I forced those thoughts back. One monumental crisis at a time, thank you. Until I found this weapon, it didnt matter why my birth mother had left me beside that freeway. If I was the last Davidian, then whatever her reasons, she was dead. Gone forever, just like my adoptive parents I hadnt even been able to say goodbye to because that detective tried to kill me before I could give them a proper burial....
Ivy. Adrians tone was urgent. Whats wrong?
I swiped under my eyes, only now realizing that Id started to cry. Nothing.
Bullshit, he said emphatically.
Just a little post-traumatic stress. I forced a shaky laugh. Im still not used to narrowly escaping death, okay?
His gaze repeated the same thingbullshit. Okay, so maybe I was a terrible liar. I pretended not to notice him staring at me as much as he could without wrecking, and busied myself by tucking the boys feet under my legs so theyd be warm.
Then an idea struck me, exciting me so much that I reached over the seats to grab Adrians shoulder.
Drive to Bennington! We snuck the boy out with our disguises, so we can use them to get Jasmine out, too!
Costa gave me a pitying glance, and I felt as well as heard Adrians sigh.
Remember I told you that your sister will be the best-treated human in all the realms? Shell also be the most guarded. Bennington might not be Demetriuss main realm, but hell expect you to try that. I guarantee hes given an order that if anyone unfamiliar shows up, theyre to be detained.
My brief hope crashed. Adrian was right. The demons had no intention of making this easy on me, so either I went in with the ability to kill them all, or I died.
Or both. No one had said that, but no one needed to. Having the weapon didnt mean Id suddenly be bulletproof, so finding it didnt guarantee victory. It only gave me a chance at it.
Youre going to be okay, I told the boy, giving him the assurance I so badly wished someone could give to me.
A slow blink was his only response. Either he still wasnt processing what was going on, or he didnt believe me. I patted his leg, wishing I could tell him I knew how it felt to be surrounded by people and yet still be on your own.
I couldnt fix that for myself, but I could fix it for him. Then Id keep trying to save Jasmine while trying not to get killed by demons, and maybe somewhere along the lines, reclaim my own life, too.
Dreams were beautiful things to have, werent they?
chapter twenty-three
We left North Carolina and drove to a Catholic seminary in Washington, D.C. Adrian knew two of the priests who met us around the back of the large church complex, which was Surprise One. Surprise Two was him telling them that the boy had been rescued from a demon realm. The priests didnt accuse Adrian of being crazy, either. Instead, one of them hurried to take the boy back into what they called the house section.
Are demon realms an open secret to priests? I whispered to Costa while Adrian continued to talk to the other priest.
Costa grunted. No. These two know about them because Adrian saved them from a demon kidnapping a few years ago.
I dont know why that surprised me. It was how wed met, and Adrian had said hed been retrieving people for Zach for a while. Guess I never expected to meet anyone hed rescued, let alone find out that they were priests.
I was too tired to swap rescue experiences with the two Fathers, which was why I was relieved when Adrian came back to tell us that the seminary had rooms for us tonight, too. Even more wonderful than that, it had leftover pizza and a microwave. I devoured several pieces, then showered and flopped onto the narrow bed in a room that reminded me a lot of my college dorm. Just with a lot more crosses and pictures of saints and popes.
I was almost asleep when my door opened. No locks meant relying on the honor system, but since Adrian hadnt knocked, he must not be in an honorable mood. Situation normal, then.
What are you doing here? I demanded wearily.
Hed showered, too, the dampness making his hair look darker than its usual honeyed shades of blond. I refused to notice how that same dampness caused his shirt to cling to him. I was still too mad.
He shut the door behind him. Im sorry for hurting you, he said, actually managing to sound as though he meant it.
Which time? I thought, but touched my throat as if the bruises there were the only damage hed inflicted on me today.
Did you know choking me would work to activate my abilities? I asked, my tone grating. Or was it a lucky guess?
His stare reminded me of ancient sailors legends of sea serpents. On the surface, all I saw was roiling blue, but every so often, glimpses of the monster appeared beneath.
Demetrius wanted me to be the strongest Judian ever, so he did whatever was necessary to hone my abilities. Like throwing me into the gladiator rings at thirteen. Lesser demons fought there, too, and if a ruler wanted to show off, he or she jumped into the fight. Demetrius didnt let anyone kill me, but he let them beat me within an inch of my life enough times that I learned what he wanted me to knowthe fastest, most efficient way to use my abilities. So, no, I wasnt guessing. I was counting on you being just like me in that regard. I hated hurting you, but it was the only way you could search the castle without getting caught with the boy.
Since the minions ashes mustve been discovered right away for Obsidiana to beat us back to our realm, he was right. We wouldve gotten caught taking the boy with us to search the castle. If Id known him throttling me would make my powers flare that way, I wouldve demanded that he do it. Id take bruises any day over abandoning a child to a demon realm.
And Obsidiana? I hated that I couldnt stop myself from asking, so I tried to hide my motivation behind a fake laugh. Now I know why you stopped in your tracks when you saw her in Mayhemiums realm. Mustve been weird to run into your old girlfriend, but you shouldve told me who she was. Its not fair to keep finding out from other demons where they used to rank in your life.
His jaw clenched, and I thought hed leave as hed done so many times before. Instead, he began to pace.
I stopped in my tracks that day because I was worried that Obsidiana would sense who I was through my disguise. Demetrius always can, and if she had, she wouldve realized who you were, too. As for why I didnt tell you about her, its because she means nothing to me. The whole time we were together, she lied to me just like the rest of them did.
About what? Your supposed destiny? I thought but didnt say out loud.
He gave me a measured look. Tomas told you what it was like for me in the realms before I walked out.
Girls, gold, power, adulation... I forced another insincere laugh. Your basic hedonistic fantasy.
He didnt tell you why I hated Archons back then. My earliest memory was of them trying to kill my mother and me.
What? I gasped.
His mouth twisted. Judass descendants are a threat to Archons, so eliminating the line means eliminating the threat. Throughout history, demons have tried to do the same to Davids descendants. They nearly succeeded several times, most recently with the Holocaust.
Im Jewish? That shouldve occurred to me before....
Possibly. Davids line started out that way, but over thousands of years, beliefs changed, even if genealogy didnt.
Back to Archons trying to kill you, I said, filing the other away under Future Musings.
Those beautiful features hardened. All my life, Ive had nightmares about my mother and me being chased through the tunnels. My mom said I was remembering when I was five and Demetrius saved us from Archons trying to eliminate the Judian line. I was brought up believing we were only safe in their realms. Since the demons gave us everything we wanted, it took a long time before I even asked to see the world wed come from.
But when you did, how could you go back? I said, voicing the question that had been eating at me. You wouldve seen how evil the demon realms were by comparison.
His jaw tightened. They thought of that, so they hid the uglier aspects from me for as long as they could. After I discovered them, they took me to places in the human world that looked the same. Like Darfur, where hundreds of thousands of people have been slaughtered while the world gives a collective shrug. Or South African diamond mines, where laborers are regularly worked to death, or all the countries with unchecked human trafficking, and of course, the countless sweat shops around the world. His sigh was bitter. Seeing those things made it easier to believe what the demons taught methat the only difference between them and humanity was more opportunity.
Bullshit, I said at once. Yes, atrocities exist here, too, but so do people who try to fight them. For every horrible example you gave, you can find a thousand more of people helping other people, even from several continents away.
Adrians expression softened. I know. When I started sneaking out to explore on my own, I saw that, too. The first time I encountered children at a playground, I watched for hours. Brief smile. Someone called the cops, but that made an impression, too. Strangers came to protect the young of other strangers. Id never seen that before, and for the first time, I understood what Id become. A monster.
Is that when you left? I asked softly.
He threw me a jaded look. Thats when my drug addiction began. I couldnt leave because I was afraid the demons would retaliate against my mother, and she said shed never leave while Archons were after us. So instead, I escaped through every mind-altering substance I could find. Of course, I couldnt snort enough, shoot up enough or smoke enough to forget all Id done. I thought my bloodline kept me from overdosing, but after what Demetrius said the other week, it mightve been him. I wanted to die, though. Thats why I kept sneaking out of the realms, hoping Archons would find me. One night, I got my wish.
What happened?
His smile was jagged. I was puking in an alley behind a bar when light suddenly exploded all around me. Youve seen what Zach looks like when he shows his true nature, so I knew what he was. He said, If youre ready, come with me. I thought he meant ready for death, so I did. He didnt kill me, though. He took me to the old Shanghai tunnels in Portland.