The past should be left completely. Any attempt to forget, to change and to run away is a genuine desire to bring it back. But there is no any past, it cannot be so. Otherwise, the natural course of events will be disrupted. The past has no place in the future. Its not real. And the more you reach for it, the more it slips away. Even if you can get him back a little bit. Remember, thats not true. This illusion is doomed to failure. Something that must die will die anyway.
Dana exhales smoke:
So, the only way out is death?
Man: Yes. And now youre dying.
Dana expected to hear again the rolling laughter, still hoping it was a joke. After that, she wanted to laugh, but her mouth was pulled. It was so tart and dry inside her throat. She feelt weaker and weaker with each exhalation. It was as if it was not the air and smoke coming out of her lungs, but life in itself. The head became heavy and the body was weightless. Her legs were coughing up. Massive hands picked her up and helped her to lie on the floor. She also saw a pink glowing point in front of her. The stranger froze over her and watched silently. It was getting really dark in her eyes.
Part 2
Uuuuu, aaaaaaa, oooooooooohhhhh.
The vibrating voice was heard nearby. It was like someone was buzzing in her ear. Dana was lying on the grass. Her friend Matthew lied right next to her and apparently was waiting for her to woke up. He was a blond, tall guy. He was as young as Dana was. He didnt like the big companies of people too. It seemed that they had found each other so they werent alone at all. He was someone to talk with.
Dana touched her face to see if she was wearing glasses. Yellow glasses. She had a strange feature. Her eyes werent addicted to bright and white lights. There were even tears of it. Most likely, this deviation of vision appeared during school, when it was necessary to write a lot with poor lighting. At least that was what the doctors thought. The girl herself believed that it was psychosomatics. The sun was beyond the horizon. The girl lied on the grass under a hammock. There was a blanket next to her. And her friend, in his own.
Dana: Matthew, I see you lied well.
The girl could be herself only with him. Sometimes they joked with sarcasm. Both of them call their humor experimental. The guy did not think long:
Yes, I noticed how you were relaxing on the lawn. Are you decided to sleep under the stars or meet the dawn?
Dana: I need to think about it. The condition is like I am still sleeping. What did you do? Well, did you hum there something?
Matthew: I am pretending to be a shaman. Im Joking. Im in anticipation. Maybe well meet a real shaman today. It feels like we should visiting there today.
Dana: What do you mean?
Matthew: At the festival.
He looked at Dana fluently. There was a question in his eyes after that. He stood up from the grass and gave his hand to Dana with the same strange look.
Matthew: So, get up. You surprise me from time to time. Both the fact that you dont remember being in the yard as the fact that we have to go to the festival in half an hour. Im a little worried about that.
The girl got up. Shake herself. Corrected her hair. Looked around. They were in the backyard garden. Neighbors were not visible. Maybe they were still sleeping. She lives in a small house near the forest, on the outskirts of the town. There were just two small rooms: bedroom, workshop, in addition to the kitchen and bathroom. All rooms were small, but comfortable. Only yellow muffled light could be found in the house in the evening. Despite her eye photophobia, Dana loves sunlight in the house during the day, so only white translucent curtains hang on the windows. The house seemed light and comfortable. Except of the workshop.
There were more order than comfort. Dana had a lot of interests. But her favorite hobby was photography. But her main work was sewing. She liked to sew clothes, imagining that someone will put them on and she will shoot them on camera either on the street or in nature, so who just wanted to take a picture in the photo studio was renting a room for an hour, or even two. On the walls, in her small creative space, were hanged the photos that she liked most. Street pictures, as well as photos from studio. All of the photos were portrait and black and white. The faces could clearly be seen as Its special lines and mimics, like at first glance.
Each face line tells a lot about a person: character, strengths and weaknesses of the person. Dana has always been attracted to look at peoples faces. Whatever the physique, but the face is the most distinctive part of the body. We are either attracted to or pushed away from the person. Everyone feels that way intuitively while looking at a person in the face no matter how he is dressed up and how he behaves himself. Somebody said that the eyes are a mirror of the soul.
But its just a drop in the ocean. The whole face is the atlas of human life. From wrinkles to moles, from hairline to ear tilt and chin shape. Therefore, Dana considers physiognomy to be the most intimate hobby. But only a few people talk about it. Matthew is the most frequent listener of her reasoning and observations. They entered the house. She invited a friend to wait in the workshop. Then she went to make a fresh coffee for them. Matthew sited comfortably on an old wooden chair, painted white near the sewing table. I had to move the fabric and the sewing machine to settle down comfortably. He likes what Dana does. Beautiful outfits. Without unnecessary details, pretentious inserts. It was more monotonous, with the original cut. A combination of colors and textures. Dana likes, especially, traditional outfits sewed in a modern way. This allows her not to forget about her Ukrainian roots, but also to declare them boldly in modern society.
There was a small locker in the corner, the door was half-opened. That was where her sewing products were stored. It looked tempting and mysterious as in childhood when you found some parent box or box, which kept something dear and valuable. Dana entered the room with a small tray. There were two cups of coffee and a handful of chocolates in it. Delicious things for a friend. There was a rocking chair behind the door. She sited there, sipping fragrant coffee with cinnamon. It often helps her to wake up accompanied by thoughts and ideas.
Dana: I can spend hours looking at these pictures. They inspire me. Sometimes I imagine what kind of dress or suit would fit their faces. If we didnt rush to the festival, Id still be sitting here. To see if Im sleeping or waking up.
Matthew: What is sleep? It seems to me that everything is happening in some parallel universe. Shamans are able to walk through these worlds. Maybe a dream is the same trance to travel the worlds.
Dana: By the way, what will happen at the festival?
Matthew: I dont know for sure, but its ethnic event. Today is the summer solstice. Traditionally it held in Greenstone Park. By the way, if we finished our coffee so its time to go.
Dana: Wait for me about fifteen minutes, please. The girl was heading to the bathroom. She was trying to remember last night. And the only thing that came to her mind was a dark silhouette at a stop at the train station. And then there was the wagon where she fainted. In the bathroom, near the mirror hanged one lamp with yellow muffled light only. She took off her glasses and then washed herself and were watching at face of herself for a couple of minutes. She kept her hands under a stream of warm water to make them warm. It is nice to put your palms back to your face. This feeling of heating helps her to catch the moment that she is here and now.
Dana packed up quickly. She wore her favorite dress with embroidery at the collar. The main thing to remember is to grab a bag with a camera. Everything else doesnt matter. The girls clothes was simple. It should be high-quality, simple and marking its beuty. But not defiant. So whatever she was wearing it was pre-designed in her wardrobe. The same style she had to her appearance: it was minimum of makeup and maximum naturalness. Tastefully selected glasses have already solved half the case. Both headed to a small black car, which standed near the yard, were passing for a first the same morning garden. Matt started the car. They were listening quietly beloved band: it was Massive Attack. Dana sited next to him in front. Silently, they went to the festival. It was about half an hour to go. And all this time fear didnt leave Dana. Some kind of premonition of the accident disturbed her. The mood was such as if she did not want to talk, and even more distracted the driver.
The guy watched at her squirming sometimes. The only thing he could do is to get lost in guesswork. After all, she never told him what happened to her yesterday and why she remembered so little. But this quality of character Dana appreciated in Matt. He Didnt get involved until she asked or told him something.
Dana: I had a strange dream, and now I have a strange feeling. Im afraid.
Matthew: Well, finally.
The guy sighed. Because behaving yourself as if it was right is wrong. Although, the truth is that all is right and fine despite the slightly strange details of the morning.
Matthew: What are you afraid of?
Dana: Death.
Matt: Did you dream about that?
Dana: It seems so. But Im definitely not sure. Im not sure even i woke up. And last night. Maybe I dreamed it? And there was nothing to be. Maybe Im still dreaming. Otherwise, why am I still alive? Now were on our way, and Im afraid its going to be over.
Matthew: You know. Sounds really crazy.
The guy wanted to make a joke at first to end this conversation, to change the topic to the simple one. But he realizes that he knows this feeling. Pressing his lips, he withstands a pause. Its not important what to say, but how.
Dana: Yes, nonsense. Have you ever felt so?
Matthew: One day. I wanted to get rid of my pride and asked the universe to help me. And what Ive get? Anticipating of death is a wonderful feeling. I knew that I could die at any moment. That Im just like everyone else. The body can stop breathing, no matter how cool I am. Its all personal my illusion, my idea of myself, and death doesnt matter who you are. Isnt that great?
Looks like he was amused by his experience. The girl smiled too.
Dana: I think that we are all very mistaken when we are afraid of death and feel sorry for everyone who is close to it. Accepting the fact that it is always there and just waiting for the moment to make a greatest kick to make us love life even more.
Matthew: Yes, thats exactly what it looks like. Its little scary at first, of course. But what is fear? It is Just emotion, as well as joy, for example. If you will stop your mind you will noticed that it is not even a state of mind. Matthews eyes were especially kind at that moment. The girl was watching him closely. How sincerely he shared his personal experience with her.
Dana: I looked into your eyes and the fear disappeared.
Matthew: If you were sitting in silence and thinking about your fear you could screw yourself up well. It would be no longer an emotion, but a state, because you thought and exaggerated for a long time.
Dana: Yes, youre right. I didnt want to distract you. And, in the end, you changed my mind.
Matthew: I Hope you are positive?
Dana: I think so. I guess. It feels easier.
The road was quick because of philosophical conversation. Sometimes they was talking about different topics. About absolutely everything. Perhaps those conversations were that thing that turns their relationship into a frank friendship.
Dana forgot about the dream and the train station, which she dreamed of. After all, by the way, they drove nearly him. There were a lot of cars near the Greenstone Park. They were going further, just to find a parking spot. It was a great kind of landscape opened them when they arrived. The park itself was located at the exit of the city, where the spacious hills began. Forest separated those hills from the city. The place itself had power. There was a reason why the Park was called so: there are a mount of large stones in the forest which was not typical for those area. Where would they came from? Especially those one, which were as high as twice human growth. They were covered with moss, overgrown with fern. Only from one place you could consider that the first stone looked like a woman with a baby in her arms, and the second one, at the back, looked like a man, as if he was sitting sternly, guarding with a sword in his hand and leaning a little on stone.
This is known by the locals as make a «wishing for happiness to the family stone». Somebody just comes here to sit at the stones, not giving any importance to this. But its still good to be in this park.
Dana and Matthew came to the entrance. Above the gate was hanged a large wooden sign «Welcome to the festival.» Visitors could hear ethno sounds and a lot of funny noisy voices. They entered as soul mates, under the arm. They were glad because they were interested. From the outside it seemed that they were like brother and sister, similar to each other. And if look closely, these were very different two faces. The noses and eyes were just the same. Matthew was a head taller than Dana. No wonder: He was two meters tall. If he was with a hat. Both of them had wavy hair. If you could compare them to some animals, it would be thoroughbred horses.
There were a fair on the field. Here were a lot of manual workers, artisans and else. They selled the authors clothes, somebody made talismans and mascots, somebody ethnic musical instruments such as tambourine, vargan, Tibetan bowls, and somewhere, even, knives and axes of their own production could be bought.
Matthew: I think your clothes would fit here, too.
Dana: Maybe Ill have to think about it.
Matthew: Yeah, feel it. Its not so simple for you.
The atmosphere of the holiday seems to be full of mysteries and secrets. Here you can learn something or buy something interesting or important for yourself, Or maybe meet someone you know. A lot of people from different towns come here. There are some familiar faces, but there is no one who could be friend. Maybe its because of Danas ant socialness. Although many people in this city know her. There is noisy and curious here, so that head is going around. The girl is looking for a place to sit down and to have a drink, at least a cup of tea. When she was looking around, she saw something flashing in the distance. Dana goes straight to the glitter and finds herself next to a small homemade house. There are wrought-iron jewelry for sale. And behind the house are tea places of pillows on a large carpet. All of this is under a canopy, the same homemade and consist of dense colored fabrics. Inside was the pot over the fire hangs. And you can hear the smell of herbs. Such a fragrant tea.
From the shop went a woman, she was tall, with strong body, but not old at all, as it seemed at first. Maybe she is ten years older than Dana. It looks like she is mistress of this whipped-up tearoom. She smiled, confidently clasped his hands on the sides.
Woman: Would you like Tea from a pot?
Dana noticed one feature in the appearance of a woman. White gleams in the outer corners are the same as the gleam of eyes. The ears that have been pulled from the head are slightly bent outwards. But they are not the caplows. The girl whispered to herself» «This extraordinary woman clearly knows something.» The womans confidence encouraged her. She Immediately leveled her back and lifted her chin. Then she turned back. She didnt see Matthew around.