She kicked off her shoes and rubbed her sore ankles, then rested her head against the back of her front door. She let her eyelids close down and drifted into an exhaustion-induced half-awake state.
She was still pressed against the front door when the bell beside her buzzed. She jerked back to consciousness, remembering she had plans to see Bryn. Plans after work had never been an issue before, but Keira’s body was heavy and tired after the long day and she cursed herself for having made them in the first place.
She turned and opened the door to Bryn. Her sister was holding a plant in a vase.
“Housewarming gift!” Bryn exclaimed.
Keira smiled. “Come on in,” she said, beckoning.
It was her sister’s first time seeing the apartment. Bryn stepped inside and looked about her a little cautiously.
“Oh, it’s very… cute,” she commented, placing the plant onto the countertop.
Keira knew she was holding back from saying tiny, but at least it was a step in the right direction for Bryn to even hold her tongue. Knowing Bryn, she probably thought the place was a complete dump. She was trying to be nice, which, in itself, was a huge thing for Bryn!
“Wow, you have a view over Central Park,” Bryn added, walking up to the window and gazing out.
“Just about,” Keira replied.
“It’s a great view,” Bryn said with a nod.
At least that was truthful, Keira thought.
Bryn turned from the window then. “Right, we’d better get started,” she said. She dumped her purse on the floor, then bent down and fished out a measuring tape from inside. She pulled the tape and held it up. “We’ll need to measure everything. Walls. Windows. Everything.”
Keira raised an eyebrow. “That’s kind of thorough, don’t you think?”
“Absolutely,” Bryn replied. “I want this place to be as perfect as can be. I have a vision already. You know I love to decorate.”
Keira laughed aloud. “That’s fine. But remember this is my apartment, so don’t go too crazy.”
But there was no telling Bryn. She was already off with her measuring tape, humming to herself, a woman on a mission.
*
Once Bryn had gotten all the detailed measurements she felt necessary, they headed out in Bryn’s car to a furniture store. Bryn waltzed in ahead of Keira, clearly in heaven as she perused the aisles. They started in the dining room section.
“I forgot to ask,” Bryn said as they walked between the rows of tables and chair sets. “What’s your budget for the new place?”
Keira thought of the check from Elliot, which was still in her pocket. If he really meant there was more to come, then she could theoretically blow the whole lot. But Keira was far too sensible for that. Besides, she was so used to the rug being pulled out from beneath her feet that she could never let herself get that comfortable. The last time she’d had any large sum of money it had all been wasted on Shane’s canceled trip to New York City.
“Um, I have some savings,” Keira said, opting for a half truth. “But I’d prefer not to use too much of it. Let’s just keep it sensible.”
“Sure,” Bryn said, absent-mindedly, her attention already taken by a sleek glass bistro table and two matching glass and metal chairs. Clearly, Keira’s budget wasn’t at the forefront of Bryn’s mind.
“Isn’t this gorgeous?” Bryn said, turning to Keira with a big grin. “And it’s the perfect dimensions for the window. Imagine looking out at your view, a glass of wine in hand.”
Keira stuck her tongue out and grimaced. “That sounds more like you than me. It’s a bit too modern for my taste. You know I like vintage.”
“Just think, this will be vintage one day,” Bryn cajoled. “Eventually.”
Keira chuckled. “That’s not how it works and you know it. I’d prefer a chair with an ottoman in the window, covered in a checkered blanket and mismatched floral cushions. Somewhere I can sit and read, not somewhere to quaff wine.”
Now it was Bryn’s turn to grimace. “This is why I’m the one designing the place. If you were left to your own devices you’d probably cover the walls in fabric, stick a ton of cushions on the floor, and call it a day.”
Keira rolled her eyes at Bryn’s over exaggerated vision.
“Come on, sis. I have this all worked out,” Bryn continued. “And this table is absolutely perfect for my vision.” She rested her hands on the glass table top. “It speaks to me. You have to get it.”
Keira shook her head and let out a sigh. Shopping with Bryn was going to be a lot tougher than she’d expected.
Just then, a woman from the other end of the aisle approached them. She had an eager expression on her face. Keira’s first instinct was that she was a salesperson paid solely on commission, about to tell her all about a fantastic deal she just couldn’t miss out on. But the woman said something that threw Keira completely off kilter.
“I’m sorry to interrupt, but are you Keira from Viatorum?” she asked.
Keira stared at her, shocked. Though she’d been recognized before in public, it had usually been while abroad. Something about it happening in her own neighborhood, while she was doing something as mundane as shopping, made it even more jarring.
“Yes, I am,” she said, feeling the blush rise in her cheeks.
“I’m a huge fan,” the woman gushed. “Would you mind if I took a picture?”
Keira looked at Bryn, who was grinning widely. Finally Keira shrugged. “I guess. Sure.”
“I’ll take it,” Bryn offered without missing a beat. “Then you can be in it too.”
The woman thanked her, then slung her arm around Keira’s shoulders and pressed her cheek against Keira’s for the shot. It was uncomfortably close and familiar and Keira felt very awkward.
“Can you sign my copy of Viatorum?” the woman added. “I have the old one before they changed the cover.”
Keira did her best to hide the grimace, but it always stung when she was confronted with the image of her and Cristiano, in movie-star black-and-white, kissing on the rooftops of Paris.
Quickly, she scrawled her name across the magazine, obscuring part of her features in the process.
“Amazing, thank you,” the woman said. “I only came here for some new bath towels. My friends are going to be so jealous!”
She scurried away, leaving Keira facing Bryn awkwardly.
“Oh. My. Goodness,” Bryn said. “You are literally a superstar now.”
Keira rolled her eyes. “Hardly. A few people recognize me, that’s all.” She thought about her scheduled TV appearance the next morning. After that, a whole load more people would recognize her. If she’d had as much recognition from just the black-and-white image on the cover, it was only going to get worse once she appeared in full color on people’s breakfast TV.
“You look worried,” Bryn said, taking her arm. They started strolling along the aisles.
“It’s just that a lot is changing with work,” Keira said. “My career isn’t going where I thought it would.”
“Because you get to be on TV?” Bryn asked incredulously.
“I never said it was bad,” Keira corrected. “Just different. I mean, I’m quiet and bookish. You’re the loud, confident one. If either of us should be on TV, it should be you.”
Bryn made a pfft noise. “You’re ridiculous. Just go with the flow, sis. Enjoy the journey.”
They turned into the living room section, where the aisles were filled with couches.
“I’m trying,” Keira told her. “You know how stressed I get. How tightly wound I can be. Relaxing doesn’t come easy to me.”
“You’d relax more easily if you bought this delightful two-seater,” Bryn said, gesturing to a bright red velvet couch.
Keira laughed. “Absolutely not!”
Bryn just sighed. “You don’t understand my vision,” she said theatrically.
She looped arms with Keira again and they strolled onward.
“Do you really believe that stuff you wrote?” Bryn asked Keira as they went. “Your theory about love and not having strings attached? Being independent?”
Keira wondered if she was asking in relation to her recent engagement. Just as Keira had worked out that love didn’t have to mean the entangling of two lives into a single entity, Bryn had flipped her own style on its head in order to settle down.
“You used to think it,” Keira reminded her.
Bryn shrugged. “I know. But it’s a lonely way to be. I always envied what you had with Zach.”
This was news to Keira.
“You did?” she asked. “But you teased me relentlessly. Said I was old before my time.”
“I thought I had all the answers,” Bryn explained. “But really I was just scared of commitment. As much as I hate to admit it, our mom is right, about how her divorce put me off marriage. I didn’t want to rely on anyone because I saw what happened to her. But now I can see how great it is having a guy around, having someone to come home to, to rely on. This whole Scandinavian trend you’ve started seems so lonely to me. Too casual. Like, where’s the security?”
Keira was surprised to hear so much musing coming from Bryn. Her sister was more of a doer than a thinker, and it shocked her to hear how deeply she’d thought this through.
They made it to the lighting section. Bryn held her hand up to a crystal chandelier, the light making her ring sparkle.
“I want you to have this feeling too,” Bryn said to Keira. “I’m so happy.”
Keira’s initial thought was, Who is this woman? Her sister had changed so much in such a short space of time, it was enough to give her a headache. But overall, she was just glad to see her content.
“I’m happy for you,” Keira told her. “We just have different journeys. If I’d settled with Zach, I would never have had what I did with Shane. Without Shane, there’d have been no Cristiano, no Milo. All those relationships were important to me. I’d hate to have missed out on any of them.”
Even as she said it, she couldn’t help thinking of the ring Cristiano had pulled out when he’d proposed. A wave of loneliness crashed over her. She could have so easily settled with him. She could have chosen him then and there. But then what? She would never have met Milo, never have written the article on Scandinavia that was about to change her life. Everything happened for a reason. She was a firm believer of that. If any of the men she’d been with so far was one she should be with, the universe would give her some kind of sign.
“Okay, sis, I’ve got it!” Bryn exclaimed, breaking her from her reverie.
Keira looked up to see her sister standing by a beautiful writing bureau and stool. There was a banker’s lamp on it, and a little shelf attached for books. It even had a shallow drawer for pens. For once, Bryn had chosen right.
“That’s perfect,” Keira gushed.
She ran over to her sister and touched her fingertips to the gorgeous table.
“See?” Bryn said. “I told you. I have a vision. You just have to trust me.”
Keira laughed. “Fine. I give myself over to the Bryn process fully. Do your worst!”
Chapter seven
Two hours later, and two thousand dollars poorer, Keira arrived back home. Unleashing Bryn in a furniture store had perhaps not been the most sensible idea, but she’d been too tired to fight it and in the end, there was some relief that came with giving up control. The real downside of the shopping trip was that Keira would have to wait for most of the larger items to be delivered, which meant she still had no couch, no bed, and no writing desk. All they’d been able to take home with them were some lamps, bedding sets, and a DIY tool kit complete with hammer and screwdrivers that Bryn insisted she own now that she was independent.
As Keira emptied the contents of her bags onto the counter, she realized that her DIY set could be put to immediate use. She still had the painting Milo had gifted her for Christmas in her case. She hurried to it now and pulled out on the clothes resting on top. As she did, she noticed the little black box, recalling the beautiful necklace Milo had bought her for the specific purpose of not forgetting about him. She hadn’t worn it since returning to New York City, and mused on the reason why. She couldn’t put her finger on it. For some reason, it just didn’t feel right to her, to have this memento of a prior relationship hanging around her neck.
She shook the thoughts and continued searching for the painting. She had the perfect place to hang it; just above where her new writing desk would go once it was delivered.
Once she’d found it, she hurried back into the living area and fetched her new tool kit. It was the first time she’d actually done any DIY, and though nerve-wracking, it felt really good to wield a hammer. Bashing a nail into the wall was also very cathartic. She could certainly get used to this independence thing!
With the nail in place, Keira hung the painting and stepped back to admire it. It was such an inspiring image, reminding her of the wonderful Christmas she’d had in Sweden. At once, she wished she could be back there, back where things were calm and relaxed. Back to a time before all the craziness had begun.
Just to the right of the painting was the large window with its view over New York City. It couldn’t have been a greater contrast; the serenity of Sweden with the business of New York. And the incongruity of how lonely the picture looked when her time in Sweden had been anything but, yet how full New York City appeared from her window when she was completely alone within it.
She felt a strong urge to call Milo then, but remembered that she had homework; prepping for tomorrow morning’s television appearance. It was going to be a very early start – she was needed in makeup at six a.m. – so there’d be no time to practice Rick’s advice in the morning. Though her segment was prerecorded, it still had to be done in time for the early slot on the show.
She headed into the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror on the cabinet. Rick had advised her to practice her “natural” smile, which was as paradoxical as it was impossible. Every time she attempted to smile it looked forced, bordering on manic. He would not be pleased with her at all.
Then she said some of her pre-prepared lines. Even though she’d written them herself, they sounded fake in her voice. Too rehearsed. Too unnatural.
She sighed. This was the problem that no one had envisioned. Keira was only good with words when she wrote them down, not when she produced them from her mouth! She was going to make a fool of herself tomorrow, she could just tell.
She heard her phone ping in the other room. Relieved to get a break from the strained practice, she headed out into the living room and retrieved her phone from her purse. She was expecting Bryn or Mallory. But the name on her screen took her by complete surprise. Cristiano.
Heart hammering, Keira opened the message.
I read your article. It’s great. Don’t forget me when you’re famous. I’m always thinking of you.
Keira blinked, stunned. She had no idea what to reply, if, indeed, she should reply anything. Things with Cristiano had soured. She hadn’t expected to hear from him ever again. And for him to write to her in relation to an article she’d written about her rebound from him made it even stranger. Cristiano’s jealous streak had been a real issue in their short-lived relationship. Maybe he was trying to prove that he was above it.
Whatever his reasoning, Keira wasn’t yet ready to handle it, or process it. There was too much going on for her to even devote an ounce of energy to Cristiano. She put her phone away and went back into the bathroom to resume her strained smiling practice.
*
Keira arrived at the office the next morning before the sun had even risen. She felt awful. Sleeping on just a mattress was doing her no good at all, and waking up at five a.m. had felt like hell. Her coffee stall guy hadn’t even opened yet, so she’d not even had a chance for a caffeine fix.