Im going, Eva.
I looked up at him. Yeah?
Yeah, he said. Youre going, so Im going. I never said I wasnt.
Okay. I smiled. I slipped my hand over his, and he leaned toward me like it was the most natural thing in the world.
He was going to kiss me. I could sense it. I could almost feel it alreadyhis mouth against mine. But I couldnt let it happen. Not with Addie squirming beside me.
I caught the moment Ryan hesitated. Saw him hold himself back, rein himself in.
Eva, he said.
Hm? My voice was barely more than a breath.
He grinned and looked away. Your pancakes burning. The heat suddenly shooting through our body had nothing to do with the stove. I rushed to scrape the pancake from the pan. You know, I thought you were lying when you said Kitty was a better cook than you are, but
I shoved at him, laughing. Shut up! You were distracting me. We were having a very distracting conversation.
The pancake was blackened, but salvageable. I kept a hawks eye on it, but couldnt help the ridiculous smile that spread over our face. It would be all right. Being with Ryan like thisbeing with him but unable to really be with himwas crazily awkward, borderline insane. But it was what it was. It was my life, and I understood it. He understood it. We could laugh about it. We could still be happy, and that was what mattered, wasnt it?
What are you two doing in there? Hally called from the living room.
Slaving away to feed you, Ryan shot back. He gave her a dark look that quickly melted when he couldnt bite back a laugh.
Well, somebodys got to do it, brother dearest. Hally and Kitty were bent over the camcorder, fiddling with its controls. Emalias not actually going to develop this film, is she?
Kitty pulled the video recorder from her hands and pressed the record button before turning the lens in our direction. She promised she would.
Dear God, Hally said. She winked at me. Well, there go my plans for political office.
I burst out laughing again. Addie unwound a bit, then even more as my happiness infected her. Guilt suddenly pressed cold hands against our heart. Sabine hadnt asked for Hally or Lissa to show up tonight.
<Shell come with us next time> I said. <Well mention her, and theyll invite her along.>
<How do you know theres going to be a next time?>
I didnt, of course. But as I turned back to the stove, I realized I already hoped there would be.
Anchoits streets were not completely empty, even at nearly two a.m. Still, they were quiet as Ryan and Addie slipped from our apartment building into the warm summer night.
There would be more people downtown, where places stayed open late. I imagined music flowing out from low-lit bars, people laughing and stumbling from party to party. Emalias neighborhood was more known for pickpockets and the occasional gang fight than dance clubs.
Is that it? Ryan said as we approached a fast-food joint. It gleamed yellow and red in the darkness.
Addie hesitated. I think so.
We peeked through the windows. The tiny restaurant looked deserted but for the cashier lounging behind the counter and a band of four people squished around a cheap plastic table. The blond girl had her back to us, as did the red-haired boy sitting next to her, but Sabine and Jackson faced us. The latter noticed us first, lighting up with a smile.
There you are, Sabine called out as Addie came inside. Jackson pulled out an empty chair. It scraped against the linoleum floor.
Ryan took the seat on our left, beside Sabine. Or maybe it was Josie, the other soul sharing her body. We didnt know either of them well enough to tell.
Sabine, the girl said, as if reading my mind. She smiled, then gestured to the redheaded boy. Youve already spoken with Christoph. And that one there That one rolled her eyes. Her bleached-blond hair curved to frame her face. Her eyebrows, which had been left dark, stood out in sharp contrast. Thats Cordelia.
And Jackson, Jackson said before Sabine could continue. He smiled his match-strike smile. Hopefully you havent forgotten that.
Sabine grinned. You are so forgettable.
We make him reintroduce himself every Thursday, Cordelia said, but softened her words with an arm hooked around Jacksons neck. She pulled him toward her, laughing.
We make him reintroduce himself every Thursday, Cordelia said, but softened her words with an arm hooked around Jacksons neck. She pulled him toward her, laughing.
Addie smiled and snuck a look toward Ryan. But the boy on our left wasnt Ryan anymore. Devon looked around the table with the air of someone studying a complicated puzzle.
<Think these are their real names?> Addie said.
I hadnt even considered the possibility that they werent.
<Jackson, Sabine, and Christoph are using their real names, anyway> I said. <Thats what they use in private, too.>
<Unless theyre so used to pretending to be someone else, they just use a fake name all the time.>
I didnt like to think about that. Sabine had been rescued just under five years ago. In five years, Addie and I would be twenty. Would we still be in hiding? Would we have slipped into the skin of someone elses life so fully their name slipped off our tongue like our own?
Im Addie started to say, then hesitated. We couldnt drop either of our names in public, even if there was no one around to hear but the guy reading behind the counter. We had the identity Emalia had forged for us. But it stuck in our throat. We didnt want to introduce ourself with somebody elses name.
Its all right. Sabine smiled. We know who you are.
They might know our names, but how could they know if Addie was in control right now or me? How could they know if the boy next to us was Devon or Ryan?
Jackson said you guys have gone down to the beach already? Cordelia asked as she let go of Jackson. He rolled his eyes at her and ran his hand through his shaggy hair, trying to get it to lie down flat again.
Addie shrugged. Only once.
But not at night?
No.
Cordelia threw out her arms, as if trying to capture and express the sight of the ocean after dark. Its beautiful. We should go right now.
Its a little far to walk, Sabine said. She caught Cordelias drink as it almost tipped off the table. And a little late to take a bus.
Cordelia laughed. Okay, okay. The voice of reason reigns. Well go straight to the shop, then.
The shop? Addie asked.
Sabine and I recently opened a photography shop a few streets down, Cordelia said. We hang out there sometimes.
<They own a photography shop?> Addie said.
I wouldnt have guessed either Cordelia or Sabine was over twenty, if that. But such was the magic of a forged identity. Perhaps theyd convinced Emalia to fudge a date or two, give them years theyd never actually lived.
Did you guys want to order something before we left? Sabine asked as the others picked up their things, clearing the table. Theyve got I caught the moment she realized neither Devon nor I had any money. How could we? Here. She took Addie gently by the arm and led us toward the counter. Youve got to try their milkshakes.
Its all right, Addie protested. I dont
The man behind the counter straightened as we approached, setting aside his book.
No arguing, okay? Sabine smiled. Im sorry I never properly welcomed you guys to Anchoit when you first arrived. Two milkshakes, please, she said to the cashier. Then to Addie, What flavors? Do you know what your boyfriend likes?
Addie went cold next to me. Hes not my boyfriend. Our voice was barely above a whisper, but the cashier heard, anyway. He tried to look as if he hadnt.
Sabine wore embarrassment like an ill-fitting coat. Sorry, she said with forced lightness, and I could feel Addie trying to look blasé about it, too. We couldnt attract attention.
Chocolate, Addie said. Both of us. Please.
The cashier nodded and called the order to whoever was in the kitchen.
Sorry about that, Sabine murmured again while the man was out of earshot. I shouldnt have assumed.
Its all right, Addie said. It wasnt. Not really. I could tell.
Neither of them spoke again until after the cashier came back with the milkshakes. Sabine paid, brushing aside Addies thanks.
Just let me know if you ever need anything, okay? she said as we headed for the exit. The others had already gone outside, laughing in the darkness. Devon stood a little apart from the rest.
The milkshake was rich and sweet and cold. Addie shivered as we stepped outdoors, but smiled. I will.
Devon accepted his drink without comment, though he nodded at Sabine in what passed for his version of thanks. Jackson slipped between the two of us as we headed down the street. Did you guys have any trouble getting here?
No. It was the first thing Devon had said all night. Do you all live in the area?
<My God> Addie said. <Is Devon making small talk?>
I laughed. I didnt tell her this wasnt Devon making small talk at all. This was Devon investigating, questioning, studying. There was a light in his eyes that I recognized; Ryan had worn that same look when he took apart Emalias camcorder to figure out what was broken.
I never knew what to make of my feelings toward Devon, or what sort of feelings he might have toward me. Sometimes, his presence grated. His wall-like silences and unreadable eyes seemed like such wastes when I could be having Ryans smiles, his surprised laughter, his quiet jokes.
But other times, I was overcome by a fierce sort of affection for Devon. It wasnt at all what I felt for Ryan. But it wasnt like anything Id ever felt for anyone else, either.
Sabine and Cordelia share an apartment about fifteen minutes away, Jackson said. Christoph and I live a little farther.
Christoph looked over at the sound of his name. Sabine and Cordelia had left the rest of us behind a little, and they turned now to wait for us to catch up. I saw the moment Sabines face changed, her easy smile pulling tight, her eyes focusing on somethingsomeoneover our shoulder. A beam of light struck us from behind.
Hey! You lotwait a minute.
Addie jerked around. A police officer in full uniform directed a flashlight at us.
Our heart rate rocketed. Heat flared through our body, setting our blood alight like it was gasoline.
Devon, I thought.
Devon, who stood beside us, as immobile as we were. Devon, who, even more than us, should not be seen by anyone. He was doing nothing wrong, breaking no laws, causing no trouble. It was not actually illegal to be foreign, much less look foreign, and a police officer ought to know that better than the average person. But still.