System life. How to organize life to cope with uncertainty and achieve results without burnout - Kolosov Semyon 7 стр.

2. We need to accept the uncertainty. Such a decision will give you the strength to make changes. When you stop looking for certainty in everything, there will be less stress. Most problems arise because you are trying to predict the future. Any prediction is stressful. A forecast describes events that may or may not occur. You cant guarantee to influence it, but you try to find certainty and worry that you dont find it. The forecast is your thoughts, as it may be, and the plan is what you will do at certain events. Only now we need to learn how to plan in the fog. To do this, you have 5 meters of visibility. Hang a sticker or poster at home «I accept uncertainty» and start slowly getting used to it. It will be a long way, but without accepting uncertainty, nothing new will happen.

3. There are no problems. There are only situations and your attitude to them. For example, people dont want to make you feel bad, they do everything to make them feel good. It turns out their «good» can be «bad» for you. Why do people quarrel? Because they have different views on the same situations. For one it is a problem, but for the other it is not. Of course, tragedies happen in life, and everything is pretty clear here. But time does not stop. You also need to be able to relate to them and experience them correctly. Its a lot of work, but its also a situation, and you have your own attitude to it. Animals have no consciousness and no problems. They are not able to give events such a characteristic as «problem». A crow on the branch is not sad that a raven does not approach her, and she is lonely. She doesnt croak to everyone around that she has problems in her personal life. Only people call dissatisfaction with the situation or mismatch of expectations a problem. All the problems come from the fact that life has become too simple and safe. Now you dont have to worry about being eaten by a lion or dying of cold in a cave. The brain is sharpened by evolution to search for risks and anxiety, but our life does not give it reasons. Therefore, the brain finds them in any situation, worries, and we call it problems. We avoid them and are afraid. Moreover, they so simply allow us to justify inaction or harmful decisions. Do not perceive problems as an evil force from the outside that prevents you from living. Replace the word «problem» with «undesirable situation» and make it a rule: «A task should be formulated from any undesirable situation.» Then solve it or use analysis to figure out why it cant be done.

Dependence on certainty can have very bad consequences. If everything is clear in advance, then what will be the motive to develop? When you become financially independent, you become more confident. The future begins to seem certain. This is especially dangerous for those who do not understand their true desires. For them, the comfort zone becomes a breeding ground for degradation. It will be everything, but it will be boring. Like in the joke about the new Russian, who called Christmas tree toys defective. Because they hung beautifully on the Christmas tree and did not, please him. When there is no uncertainty in achieving goals, ambitions gradually disappear. There are tribes of Indians who change their place of residence every two years. Thus, they give the soil a rest, and new locations require new skills and achievements from them to ensure their lives. They did not read books about self-development and did not undergo growth training. They noticed that there is a threat to development in the certainty and comfort zone. They realized that if a person does not learn to cope with difficulties, then he will break down at the first difficult situation, and such times will surely come in every persons life.

Uncertainty is the beginning of everything new. A place where something happens. Your personal environment for new opportunities in which you grow and gain new experiences. If you do what you know, you dont move forward. How can you get something new if you act in the old way? Everything new is a risk, and risk is the reverse side of new opportunities and changes. Dont be afraid of uncertainty, its a part of life, and it wont be any other way. Learn to enjoy uncertainty and notice that you will become happier. In short, you have no choice. Take the time to prepare to realize this and accept the uncertainty. You can wait for certainty and never start, constantly procrastinate and be afraid. Or you can take the first step and competently start moving forward, crushing the uncertainty. The main thing is to understand: while you are thinking, time is passing. Its not waiting for you. Each of us has minus one day on the counter every day. It is in our best interests to solve it faster: stand still or do something, despite the uncertainty. Im not saying it will be too late later. I say that you can start enjoying your life to the fullest earlier and do it longer.

Attitude to mistakes

Lets suppose the previous paragraph gave you a dopamine boost. You imagined how boldly you begin to change your life in conditions of uncertainty. But then you are waiting for mistakes that will eat up dopamine, and therefore enthusiasm. They will certainly be. Even if the plan is ironclad, it is impossible to foresee everything. Any changes are a new experience, which is impossible without mistakes. When I moved to Moscow, the big surprise was the search for housing. We were so focused on the legal subtleties of an official stay and job search that we didnt find out how the apartment was being rented. Suddenly we found out that if the monthly rent costs 30 thousand rubles, then you cant just pay this amount and move in. You need to immediately pay 90 thousand rubles. Deposit 30 thousand rubles, for the first month 30 thousand rubles. and for the last 30 thousand rubles. You also need to pay the realtor. The risk that I did not foresee turned into an attraction called «Get out of your comfort zone for 2 weeks.» Negotiation skills, courage for a new one and tolerance for unpleasant work are immediately sharpened. For me, it became a lesson that you need to better analyze the subject area, and added a couple of points to the communication skill. No wonder Nietzsche said: everything that doesnt kill us makes us stronger. If you do something and there are no mistakes, then you are not doing anything new. You need to try to avoid mistakes, but if they happen, then take them as an asset. This is your valuable experience, your knowledge, which moves you to a higher level. Each new approach to the task you will already do with a new experience, and each time you will go further. Like Tom Cruise in the movie «The Edge of the Future». Any step into uncertainty is a mistake. But not any mistakes are growth. You grow when you make new mistakes. If you step on the same rake every time, then go back to the analysis. Look for the root cause and eliminate it so that you no longer step on the same rake. You should strive to step on a new rake, and not walk on the old ones.

Look at the experiment with clay pots. One group of people was given the task to make as many pots as possible. The second group was told to make perfect pots as perfect as possible. As a result, there were much more almost perfect pots in the first group than in the second. In general, the quality of the pots of the second group was worse than the first. People who didnt bother, but just performed  achieved a better result much easier! And those who tried to do it perfectly, so that they would be highly appreciated, were in a state of stress and could not even do well. They were afraid of the result, not the action. It does not mean that you need to make as many thoughtless attempts as possible to get the perfect result. You need to grow with every mistake. And if you concentrate on the ideal, then there will always be a fear of making a mistake. Like an anchor that prevents you from starting to move. Allow yourself to make mistakes, love mistakes and dont blame yourself for them.

Instead of «Ive made a mistake» think, «how interesting its turned out, now I know something new.» As Thomas Edison said, he did not suffer defeats, but simply found 10,000 ways that did not work. Look for people who have made mistakes and learn from their experience. Any experienced person has gained experience through mistakes. Not from books and stories, but from mistakes. You, too, will become experienced only in this way.

In my last job at a marketing agency, not all of my employees and contractors were cool. Almost every one of our projects was a series of disasters. Problems with clients, threats and conflicts. Endless machine-gun fire of project management errors. If you make a list of everything that happened there, you can collect a volume of harmful tips for the profession of a project manager. I wasted a lot of energy and nerves then. I couldnt change jobs or go on vacation to find my meaning of life in Bali. I hated those mistakes and constant disassembly, because I didnt know what value they would give in the future. Now I am grateful to that time. I have gained a lot of experience in such a short period of time as in five years of working in a normal agency. Every step towards the goal requires you to master new skills to overcome new challenges. Skills are formed only through experience. To get a new experience, you need to try to do something that you have not done before. Today I aim to get errors in hypothesis testing and any tasks as early as possible. To take the shortest route as soon as possible. I try to complete any step with a clear result which is achievement of the goal by error or correction.

During interviews with candidates for the role of project manager, we spend most of the discussion discussing failures. Having understood what kind of experience a person had and what mistakes he made, I understand what level his skills were, how they were formed, what kind of thinking he had, and how he treated mistakes. Now many have learned to tell what good fellows they are. But not everyone can admit their failures, tell how it happened, what were the reasons and conclusions. What can I say? Not everyone can admit their mistakes and accept criticism. While writing this chapter, my wife sent me a meme about the Russian language. The author was Polina Masalygina. Her linguistic blog gave me hope that our planet can still be saved. She is very cool and makes unusual useful content with a soul. Be sure to subscribe and like her. Immediately I got to the story, where Polina described that personal criticism is the best motivation to change something in life. She posted a video from her long-ago presentation, where, in her opinion, she performed very poorly in public. When she saw herself from the side, she wanted to delete her blog, became very ill and engaged in self-flagellation for a long time. It was one of the ways, but fortunately, today we see Polinas blog. As she writes, now she is engaged in self-flagellation with knowledge. This is very subtly noticed and shows by a real example that you do not need to be afraid of your mistakes. We need to use them for development.

Therefore, after accepting uncertainty, tune in to the correct attitude to mistakes. Treat them as payment for movement on the uncertainty card. Dont get upset and dont be disappointed when something went wrong or didnt work out the first time. Dont let the fear of failure or the unknown keep you from moving forward. Only inaction can be ideal. Act, make decisions and take responsibility for them. Believe me, its better than standing still all your life and putting likes to those who are not afraid of mistakes to go ahead.

Formation of the target picture

After accepting the current realities, you can start planning. But you dont need to start with a plan. It is always better to start with the formation of the target picture. Descriptions of the end point where you need to come. We know the current situation, the tasks that need to be solved and the vector of our desires. Often desires can be expressed by dreams or vague wishes. At this stage, the desires need to move from an abstract vision to a concrete one. To do this, you need to accept that «desires» and «dreams» are not equal to the goal. Dreams and desires are your fantasies about you and your life in the future. Fantasies make it difficult to focus on the current situation and use resources here and now. Between the dream and the goal, I suggest using the target picture. The target picture is the requirements for your future life and the requirements for yourself. It is needed to structure the dream. The goal is specific actions with deadlines, resources, risks and scenarios of events. Why do we need such a multi-pass as «dream  target picture  goal»? If you have not previously analyzed your motivation  and, accordingly, your desires either  then there is a risk that your thoughts are saturated with fragments of other peoples desires or blurred. Everyone around us owns a business, drives expensive cars, eats in restaurants, travels, builds relationships and is very happy. This is understandable and pleasant to us, we want it. Such things are very easy to desire. Its easier than figuring out your life, planning goals and solving your problems. If you are asked what you dream about, then you will answer very easily and quickly: a lot of money, never work, a strong family, travel, a house by the sea and everything like that. If I ask you to describe your desired life: «How much money do you need? What will you do? What country should I live in? What will your house be like? How will you spend your time? And why do you need this?»  almost no one can answer it. Because imagining the future is a very difficult task. I want something successful and cool, like everyone else, but its not clear exactly what. What difference does it make now that it should be specific? When I have the money, everything will become clear right away, and well figure it out there. Just take my annoying job away from me now, put a couple of million on the account and give me everything that can be posted online in order to be loved and envied by everyone. I often observe how people with such dreams try to take steps to their realization. They read books and take courses to set goals. There they are immediately thrown from abstraction into goal-setting tools. For example, SMART, MOSCOW and the like. Such tools imply that the goal should be clear and specific. But how can a person put down deadlines and specific steps if he himself does not know the details or does not know how to correctly decompose the goal? If a person wants something so much that he tries to pack it into a goal, then it means that he did not have it before. He had never achieved such a goal before. How does he structure an endpoint he hasnt been to yet? Without training and experience, nothing will work. Therefore, the target picture is a bridge that helps to make the decomposition of dreams more natural and understandable.

The target picture can be obtained in several ways, described below. You can take a dream and describe it in as much detail as possible. Schematically draw on a sheet or in Miro. This is some kind of picture. Just throw out all your wishes in one place. Describe the ideal image of the future. Not just a general description of how you are doing well and have no worries, but describe it in as much detail as possible where you live, what people surround you, what you have, what you do and why. At the same time, everything needs to be verified at once with the questions «why» and «what for» to check that you are describing your desired life, and not ways to stand out from others. You can go from the opposite. Take all the undesirable phenomena, write why you dont like them, and how it should be ideally. For example, I worked at a factory, in poor conditions, with a terrible schedule, without prospects and enthusiasm. I knew I didnt want all this. I formulated such an idea for myself that «I want to work in IT, in the field of website development. In a young growing company with a flexible schedule and loyal management. I will have a great team where I will grow. Our projects will help people, win competitions and set the bar for quality in the industry. I will be appreciated, and my career will constantly go up.» I didnt know the target picture as I wanted, but I knew exactly what I didnt want and what it needed to be replaced with. Note that there is no specific city, deadline and details anywhere. These are all the same abstract wishlist, but with protrusions that you can cling to in order to start detailing. The purpose of the target picture is to take the first step from abstraction to concreteness. Get all the visible components of your dreams. This will make it easier to move on to the formation of goals. It is also an additional step to verify dreams. Do they correspond to your desires, and do you need it in general? It sometimes happens that the target picture raises so many questions to the dream that you wonder how this dream appeared in your thoughts? There are so many questions that we need to understand further. It is impossible to form a target picture correctly and incorrectly. Any attempt will already clarify the decomposition of your dreams, and it will be easier to set goals. If you cant make progress in creating the target picture, then this is a wake-up call. How can you set goals, if even at the general level you have no idea what your dream consists of. Whatever goal setting template you are given, you simply wont be able to write anything there. After all, this level is more detailed than the target picture. If the target picture is difficult, then make drafts, think about the dream, imagine the result, make several versions. Think about it, analyze why exactly this is what you want in this form. And after a few iterations, get your target picture. The main thing is to understand what and how it should be in the future so that you are satisfied. Our path is a route from the current situation to the goal. But the goal is not the end point. There are many of them. Goals are the results that need to be achieved in order for the target picture to be brought to life. The target picture will help you immediately approach planning intelligently and set goals in the right sequence.