Youre still young. You can be trained, he said, before he recognized that such a comment would hardly forward his suit. Usually he said exactly the right thing, but this encounter rattled his sangfroid.
Her momentary softening congealed to frost. Im not a hound to come at your whistle.
He sighed again. You know thats not what I want in a bride.
Do I? she asked, arching her eyebrows. Youve devoted your life to rising above your parents disgrace. Youve never made a secret of the fact that your wife must be beyond reproach.
He bared his teeth at her. Mention of his mothers adultery always raised his hackles. Pen, this isnt something I wish to discuss.
She made a sweeping gesture. Whether you want to talk about it or not, the scandals have guided your every action.
He winced under the compassion in her gaze. That makes me sound like a complete widgeon.
No, it doesnt.
You can help me. Youll make a capital duchess.
Youre mistaken. Hed never imagined that worldly smile on Pens face. His reluctant desire deepened. Im too independent to be anyones duchess, especially yours.
You can change, he said desperately, wishing hed taken Lord Wilmott up on his offer of a brandy earlier. Cam wasnt used to being so wrong-footed with a woman, with anyone. Where had his famous social assurance buggered off to?
Perhaps I can. If I wanted to change. I dont. She sighed with a tolerance that made his skin itch with resentment. Youd be trading your familys scandals for mine, and the rumors would continue to dog you all our lives. I follow my heart before my head. I speak my mind. Before the ink was dry on the settlements, Id do something to upset the old tabbies. Youd find yourself knee-deep in gossip and youd hate that. Youd start to hate me.
Youre the only woman Ive ever pictured as my wife. I decided as a boy that Id marry you. He straightened in his chair and bit out each word, before remembering that he came to woo, not browbeat her. Our families expect me to make you my duchess.
The regret in her smile did nothing to bolster his optimism. Im sorry, Cam. For once in your life, youll have to disappoint expectations. Her gaze sharpened in a way that he didnt completely understand. I know you dont love me.
He flinched back as though shed struck him. Damn, damn, damn. Love. Hed thought Pen too smart to fall prey to mawkish sentimentality. I esteem you. I admire you. I enjoy your company. You know the Fentonwyck estate. You know me.
All very gratifying, Im sure. Her smile turned sour. But I wont marry without love.
He surged to his feet. We both have parents who married for love. As a result of love, my father descended into cruelty and obsession and my mother became a byword for promiscuity. Pardon me saying so, but your parents arent much better. Doesnt that convince you that friendship and respect form a stronger basis for marriage than passing physical passion?
I doubt that either my parents or yours understood what love truly is. Emotion thickened her voice and strengthened his premonition of failure. Love means wanting the best for the beloved, whatever the cost. Love means sacrificing everything to achieve the beloveds happiness.
Youre an idealist, he said disdainfully.
Yes, Cam, I am. She rose with more circumspectionan adjective hed never before associated with Pen Thorneand regarded him with an unreadable expression. For a woman who confessed lack of control, she was remarkably controlled. I believe love makes life worth living and nobody should marry without it. Youre too young to settle for second best.
He placed a short rein on his temper. He was rarely angry, but right now, he wanted to fling one of the smug Ming dogs on the mantelpiece into the fire. Im twenty-seven.
She released an impatient huff. Well, Im only nineteen. Im definitely too young to settle for second best.
I hardly think becoming the Duchess of Sedgemoor counts as second best, he said frigidly, wondering just where his childhood friend had gone.
Pen sighed as if she understood his turmoil. It is when the duke offers only a lukewarm attachment.
Resentment tightened his gut. He didnt want to be understood. He hoped like hell she hadnt noticed his bristling sexual awareness. Having Pen recognize his unwilling desire just as she sent him away with a flea in his ear seemed the final humiliation.
Pen sighed as if she understood his turmoil. It is when the duke offers only a lukewarm attachment.
Resentment tightened his gut. He didnt want to be understood. He hoped like hell she hadnt noticed his bristling sexual awareness. Having Pen recognize his unwilling desire just as she sent him away with a flea in his ear seemed the final humiliation.
Would you rather I lied? he growled.
She winced as though hed hit her. Even if you lied, I wouldnt believe you, Cam. Ive known you too long. And you set your mind against love long ago.
He struggled for a reasonable tone. Blustering would only make her dig her heels in. The encounter verged dangerously close to a quarrel. Pen, think of the advantages.
Her jaw set in an obstinate line. Right now, aside from the obvious fact of your riches, I cant see any.
His appeal to her worldly interests disappointed her. Shame knotted his gut. With regret, he recalled the days when in her eyes, he could do no wrong. He drew himself up to his full height and glared.
Theres no point going all ducal, Cam, she said curtly, not, blast her, remotely cowed. That look lost its power over me before you went to Eton.
She shifted closer, stretching one hand toward the mantel. When he noticed how her fingers trembled, he faced the unpleasant truth that despite outward calm, this encounter upset her.
Of course it did. She felt things deeply. More than once, hed caught Pen crying alone after her brothers teasing had struck a painful spot. She was proud, Penelope Thorne. Another desirable quality in a cracking duchess.
But clearly not his duchess. Pen didnt have a monopoly on pride. Cam regarded her down his long nose and spoke as coldly as hed speak to an overweening acquaintance. I gather that youre refusing me.
The knuckles on the hand clutching the mantel turned white, although her voice remained steady. Yes, I am. She paused. I appreciate your condescension.
That was so obviously untrue that under other circumstances, hed have laughed. But pique shredded his sense of humor. Through his outrage, he knew that he behaved badly. However unfairly, he blamed Pen for that unprecedented state of affairs too.
He bowed shortly and spoke in a clipped voice. In that case, Miss Thorne, Ill waste no more of your valuable time. I wish you well.
Something that might have been pain flared in her dark eyes, but he was too angry and, much as he hated to admit it, wounded to pay heed. She stepped toward him. Cam
Good day, madam.
He turned on his heel and stalked off.
Pen watched Cam march out of her fathers library, his back rigid with displeasure, and told herself that shed done the right thing. The only thing she could in honor have done.
Right now she didnt feel that way. She felt like shed swallowed toads. She clung to the mantel to stay upright on legs likely to crumple beneath her.
Her anguish didnt change merciless reality. Cam didnt love her. Cam would never love her. Nothing in todays awkward, painful encounter had convinced her otherwise.
As a foolish child, shed dreamed of him tumbling head over heels in love with her. What girl brought up in close proximity to the magnificent Rothermere heir wouldnt imagine a fairy-tale future? Especially when her mother encouraged her.
But that was before Pen had grown up and recognized the stark truth. A truth ruthlessly confirmed when she was sixteen. One summer at Fentonwyck, shed overheard Cam talking to his best friend Richard Harmsworth about discouraging a local belles advances. When Richard had blamed the girls antics on love, Cam had responded with cutting contempt and said that was even more reason to steer clear of the unfortunate lady.
Romantic love has no place in my life now or ever, old chap. Let other fellows make asses of themselves. Ive seen too much of the damage that poisonous emotion can wreak. Its a trap and a deceit and a damned nuisance. Ill never marry a woman who expects me to love her.
Pen felt sick to recall that self-assured pronouncement. Perhaps she might have dismissed his remarks as a young mans bravado, except that in the three years since, everything shed seen of Cam confirmed that hed meant every word.
Even with those closest to himRichard, his sister, Penhe kept some element of himself apart, untouchable. Over the years that distance had only grown more marked.
Camden Rothermere was rich, handsome, clever, honorable, and brave. And completely self-sufficient.
Pen had prayed that Cam would ignore his late mothers matchmaking, but of course, he considered it his duty to offer for Penelope. Just as he considered it his duty to inform her that his interest was purely dynastic.
If shed harbored the tiniest shred of hope of melting the ice in his heart, shed disregard questions of her notorious family and headstrong inclinations. Shed even try to make herself anew in the image he wanted.
But she knew Cam as she knew herself, and shed never been a fool.
Cam wouldnt countenance a marriage based on love and she couldnt countenance a marriage that wasnt. She never went into anything halfhearted, and a loveless union would destroy her.
Pen remained trembling near the fireplace, knowing that her family awaited news of her engagement. Her refusal of the greatest marital prize in the kingdom would set the cat among the Thorne pigeons. Right now, her control was so precarious; she shied from her mothers bullying.
She fought a childish urge to cry. If she cried, there would be endless questions and more bullying. Her mother saw tears as opportunity for manipulation, not for comfort.
Pen sucked in a shaky breath and although shed sworn that she wouldnt, she rushed to the window facing the long drive.
Cam cantered away on his magnificent bay horse. He didnt glance behind to catch her staring after him. Why would he? Hed want to get as far away from her as he could. For a famously self-controlled man, hed verged very close to losing his temper this afternoon.