“The auntie Sam mentioned is my mom’s older sister, and she’s always cleaning when she’s here,” he said sheepishly. “But she needs knee surgery, and she won’t be up to chasing after him for a long while, if ever.”
“So that’s why you asked about day care.”
“Yeah. Do you want something to drink?” He spoke softly, though he’d said Sam wasn’t likely to wake up.
And if he did, it wasn’t a huge deal, right? Surely Ty had friends over occasionally.
“Tea?” I suggested.
“I don’t have orange Ceylon spice, but I can offer chai or honey lemon.”
“Honey lemon sounds good. My nerves could use some soothing. If we had stairs, they’d definitely be diving down them.”
“Let’s hope they don’t take the party into the hall and follow in your footsteps.” The teasing glance as he put two mugs of water in the microwave sent heat straight to my cheeks.
“Yeah, yeah, I fought the steps and the steps won.”
“Make yourself at home. I’ll be right there.”
“Sure.” After I sat down, I couldn’t resist the cream chenille throw draped over the back of the couch. I snuggled up in it, listening to the music booming from my apartment and the constant thumping overhead. “Sounds like they’re coming through the ceiling, huh?”
“It’s about what I expected when I saw college students were moving in.”
“Spoken as if you aren’t one,” I said, slightly defensive.
Ty leveled a long look at me as the microwave beeped. “Are you really planning to argue that my circumstances are the same as yours?”
“I guess not.” I felt young and stupid now, the first time he’d made me feel that way.
The silence thickened until I almost got up to leave. Then he said, “Sorry. I’m a little...sensitive. People are always telling me to get out, live while I’m young. Like it’s that easy.”
I took the mug he handed me and played sink the tea bag with the spoon for a few seconds. “It’s okay. How about a deal? I won’t bother you about having more fun, if you don’t bug me to try out for women’s basketball.”
“I’m enjoying myself now,” he said. “And pestering people really isn’t my thing.”
He sank down on the other end of the couch. It was too noisy for us to watch anything, and we didn’t need more music. That left talking, and I was totally okay with that.
“Me, too. So you said something about SleepPhones before. Is that different from normal headphones?”
“Yeah, it’s a headband with speakers in it. Much more comfortable to sleep in.”
“That sounds cool, actually. Maybe I need that. What music does Sam fall asleep listening to?” I asked.
“You’ll laugh.”
“Maybe. Tell me, anyway.”
“He might be the world’s smallest One Direction fan.”
It took all of my self-control, but I didn’t let out a peep, though my eyes watered. “You know that’s insanely cute, right?”
“I think so.”
“What about you? Your favorite bands?” I congratulated myself on acting normal, like I hadn’t basically told Ty last night that he was everything I wanted for Christmas. The fact that he hadn’t made use of that opening told me everything I needed to know about his intentions.
Friends it is.
“Right now I’m into Grouplove, Tove Lo, Passenger, The National and Speedy Ortiz.”
“Would you think I’m superlame if I admit I’ve only heard of one of those?”
“Passenger,” he guessed.
I nodded. “He toured with Ed Sheeran. I have a friend who saw their show. She said it was amazing.”
He sipped his tea, seeming pensive. “That’s one thing I miss.”
“What?”
“Concerts. And going to clubs in the city to check out a new indie group.” At my expression, which was probably something like well, you can still go, he added, “I know what you’re thinking. When my parents have Sam, I could still see a concert or hit up a club.”
I pretended to peer at him suspiciously. “You didn’t tell me you were psychic.”
“It’s complicated,” he muttered.
“Enlighten me. The party’s still going strong, so I have nothing but time.”
“The people I started college with have graduated, gotten jobs and moved away. The guys at work are all a lot older, and they’re not interested in hanging out after hours.”
“Make new friends,” I suggested.
“Most people aren’t interested in getting to know someone who can’t be spontaneous, who’s on a completely fixed schedule and may be a grumpy asshole on any given day.”
“Yet here I am.”
“Yeah, well. You’re...unique.”
Is that a compliment? It could go either way. I decided it didn’t matter; I’d already settled on friendship. Still, I can’t believe I’m suggesting this.
“We could see a concert sometime—on your off weekend. If you plan for it, you could nap on Saturday afternoon and be primed for revelry that night.”
“Maybe,” he said.
To cover my disappointment, I lowered my head and stared into my mug. The tea was a lovely shade of amber; if it steeped any longer it would be too strong, so I fished the bag out with my spoon, wrapped the string around the handle and set it on the steamer trunk. For the life of me, I couldn’t think of a thing to say. Tonight wasn’t working out like I’d hoped, and the first achy burn of tears stung at the back of my throat.
“God. This face, you show me everything. I hope you don’t play poker. They’d rob you blind.” His voice was disturbingly gentle, tender even, and closer than I expected.
While I was looking everywhere but at him, Ty slid closer, his hand hovering in the air between us. From this distance I could feel the overwhelming warmth of him, and I wanted his touch more than my next breath. So I held it, fighting ridiculous, uncharacteristic tears, until his palm settled on my cheek.
“What—” I started to say, but I had no idea where I was going with that sentence.
“I’m going to be straight with you...because this dance is killing me. Don’t imagine for a second that I don’t want you. Your legs keep me up at night, and those eyes... You know when I first saw you, I thought you were probably a model?”
I laughed shakily. “Really?”
Finally, we’re getting somewhere.
“If you were wondering, the answer is yes. I want to fuck you so bad it hurts.”
The breath whooshed right out of me, and all the tingles centered low. “I like where this is going.”
“It’s a problem,” he said frankly. “Because I really like you. And I don’t date. I don’t bring girls home to Sam.”
“But...he’s already met me,” I said foolishly.
“That’s why I can’t sleep with you. We’re friends. We have to be. Because you live in my building, because you’re smart, funny, and I like you, and you work at Rainbow Academy. If we hook up and it doesn’t work out, it’ll change how we are together, and that would hurt Sam. Is any of this making sense?”
To be honest, I was still fixed on him saying he wanted to fuck me so much it hurt. I let that longing wash over me for a moment, then I nodded, his palm sliding with a seductive rasp against my cheek. “I understand, that all makes sense. But it doesn’t explain why you’ve been staring at my mouth for the last five minutes.”
Deep in his throat, Ty made a sound that curled my toes, and then, as if he couldn’t help it, he brought his other hand up to frame my face.
CHAPTER SIX
As Ty gazed at me, his nostrils flared and his breath came faster. His brown eyes had a sleepy, hooded look. I knew he wanted to kiss me, despite all the sound reasons he’d just listed why it could never happen.
“There are no rules against it,” he said huskily.
What? Looking.
It was really hard to think with his face so close, but I couldn’t make myself pull back. So I did the only reasonable thing; I put my arms around him. When I leaned into him, he let go of my face and cradled me against his chest. His heat and solid strength sent a delicious shock through me, and he didn’t help matters by rubbing his cheek against my head.
It’s a hug. Friends hug.
There was no way I could resist touching his hair, now that I finally had him so close, and it slipped through my fingers like coppery satin. He let out a little groan and leaned into my hands. Encouraged, I stroked in gentle little swoops, until he was practically purring.
“You’re a ginger tabby,” I teased as he turned, so I could reach the other side.
“Please,” he mumbled. “I’m totally a battle-scarred tom.”
He nuzzled his face against my neck, making my pulse jump. This was a misty gray area because he was definitely turning me on with the rasp of his scruff against the tender skin of my throat. But his heartbeat was slowing. Getting comfortable, I kicked off my shoes, and Ty, who wasn’t wearing any, ended up sprawled in my lap, and he closed his eyes as I brushed the hair from his brow in rhythmic strokes.
“Whatever.” I couldn’t believe I was in his apartment, cuddling him.
It wasn’t what I wanted but it was better than nothing. It would have to be enough. “This okay?” I asked, just to be sure.
“Better than. Don’t stop.”
Featherlight, I traced the slight arch of his nose, the plane of his cheekbone down to his jaw, around his mouth and over the bristled jut of his chin, which he lifted to give me better access. Eyes closed, he was smiling with an expression that registered as pure bliss. I’d swear he was starved for physical contact, let alone sex.
“Can I ask a personal question?”
“This is probably the best time.” Dreamy tone.
“How long’s it been?”
His gold-tipped lashes fluttered, revealing brown eyes that focused intently on my face. “Since I got laid?”
“Yeah.”
“Couple of months.”
That wasn’t as long as I expected, the way he was reacting. “Huh.”
“Did you think I’ve been celibate for years or something?”
“Maybe.”
“Disappointed?”
“Why would I be?” I smiled down at him.
“Sometimes girls romanticize the situation. ‘Poor Ty, if only he had a woman giving it to him regular and helping with Sam, his life wouldn’t be such a black hole of suck.’” He lifted one shoulder in a lazy half shrug and demanded, “Ears.”
I was only half-sure what he wanted, so I rubbed up and down the shell, gently, with thumb and forefinger. “Like that?”
He hissed out a breath when I scraped my fingernails behind them. “Exactly.”
It might be wrong, but I secretly hoped this was turning him on a fraction as much as me. Even the weight of his head in my lap felt like foreplay, but I didn’t roll my hips. Ears are sensitive. Wonder what lips, teeth and tongue would do to him. I swallowed hard and went back to running my fingers through his hair. It seemed safer. The party was still going strong, and it was only eleven. I might have several good hours of Ty-petting left.
“I hope you don’t think I see you that way,” I said.
“Hmm?”
“The ‘black hole of suck’ thing.”
“Nah. You don’t give off the fix Ty vibe. If you did, I’d be avoiding you like the plague, not hanging out on a Saturday night.” He sounded relaxed, sleepy even. “Though I have no idea what’s in it for you.”
“I like you,” I said softly.
You have no idea how much.
“You’re crazy. Didn’t you hear the grumpy asshole part earlier?”
“Maybe you save that for other people.” I decided to get creative and scooped my hands beneath his head, like I’d seen masseuses do on TV. Since I had no training, I couldn’t be sure what I was supposed to be doing, but I flexed my palms and rubbed the heels of my hands against the base of his skull. Ty arched his neck, lifting his chin until I heard a faint pop.
He groaned. “God. You’re so good, I’d pay you.”
“First I’m a barbiturate and now—”
“You really should’ve hit me by now.” Ty flung an arm across his face, cheeks flushed.
“I’ll snuggle you into submission.”
“It’s working.”
“What else do you miss? Besides the music scene.”
He turned his head side to side, increasing the pressure until I was worried about hurting him, and it reminded me of how he’d dug his knuckles into the back of his head. This had to be my unconscious responding to that moment, wanting to make him feel better. From the way he was smiling, it seemed to be doing the trick.
“How honest am I supposed to be?”
“Completely. I won’t tell.”
“You want me to bare my soul, huh?”
I want you to take off your pants. But I’ll settle for deep, meaningful conversation. I was only half kidding, even in my head, but Ty’s friendship felt rare and precious, a leap of faith that he didn’t offer many people. I might not be special, but he made me feel that way.
“Yep,” I said aloud.
“I miss sleeping in. I miss waking up with someone else and having time for slow, lazy morning sex.”
Oh, hello. Yes. Please. The mental images his words conjured were so very tantalizing. I pictured a sleepy, horny Ty, wrapped around me, his lips on my neck, nibbling down to my shoulder while he took me from behind, his cock working in and out with infinite patience. His hands would be all over me, stroking, caressing in counterpoint to his thrusts. We’d take hours making each other come, maybe not even getting out of bed until well into the afternoon.
I stifled a whimper.
Oblivious to what a firestarter he was, he went on, “I miss showering after and fixing breakfast while mock-arguing about whether we should go grocery shopping or back to bed.” There was a tight, drawn cast to his mouth, as if those were memories of the girl who left him.
Damn. Intuition whispered that he’d be a different sort of sad if she was dead, haunted instead of laced with regret. He radiated self-recrimination in the angle of his shoulders and the way his gaze turned inward when he spoke of her.
I tried to distract him by offering an emotional snapshot of my own. “I’ve never had that. Not in high school for obvious reasons, and until this year, I lived in the dorm. Most people bitch about the lack of privacy, but...” My voice dropped to a shy whisper. “I liked it.”
“What?” His eyes snapped open, and he stared up at me, fascinated, fully in the moment.
I’d never told anyone this, not even Lauren. “Sometimes, when my roommate was drunk, she’d bring a guy back to our room. I always pretended like I was asleep, but I loved listening, watching the shadows under the covers, seeing them twist and move.”
Telling him that sometimes I got off was probably too much information. So I shut up, studying his expression. At least he didn’t look sad anymore.
“And I’m right back to wanting to fuck your brains out,” he said hoarsely. “Is this party ever going to end?”
In his sweats, it was obvious that he was telling the truth. Tipping my head back, I implored the universe for moral fortitude. “I can go.”
“I can take it,” he said softly. “I’m a pro at not getting what I want.”
Like a bite of poisoned apple, I swallowed the argument that the old frustration didn’t have to apply to me. “Back to things you miss?”
“Yeah. This will sound really specific, but...”
“What?”
“Little things. Like...I had a girlfriend in high school. We’d study on her bed, me lying down, her propped against the headboard reading. She had the habit of pulling my shirt up and running her nails lightly up and down my back. Drove me crazy, but I loved it.”
“It turned you on?” Maybe I shouldn’t ask, but I couldn’t resist.
He laughed. “Well, yeah. Goose bumps over my entire body. But I was sixteen. Walking to the bathroom got me hot.”
“Fair point.” I desperately needed a change of topic, or I’d have to ask him to take a cold shower. “Is Ty short for Tyler?”
“Yeah. But it’s my last name.”
“What’s your first?”
“Daniel. Your last?”
“Conrad.”
Glancing down, I caught him shaping the syllables with his mouth, and I was tempted to tell him that my middle name was Rose, just to see him do it again. But I had to save some secrets for next time, or he might get bored. From there, I diverted the conversation to music because I couldn’t take more sex talk; I was on the verge of vibrating, and if the sparks popped any brighter between us, we’d burn his apartment down. Small comfort, but at least I knew why it wasn’t happening.