(4) Emotion
Emotion is the part we all probably know about men and women. Men tend to be reserved and will deal with emotions privately while women burst out and reveal their emotional issues to those closer to them. But men view bursting out emotionally as a sign of weakness, and will generally go into a time of lone ranging in their cave until they are clear about the problem and how to solve it.
The crisis in relationships is that women tend to want to treat men like other women and want them to open up, and this for what I know, is as irritating as having a fly trapped in your underwear . Women a great deal of times want men to share their problems with them and open up. But men, donât quiet appreciate that any more than they recognize that as being bothered. Imagine me for example. I am a man. Not only a man but one who has written profound books that affect thousands and thousands of people. But even after all such achievements I am no superman. I still go into my cave when I am depressed. I donât agree with those who think society has taught men not to cry out loud about their problems. The way men approach problems is not driven by socialization more than it is driven by nature. Men are naturally not women and we donât have to blame their society for not teaching them to expresses their grievances instead of caving in. Men are men and it matters less as to whether they are from France,Vietnam or Monterey Peninsula.
Men love to be appreciated for mowing the lawn, providing for the family, driving to Capetown safely and sexing the hell out of their wives. But women seldom do realize that men appreciate and need such praise. And it feels childish (I suppose) for a man to ask his woman to praise him. So, he will never directly ask for it. And even if he is praised sometimes he might find it childish to show that he is happy about it. As much as a woman loves to be admired for looking beautiful, men equally love to be admired for having great sex. He loves the prostitute for making him feel like a real man and engaging him sexually. His wife on the contrary just lies there like the log of a dead oak tree. You just try admiring your guy for giving it to you the way he should and he will love you for that. Men generally view respect and praise as love. And I think Paul must be appreciated for noting that ââ husbands ought to love their own wives ...ââ,(Ephesians 5:28). I have sat with many couples who were going through emotional unrest and the problem was in most cases that the man no longer showed love to his lady. Women a great deal of the time demand to be loved and men demand to be revered and respected. Paul suggested, ââSo husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself ââ,(Ephesians 5:28). To cheat your wife is to her a lack of love for her. But men say that a woman who cheats on them not only lacks love but lacks respect. A woman will get hurt by a man who criticizes the way she looks, but a man gets hurt when you tell him that his penis is smaller hence not pleasant enough or that he drives worse than his son drives his toys. That just wrecks a manâs life if not his entire self-esteem, which seems to be rooted in his penis. Men fantasize about sex more than the average woman thinks. It is almost obvious that this book will end in the hands of more men than women. Why?:âBecause men love sex and sexing, and not even Christianity is going to alter that. Women no doubt want love from men but men want respect or submission and most of all sex. Paul says ââ the wife see that she respects her husbandââ,(Ephesians 5:33). But this respect lesson for women is not as new as Paul the apostle. It is as old as Sarah because she often called her husband Abraham my ââlordââ (1 Peter 3:6).Why arenât women of today wise enough to ââfoolââ their men by lavishing them with respect and sex?
Now, women heal their hurts by talking (so-called venting out), by crying and doing all sorts of emotional things. While writing this book, I was called by a couple in conflict. They wanted advice on what to do about their unending brawls. The woman felt that the manâs love for her fell short and she cried:âHow typical of women... The man sat there, looking distant, unfazed and wore the serious look of a bulldog while he expressed how this woman would not respect him and sometimes returned to her ex-lover despite their relationshipâs existence. The woman cried, the man was just angry ( Perhaps too angry to cry). Men become angry and know very little about grieving, shedding tears and being sad the feminine way. Thatâs why men easily commit suicide compared to women. There is that aggression in men which if not guided is catastrophic. It has nothing to do with abuse but with nature. Concerning health issues, a doctor was addressing a certain menâs sector meeting in which I was present and did enquire as to why men do not seem to take medical issues seriously to the point of neglecting health checks. He pointed out how shocking it is to consider that women can hardly see their private parts well since the vagina is exactly down there (underneath, so to speak). But compared to men, women take care of their private parts well. Men on the other hand are fortunate to have private organs that protrude and can be well seen and inspected, yet men easily die of prostate cancer when they can so easily inspect their sexual organs and report to the hospital in due season. Instead of going to the clinic for medical attention, a typical man would rather ask his friend at the bar what to do with his itchy penis. To which his drunken friend might prescribe an ointment. But how do you get prescription from a drunk man?
When a man goes to clinic to see a doctor, he has probably received prescriptions from the bar, football pitch,golf course and all kinds of male hangouts. The fact that he is in a queue at the hospital probably means that if his penis was itchy, this time it is âârotten ââ, extremely painful or so loose that its about to fall off. When a man gets to clinic, he refuses to say the problem to a male doctor who by the way should be well able to understand him. If you are doctor, you probably can relate to this. A guy walks into to the consultancy room. He claims he doesnât know the problem but claims there is a problem. You start doing vital signs and expect to find the problem yourself coz he wonât open up to a man like him. To your shock, his ass is wounded. He has probably had gay sex, is bleeding and torn. You ask him how his ass ended up like that and he says he doesnât know and just ââfoundââ it like that. Probably there is never a time you feel annoyed about a patientâs denial like this moment. Men are not just shy about such matters but even being sick of anything ranging from such innocent issues as flu to issues as bad as defaulting on STI treatment. A woman when she is afraid can dare walk in to a pharmacy crying and says ââyesterday I had unprotected sex with a stranger, do you guys have any pills to help me block the virus, I am scaredââ. That ability to open up has saved a lot of women.
So this doctor friend I mentioned earlier on was wondering why men would rather die than act promptly about sickness. Why wonât they be open to someone with a penis like them? I must admit that as he asked, I felt that men were just being silly; to me there was simply no excuse for such risky behavior. But an old man seated unnoticeably at the back of the crowd which the doctor was facilitating lifted his hand, was allowed to speak and said, ââwe were taught not to be afraid and that real man donât cry or fall sick. I remember as a little boy, I hurt myself and had a painful wound. Grandma told me not to cry or go to clinic. She told me to rub cattle dung on it, walk tall and that a man must never show signs of weakness. ââ
True, part of us was taught to not show ââweaknessââ by society and today men die more than women because they visit the clinic less and live on that take-it-easy mode. The other part is ego and the nature of man. ââMen donât usually talk about private matters (especially when the matter pertains to anything hanging between their legs), but feeling a twinge of pain from time to time in the scrotum is quite commonââ observes Ruth K. Westheimer author of Sex For Dummies .So when your man refuses to go the clinic remember his upbringing and encourage him gently. A part of how we react emotionally was inculcated into us by society. Now, I am a man who cries and asks for help. Chances that I could commit suicide remain less because I confide in friends, family and God. I still cave in when I have problems just like any other man, but when I feel I wonât get an answer from lengthy introspection and thought, I consult other people. This is my strength. Emotionally women are considered weak. They burst out crying and all. The bible even calls them the ââweaker sexââ But that weakness is great strength in disguise. ââFor when I am weak, then I am strongââ, (2 Corinthians 12:10). Men are strong but they are also weak. Women look weak but they are strong. Women donât kill themselves over betrayals like men do. Women can forgive a cheating spouse but for a man to forgive seems hard especially when the betrayal involves sex.
Women shouldnât think that makes them extremely superior to men, because women worry a lot about petty issues, a thing which might be mentally unhealthy. No wonder Adrianna Mendrek, a researcher at the Institut Universitaire En Santé Mentale de Montréal, in a recent press release observes that âGreater emotional reactivity in women may explain many things, such as their being twice as likely to suffer from depression and anxiety disorders to men.â According to Stéphane Potvin, associate professor at the University of Montrealâs Department of Psychiatry. âIt is possible that women tend to focus more on the feelings generated by these stimuli, when men remain somewhat âpassiveâ toward negative emotions, trying to analyze the stimuli and their impact.â
Analytic? That sounds intelligent on the side of men, right? I am not against analyzing or intelligence. My advice to men is that ââI know you like analyzing, being logical and stuff. But if you feel a penis ache, sore arms or head ache, avoid trying to analyze, just call the doctor, and you will live long.ââ Today we have a lot of widows because men die early. How many widowers do we have? How many of our men can live as long as President Robert Mugabe. Well, think about it. Many may not like the President of Zimbabwe Robert Mugabe for his tough stance on many views, but I believe he is a happy man who takes health precautions and Jokes or laughs a lot. Recently word has been doing rounds that Mr Mogabe once said, ââIf you are ugly, youâre ugly, stop talking about inner beauty because we donât walk around with x-rays.ââ I donât know whether he said that or not but I laughed to tears. Talking about women and how talkative they are, it is rumored that Mogabe once said ââGod is the best inventor ever, He took a rib from a man and created a loud speakerââ. Again I donât know whether the old man indeed said so, but the man is funny. He makes me laugh. While watching his recent SADC address on television, I was in tears of laughter. He was talking about how bushmen refuse to leave the kind of life they live in the bush. How they love bush meat and reject civilization. The way he said it made me laugh. Mugabeâs humor to me rivals Trevor Noahâs. Anyway lets get to the topicâs conclusion and leave Mugabe alone...
How does it help you sexually to know all this emotional differences between woman and men. To have a woman enjoy sex somehow implies that the sex has to be emotional to be enjoyable. Some women even cry during hot sex, a thing, which few men can do. If a woman can bring ââsmallââ issues to the doctor, that probably means she will worry if you ram her pussy and wound it. They care about such issues. Be sensitive when dealing with a woman. Donât be over-sensitive but be caring enough to understand them. They are people of emotion, of health and detail.
(5) Fashion
It is clear to the observant eye, that men and women approach fashion in a different way. That is why a woman will buy different colors of shoes for every occasion and every shoe would have to match with the handbag and makeup of the day. Most women can bath and dress up, just to get to an automatic teller machine and draw funds. A sizeable number of men would think looking clean is such a priority.The way women dress just shows us that they are attentive to detail and aesthetic. Women are very color, texture, material and label sensitive. I do buy my wife shoes but let me not hide the fact that itâs difficult because women are very choosy people. I hardly feel content about the choice I make for her. But buying a man shoes is a much easier task, which has its priority around buying something that protects one from stepping on thorns!
Men are simple on issues of fashion. We just want something hard enough to last us ages. It must have quality and appeal. Menâs shoes for instance are made with a particular focus on durability and appearance. We are not too colorful. We donât wear pink, lilac or lemon-yellow shoesâwell, at least not most of us. Women on the other hand look primarily for beauty, appeal, elegance and status. The shoes of women are made out of almost anything:plastic, leather, leatherette, suede, paper and fabric. The idea behind the shoe is beauty first and foremost and elegance. Durability? Yah well...I have seen tender puppies tear them apart!
According to Wharton marketing professor Stephen J. Hoch, shopping behavior reflects gender differences coz âWomen think of shopping in an inter-personal, human fashion and men treat it as more instrumental. Itâs a job to get done,â Simply put ââwomen shop, men buyââ. I went with my mother and my wife to a traditional restaurant (By the way, I donât have a father, heâs late), so while we were there, mum fussed about the behavior of waiters. How they were frowning and all. All I wanted was fooood !
I donât know why God made me that way. The only reason I can give for not being interested in how waiters behave is that I am a man. Not that I donât mind shit but for most of the time I would rather not care about frowning waiters. ââWhat I found interesting is how women tend to be more focused on people while men act almost as if they are dealing with an ATM machine. In fact, they want to deal with an ATM machine. They really donât want to deal with a person.â says Wharton marketing professor Stephen J. Hoch.
Just to add on to Hochâs view, I think man made the ATM and vending machine. They must have thought its the best way to get what you want without having to deal with attendant crap.
What does all this have to do with sexing a woman? If women treat shopping like a big deal while men think largely of buying, that means woman are more interactive in shopping as well as in sex. She wants to hear your voice, what you think of her, how you feel about her and all that jizz. Men on the other hand donât dwell so much on the emotion behind sex.Not that they donât have emotions but rather the rubbing feels more worth consecrating on than all these other âgirlyâ feelings. How she looks, the feeling of penetration and positions matter largely to a man. But the woman while sheâs in to the sex, wants to feel loved and wanted .In short while she is into the ââemotionââ of it the male is into the ââmotionââ of it. What a difference!