And tidying up those pieces as well, eventually, putting them out with the rubbish, the flat a little bit emptier than before.
He could have gone there himself though.
What was he scared of.
It was a long way but it shouldnt have been too far should it. Instead of just waiting. Waking up each morning going What was that. The sound of the softly closing door. And when there was nothing left to tidy up he started drinking before hed even got out of bed. Because was there any point waiting.
It was the drinking that had made Yvonne leave in the first place.
Thats what she said, on the phone.
And if she thought it had been bad enough that she had to get away then she should see him now. Was what he thought, then.
She should see him now.
The last things to go, as the flat kept emptying out, were the television and the washing machine. Two men from the rental shop came and collected them, and he didnt have whatever it might have taken for an argument. Strength, heart, fucking, gumption or something. Theres nothing worth watching anyway, he joked, as they unplugged the television and carried it out of the flat without looking at him. Mind your backs lads, he said, as they eased the washing machine down the hallway, dripping water behind them and taking a chunk out of the doorframe on their way through. When theyd gone, after hed kicked the kitchen cupboard doors from their hinges and emptied the drawers out on to the floor, hed sat on the front step with a bottle of cider and started to feel better. And when hed finished that bottle, and finished another, and was lying on his back on the hallway floor, hed realised he wasnt waiting for them to come home any more.
Which is when Steve first showed up, come to think of it.
The way these things all come to mind. When youre sitting and waiting somewhere. In a room, like this. A waiting room like any other.
Weve got all the time in the world to sit and wait now.
We watch the hands of the clock tick through the seconds and minutes and hours, and we wait. For someone to come and open one of those heavy doors and roll Robert out. Bring him out to us. Take him away.
We sit and we look at the featureless door. Like, what, keeping watch.
And those hours and days he was lying there like that, in the dark, in the light, in the dark again. No one passing him by but still. Someone could have done something, could they. When Laura got out of the taxi like that. What was she doing. Or Mike, or Ben. What happened in there.
Keeping watch for what though la.
Waiting for what and these things keep coming to mind.
Heather outside the flat again. When was this. Must have been Christmas Day was it. Before she knew anything was wrong. Sort of before any of us knew. Waiting outside with a bag full of cans and snap, waiting for someone to come to the door.
Didnt usually wait long for someone to open the door so what was going on this time. Heather thought, then. She knows now, sort of. We all sort of know now.
Banging on the door, and shouting through the letterbox, and turning round to look up and down the street. Like he might have been standing out there in the cold morning light, watching her, saying her name. As if.
Banging on the door again, and the old woman with the tiger-paw slippers shuffling out of her flat and saying Excuse me but I think youd be as well to give it a rest. I havent heard a thing for days. They must have gone away.
Banging on the door, and shouting through the letterbox, and turning round to look up and down the street. Like he might have been standing out there in the cold morning light, watching her, saying her name. As if.
Banging on the door again, and the old woman with the tiger-paw slippers shuffling out of her flat and saying Excuse me but I think youd be as well to give it a rest. I havent heard a thing for days. They must have gone away.
Heather ignoring her because what did she know. Robert would have said something if he was going away. He would have told her first, wouldnt he. He would. He would have told her basically if anything was wrong.
Banging on the door again and the old woman still there. Saying If you ask me Id say somethings probably happened. Saying Im surprised its taken so long.
Heather had only talked to this woman once before. When was it. When she came and knocked on the door herself. This was a few years back. Standing there with her arms folded when Heather opened the door, going Could you keep the noise down just this once, could you please? Basically like trembling with sort of determination, backing away even while she started talking and she was right to be scared with some of the people who were hanging around the flat at that time. No one likes being told what to do, but some of that lot sort of liked it even less than most. Heather just shut the door in her face before anyone else could get to her, and the old woman probably never realised she was being done a favour did she. And now here she was giving it all Oh somethings probably happened, and hurrying back into her own flat before Heather even realised what she meant.
And that was basically the first thought shed had that something might be wrong. Pressed up against the filthy glass but she couldnt see a thing. Shouted Roberts name, and called him a silly fat cunt, and banged on the door. Thought about kicking in the door or something but she didnt think she could. Thought about climbing up on the garage roof and getting in that way, like some of them did, but she knew she wouldnt make it. And anyway. She wasnt sure she wanted to. Not if she was going to find something. She thought about going and getting some help. She thought but surely, a man like that, whats going to have happened to him. Thought she might say something anyway though, when she got down the day centre, if she saw someone. But probably by then someone would have dealt with it. And it was probably nothing. Because so what if no one answered the door, he was probably just asleep or something, they were probably all sort of asleep in there. So what was the daft cow on about. Heather thought, then.
So what if no one answered the door. Werent like it was always busy in there all the time.
So how was she to know, how was any of us to know.
Except Danny who found him but that was different.
For a long time it werent like he would have answered the door anyway. Years back. When it was just him on his own and he werent expecting no one. Anyone at the door would have been some kind of trouble.
But if he could have just shouted.
If Heather could have done something about it, something like, instead of just wandering down to the day centre and getting stuck in to that Christmas dinner and more or less just forgetting about it.
She remembered about it later. But she was back in her room by then and what could she do.
Mike and Ben too busy going over Jamesie to think about getting back up to the flat. And what was all that. Something about Jamesie owing Mike money, but it was Ben who went steaming in and took him out from behind. Like a what like some kind of hired hand or something. Hired fist. Steaming across the lobby in the day centre, Jamesie standing by the toilets with Maggie and Bristol John and Tommy, booted him straight in the back and then clattered him around the head on his way down. Kicking him on the floor until someone got a hold of him. Near enough laughing or something.
Dont take much to knock Jamesie out. Hes usually halfway there already. But Ben made sure the job got done. Didnt he just.
Everyone waiting for Christmas dinner and they could have done without that getting in the way.
Decent Christmas dinner they do there as well. All the trimmings, and a bit of drink allowed in for a change, and the place all decorated up nice. Even Maureen letting her hair down a bit with what must be her one drink of the year or something, a glass of dry sherry and suddenly everythings hilarious. Probably a good job she saves it for Christmas. Seems like she might have a, what you call, a propensity.
Werent laughing about this though, fucking, Jamesie out cold and bleeding all over the floor and four or five big blokes holding Ben down.
That kid though. Ben. Fucksake. Give him a few rocks and he goes all like strength of a thousand bears and that. Does himself enough damage trying to batter his way out of trouble, running into doors and walls and taking on coppers twice his size. Makes a big impression for a small kid.
Plenty of volunteers coming in for the day, and presents for everyone, and decent food. Sausages wrapped in bacon and roast parsnips and proper horseradish sauce. Dont often get to eat proper horseradish sauce.
They had him in handcuffs by the time Heather got there. Mike long gone by then, striding off through the markets with his long coat swinging, making out like he had some phone call to attend to or something.
And what was it anyway, what had Jamesie done this time.
Something about money but it seemed like more than that.
The way Ben went at him.
And Steve werent even there so that should have reminded Heather that something was up. With Robert. He never liked being around people much but he never liked missing out on food neither. So she should have thought, when she didnt see him there.
She remembered later but she was back in her room by then. And sort of what could she do then.
When Steve was, what. While Robert was all, lying on his back and waiting. Or was it, what, sitting in his chair.
Hadnt even known Ben that long but she knew him enough that it werent much of a surprise. What he did to Jamesie like that. Four or five months since shed started seeing him about the place and hed always had some kind of trouble on him. Sort of followed him like a dog he couldnt get rid of. Like he didnt know no better, like he didnt know how to avoid it. Which he didnt did he. First time she saw him he was tapping people up outside the train station, when everyone knew that was the worst place for getting caught out in one of them clean sweeps or whatever. Didnt normally like getting involved but what was it there was just sort of something about him. Crossed the street and took him by the arm and said Youre better off not doing that right there sweetheart, and there was a couple of community street wardens or whatever they called them right on top near enough and he didnt say nothing he just went off with her like meek as a lamb or something.