Her hand shook as she picked the sex magic bag up again. Ugh. Yes, she was ready for it this time, braced for it. But she was also gloveless this time. She was opening herself up to it, flexing those energy muscles the Church had been teaching her about, training her to use.
The spell washed over her again, stronger now without the barrier, faster. It roared through her blood thick and dark, gloating as it invaded her body, found her weak spotsso many of themand prodded them; it found her empty spotseven more of thoseand filled them.
Someone elses sexual energy forced on her, someone elses arousal slithering over her skin like hands on her body, in her body, pinning her down, covering her mouth so she wouldnt cry. Laughing at her fear. Laughing as she struggled and tried to make it stopand she couldnt, she couldnt struggle or stop it, because Jillian was watching and Chess was supposed to be getting information from this, learning something. She needed to do it. Needed to show Jillian she could.
Sweat broke out on her forehead, under her arms, and where she wasnt specifically sweaty she was still damp. Uncomfortable. And uncomfortably aware that Jillian was watching her, that no matter how she might struggle to hide it Jillian knew what was happening to her, what she was feeling.
Ignore it. Ignore Jillian, ignore all of it. Whose magic was this, whoa man, was it a man? It felt male, it felt rough and demanding. Angry, almost. It felt, deep down, frustrated.
Which was a weird thing for sex magic to feel like, wasnt it, since the point was to end frustration, to satisfy?
Her palm burned where it touched the velvet bag; the rest of her body burned where it didnt, wanting to be touched itself. It had been a while, so much studying so much following the rules.
Shit, she did not want to be thinking of that, of any of it. Later she could do something about it, if she still wanted to. Now She gritted her teeth against the dark whispers in her blood, the intrusive lure of what the bag promised, and focused harder. A man. It felt like a man. A mans energy, a mans magic. Strong, too. Not strong like one of the Elders, but stronger than the luck charm, certainly.
Her hand shook. She was shaking everywhere, she realized, and she opened her eyes and saw Jillian still watching her, watching her with something in her eyes that Chess didnt like. The bag fell to the floor.
Instantly cool air swept over her. Well, no, the air wasnt cooler, her body was cooler. The spells created lustcreated heatvanished, leaving her standing there trembling with her hair stuck to the back of her neck and her skin tingling. She swallowed hard against the bile threatening to rise; it felt like her heart had been hooked up to a fucking jumper cable. Her legs were too weak, threatening to give out beneath her. She needed to sit down. No, what she needed was to be alone. She needed cold water on her face, she needed to get out of that room because her breath wasnt slowing the way it should and red spots exploded in her eyes and she was freaking out, she was losing it, she needed to
Having fun, ladies?
Trent stood in the doorway, grinning like a gambler holding a full house while his gaze raked her up and down. Funny to be almost grateful to see him there, but she was; at least she could focus on how much she hated him even though theyd just met, and hold off the fucking full-scale panic attack threatening to take control of her body any second.
Hatred was better than panic. Hatred was strength, hatred was something she could use. She grabbed it like a drowning woman grabbing a life jacket, and let it burn in her eyes while she glared at him. Yeah, he could maybe report back to an Elder that she hadnt been very nice to him, and later shed probably think of that and worry, but at the moment she didnt give a shit. Let him do it. Better he reported that than tell them shed gone hysterical.
Are you all done down there? Jillian stood up. Im sure Gloria wants to go home.
Trent gave Chess one last knowing lookhow she itched to slap that right off his faceand nodded. We tore up the carpet but the bloods soaked through. We cant clean that up, either. But thats all there is for her to see.
Guess thats the best we can do. Jillian pulled a camera from her bag and handed it to Chess. Im going to go ask Gloria a couple more questions, see if she knows anything about her parents being involved in magic they shouldnt be. You get some pictures of all this stuff, okay? The bags intact, and then take the ingredients out of each, photograph them, and put them back. Got it?
Chess nodded.
Good. Back in a few.
Trent gave Chess one last smirkoh, hed definitely seen what had been happening to her, knew what kind of spell shed been holding, the bastardand swept out of the doorway, following Jillian, leaving her finally alone.
Chapter Four
The second Trents back disappeared from view Chess got up, stumbling over her own feet in her rush to get to the bathroom. Whether it was okay to use the toilet or anything in there she didnt know, but it didnt matter; she didnt need it.
What she needed was a door she could close and lock behind her. What she needed was a corner to press herself into, a place to make herself small, where she could see into every space and under every counter, and know no one would come in. Shit, she hadnt had to deal with anything like that since shed entered the Church, she hadnt expected it to be so bad.
She huddled next to the cold porcelain bathtub with her arms wrapped around her knees, curling herself into the tightest ball she could. It was okay, she was okay. It was just magic. It was unpleasant but no one had actually touched her. It hadnt hurt. She was safe; she was with the Squad and the Squad was Church and they were safe. She was okay. She was, she was okay, and she kept repeating it in her head, reminding herself with every shuddering breath she managed to take until finally the pain in her chest started to ease.
And a new one to take over. Fuck, what was wrong with her? She was okay, it was just some dumb magic, why the hell couldnt she just deal with it? How was she going to get anywhere if she couldnt handle a little sex magic?
Her bag sat right next to her, pressed up against her side. Her left hand rested on it, right near the zipper. She could It wasnt a good thing to do, no. It wasnt the right thing to do. She was working, she was supposed to be working, and shed already messed up by not testing the energy from those bags and comparing them. The Church had given her an opportunity and she was already wasting it.
But her head hurt and her chest hurt and her mind raced, all those memories she didnt want swirling around in a kaleidoscope of shit. If she could just make them go awayshe needed to make them go away, and she needed to do it fast because Jillian could be back any second and no way was Chess going to let her see that anything was wrong. Not only could it mess things up as far as her workher futurewas concerned, but it was none of Jillians damn business, anyway. It was nobodys business.
But she was working
Right. Okay, then. She was fine, and shed be fine on her own, she didnt need
Her hands were moving. Without her telling them to, theyd unzipped her bag. While she thought about how fine she was, they were digging around in it; while she thought how she didnt need it, theyd found the flask shed bought at a secondhand store on her eighteenth birthday and started unscrewing the top.
Before she could stop them, they raised the flask to her lips and tilted it up. And before she could stop it vodka poured down her throat.
Not a lot. No, definitely not a lot; she did manage to do that, to stop it after shed swallowed half a mouthful or so. Not even a real shot. It hardly mattered because it wasnt even a full shot, it was barely more than a sip. Right?
She told herself that was right. She knew it wasnt.
Fuck! What was thewhat was wrong with her, damn it? Even as warmth spread in her stomach and drifted out through her bloodstream, even as her eyes half closed in relief and her head sank back to rest against the wall behind her, she felt it, the shame, the sickness festering deep inside her, the fear of what it meant. Her first day outside of class, her first real work for the Church, and she couldnt even make it four hours before she was at the flask.
Never again. Okay, shed done it, but shed never do it again. Yeah, it was her first day, but it was a grisly ghost murder, and really, most people would be freaked out by that, right? Most people were freaked out just hearing about such things; sure, it had been seventeen years, but people still remembered. Theyd always remember. And even if they tried to forget, the Festival still happened every year, the dead still walked the surface for six nights, reminding humanity that they were still there and the Church was still in charge.
So it was perfectly natural that, being faced with two corpses chopped to bits by ghosts, shed need something to calm her down a bit. Doctors even prescribed a little nip to people whod had a shock, right?
Right. It was totally understandable. It was totally natural. Shed just never do it again, was all.
Never again. She promised.
With her head somewhat cleared, her body calmed, she glanced around the bathroom. She couldnt stay in thereshe had to get pictures of those spells for Jillianbut she could sit just a few more seconds. And grab some cinnamon candies from her bag, too, because shed need them. Vodka might not have a specific smell but it certainly smelled of alcohol, and she couldnt have that.
As she stood up and popped the candy into her mouth her gaze fell on something beside the sink. Another spell, it looked like; well, sure, lots of people kept magic somewhere theyd be likely to see it often and come in contact with it, since most spells relied on physical closeness to work. People kept sleep-safes under their bed or behind the headboard, that sort of thing, whichActually, yeah. Why had the luck charms been in the closet? Why had the sex spell been in the closet?
Chess braced herself and reached out to touch the bag, feeling brave because her mind was still calm enough from thewell, the thing she shouldnt have done.