The whole family were delinquent (it was totally genetic): the dad, a child-fancier, the mother a basket case, the brothers all hoodlums, the sisters, sluts. The uncle was a trickster and the cousins, simpletons (although so far as anyone knew there was nothing concrete on the aunt).
Perhaps sensing herself the focal-point of somebodys attentions, Kelly suddenly glanced up
Ah
Patrick?
Is that his name?
She nodded and smiled politely. He smiled back
Christ she wants me
then turned and muttered something to the nurse on duty. The nurse sniggered, peering over. Kellys mouth tightened. She looked down, her cheeks flushing.
The second (and rather more hands-on) porter had delivered Beede a message just as soon as hed arrived at work: less a polite invitation to pop up and see Kelly, than a haughty if carefully phrased injunction (in the idiom of The Whips, this was definitely a Three Liner).
Even so, he didnt head up there immediately. He changed into his spotless white uniform, tinkered away at a faulty dryer, put on four wash-loads in quick succession, then took the service lift from his musty but well-ordered Basement Empire to the exotic, chaotic heights of Casualty (delivering a batch of clean towels to Paediatrics on the way).
As he strolled along the corridor, he observed (with some amusement) that Kelly had her nose buried in an article about a charitable Aids Trust in Southern Africa (whatever next? Principia Philosophia?).
Better sort yourself out, first, he volunteered dryly, before you apply, eh?
She started, guiltily, at the unexpected sound of his voice, then her chin jerked up defiantly. Ha ha. She slapped the magazine down, scowling.
I believe you left your two dogs at the flat, he continued (completely undaunted by his frosty reception). Theyre currently standing guard in the hallway. One of them mauled Kanes house guest.
Screw the blasted dogs, she whispered crossly. Why aint you returned my calls? Whyve you been avoidin me?
Beedes brows rose slightly, but before he could open his mouth to answer shed already charged on, An that was your big mistake, see? I aint no fool. Youve been avoidin me cos you feel bad, an you feel bad she poked a skinny index finger into his chest, because you stole those drugs from Kane and then sold me up the bloody Mersey. Ive been thinkin about it a lot for days, in fact and nothin else adds up.
Beedes expression did not change.
So you fractured your leg? he asked, at normal volume.
Kelly was briefly put off her stride by his refusal to engage with her. She admired Beede, after all. She didnt understand him
Of course not
but she respected him. She saw him as a being of an entirely different order
Celestial/monkish
a fraction cold, perhaps, but noble, defiant, honourable. One-dimensional
Certainly
a little boring, maybe. But entirely trustworthy. Above reproach or so shed thought like the Good King in a fairy story.
I fell off your stupid wall, she grumbled.
Why?
I was waitin for ya. To have it out.
But why did you fall? he persisted.
I had a row.
He didnt seem surprised by this. With whom?
Kelly pushed her shoulders back, dramatically. That coloured bitch who killed Paul.
Ah, Beede quickly put two and two together. That would be Winifred.
She nodded (not a little deflated by his emotionless response).
Anyway, Beede spoke very gently (as if dealing with an Alzheimers patient whod been discovered trying to buy a cup of tea in the staff canteen with a tampon), he isnt dead, is he?
Stop tryin to wriggle off the damn hook, she growled.
I wasnt ever on it, Kelly, Beede said gravely (but there was an edge of steel in his voice). And Paul isnt dead. Hes very much alive. Hes a fuckin vegetable, Kelly bleated. An she did that. Said as much herself. It was her who got him started: took him under her wing when he was feelin low, got him into dope an sniff an all that other shit. Then, once he was hooked, once he was well and truly screwed, kicked up her posh, little heels an cheerfully buggered off.
If it makes you feel better to apportion blame Beede murmured, imperturbably.
Private bloody school, a new bloody life. Fine for her Kelly continued, then she paused, as if only just registering his interjection. Yes. She nodded. It bloody does (Beede smiled. He was familiar with Kellys conversational stock-car racing the dramatic zoom past, the sudden handbrake turn, the skid, the spin.)though I aint sure what you mean by that, exactly, she finished off, scowling.
If it makes you feel better to focus all your understandable rancour on somebody else somebody who is, to all intents and purposes, quite extraneous to the situation then thats perfectly understandable Beede said benignly. In fact its utterly human.
Kelly was quiet for a while, then, Youre head-fucking me, she announced.
Dont be ridiculous.
You are.
I merely stated a simple truth about your brother.
No, she paused. No. Im wise to your tricks, see? On the surface youre pretendin to be all sweet and kind and charmin about it like butter wouldnt melt but underneath, what youre really sayinwhat youre really thinkinis that Im somehow to blame for whats happened to him
Not that you are, Beede mildly demurred, but that perhaps at some level you believe you might be.
Kelly gasped (her hand flew to her chest). You think I scragged my own brother?!
Now youre just being hysterica I, Beede snapped, barely managing to compose his features in time to nod, politely, at a passing Staff Matron.
Fuck off I am!
Good. Fine. Whatever you say, Kelly.
She stared up at him, in wonderment, the scales apparently fallen. Oh. My. God. You are evil.
Id better get back, Beede smiled, crisply (no point in a denial). It mayve escaped your attention, but Im actually meant to be employed by this hospital.
Yeah. Thatd be right. Off you go, Grandad Kelly waved him away, airily. Back to work. Back to the grindstone, eh? Back to cleanin your dirty, bloody laundry
Her voice oozed ill-will.
Beede didnt respond, initially, he just cocked his head and gazed at her, blankly, as if inexplicably baffled by the words shed just uttered. Kelly shifted, uneasily, under his vigorous scrutiny.
Then quite out of the blue he smiled. He beamed. Have I got this all wrong? he asked (suddenly the very essence of genial avuncularity). Or were you actually experimenting with a clever piece of word-play there?
Before she could muster up an answer (shed half-opened her mouth, in preparation, but had yet to rally her considerable intellectual forces she was still in shock from the fall, after all), hed patted her, encouragingly, on her bony shoulder. Because if you were, Im very impressed, dear. Well done. Bravo!
Kellys eyes bulged at this near-perfect kiss-off.
And by the way Beede continued, benevolently, if you were hoping for a visit from your mother any time soon
(Her mouth quickly snapped shut again. Oh God. The very thought almost calcified her entire bone-structure)then youll be delighted to know, he purred soothingly, that shes here.
The cat had found sanctuary in its basket. Only a piercing pair of china-blue eyes were now visible, peeking out at him, anxiously, from the creaking confines of its smart, wicker corral. Kane blew an idle raspberry at it, and the cat hunched down even lower, emitting a strangely haunting, dog-like yowl.
He glanced around him. Itd been a long while since hed ventured inside Beedes bedroom, but during this considerable interim, a dramatic transformation a revolutionhad taken place.
Where previously Beede had been the master of decorative understatement (books, reading lamp, bed, eiderdown, matching Victorian dark-wood cupboard and chest of drawers) now the place was like some kind of Aladdins cave: a veritable bring-and-buy sale of disparate objects, for the most part stacked up in crates (which now covered floor to ceiling three of the four walls).
The crates had been turned on to their sides, so that the items within were individually showcased; almost as if inhabiting their own miniature plywood theatres. Kane remembered staging theatrical endeavours of this kind himself, as a boy, in cardboard boxes; with badly painted back-drops, a batch of plastic animals and his Action Man but
Hey
surely Beede was taking things a little far here?
Even the cats basket had been placed inside a crate. And each crate
The crates had been turned on to their sides, so that the items within were individually showcased; almost as if inhabiting their own miniature plywood theatres. Kane remembered staging theatrical endeavours of this kind himself, as a boy, in cardboard boxes; with badly painted back-drops, a batch of plastic animals and his Action Man but
Hey
surely Beede was taking things a little far here?
Even the cats basket had been placed inside a crate. And each crate
Kane scowled as he bent down to inspect one was tagged with a crisp, white label containing a date, a description of the item eg:
13.08.2002
Three coffee mugs c. 1997
One bears the inscription: The worlds best fisherman
Cup three has slight chip on lip
as well as a digital image of the item/s in question neatly affixed underneath.
Kane found himself staring at the photograph of the mugs for some minutes
Has Beede completely lost his marbles?
Or is it me?
Is it the weed?
Has my fantasy/fact facility become utterly jumbled?
He was finally stirred from his reverie by a hoarse cough from the cat
Hairball?
He moved over to inspect its crate (squatted down to read the label):
22.12.2002
Blue-point Siamese
Chairman Miaow, aka Manny
Three years old
Neutered male
He stared at its photograph, then directly at the animal
Hmmn.
A good likeness.
The cat returned his stare, unblinking.
Kanes mind suddenly turned to the chiropodist
Ella?
No
Ellen?
He thought about her hands and her long, plain, brown hair
Uh
Then he focussed in on his foot. A small verruca, hidden underneath the arch (which hed possessed almost without noticing for seven years? Eight?) had actually been niggling him for several weeks now (new trainers he reasoned with slightly higher insoles. A different distribution of pressure, of body weightThatd set it off. Those tiny, jabbing sensations. Those sharp bouts of ferocious itching