The noise cracked through the stillness like a starting gun and had much the same effect.
Cressida turned her attention from the ambulances emptiness to the others around her, seeming to register them for the first time. Her attention focused on the tall slim woman.
What the fuck are you doing here? she demanded.
Hello, Cressida, said the woman mildly. I think we ought to ask someone in authority just whats happened here, dont you?
Oh, you do, do you? Well, any interest you might have had in what happens here ended ten fucking years ago. Now all youre doing is trespassing. Get off my property before I throw you off, snarled Cressida, taking an aggressive step towards the tall woman.
Your property, Cress? What do you mean, your property? Its as much mine as yours, and Kays here with me, so just shut up!
This was Gaea, her voice shrill, her pretty face contorted.
Jesus Christ, cant you two just grow up and stop acting like a pair of sodding schoolgirls! Its Pal, my husband, your brother, we should be worried about here, not who owns what, right?
This was the Spider Woman. Her reproaches, far from calming things down, merely drew the fire of both the sisters, who seemed united in dislike of their sister-in-law if nothing else.
The Handsome Sailor meanwhile was heading towards the house. He looked in superb shape but Bonnick, who made such a big thing of physical fitness, ought to be able to take care of him, thought Pascoe. On the other hand once the trio of quarrelling women diverted their attention from the ambulance and each other to what lay inside the house, even the redoubtable Bonnick could be in bother.
The blond reached the doorway, the sergeant spoke to him, the young man began to push past, Bonnick tried to apply a basic armlock which the other evaded with practised ease. Realizing he was dealing with someone whod done the same unarmed-combat courses as himself, the sergeant threw restraint to the winds and the young man to the ground, only to have his legs swept from under him. Next moment, the two were grappling on the doorstep, while the angry voices of the three women rose in volume and intensity.
Definitely time to assert his authority, thought Pascoe, taking a deep breath. At least things couldnt get any worse.
He was of course wrong.
As he moved unhappily towards the ambulance, he heard a great voice as of a trumpet speak to him from the darkness behind the headlights.
Evening, Chief Inspector. Im glad to see youve got everything here under control.
And out of the mist into the light stepped the bulky figure of Detective Superintendent Andrew Dalziel.
10
It would be hard to describe Andy Dalziel as a soothing presence, but like a shark dumped in a swimming pool, he provided a new and unignorable focus of attention.
Reactions to his arrival were various.
Pascoe said, What the fucks he doing here?
Ellie said, God alone knows, but Im sure if we wait hell tell us.
The wrestlers carried on wrestling.
Cressida, Spider Woman and Earth Mother regarded him with wary neutrality.
Only the tall slim woman looked pleased to see him.
Andy, its so good to see you again, she said, smiling as if she meant it.
She stepped forward to meet him, holding out her hand.
You too, Kay, said Dalziel, taking the hand. Though mebbe not here.
On the contrary, said the woman, who had a soft unobtrusive American accent. Here is perfect. We need to know whats going on, and Im sure if anyone can tell us, you can.
Id best find out then, he said, releasing the hand, which hed been holding in a kissing rather than a shaking grip. Ladies, if youd just be patient a bit longer
Cressida looked as if she might be about to assert that in her view patience was for monuments but subsided as his gaze locked with hers for a second before passing on to the ambulance crew.
Detective Superintendent Dalziel, he said. Whats going off, lads?
Nothing for us here. The driver glanced towards the women and lowered his voice. Just body removal, and your lot dont know when that will be authorized.
So you thought youd shog off home?
No! We got an all-units call. Big pile-up in fog on the bypass.
Oh aye? Then what are you still skiving round here for? demanded Dalziel.
Indignation at the injustice of this rose in the ambulance mens eyes, decided it didnt care for the view, and dived back under.
Right, well be off then, said the driver.
The ambulance pulled away. Kay Kafka put her arm as far round the Earth Mother as it would go. The other two women exchanged a glower then concentrated on the Fat Mans retreating figure. On the doorstep the Handsome Sailor had been subdued, but only after Bonnick had been reinforced by the arrival of PC Maycock. For the moment peace was restored.
Right, sunshine, said Dalziel. Whats going off then, apart from bloody chaos?
How should I know? retorted Pascoe. I just got here myself. Im not psychic.
Hoity-toity, said Dalziel. See you brought the family. Little Rosies in the back of the car, is she?
No, she isnt. I just happened to be picking up Ellie when I heard the call.
Right, sunshine, said Dalziel. Whats going off then, apart from bloody chaos?
How should I know? retorted Pascoe. I just got here myself. Im not psychic.
Hoity-toity, said Dalziel. See you brought the family. Little Rosies in the back of the car, is she?
No, she isnt. I just happened to be picking up Ellie when I heard the call.
So none of that lots with you?
Well actually, Cressida-shes the one with the hair-it was her house I was picking up Ellie from
So you said, Fancy a lift, luv? Kind of you, Peter. Gets the Force a good name. Did you pick up the others en route?
Of course not, said Pascoe indignantly. They all turned up after I got here, which was when the trouble started. How the hell did they get past Jennison on the gate anyway?
How owt gets past yon bugger, I dont know. Man cant have any self-respect to let himself get in that shape, said Dalziel sanctimoniously. Perhaps, thought Pascoe incredulously, he sees himself as slim!
Any road, he went on, I gather theres a body in here and Id say this gang have all turned up cos theyre worried its Pal Maciver. So lets go in and see if we can put them out of their misery. Or do I mean into it?
He strode towards the front door. As he passed Ellie he said, What fettle, luv? Enjoying your night out?
Always a pleasure watching professionals at their work, Andy, she replied.
Pascoe said to her, Look, Im going to be tied up here for a while. Why dont you take the car and head off home?
Before I find out whats happened? Youre joking. Besides, Cress might need me.
I thought that was why I had to pick you up early, said Pascoe.
He caught up with Dalziel at the door.
You all right, Sergeant? the Fat Man said to Bonnick.
Fine, sir.
Good. And how about you, son?
Dunn said, Look, Im sorry-I was out of but I was worried-wed heard that and he didnt show, so I thought that that that
He stammered to a halt. He really was Billy Budd, thought Pascoe.
Whats your problem, lad? enquired Dalziel. Apart from not being able to finish sentences? Here, dont I know you?
I dont think so-please, I didnt realize
Yes I do. Rugby club. You sometimes turn out for the seconds, right? Open side? But you cant play regular because of your work, or summat?
Thats right. I teach PE at Weavers and that means my Saturdays are pretty well spoken for.
PE, eh? That explains about the sentences. Pity, but. You looked a lot better prospect than yon neanderthal that plays for the firsts. No finesse. Kicks folk right in front of the ref. Any of them ladies back there belong to you?
Thats my wife, Helen the pregnant one.
That right? Planning to get all your family over at once, are you? So shed be Helen Maciver as was, right? Now Mrs Dunn as is. Im getting there. Mrs Kafka I know. And yon Cressida, I remember her. The other is?
Sue-Lynn, Pals wife.
Oh aye. All here then. Some bugger mustve sent invitations.
Is Pal in there? said Dunn pleadingly. Has something happened to him?
Ive no idea. Any reason to think it might have done?
No. I mean, he didnt turn up we play squash on Wednesday evenings and when he didnt show
Stood you up, did he? And that makes you worry somethings happened to him? I see. People stand me up, its when they do appear that somethings likely to happen to them. Maycock, you reckon you can keep this mob at bay?
No problem, sir.
Good lad. Sergeant, lead on. Lets see what all the fuss is about.
Please, cant I come with you? pleaded Dunn.
Nay lad, said Dalziel kindly. I think most likely youre under arrest. Often happens when you assault a police officer. That right, Sergeant?
Yes, sir, said Bonnick.
Dont worry too much, but. It probably wont delight the governors at Weavers but it will really impress the kids. Now Im going to give you a choice. You can either sit in a car handcuffed to the wheel till were ready to deal with you, which could be hours. Or you can promise to be a good boy and go and take care of that poor wife of thine before she explodes. Which is it?
No more trouble, really. Im very sorry, said Dunn.
Good lad. Off you go. Now, Sergeant, fill me in.
He listened carefully to Bonnicks digest of events as they entered the house and climbed the stairs, only interrupting to ask, What made Tweedledum and Tweedledee come up the drive in the first place?
There was a slight hesitation before Bonnick said, Just a random check, I think, sir. Also some of the girls bring their punters up these driveways, I believe, and weve been doing a bit of a blitz on kerb crawlers recently.
Very conscientious pair of officers, then, said Dalziel. Youre lucky to have them.
The old sod knows that most likely they were skiving, thought Pascoe, but he wouldnt have rated Bonnick if hed said so.
When they reached the landing, he saw a uniformed inspector standing by a door with a splintered frame. This was Paddy Ireland, a small, rather self-important man, whose trousers always looked as if theyd been re-pressed after he put them on. He turned and acknowledged Dalziel with a parade-ground salute. Behind him through the doorway Pascoe could see a man in a white coverall whom he recognized as Tom Lockridge, one of a small group of local doctors registered as police medical examiners. He was looking down at a man slumped at a desk. At least Pascoe assumed it was a man. Too little of the head remained to make confirmation certain at this distance.