When he came out, he bumped into the young man who was still standing there, his face thin and pale as if he had not seen sunlight for many months. He said nothing, just looked and the man who had just relieved himself said to him, “Want a beer?” and to that, he said he did. They entered the room and the friend who had returned from the bathroom raised his voice and told everyone that he had invited the young man. They asked for his name, but no one heard because his voice was very low, the music was very loud and everyone was drunk, so they didn’t take much notice.
The party continued, the beer flowed, and very little notice was taken of the newcomer, aside from the fact that he was also frightened and so kept himself to himself. When he finished his beer, he got up, said goodbye to everyone and left. Later that night, my neighbour’s friends asked her if she knew him, but she had never seen him and didn’t know if he was a neighbour or a visitor. My neighbour finished telling me her story and then I told her what had happened to Claudia. She said nothing but turned very pale.
A few days later, on my way to the bathroom, I bumped into the block’s drunk who appeared to be speaking to himself. This was not entirely unusual since he is always high on something, and perhaps already so much so that he was at the point of hallucinating, causing him to converse with his imaginary friend. My other neighbours told me that on several occasions they had also seen him speak to himself, at the same time as he had in his hand a cleaning rag soaked in paint stripper.
When I saw him, he and I spoke a little about the weather, the sudden downpours, and the suffocating heat, but then he took me by surprise by asking me about his friend… He didn’t know what room he lived in, but he had already chatted with him many times and they had already drunk together. Taken aback, I asked him who was talking about and he replied that he was a skinny boy, with short, straight, black hair, and light-coloured skin and that he always wore a white t-shirt with jeans. I broke out in a cold sweat and my mouth dried up. I said I didn’t know anything and bid him farewell.
I couldn’t believe it, several had seen the boy, but no one knew who he was. Maybe it was someone who came into the block and left without us having noticed or he jumped the fence and here he was, but for what or why? What I know for certain is that he did not live here.
Of all the neighbours, I was the one that was most bothered by this, because I wondered what would happen if I found him? What would I do, could I speak to him, at least? They had told me about their experiences, but what would my own experience look like? I was getting worked up about meeting him, because I was convinced that he was not real.
I didn’t know how to explain what was going on. One sleepless night, I sat in the old armchair in my room, just thinking. I didn’t know if I was asleep or awake. I left my apartment to go the bathroom and found him there, standing silently, with the same clothes as always, and the same expressionless face. I had finally seen (or dreamt about) him. He said nothing to me. He was as they had described; there was no doubt, it was him. I composed myself and entered the bathroom, but when I came out there was no one, as expected.
Time passed and I began to investigate who or what it was. All I knew was that this land on which the tenement block was built was once a milpa, a cultivated field used to plant various crops at once, and then it became the famous Albarrada estate. I asked the older neighbours, but they had nothing bad to say, and it was like that until I asked the landlord.
When we were alone, with great caution he told me about the great mystery, but even he could not make it fit with his beliefs. He asked me not to tell the other neighbours what he was about to reveal to me because he did not want anyone to be frightened. He finished with a sigh of nothing happens around here.
On one occasion, the landlord called an urgent meeting because a dimmer switch had been stolen. Of course, it was forbidden to steal things used by the whole community. That afternoon everyone came, including the widow. After listening to the main agenda of the meeting, I steeled myself to talk to her. In secret, I told her what had happened to my neighbours and without looking at me, she said, “Well, let's see where he is.” She went towards the laundry sink and the fig tree and I followed her. I asked some neighbours to accompany us. Upon arrival, the old lady pointed and with a shaky voice said, “There he is.” We all turned around but saw nothing. “Yes, there he is,” she continued saying, “He’s called Carlos. Many years ago, he died.” That was not the strangest thing; what my neighbours told me was worse…
Claudia said she had never told me to go and see if someone was hiding between the laundry sink and the fig tree. Someone else commented that the block’s drunk never existed. They said that no one saw the widow, and the one who rents the apartments to us said that she does not exist. Everyone told me that I was talking to myself, that I was in the middle of the courtyard babbling and pointing toward the fig tree and laundry sink and there was no one there either.
Iztapalapa, Mexico City
8 February 2009
Only My Grandmother
For Alvara Prado, thank you for being my grandmother
For many years, my grandmother has dedicated herself to healing people. Although she’s not a doctor and she didn't even study, she says she cures the soul. In her home, she has many images, herbs, and symbols. She is a kind of healer. Some say she is a witch, but that is not true.
One time a man arrived, to whom they had supposedly bewitched. They had given him a herb that is only found in the desert which left him unable to think for himself. He did everything his wife asked for, even if his own life was put at risk. He was completely at her beck and call; foolish, some might say. It was his brother who brought him to my grandmother, but almost at gunpoint because the man refused to come willingly. When they arrived, I heard the commotion and hid so that I was able to spy on them. When she saw him, my grandmother said, “Son, they’ve put a spell on you, but I will heal you.”
She put him in the centre of the room and rolled some chicken eggs all over his body, followed by a few branches of a peppercorn tree and then she sprinkled alcohol on him. As she did this, you could hear her incantations. When she finished, she lit the fire and the coal burned and crackled. She gave him a glass filled with a black liquid and told him to drink it in one gulp. A few minutes passed and he was overcome with nausea. He approached the fire, saying he was going to vomit there and what I saw next chilled me to my bones...the man vomited a living spider. My grandmother instantly threw it into the fire, “This is what was hurting you.” The man left her house relieved, the sun shone again for him and he thanked my grandmother very much.
Over time, I saw more strange things such as this, and the time came when they became normal, everyday occurrences for me. I was learning from her because she explained what she did and how she did it. She told me the names of the herbs and how to use them, the prayers that had to be recited and even the animals that had to be killed, but she only told me, so others thought she was crazy. I realised that sometimes the evil that she cured from others stayed with her, which is why she had such a short temper. You could see that she was not of right mind, until a mixture of roots and tree bark was prepared and with this she returned to normal.
On one occasion, a lady came to see her who said that she was the victim of evil; she had an unbearable headache and from her nose she was bleeding profusely. She had gone to see many doctors, but no one had been able to cure her. My grandmother did what always did, but this time she didn’t kill any animal. She told the woman that it had been successful and advised her to take a mixture for fourteen days and until finally she defecated a viper. She had to kill it instantly because if not, she was not going to be cured of the evil. The woman left confused, not believing anything, but she did what my grandmother told her anyway.
A few days passed and the lady excreted a viper, but the horror she felt was so great, that she just pulled the chain, and the reptile went down the toilet. The evil fell on my grandmother; she no longer ate, was sick, and could do almost nothing. I spoke to her, tried to help her, but she didn’t respond, until she finally told me what to do. I had to go and find a ‘male’ root and a ‘female’ root. I brought them together very carefully, crushed and ground them and added more things to the mixture. As best I could, I fed it to her. A full week went by and she recovered little by little. On the last day she went to the bathroom and finished with that animal. She returned to reality.
She explained to me that there are very powerful people who have allies, who know how to perform evil with purple corn and other objects, who know how to find power, who become animals, who are able to control their dreams as if they were awake, who are warriors.
She taught me all the mysteries, the good and the bad. When I learnt them and everything she told me made sense, she confessed something that she had never told anyone, she could become an animal, a turkey. I believed her because I had seen her do surprising things and because she had made me realise that ‘reality’ as a common person sees it, is only a part of what is possible; it is only an interpretation, but it is not the only one that exists.
There were times when we were both alone in the room where people were cured and for no reason at all things fell over or there were noises, giggles and footsteps. The things that had their place appeared somewhere else, as if someone was bent on making my grandmother angry. One day she got tired of this situation when everything that was on a shelf fell off even though there was no one there, or at least I didn’t see anyone there.
My grandmother was not surprised. She said to me, calmly, “Those scumbags are back again.” “Who?” I asked. She said, “Those who like to play.” From a box she pulled out some powders, chillies, and other things. She lit the fire inside the room and threw the items onto the flames. She left some glass jars and bottles on the floor as traps, told me to go out and shut all the doors, and with the smoke, we were going to catch them. While we waited, we went to the hill to cut plants and to plant the roots that we had previously removed, because she said that we had to return to the earth what it gives us.
Almost five hours later we opened up the room. My grandmother quickly grabbed the bottles, closed them very well, and showing them to me, said, “Here are the scoundrels.” Of course, I didn’t see anything. For me, the bottles were empty. She threw them in a bag, and we walked again up towards the hill. After a long walk, she pulled them out and put them on the ground. She looked at them and said, “I will set you free, I forgive you, but if I see you again, I will kill you, so be gone with you.” She opened the bottles and something or someone was supposed to come out, but I didn’t see anything. Then, we returned. On the way home there were some lights swinging in the treetops. From her skirt pocket she pulled out some powders, threw a little over me and some more over her, then she said to me, “We must make ourselves invisible; I don’t want these animals to see me.” I didn’t really understand what she meant. It was so dark that I guess even without the powders we were already invisible.
My grandmother knows many things. She is a knowledgeable person, but she is already very old. She has defeated all the natural enemies, but her last enemy is winning the battle. I am only an apprentice, and she has taught me a lot, but she says I have taught her more. I don’t know what I can teach her, if I can’t even master it myself, but I would like to know more about myself. I don’t know how, and I don't even know what I am like, nor can I hear my voice. The odd thing is that my grandmother is the only person in the world who can see me.
San Marcos, Hidalgo
26 December 2008