Hed told her all this before the tour had even started, and in return shed told him that she was a school secretary from Gainsborough, Lincolnshire like the artist, shed said, although its no oil painting, and shed been surprised when he laughed and that she was only here for a week. Hed done more of the talking, it was fair to say.
And when theyd introduced themselves, just as the tour began, hed held out his hand for her to shake. Which she hadnt been expecting. He had a very large hand. He was really quite a large man, he looked sort of like a rugby player or something and she could see even from where she was standing that none of it was fat. Shaking hands with him had made her feel sort of petite. Which she certainly wasnt used to.
Wade, hed said. Elizabeth, shed replied.
That room though. If they were going to have that many people waiting in there for the tours to begin, they should have had a fan or something. Air-conditioning. It was too hot, really. Close.
Hed asked her to take the first picture almost immediately, as the group was walking across the great expanse of white gravel, the crunch of their footsteps swallowed up by the hot, still air. Hed been asking where else she was visiting while she was here, if shed been out of Kyoto at all, and shed said yes, there were day trips organised as part of the package she was on: to Nara, Himeji, Hiroshima. Shed felt awkward mentioning Hiroshima, as if he might have felt some kind of association. Oh yeah, hed said, I went to Hiroshima, day before last. That was something else. Awesome. And hed made this long, loud sigh, as if he was trying to clear stale air from his lungs. Not really a fun trip, but you kind of have to, hed said, looking at her. Waiting for her agreement, which shed happily given, nodding and saying oh absolutely I think so. Which was when hed looked round at the first of the palace buildings and suggested getting a picture right there, standing and framing himself against it while she lifted his camera to her face.
And if she does tell someone about this when she gets home, not Patricia but someone at least, shell say that this was when she first noticed, properly, what he looked like. There was the moustache, of course, and the sheer solid size of the man. But there was something else, something soft and quiet in his face and his eyes, something that contrasted with his loud talk and his oversized hands. It was nice, looking at him like that through the viewfinder.
Theyd changed places then, as the rest of the group moved away, and shed felt her already flushed face colour further as hed looked at her through her camera, and wished shed been wearing a different outfit. Something cooler. Something less pink. And something other than that pair of trousers. Patricia had told her before that they didnt work they dont do anything to help with your size is all Im saying, shed said, the only time Elizabeth had worn them in the office but shed got up in a hurry that morning and they were the first thing that had come to hand, and the whole outfit had looked nice in the air-conditioned hotel room, had looked cool and elegant and English-roseish. But now, standing for a picture she didnt want taken anyway, she just felt hot, and pink, and fat. And so why did she even think he might have been interested. She wasnt seventeen any more. Not by a long way.
The tour guide had already started by the time theyd caught up with the rest of the group. His Imperial Majesty would arrive from long journey in ox-drawn carriage, she was saying, pronouncing ox-der-awn-car-riage very precisely, as if it was essential that they understood. She described the entrance building behind her, with its low flight of steps and receding series of empty rooms lined with painted silk screens and tatami-mat floors.
The tour guide had already started by the time theyd caught up with the rest of the group. His Imperial Majesty would arrive from long journey in ox-drawn carriage, she was saying, pronouncing ox-der-awn-car-riage very precisely, as if it was essential that they understood. She described the entrance building behind her, with its low flight of steps and receding series of empty rooms lined with painted silk screens and tatami-mat floors.
Shed felt Wade nudging her. How dyou find life in Gainsborrow? hed whispered. Shed been a bit embarrassed that he was talking while the guide was talking, but still.
Its Gainsborough, shed whispered back, and hed put his hand over his mouth and made an apologetic face, which was nice that he thought it was important. Sorry, hed whispered; hows life in Gains-bor-ough, splitting the word up the way the tour guide had done with ox-drawn carriage, which was maybe a bit mean but very funny as well the way he did it, and so then it had been her turn to put her hand over her mouth, to hide her laughter. Its not bad, shed said, its not the centre of the universe but its a nice place to live. Hed held up his hands when shed said that. Hey, hed whispered, we cant all live in the centre of the universe, can we? Itd be a bit crowded if we did; and that had made her laugh again, and this time one or two people had turned around to look.
Theyd clicked very quickly, that was the thing. That was something else that was new.
So, the guide had said then; please now to the Oi-ke-ni-wa Garden. And everyone had turned and followed her across the gravel, except that by some silent agreement Wade and Elizabeth had waited and lagged a short way behind.
Wade and Elizabeth. It had a ring to it, but what was she thinking.
Shed asked him if he liked living in Minnesota, and hed said, sure it was fine, it was home, and hed mentioned again that it was good to be near to his kids. Hed asked her if she enjoyed being a school secretary, and shed said she supposed there were worse jobs she could be doing. Hed laughed, and said that was true enough, and shed asked about his children. You mentioned your children were nearby, shed said: are they at university or something? Surprising herself even as she said it, because she didnt always find small talk easy but this time she had. Which had made her think.
Hed looked at her, and shed realised straight away that shed missed the point. No, hed said, theyre too young for that just yet. Theyre living with their mother.
She could have died. Right there. Really.
Oh, shed said. Im sorry. I didnt think.
No, its okay, hed said. It was a while ago now. These things happen, you know how it is. Hed made a face, a sort of knowing frown, as if to say Id rather not go into details but Im sure you can guess. She wasnt sure that she could. The thing kind of got out of hand in the end, hed said. The moment had kind of passed. She nodded slowly, in a way which she hoped looked like sympathetic recognition. You got children? he asked.
No, she said, no I havent.
He looked like he was waiting for her to add something, but she didnt. Because what would she have said. Because what else was there to say.
The other people on the tour had all been younger than her and Wade, and shed wondered how it was that young people these days seemed able to travel anywhere in the world that took their fancy. This was just one holiday among many for them, and the ones who didnt know each other already were asking about it; none of them saying where you from?, she noticed, but rather where you been? and where you headed? One of them, a tall American girl in a sleeveless top and a pair of sensible walking shorts, all long brown limbs and neat blonde hair, had turned to Wade and said hey hows it going, as the tour guide led them through the garden to the next talking point, and Wade had said hey, good, thanks in reply. Leaving Elizabeth a bit stranded as they started a conversation of their own.
It was a beautiful garden. There was a lake, a large pond really, with a low arched bridge at one end, and a pebbled shore, and a stream winding down towards it from a stand of bamboo. There were the usual clipped and twisted trees, and carefully placed rocks, and mossy seating areas. The whole garden felt natural and artificial at the same time, and she wondered if there were hidden meanings to the arrangement which you were meant to decode. Shed wanted to say something to Wade about it, but hed still been talking to that girl, asking her where the best temples in Cambodia were the girl had been to Cambodia, of course and she couldnt catch his eye. Shed waited for them to finish their conversation, and when shed realised shed been standing there too long shed moved away a little, looking at the bridge on the far side of the lake, looking at the tour guide, looking at the palace buildings and the other people in the group. Because it didnt matter if he wanted to talk to someone else. Because why would that matter to her. She stood off to one side, holding his camera, waiting. Like some sort of she didnt know what. Spear-carrier. Spare part.
That girl though. It must be sunny all the time where she was from, judging by how tanned those long slim limbs were, the carefree freckles on her face. She must have never lost a nights sleep over anything, shed thought, and been surprised by her own bitterness. Because was this who shed become, already. She tried to remember, and she couldnt, when shed last been able to wear shorts, or anything without sleeves.
What sort of a name was Wade anyway, shed found herself thinking.
So, please, the guide had said then; please, this is Oh-ga-ku-mon-jo. In festival times poetry recitals would be held here, shed said, and gestured towards a painted silk screen in an open room behind her. The painting showed a group of finely dressed courtiers sitting cross-legged in a garden, and the guide had explained that this was the garden they were standing in now. If you look, these courtiers are sitting beside stream, shed said; and this is same stream here, with same group of three rocks also.
She just didnt know her way around this sort of thing, was the problem. She wasnt familiar with the territory. She couldnt read the situation, if there was ever a situation to read. Patricia had told her once that she was better off without a man, that she couldnt imagine the trouble they caused. Elizabeth assumed shed meant well, but she really hadnt appreciated it. Shed said, Patricia, if I want your opinion on my private life Ill ask and until then Id rather not have that sort of comment thank you. Which Patricia hadnt responded to, but when shed refilled the paper tray on the photocopier shed slammed it so hard that Elizabeth had been surprised it didnt break.