly at her she could just say it. Our marriage has been difficult for some time.
Mallory looked at her. What are you talking about?
Grace avoided her gaze. The truth is, Im something of a disappointment to Roger.
A disappointment? Mallory felt her temper soar. Hes the one whos a disappointment! Why, there was a time when you could do no wrong he used to worship you!
Mallorys use of the past tense stung Graces ears used to.
She took another drag for courage. I became pregnant, Mal. When we were first married.
What? You never told me.
I didnt tell anyone. The truth is, I got pregnant before the wedding.
Oh. She blinked at Grace in surprise, as if seeing her for the first time. She didnt seem the type so controlled and naïve.
And then I lost it, Grace added numbly.
Why didnt you ever tell me? I couldve helped you.
Because it was over before it had really begun. Four months in, I woke up in terrible pain. There was blood everywhere. It was a dreadful night.
Im so sorry, darling. But you know, Mallory added gently, thats not uncommon with the first try. Sometimes it takes a few goes before you last full term.
Yes, but there wont be any more tries, Grace said quietly. There was an infection; it scarred me. I cant have children.
Are you sure?
Yes.
But have you been to see a doctor? Mallory pressed.
Ive been to see three.
There was silence.
Grace rolled down the window; she wanted fresh air on her face.
Sometime afterwards, she went on, Roger took me out to dinner. He booked the same restaurant he proposed in. All the regular staff were there, shaking his hand, welcoming us back. Alfonse, the maître d, took us to our favourite table, the one where Roger had got down on one knee two years earlier. Do you remember that?
Mallory nodded. He gave you a diamond ring the likes of which I have yet to see again.
Yes. Well, we sat down, ordered champagne cocktails and rib roast. It had been a long time since wed been out together, just the two of us. We raised our glasses to toast one another and Roger looked at me and shook his head. He had this strange, empty expression on his face. Youll never be the same, will you? he said. Youll never be the same lovely girl I married. I didnt understand. I thought he was making some bad joke. But he wasnt. He took a drink and said, So, now what are we going to do?
Mallory looked across at her, stunned.
I suppose in his mind, that was the end. He hasnt been with me, you know, slept with me, since.
But what happened wasnt your fault, Grace!
Grace wiped a tear away with her gloved fingertip. It doesnt make any difference, Mal. Im broken, defective. I cant give him what he wants. Now he regrets that he married me at all.
It began to rain, a fine misty shower, sending rivulets snaking down the windows as they wove through the London morning traffic.
Mallory turned on the windscreen wipers.
She was out of her depth. Any difficulties in her marriage had been swiftly negotiated with extra cocktails and placating trips to the jewellers.
But from the very beginning, everything about Grace and Rogers romance had been extreme; the vivid Technicolor version of everyone elses black-and-white lives. From their first meeting at the Grosvenor Square Ball, Roger had been almost frighteningly in love with her. Grace was new to London, unaffected and artlessly charming. His attentions were obsessive, extending to lavish gifts and very public displays of adoration. There was the surprise birthday party hed thrown her at Scotts, after only a few months of knowing her, complete with a pearl necklace and fifty of his closest friends. Mallory remembered being slightly jealous; wondering why Geoffrey couldnt make more of an effort.
And Grace had been dazzled. By the time their engagement was announced, it was already a foregone conclusion.
It struck her as strange that such violent affections could be reduced to utter indifference.
Mallory tried to kept her voice light and calm, as if she were talking to a child or an invalid. Perhaps its just a stage. Maybe he simply needs to adjust. Get used to the idea.
I think he has adjusted, Mal. And hes apparently doing very well without me.
Graces confidences appeared to have cost her; she leaned her head against the window.
I have dreams she said after a while. Nightmares. Im running in a wood, looking for something or someone. But no matter how fast I run, I cannot find it. Sometimes I think its just ahead of me, and then it disappears again. Then I start to fall, into some black, hideous abyss and I wake up. I used to have them all the time when I was a child. And now I only have them when somethings wrong, terribly wrong. She looked across at Mallory. I had that dream again the night of the party.