He shrugged as if it hardly mattered. She was a suitable bride.
And Im not.
Actually I find myself surpassingly grateful that you married me.
I cant imagine why.
Impatiently he ran his hand through his hair. A gentleman shouldnt say this, but much as I admire Lady Marianne, life with her might have lacked excitement.
Gloomily Pen surveyed him. Excitement can be uncomfortable.
And it can make a man glad to be alive. It can make him look forward to waking up every morning. And going to bed every night.
She flushed. Sexual attraction will fade.
He frowned. I want you more every day.
Be careful, Pen. If you pay too much heed, hell break your heart again. Its early days yet, she said sourly. Youll become jaded with my charms.
Youre looking at me.
She frowned, not understanding the change of subject. So?
I promised that when you did, Id tell you what I admired most.
So I assume thats what you like most, your desire for me. She tried to sound displeased. Whereas the pathetic truth was that she basked in his attentions like a cat in a patch of sunlight on a cold day.
Well, its no drawback. You seem compelled to concentrate on the disadvantages of our union. After three weeks, Id say the benefits far outweigh the inconveniences. Even with you moping like a schoolboy stuck inside on a wet holiday.
I havent been that bad, she said, stung.
Yes, you have. But Ill set you right tonight.
How could she love him and want to punch him at the same time? I await your wisdom.
He brushed his lips across hers. It was an affectionate kiss, different from the deep, passionate, hungry kisses he gave her in bed. She was on the verge of sinking against him when he raised his head.
What I admire about you, dear Penelope, what Ive always admired, ever since you rode that half-broken pony at the age of three, is your courage.
Her heart dipped like a swallow in flight, leaving her dizzy. Oh, dear, she was in so much trouble. When he said things like this, when he made her feel that he and only he peered into her soul, she wanted to melt. Worse, she wanted to confess how desperately she loved him.
It was a courageous act to marry you, she said with that same edge, hoping he wouldnt hear how she struggled to sound unaffected.
Her response didnt stir his temper. She wondered where his anger in the coach had gone. It was indeed.
His intense stare made her shift uncomfortably. It was all very well for him to peer into her soul, but she had secrets. Old ones like her love, and more recent ones like her promise to Harry.
Now I want you to find the courage to be yourself. I want you to find the courage to build something from this marriage, something strong and safe.
London wont approve of me, she snapped back. She didnt trust this turnaround. All her life, shed known Cam wanted a biddable duchess. He must know that if Pen was true to herself, biddable was the last description to apply.
I will. Remember, a proper duchess pleases her duke.
You wont say that when everybodys pitying you for marrying an outspoken hoyden.
One black eyebrow arched. If you stop dressing like a damned grandmother, London will be so dazzled, nobody will care what you say.
She scowled, even as she wondered if perhaps he was right about her meekness being impossible to maintain. Tonights dress cost you a fortune.
He laughed softly. A damned rich grandmother.
She drew herself up and spoke the unpalatable truth. Cam, you dont want a scandalous Thorne as your duchess. You want Marianne Seaton.
Growling low in his throat, he sat on the bed and removed his shoes. A strange thrill shivered through her. This intimacy was new. He always undressed in his own rooms. Pen, Ill say this once more, then the subjects forever closed.
If Im to be myself, you know that Ill object to orders.
One last order.
Still wary but unable to resist, she drifted across to lean against one of the bedposts. Id be naïve to believe that.
He tugged his neckcloth loose. The gold signet ring glinted as if it was alive. He addressed the air above her head. To think I asked this woman to speak her mind.
To think, she retorted.
To think, she retorted.
He stared directly at her and to her surprise, his eyes were serious. Since you became my wife, I havent regretted losing Lady Marianne once. Youre the woman I want. I didnt travel to Italy intending to marry you. He raised a hand to forestall her protest. But Im not sorry that I did. I hope that youll allow me to prove myself as a husband so that youre not sorry either.
Cam
At least youre not calling me Your Grace anymore, he said wryly and went on before she could speak. You keep talking about what I gave up to marry you. Yet you gave up as much or more. I know that youre unhappy. Id do anything to change that. But first I want you to acknowledge that youre not some unsatisfactory substitute for the woman I should have married. If you imagine I come to your bed every night cursing the fact that its you in my arms and not Marianne Seaton, youre completely unhinged. The demons plaguing you are chimeras. I hope that in time youll trust me.
I do trust you, she mumbled without meeting his eyes.
Obviously. So much that you jump a mile when I touch you in public.
Im not used to
Compassion softened his eyes until they glowed soft emerald. I know. This marriage business is new to us both, but with goodwill, we can create something glorious.
He said all the right things. She should be glad. But she couldnt help noticing the one glaring omission in all his talk about their bright future. She commended his honesty, but still her idiot, yearning heart craved to hear the word love.
But love was a word that Cam would never use. He respected her too much. The irony of that statement left her wanting to break something.
Still, she recognized how hed humbled himself. Ill do my best.
His lips curved in the sweet smile that made her melt just the way his sweet kisses did. She was so susceptible. It was downright terrifying. Your best will be magnificent.
Thank you, she said with such uncertainty that he smiled.
Pen, come here and make me happy. Thats your only duty tonight.
She stared at him, dissent sparking. She wanted to make him happy. But more, she needed to seize some control. Starting tonight in the big, elegant bed where her big, elegant husband lounged, eyeing her like a sugared almond that he wanted to snap between his straight white teeth.
Shed been so eager to prove herself worthy that shed abdicated all power. Including over what they did in bed.
He told her that he wanted her. That was a significant admission from someone as reluctant to surrender the advantage as Cam.
Hed never love her. She needed to accept that finally and forever. Once, she had. Nineteen-year-old Penelope had been wise beyond her years. Twenty-eight-year-old Penelope was a sentimental fool.
As she read Cams stirring desire, she realized that in this if in nothing else, they were equals. Hed told her she was brave. Shed need to be brave to gain what she set out to achieve.
Their nights would become a kingdom where she reigned supreme.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
As Cam rose to shrug off his coat, he caught the excitement in Pens face. And something else that he didnt understand.
These glimpses of a stranger in her eyes always disoriented him. It was like seeing a ghost standing behind an old friend. Slightly eerie. Fascinating. Irresistibly tempting.
But then, everything about Pen was irresistibly tempting.
This raging hunger was unsettling. He was grimly reminded of the straits his parents and uncle had found themselves in when private feelings overflowed into the public arena.
He tugged his shirt over his head and as he emerged from the folds of white linen, Pen leveled an assessing stare upon him. The way her gaze fed upon his body made his gut knot with anticipation. And more unease. She was definitely up to something.
One slender hand curled in a damned suggestive way around the carved bedpost. Blatantly her gaze dropped to the front of his trousers. This time when she licked her lips, it wasnt nervousness, but salacious appreciation. Arousal thundered through him, making him deaf to warnings.
Take off your trousers, Cam. Her tone was sultry, setting his bones vibrating with desire.
Startled, he paused, shirt dangling from one hand. What did you say?
She shrugged, still staring at his crotch. You told me to be myself.
Yes, he said warily. In society.
Everywhere. She licked her lips again. Each time she did that, his blood heated another ten degrees.
Come here and Ill help you with your nightdress.
She smiled as if recognizing his offer for the weak foray that it was. First I want to see you naked.
She pointed one elegant finger at his stiff cock. Cam, as master of his household, didnt approve of Pen seizing control like this. His dick, however, thought it was a brilliant idea.
I didnt mean that you can order me around, he protested, even as he unbuttoned the front fall.
That mysterious smile still curved her lips. Seducing Odysseus, Calypso must have worn such a smile. Then Cam realized that this was no sorceress. His bride was named for Odysseuss faithful and loving wife. If mythical Penelope bore any resemblance to this Penelope, no wonder the wanderer had been desperate to return.
You complained that I was too amenable. Its too late to change your mind.
Perhaps I miscalculated.
Recalculate naked.
Surprised, excited, delighted, he released a huff of laughter. This was the woman hed found so endlessly fascinating in Italy. Although in Italy, shed never have told him to take his clothes off.
Perhaps his marriage progressed better than hed thought.
Is there a penalty for noncompliance?
She shrugged, although the glitter in her black eyes belied nonchalance. If you dont play the game, you dont win the prize.
Youve convinced me. Hurriedly he tugged off his trousers.
Then because he knew that she tested his commitment to wanting her real self, he stood and let her stare at him. However much a numbskull he felt with his necessaries waving in the wind.
To his chagrin, his cheeks heated under her thorough inspection. My manly magnificence cant strike you dumb. Its not as if you havent seen everything before.