I cant, she said. I cant.
Im sad, too, Mommy. Just take one bite, Cassie said, using a line Jenna had used on her when she fussed over food.
Please, Jen, Blake said before his cell phone rang and he answered. Hey, Doug,. Yeahthanks. Were doin our best. Thanks No, go ahead Really? Now, today? Okay, thanks.
Blake hung up then turned to Jenna as Holly and Garrett joined them.
What is it? Jenna asked.
That was Doug Carlin, our neighbor. We have to go to our house.
Since the storm and Calebs disappearance, Jenna had not been to their home. It was gone, and her attention was on Caleb.
I dont understand, she said. Why? Why do we need to go now?
Doug said there are officials in our neighborhood and there are deadlines this morning for permits and insurance.
No, Jenna said. I dont care. Without Caleb we dont have a home. Our home is here. Jenna jabbed her thumb to her heart. Where we are. And well put it back together when we have him.
Jen. Blake got down on one knee before her. I know. We all want Caleb back more than anything. But we have to go. They need both our signatures and there are things there well want to keep, things belonging to Caleb.
Tears streamed down Jennas face, then she felt the small strong warmth of Cassies arms around her.
Dont cry, Mommy.
Garrett and Blake sat up front in the rented SUV.
Jenna and Holly sat in the back holding Cassies hands as they drove to the south end of the Metroplex and into Lancaster.
They lived in One Mile River estates, a family neighborhood of modest bungalows on curving kid-friendly streets sheltered by tall green ash and cottonwoods. But Jennas first thought when they neared One Mile was that theyd taken a wrong turn.
This isnt it.
She couldnt recognize the community. Everything was flattened.
A Lancaster police car and a couple of city emergency vehicles were posted at a barricade blocking the entrance to the street where Jenna and Blake lived. Beyond it, nothing but a wasteland of rubble.
Sorry, a police officer said. Access is restricted. Only residents with permits can enter, or emergency people or press.
My wife and I are residents, Blake said.
Okay, then this is what youll have to do.
Blake had to show acceptable proof of residency, such as his drivers license, to a city official in a truck nearby. The official issued the Coopers a temporary permit for access to their address and advised them to assess and record the damage. Other officials in fluorescent vests emerged and directed them on recovery, noting that most insurance companies had adjusters on-site. There was talk about inspections, the replacement process, applying for living expenses, insurance forms, requirements, deadlines and all available services from groups like the Red Cross and the Salvation Army.
Theres no gas, no water and no electricity, so make sure you have flashlights and your cell phones are charged, one official said. And as you see on the permit, theres a curfew.
Garrett had thought to bring a flashlight if they needed it. Blake had ensured they charged phones at night at the hotel. Once they were set, they began walking in but had trouble locating their home.
Their neighborhood was obliterated, street signs and landmarks were gone. The trees had been shredded, stripped, uprooted, leaving jagged pronglike branches spearing the sky, reminiscent of images found in footage of a war zone.
Cars had been flipped and crumpled, like emptied soda cans, roofs had been torn from houses; some homes were severed, exposing bedrooms, living rooms, bathrooms. Furniture had been tossed to lawns that resembled landfill sites with debris everywhere. The air smelled of damp earth, garbage, backed-up sewers and loss.
Jenna, Blake, Cassie, Holly and Garrett walked in silence, reverently observing neighbors picking through the aftermath to the rip-crack of plywood being smashed or moved, punctuated with soft weeping, then the subdued joy as someone recovered a treasure. I found the box with Mom and Dads wedding rings! or I found the picture album!
They came to their address.
Jenna and Blake stared at the heap that had been their home.
Jennas chin trembled. Blake pulled her and Cassie close as together they confronted the fact that their home was gone.
Garrett and Holly touched their shoulders in consolation. There was nothing to say and the small group stood in mourning for a long moment until a neighbor greeted them.
Im so damn sorry, Doug Carlin, a seventy-year-old retired U.S. Marine Sergeant, said. About Caleb, about your house. Bev and I have been asking the good Lord to step up to the plate for you, Blake.
Im so damn sorry, Doug Carlin, a seventy-year-old retired U.S. Marine Sergeant, said. About Caleb, about your house. Bev and I have been asking the good Lord to step up to the plate for you, Blake.
Thanks, Doug, he said, and thanks for calling me.
We lost our place, too, and down the way- Carlin pointed his wooden walking stick -the McKinleys and the Franklins didnt make it. They were killed in the storm. We found Del and Sam in each others arms in the kitchen. The roof came down on them. This place got hit bad, no doubt about it. Carlin glanced around. Ill let you get to it. You got my cell, I got yours. Ill keep you posted on things here while you do what you gotta do to find your baby. God bless you, now.
Jenna hugged him, and after Carlin left, Garrett asked Blake the name of their insurance company.
Ill head down the street and ask around to get an adjuster to come over and talk to you, Garrett said.
I got a card. Blake reached for his wallet. We just updated the policy last year, when we knew we- Well, when we knew we were having another child.
Blake gave the card to Garrett then, after cautioning Cassie to be careful around the debris, Blake and Holly started sifting through it for valuables.
KAY-leb! Cassie crouched down and called into the wreckage for her baby brother. Are you in there, KAY-leb!
Jenna didnt move.
This is our old life, she thought, the old life that I lived. The life I loved is gone-its never coming back. This life has stopped. It stopped the moment Caleb was taken from me. Our new life wont start; it cant start until Im holding my baby again. I dont care about the old house, about things. Finding Caleb and putting our family back together is what we have to do.
At that moment, Jennas heart skipped for she heard the familiar soft sound of Calebs rattle and turned.
Look, Mommy! Cassie held up the small yellow plastic ball by its handle. I found Calebs rattle.
Hearing it was balm for Jennas broken heart, and she swept Cassie up in her arms and kissed her. Good work, sweetheart!
I think we should keep it for him for when we fix our home better.
I think so, too.
Jenna turned to see Kate Page standing at the edge of the property.
44
Lancaster, Texas
Holding Cassie in her arms, Jenna remained subdued and took a few steps toward Kate.
Do you have news about Caleb?
No. Im sorry.
How did you know we were here?
We didnt. Kate turned toward Mark Danson, the photographer who was approaching from shooting pictures across the street. We came this morning for a feature on your neighborhood. Youd told me that you hadnt been back here since everything happened.
Blakes face hardened at Kates presence, then he glanced at Jenna.
Danson arrived and upon reading the situation stood behind Kate, saying and doing nothing as the tension mounted.
It became unbearable until Kate spoke to break it. We were down the street when I saw you here. Jenna, Im so sorry about everything, about Caleb, your home, about what you said to me at the motel yesterday-it all went down so fast.
Blake shook his head in slow disappointment.
Shes just like the FBI, Jen. Blake resumed picking through what remained of their house. Theyre not your friends. You cant expect them to call you with information about our baby because its all a one-way street with them. Theyre just doing their jobs. Its what they get paid for.
Its not like that, Blake, Kate said. Yes, Im a reporter but Im a parent, too. And Ive lost-I lost someone close to me. I care more than you think, and Im doing all I can to make sure everyone cares, so you can find Caleb. I dont expect you to believe it, but its true and I want you to know that.
Jenna stared at her, then set Cassie down. A strand of Jennas hair curtained over her face and she pushed it back.
I know you care, Jenna said. I knew it when you found Calebs romper at the shelter. Because if you hadnt done that- her voice weakened -we wouldnt know anything. But I have a right to be angry. You let me down.
Im sorry, Kate said softly.
Jenna nodded.
After letting a moment pass, Kate said, Will you talk to me a little bit for a story today?
Blake looked at Kate then at his wife, whod mournfully scanned the devastation while holding Calebs rattle in her hand.
I keep thinking how I had his stroller. I was holding him but I let go.
Blake went to her, took her shoulders. Dont do this, Jen. Dont beat yourself up. Blake shot an accusatory glance at Kate.
But Jenna maintained her composure and continued. Theres only one thing Ill say. Our home can be rebuilt but our lives cant, not until we find our baby. And I beg the people who have him to please give him back to me.
Kate wrote it down and, noticing the babys rattle, asked, Is that Calebs?
Yes. Cassie found it here.
Jenna looked at it before pressing it to her lips.
At that moment Kate heard Dansons camera and knew that he had a compelling news picture: Jenna Cooper cherishing her missing babys toy while standing among the ruins of her home.
45
Dallas, Texas
Thats the one.
Mark Danson was previewing his photos while he and Kate sat in his Jeep before leaving the Coopers flattened neighborhood in Lancaster. He angled his camera to show her his favorite frame.
Its an emotional image, he said. What do you think?
There was Jenna Cooper standing among the ruins of her home cherishing her missing babys toy rattle.
Yes, its strong, Kate said.
Danson started the motor and, as they made their way to the expressway, he sensed Kate was still shaky from talking with Jenna Cooper.
You were good back there, he said.
What dyou mean?
How you got the mother to talk when she was clearly pissed at you over the motel business. It was a good act.
A good act. Whats that supposed to mean?
You know.
No, I dont know.
Come on. In this business we gotta say or do whatever it takes to get what we need. Her husband was right, covering tragedies the way we do is part of our job.