While writing this book, I went to ask my neighbor what she thinks of men and sex. I normally donât confine my research to church, especially when I am dealing with a problem that affects everyone. So I went to my neighbor, a socialite and occasional drinker. She was painfully honest as she sat there gazing at me with that shroud look on her face that says ââI am not going to give you an answer that soothes your churchy background .ââ Then her face expressed her absence as she thought deeply in protracted silence about men and the question asked. She lit her cigarette, took one long puff and said to me (as smoke gushed out of her mouth and nostrils) that ââmen are people who donât attach much to sex, they can just fuck for the sake of fucking.ââ Whewww! Now, I didnât say that, she did, so donât throw this book away yet. Donât even accuse me of profanity... She went on to say ââmen are simple creatures, its easy to read them as a woman, they are not into details, but they are very decisive and love to hide their feelings.ââ Then she said something I have heard many women say, which is that ââmen are like babies.ââ Now, I have also heard men, and many of them for that matter, saying that ââwomen are like babiesââ. This shouldnât shock you because lovers often call each other ââbabe.ââ Nowadays its âbaeâ.
I heard that a lady was breast-feeding her child in a taxi. She kept threatening the child by saying that if she continued playing and not sucking her breasts for milk, she will give them to the man next to her. As she kept holding her ballooned breasts filled with milky delight for the child, the man next to her (a typical stranger) kept looking lustfully at the juicy breasts.The baby wasnât sucking them breasts. So, mother threatened the baby. âIf you donât suck them,am giving them to uncleâ.After the woman gave the fifth threat, this man, asked how many times the woman was going to threaten the child and not execute the threat. I laughed, and wondered whether thatâs what we mean when we say men are like babies. Do they need the very things that the baby needs?Yes! Grown up men, suck breasts. Indeed men are like babies, and in a very literal way for that matter. But according to men, itâs the other way round:Women are babies. They are ââunpredictableââ and ââstressful.ââ and so confusing that even God doesnât understand them. Thatâs what they say...
The other day I was traveling with this old palâa taxi driver who normally takes me around Gabz. Then he saw a ring on my finger and asked me, ââso how is your wife?ââ I saw the look on his face, and that he wanted to share some ââold man secretsââ with me. So, I just rhetorically responded, ââeeer..she is so so, eish mdala, you know our women...ââ what followed was chuckles as if to say ââI knew it young-man,there are always issues.ââ Then he says to me, ââI have my old woman too, and I have given her everything a woman could want , now she wants to have the little money I make out of this taxi.ââ ââWhy would she do that?ââ I asked with that puzzled face and African wonder posture, holding my chin while concurrently folding my arms. But the old man was not at all looking my direction. He was looking at the road like a devoted driver and probably listening attentively to the pain his old wife causes him. He seemed to be comforting his hurt self with a church hymn sang almost in silence. Then he says to me ââeish, my wife âke mathataâ, she troubles me, and wonât give me sex. She thinks I am a fool, but I have found a new sex mate, and I wonât tell her that as much as she has stopped being intimate with me and wonât say a word...ââAt that moment, his statement deeply hit me, especially because I am a preacher and he doesnât know it. To hear somebody confessing deliberate adultery like that haunts me the way a zebra is troubled by seeing a ferocious lion. We took a few turns into simple but complicated Gaborone streets, then he dropped me by the anticipated destination. ââ sharp Mdala...ââ I said, and he waved driving away and disappearing into the dust which his Japanese import motor car had created. I could not concentrate on his heart-felt wave. Instead as he drove away, my heart was reeling in shock at a statement so astonishing yet said casually. It dawned on me again that the world is sick and I need to write a book that can heal it. Just the week prior, I was talking to a very close friend of mine. Then he told me about his sex life. He told me candidlyâand I think is because we are close, he said ââwomen in your country seem not to know a thing about sex. They prefer switching off the lights until itâs too dark for us to even look into each otherâs eyeballs. Then ignorant bonking takes place. After that dark encounter, thereâs no feedback. They just wonât tell you whether the sex was good or bad. Commenting about sex to them is a no-go areaââ This man defends his opinion by suggesting that the idea of switching off lights is so common that Juju boy, a local artist in Botswana, has written the song, hurt me,with the mention of ââ leboneââ which means ââlight or lamp,ââ and the artist hinting that he wants to see his lover. He thinks the musician is complaining against the local mentality of switching off lights before sex. Is he?
I thought itâs only men who often feel that their sex lives are as bitter as an aspirin until I spoke to one lady who used to be my classmate in those far gone years when we were kids ââdoingââ elementary schooling. We did talk typical ex-classmate talk which revolves around history. Then she talked about her kids and her man. Afterwards, I asked her the shocker question...ââso, how is the sex?ââ She was immediately in stress-land and releasing the cortisol hormone, yet she blatantly said ââHeish, not good at all, but what can I do? I am a woman, if I tell him about how the sex sucks and how we can improve it, he will say I am a bitch.ââ I was reminded of how in one of our talk shows, a woman said without mincing words that a great deal of men are reputable for pouncing on women without foreplay. Just after brief kissing which cannot even compete with your puppyâs passionate lick of its food bowl, they already think the snake must go out to play. They say in just a minute, the pants are down, and they want the vaginal sliding door to lead them to gloryland. These short tempered brothers who have no idea what it is to romance a woman and bring her to a turn-on level, have ruined the bedroom and the reputation of men. Men, especially here in Africa (though not all of them) are domineering, traditional, naive and yet sexually insane. They love it but they have no idea what a woman thinks and how she feels. And our women, who have grown tired of boring sex are faking climax. They are screaming like a person encapsulated by pleasure when in fact they just want the man to be doneâor to come, if thatâs the ââbig Idea.ââ I hope this day as you read this book, your curiosity has been aroused. If you are a man, I hope you now want to learn how to sex the right way. If you are a woman by now, the damage caused by sexless homes has caused you to want your man to have the kind of sex that will make him think of only you when it comes to sex. Itâs time you became jealous enough to think of everything to do for your man to be satisfied enough to not want to know what lies between another womanâs thighs. I believe Mr man, that you should be competent enough to avoid making your lady live with you out of tolerance and loyalty. Yes, women love hot sex, but not more than affection. Sex without romance to them is no better than a vegetarian meal without vegetables. Itâs crazy. Its not even bad sex, its no sex at all.... Itâs just the rubbing of genitalia.
Now to help you out on this issue, I am not going to go straight into teaching you how to have sex. There are some vital things I am going to teach you that are fundamental. A great deal of books teach about bonking,show sex positions and leave you to them. But sex positions mean nothing if you donât know sex basics. Learning sex positions before getting the basics is like learning punches and kicks before you learn fighting stances and conditioning your body. Itâs like learning how to pray before you learn how to be a Christian. And this is why we are often taught, ââseek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all this things will be added unto you.ââ(Matthew 6:33). Kunfu masters often provoke their students to anger because a student wants to spend all the zeal in learning how to fight. The master wants to teach his student the principles, but the student insists on fighting methods. I was often impatient when my guitar instructor wanted me to learn chords while I wanted to learn songs. He had tried to explain this to me in many words that chords come before songs, however, he was overcome by weak speech. He could have just said to me in King James rendition that ââseek ye first the Chords and all these songs shall be added unto you.ââ And with sex is the same thing, we have to seek first the basics and all these things shall be added to us. To have good sex you have to know things, which are not essentially sexual but part of sex, so that you can build on that to produce exhilarating orgasmic experience. For those of you who think that sexual pleasure is sin...why do you think God made the body and made it sexual? Why did he make nerves and parts of the body that are pleasurable to touch if he didnât want us to enjoy sexual pleasure? God deliberately made Eve sexually attractive and he deliberately made Adam horny and eager to have her. There is no evil in wanting your man and wanting him so badly. There is no wrong in a man wanting to squeeze his lover and sex her till the cops come knocking. This desire is natural and God designed. Mr, you will find the breast of your woman attractive and thatâs a natural thing. If there is nothing wrong with eating food, then there is nothing wrong with having legitimate and pleasurable sex. In the very bible, that we love to make too righteous for sex teaching, the woman in Song of Songs says to her man that ââ may my beloved come into his garden and eat of its choice fruits!ââ (Songs of songs 4:16). She is talking about sex and there is no need to hide it .The garden mentioned herein is probably the one down there (that amazon forest).The other verse says to you, and that is if you are a man who likes to have good sex, that ââAs a loving deer and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; And always be enraptured with her loveââ,(Proverbs 5:19). So these breasts must satisfy you. I donât care if you lick them or just put your face on them and enjoy the 37 ° (degrees celsius) body temperature.
Sex is gooooood. That is why Paul encouraged lovers to not sexually abscond from each other (1 Corinthians 7:5), and the same Paul discouraged following the desires of the flesh. The desire of the body is having sex with your husband but the desire of the flesh is adultery. Many of us Pastors think that sex with our wives is sinful. We may not say so in words, but our actions speak volumes. We devote more time to prayer than sex, refuse to have good sex before preaching only to pounce on young girls at church. We end up dissatisfied and the result is we are seduced by women who think they know how to give a man the kind of sex he has always dreamt of. But wait till you marry her, and you will wish you stuck to your wife. God gave you a wife and you wasted her,ââFor why should you, my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman, And be embraced in the arms of a seductress?ââ (Proverbs 5:20). The woman of your matrimonial dreams is a beautiful person. You should be able to say to her, ââthe curves of your thighs are like jewels, The work of the hands of a skillful workmanââ,(Songs of Songs 7:1).I am quoting from the bible dear...Admire her and stop that ââpastor is righteousââ nonsense that makes you quiet when you should admire her. Ladies, you must know the feeling by now of being kissed by someone you love. You should remember that it feels sweet and compels one to say ââHis mouth is most sweet, Yes, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, And this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem!ââ (Songs of songs 5:16).Solomon was talking straight sexual attraction when he says ââYour navel is a rounded goblet; It lacks no blended beverage. Your waist is a heap of wheat Set about with liliesââ,(Songs of Songs 7:2). Sex is great and never be too Christian to admit it. The guy in prison, who hasnât seen his wife or girlfriend in years, gets my point. You who is outside the prison doors should stop playing church and give your lover something good and right for bodily edification. God made us male and Female with such distinction that men are not the same as women. But unlike poles attract...
(a) Psychological differences
The key to understanding men and women in terms of their sexuality warrants that one should know the psychological nature of each. Men and women differ so much that they are not the same in their comprehension of detail, tasking, decision, emotion, fashion, and general orientation. Until you know these things about the two genders, it will be hard to know a thing about relationship, let alone having intimate and crazy sex.
(1) Detail and memory
In the first 8 weeks, every fetal brain is intrinsically female. But there is that chemical reaction in the brain that eventually erodes the boyâs ability to have a brain like girlâs. Scientifically speaking, womenâs brains are different from those of their male counterparts. Itâs simply natural that womenâs brains have a bigger memory than that of males. Women are search engines filled with information available upon request in their brains. My own mother often calls me from the United Kingdom where she works and she talks and talks relating every little bit of detail of things that occurred to her.My wife has a very similar nature. When I ask her how was the movie she watched by Taylor Perry, she starts going into details and already I would have to interject and say ââbaby, just give me the story in brief.ââ My aunt, grandmother and all the women I have known go into detail about any story they relate. As a preacher, I help women solve a lot of issues just as I help men. But women always need more time to tell me their problems because they are people of detail. And this comes naturally to women because they have 11% more neurons than men. Their memory hub in the brain is larger than that of men. Women are better at expressing emotion than men. Thatâs why I believe Sidney Sheldon writes beautiful novels rich in descriptive detail. Again I suspect more women read novels compared to men because novels are mostly about relationships, like the recent fifty shades of grey.
My daughter is as I write this book, only three years old. Her brother is already 6 and ââthreateningââ to be 7 years. One time I thought of speaking to my son but he was busy concentrating on his play. She perceived that I was about to say something, and she did alarm her brother that ââdaddy wants to talk to you. ââ But I had not even said a word. How did she know that I was about to say something to her brother? Females are much more able to recognize expressions and to express themselves more than males. This ability to decode facial expressions and to interpret feelings makes them natural psychologists and I respect them for that.