At least. I grinned back. Very cute.
He doesnt look cute, he looks stupid, Simone said.
Respect your elders, John said sharply in a thin elderly voice.
Simone screamed with laughter.
You okay to get around like that? I said. You dont need help?
Nope, he said in his usual voice, his dark eyes sparkling under his bushy white eyebrows. Its only the outside. The Dark Lord is inside, still as drained as ever. He glanced at the car park lift. I hope Roland has a spare room where we can do this.
Come on, guys, I said to my parents, who were watching us like frightened deer. Everythingll be fine. Lets sort out these demons, then well go to the shops.
The dojo was on the eighth floor of a nondescript commercial building in the least glamorous part of Causeway Bay. The lift was tiny, old and filthy. My parents were not impressed.
The eighth-floor lobby was tiled with ghastly dark green tiles, and the walls were bare concrete stained black with smoke from the incense in the altars to the door gods.
Mr Pak had the whole floor of the building, his family had owned it for many years. The dojos single door had a red demon-warding light above it, a small altar to the door god next to it, and a number of good-luck calligraphy papers stuck all around it. There was a huge metal gate in front of it, but that was left open during the day.
John banged on the door. Nothing happened. He stopped and concentrated.
Leo opened the door and poked his head around. My Lord. My Lady. Come on in, we have a lot of explaining to do.
The whole dojo was a hubbub of voices. There must have been dozens of demons in the training rooms, but the hallway was deserted.
John stilled. The noise hushed immediately. There was complete silence.
John stilled. The noise hushed immediately. There was complete silence.
John, your hairs going black, I whispered urgently. Try to hold the shape.
John concentrated again and gained a few years.
I do not believe this, my father growled quietly.
Maybe take your parents shopping while I sort this out, John said to me.
How many are there?
About seventy-five, but more are turning up all the time.
Roland Pak charged down the hall towards us and shouldered Leo aside. What the hell is going on? he shouted in Cantonese. Are these refugees from the mainland or something? Illegals? If you dont give me a good reason why I shouldnt call the police, Ill be hitting the phone soon and hitting it hard.
So sorry about this, Roland, John said calmly in English. New students from the Mainland, came to the wrong address. Should have come to me.
Like I said, I gave the bus driver the wrong address, Roland, Leo said, taking the blame. I should have given the bus driver the address of Mr Chens place in Wan Chai, but I gave him the wrong card.
Hair, John, I whispered under my breath.
Just let me round them up and get them fixed, John said amiably. Ill check their IDs and then send them over to my building.
Roland studied John carefully.
I shot a glance at John. He was losing it.
John concentrated on Leo.
Come with me, Roland, Leo said, taking Rolands shoulder and turning him away. Lets go and have some coffee or tea or something while Mr Chen makes these students disappear.
Roland shrugged Leo off and faced John. He studied him intensely.
Im very drained, Emma, John said into my ear. The last couple of days have taken a lot out of me. I dont think I can hold it.
Come on, Roland, Leo said, trying to turn him around.
Get your hands off me before I hit you, Roland hissed. What the hell is going on here?
He stared at John, who had reverted. He didnt look ninety any more, he looked about fifty, and his hair was almost completely black.
Rolands face became a mask of horror. Demon! he shouted and moved into a guard stance. What are you?
John completely lost it. He roared with laughter, then straightened and changed back to his normal middle-aged self. He grinned at Roland with delight. You think Im a demon? You have seventy-five of them in here already and you think Im a demon?
Roland didnt shift.
Sorry about this, Leo, John said. Couldnt be helped.
Not your fault, my Lord, Leo said. Itll be fun to tell him anyway. Cant wait to see the look on his face.
I want to be there too. Michael came down the hallway and stopped behind Leo. I want to see his face when he finds out. Ive been looking forward to this for a long time.
You three go and tell him everything, I said. Im taking Mum and Dad shopping.
I want to come too, Simone said. I brought my wallet.
Go, John said. If any demons approach you, send them up here.
Roland stiffened when John said demons but didnt move otherwise.
Hi, Roland, I said.
Roland didnt move or shift his gaze from John.
Look behind you, at the end of the hallway.
Roland still didnt move.
See the altar at the end of the hallway there?
I know its there, Roland said.
Who put it there?
Leo.
Yeah, I said with a broad grin. Which god is it for?
Pak Tai.
Yeah, Pak Tai. Chen Wu, I said. Leo put it there cause Leo works for Chen Wu. I gestured towards John. This guy.
Roland dropped his arms and his face went slack. No.
Come on, guys, I said to my parents. Let the boys have their fun.
I think you spoiled their fun already, Emma, Simone said with delight. That was great.
Call me when you have them all tamed, I said as we left.
My parents faces were white as we took the lift down to street level. I didnt know what to say.
Can we go to Toys R Us, Emma? Simone said. I have some money to spend.
How about we show my mum and dad some grown-up stuff? I said. You can go to Toys R Us any day.
Oh, okay, she said. Of course. She looked up at my mother. What sort of things would you like to buy?
My mother stared at Simone as if she were a creature from another planet.
Shes just a little girl, Mum, I said.
Yeah, Simone said with a grin. Emmas the one thats the snake.
Both my parents stiffened.
Damn, I said softly. I raised my voice and tried to sound cheerful. Lets go to the China Products store. Theres a lot of great stuff there from the MainlandChinese handicrafts. You said you wanted to see that, right, Mum?
My mother watched me, silent.
Are you okay? Simone said.
Neither of my parents spoke.
Whats the matter with them, Emma? Simone said into my ear.
Come on, guys, I said. Lets go and be tourists. Perfectly ordinary, normal tourists.
CHAPTER THREE
Finished, Emma, come on back.
Johns finished with the demons at the dojo, I said. Well go back and move on to Bright Mansions.
When we reached the dojo, Roland Pak was in his office with John, beaming with delight.
Wheres Leo and Michael? I said.
In one of the training rooms, John said. Leos teaching a group of youngsters. Michaels assisting.
Come in, come in, Roland said to my parents. Come. Sit.
He rose and gave his seat to my mother, and gestured towards an empty chair for my father. The tiny office was a squeeze with all of us in there. Simone climbed into her fathers lap.
You can throw chi too, Emma? Roland said, leaning one hip on the desk.
Yep, I said, standing behind my father and resting my hands on his shoulders. Im about ten times as good as Michael.
And thats just in human form, John said. In Serpent form shes another ten times better than that.
My parents stiffened and I glared at John, but Rolands grin didnt shift.
Where did you put them all? I said.
I sent them up to the Mountain. Construction will move three times more quickly with so many extra hands, even if they are unskilled. I may have some of them taught to use heavy equipment; were short on bulldozer operators to clear the rubble.
One Two Twos really done us a huge favour then, I said. On to Happy Valley.
How about I drop you at the Jockey Club clubhouse in the Valley on the way? John said. You can have lunch there while I sort the demons out.
Uh, Roland began. Before you go
Yes, Roland? John said.
You want me to show you some stuff, dont you, I said.
Uh, Roland began. Before you go
Yes, Roland? John said.
You want me to show you some stuff, dont you, I said.
Roland nodded.
Oh, of course, John said, leaning back. Least we can do for you, Roland, after putting you through all of this. Imagine having a hundred demons turn up at your front door like that. Ill get someone to set seals on the studio early next week. John rose and slid Simone off his lap. Do you have a free room we can use?
Come this way, Roland said, his grin even wider.
You guys can stay here and wait for me, if you like, I said to my parents.
Id like to see, Emma, my father said. Barbie?
My mother nodded, silent.
Your mothers not talking much, Simone said into my ear. Is she okay?
If its all too much for you, just say so, Mum, I said, linking my arm into my mothers and giving her a squeeze as I led her out into the hall. Ill take you home and let you rest.
Im okay, my mother said softly. I want to see.
Roland took us down the hall, past the room where Leo had resumed his lesson, to another training room. It was only about three metres square and didnt have any mirrors. One wall was windows overlooking the busy Causeway Bay street. I jammed my foot into the mats on the floor to test them: not as good as the ones up on the Peak, just cotton wadding. But they would do.
What would you like to see, Roland? I said.
Siu Lim Tao, Roland said.
Youre joking. The basic Wing Chun set?
Im impressed, Roland, John said. Good thing to ask for. If Emma performs the set for you, you will see it done by a true Grand Master, in perfection. You should take a video.
I cant do it perfectly, I said, annoyed. Nobody can.
Not even me? John said with a grin.
I glared at him. He could see that I wanted to thump him and his grin widened. Do it, Emma. If Roland can find any imperfection in your performance of the set, I will be very impressed indeed.
Im going to do the basic set of moves for one of the more lethal types of Chinese kung fu, I said to my parents. But the most effective styles are the least impressive to look at. Dont expect too much, okay? After Ive done this for Roland Ill do some pretty stuff for you. And Im not a Grand Master, Roland. Call me sigung and Ill be very cross indeed.