Jackals tower, Kanin said softly. We went there to find Sarren.
Jackals tower. Fragments of that night came back to me. The silent walkways. The journey underwater to reach the building. Fighting raiders and being separated from Jackal and Kanin. The long flight of stairs, leading to the top floor of the tower and...
My hand went to my mouth as the darkest piece of the night emerged from my subconscious, horrific and terrifying. Zeke, I whispered. Hes...hes a vampire. Sarren Turned him. And...
And he tried to kill me. He nearly succeeded, too. God, what happened to him? Why would he turn on us? It was like he was a completely different person.
Im sorry, Allison. Kanins voice was grim. I underestimated Sarren. I didnt expect him to Turn Ezekiel like that. He sighed, briefly closing his eyes. I should have predicted this.
I was numb with misery, from remembering that fight, where Zeke had come after me with pure, ruthless intent, his eyes hard. So Kanins words took a moment to register. What do you mean? I choked out. That Sarren would Turn Zeke?
Yes, Kanin said slowly, but it is more than that. Sarren did not simply Turn Ezekiel, as I did you. No, he went further. He made him a childer.
I dont know what that is, Kanin.
Its when a vampireand only a Master can do thiscreates a spawn in his own image. He wipes his mind clean, destroys all memories of his life before, and shapes a new personality based on what he wants that childer to be. Sometimes he will force a mind compulsion on the childerthink of it as a stronger version of the blood bond we shareto make certain his offspring does what he wants. In ancient times, many old Masters created their covens this way, making sure their childer would not rise up or betray them. But it is such an invasive, barbaric practice, it is frowned upon by nearly all our kind and used only in rare, extreme cases.
So, that...really wasnt Zeke? I snatched at the only ray of hope I could find in this horrible situation. He didnt act like that because he wanted to?
Yes and no. Kanin sighed. It depends on his state of mind, and how strong the compulsion is. It could be that Ezekiels memories have been repressed, that he is fighting the compulsion. That somewhere deep inside, he still retains a sense of who he is. Or... Kanin paused, then went on in a grim voice. Or it could be that Sarren shattered his mind completely, drove him to madness, and remade him into the vampire you saw in the tower. If that is the case, then you wont be able to reach him, because there is nothing left of the boy you once knew.
I squeezed my eyes shut as stupid bloody tears stung the corners and leaked from under my lids. But...there could be a chance, right? I whispered, looking back up at Kanin, who regarded me with pity and not much hope. I didnt care. I refused to believe Zeke was gone. I wont leave him like that, Kanin, I said stubbornly. Now that I know hes alive...
What would you do, even if you could reach him? the Master vampire asked gently. Ezekiel never wanted to be a vampire. He would have rather died than Turn. Even if his mind is still intact and you somehow manage to break the compulsion, what then? Do you think he could live as one of us, feeding on humans, preying on those around him? It would destroy him, Allison. He wouldnt be able to live with himself. His voice softened even more, though I hated him for saying it, knowing he was right. If you do face Ezekiel again, I think you know what you have to do.
What would you do, even if you could reach him? the Master vampire asked gently. Ezekiel never wanted to be a vampire. He would have rather died than Turn. Even if his mind is still intact and you somehow manage to break the compulsion, what then? Do you think he could live as one of us, feeding on humans, preying on those around him? It would destroy him, Allison. He wouldnt be able to live with himself. His voice softened even more, though I hated him for saying it, knowing he was right. If you do face Ezekiel again, I think you know what you have to do.
I turned away from my sire and rose, unable to look at him anymore. Despair weighed me down, heavy and suffocating, and I pressed my forehead to the stone wall, trying to keep the awful rage and grief in check. Dammit! What did Kanin want from me? Id followed his rules. Id tried to find the balance between human and monster. Id done everything I could think of to fight the demon, to not give in, to keep some semblance of humanity. Even though it was hard, it hurt like hell, and all I had to show for it was a broken heart.
Id promised Zeke I would keep fighting the monster. And I would. But now, Kanin was asking me to destroy the one thing that kept me human, the only thing I had ever truly wanted for myself.
But, even through the anger and grief, and the stubborn voice inside me shouting protests, I knew he was right. Zeke had never wanted to be a vampire. And as shocking and confusing as my own Turning had been, I couldnt imagine what it must be like having Sarren for a sire. I remembered those first few days with Kanin, his careful, patient lessons as he taught me how to be a vampire, and that had still been terrifying even when Id chosen to Turn. There was no telling what Sarren had done to Zeke, what hed made him do. Maybe Sarren had twisted his mind beyond repair, and the Zeke Id known was truly gone, replaced with that cold, ruthless killer Id seen in the tower. A spawn in Sarrens own image.
If that was the case, if Zeke really was lost...then hed be better off dead. I thought of everything Id had to learn as a vampire: the feeding, the bloodlust, the constant struggle with the Hunger. It had been hard, and there had been many nights when Id questioned my decision to become a monster, knowing I would struggle with my choice for eternity. I tried to imagine Zekegentle, compassionate, selfless Zekeforcing himself to hunt and kill his once fellow humans...and couldnt. Kanin was, as always, right. The most merciful thing would be to destroy Zeke now. He would want it that way.
I just didnt know if I could do it.
Numb, I gazed around for my sword, feeling the empty sheath against my back, light and disconcerting. When I didnt immediately find it, I panicked for a moment...before I remembered. It had been left behind when Kanin jumped out the window with me. My weapon was still on the top floor of the tower...with Zeke.
And then, I remembered something else.
Wheres Jackal? I whispered, spinning toward Kanin as he rose, his shoulders slumped. The last thing I remembered from before Id blacked out in Kanins arms was Jackal, surrounded by raiders, struck down with a crossbow bolt, and Zeke advancing on him. Kanin gave me a look that was full of regret.
Hes not here, Allison. He didnt make it out of the city.
No. I clenched my fists, refusing to believe it. No, not Jackal. He cant be dead; he always makes it out.
On impulse, I reached out for Jackals presence, searching for him through our blood tie. Suddenly terrified, I braced myself to feel nothing, solid proof that my infuriating, inscrutable blood brother was no longer in the world. That something had finally killed him.
There was a pulse, and I closed my eyes in relief. It was faint and erratic, like the dying heartbeats of a bird, but it was there. Desperately, I followed it, needing to see open sky, to get out of this suffocating tomb. The steps were blocked with decades of rubble and stone, but a hole in the floor led down into an ancient, rusty pipe, which eventually emptied into a storm drain. I crawled from the opening and found myself at the edge of the lake, cold water sloshing at my boots.
From where I stood, I couldnt see Jackals old city, but I could feel him, that faint tug from somewhere over the turbulent waters, telling me he was still out there.
Headlights suddenly pierced the darkness, and I shrank back as three raiders cruised out of the shadows, one after the other, riding along the edge of the lake. They vanished down another street, the growl of their engines fading into the night, but I knew what they were searching for.
They come by every few hours, searching along the waters edge, Kanin said, emerging from the pipe. There are more in the ruins, going through buildings and empty houses, looking for us. Thankfully, they have not found this place yet, but they know we are still in the city.
How? I asked.
Because not all of them make it back, Kanin replied gravely, and looked down at me. You were badly hurt, Allison. You needed blood, and a lot of it, to have a chance of coming out of hibernation. The lakes edge was a good spot to take shelter; it allowed for easy disposal of the bodies. But theyve noticed that their numbers have slowly dwindled, and they now patrol the city in groups of at least three. His mouth thinned in a humorless smile. It appears Ezekiel is not about to let us go.
Zeke. I forced my thoughts away from him, trying to suppress the horror of the task before me. I would deal with that when I faced him again. I would not think of him now, because then I would fall apart.
Jackal is still out there, I muttered. Kanin nodded grimly.
Yes, hes still alive, my sire agreed. I feel him, too. But he hasnt moved in two days, and I fear where he mightve ended up. I believe he is somewhere deep within the flooded city, unable to move or feed himself. Kanins eyes narrowed in the direction the bikes had gone. It seems they have not found him yet, but he will not be able to hide forever. And there is still the matter of Sarren. His gaze grew distant and troubled. This was likely his plan all along, to slow us down, give himself more distance and time. He is likely very close to Eden now, if he has not already arrived.
I bit my lip. We...were going back for him, right? I asked, and Kanin glanced down at me, his expression blank. We cant leave him behind, Kanin, I argued. I know hes a bastard, and hed probably leave us if he were in the same situation, but... I trailed off with a helpless gesture, unable to explain. I felt empty and defeated, weighed down with despair, the knowledge of what I had to do: destroy the evil thing Zeke had become. I was so tired of it. I didnt want to lose anyone else, not even Jackal. He was ruthless, infuriating, selfish, and would sell us out without a second thought, but he was my brother, the only family I had left besides Kanin. Im going back for him, I whispered, trying to keep my voice steady under my sires steady gaze. You dont have to come. Keep going to Eden. Find Sarren, stop the plague. Thats always been your objective. I understand. I swallowed hard as he continued to stare at me, unblinking. But Im going back for Jackal. And Zeke.