Already do, I said, and I meant it.
We reached a red door, and she stopped. She hitched her thumb at it and said, This is you.
I peeked into the classroom through the small window on the door and wanted to run. Or vomit. No, both. Kids were everywhere, and there were no empty seats. The teacher was at the front, already lecturing. The moment I walked inside, silence would take over and every eye would find me.
Maybe Id turned green or shuddered, because Kat said, Nervous?
Yes, but only a littlelot. Id always had difficulty lying. Want to ditch? I asked hopefully. We could start fresh for block two.
No, I dont want to ditch, and Im not even going to attempt to figure out what a little lot is. I want to make an entrance in my own class. After all, the center of attention is the best place to be.
Uh, no, no it wasnt. I backed up a step. Ill wait for you outside, then.
Youll be fine, she said, merciless. Theyll love you. And if they dont, well, let me know who I need to punish. Thats a specialty of mine, just FYI. So is tough love. She patted me on the butt. Now go get em, baby cub.
Kat, wait. I
You heard the part about tough love, right? And P.S. In a few months, you might graduate to a full-on tigress, but until then She opened the door and gave me a push inside the room. Youll have to endure the growing pains.
* * *
I survived first block with only a splash of humiliation. The teacher, and I use the term lightly, made me stand at the front of the class and tell the students a little about myself and why I was late. Apparently there were to be no breaks for anyone. Not on the first day, and certainly not for first timers who should know how to read a map.
My thinking on the matter: Mr. Buttlewhom I would forever call Mr. Buttholewas on a power trip, but whatever. I got through without any internal scarring because a very cute boy with puppy dog brown eyes smiled encouragingly at me, then made the universal jerk-off sign the moment Mr. Butthole turned his back, sending everyone into peals of laughter, thereby taking the attention away from me.
Second block took place in the same hall but third was in another building. Still, I made it on time and the class proved to be a breeze. No one tried to talk to me except the short, rotund Ms. Meyers. She wore her salt-and-pepper hair in a bun. Her glasses were too big for her face and continually slid down her nose, but she wasnt unpleasant to look at.
Im so excited to begin a brand-new year with you, she said, clapping, and I know you will be too when you hear what Ive got planned! By the way, this is Creative Writing, in case anyone accidentally wandered into the wrong room. Anyone? No? Great. On with our stories!
I propped my head on one hand, and I meant to pay attention, I really did, but my mind drifted. Id like to say I pondered my future, ways to improve my general state of mind, something, anything useful. But, no. My brain hopped the train to Colehollandville and refused to detour.
One question after another formed. What had happened out there in that hallway? Had Cole experienced anything when he looked at me? The way hed snapped his teeth at me, as if Id bewildered him without saying a wordmaybe. But then again, maybe that had been a gesture of irritation. Id basically eye-raped him.
And what if I tranced out (or whatever you wanted to call it) the next time I saw him?
Desperate to know, Id searched for him after both my first and second classes. Id looked through numerous passageways, along the stairs and, okay, yes, Id even slowed down in front of both the boys bathrooms Id passed, but thered been no hint of him.
Maybe that was a good thing. He intimidated me.
There. Id admitted it. He was big and bad and obviously well-acquainted with violence. Id had enough violence in my life, thanks. Besides, there were only three possible outcomes if the two of us actually spoke.
1) Hed tell me to ~bleep~ off.
2) Hed tell everyone I was ~bleeping~ insane.
3) Hed ask me who the ~bleep~ I thought I was because hes positive hes never seen me before.
I didnt know him, and yet I easily imagined him cussing. A lot. Kat would so not approve.
I think youll find her work symbolic of
Ms. Meyerss voice intruded, trying to claim my attention, but my dilemma quickly returned to center stage. I sooo wanted to talk to my mom about Cole and what had happened. Because of my dad, shed understood weird in all its varying shades and degrees. She wouldnt have laughed at me. She wouldnt have rushed me in for an emergency therapy session. She would have sat me down and helped me reach a conclusion that satisfied me.
I missed her so much and wished, so badly, that Id been nicer to her there at the end.
Well, well. What do you know? My mind could go somewhere other than Cole Holland today.
No way would I mention any of this to Nana and Pops. Theyd freaknot that theyd ever show me. For me, they would smile and pretend all was well, never realizing Id once caught them whispering in their bedroom.
Poor thing. Therapy isnt working. Will she ever recover, do you think?
Not sure. All I know is that I hate that shes hurting so badly, but theres nothing I can do. She wont let me.
I know. Ive never felt so helpless.
Theyd tried to get me to go to the movies, ice-skating and shopping, things kids my age supposedly liked to do, but my answer was always the same: no. Each time, they had kissed me on the forehead and said, Maybe next time.
Refusing to worry them further, Id swallowed back the words Maybe never. I spent most of my time in my room, and thats the way I liked it.
I had a routine. I spent my mornings reading The Iron Fey series. I spent my evenings listening to the mix tapes my dad had made for my mother. (I was staying in her old room and had found her old cassette player.) I spent my nights searching for monsters. On weekdays I left the house for school and on weekends I left for church. That was it.
The bell rang, shattering my thoughts like a fist through a mirror, and I bolted upright. Ms. Meyers was stacking books on her desk. Kids were already filing out of the classroom. I gathered my stuff and rose to do the same.
Alice Bell, Ms. Meyers called before I could leave.
Our gazes met, locked. I prefer Ali.
She nodded and offered me a warm smile. I looked over your transcript from Carver Academy and liked what I saw. With straight As, Im guessing you didnt sleep in class.
Ouch. I wasnt sleeping, I promise.
Her smile grew, letting me know that she wasnt offended. I know reading and writing arent everyones favorite thing, but give me a chance tomorrow, okay? If you dont like what Im saying, if I fail to engage you, fine. Sleep or daydream or whatever you want to call it.
Fair enough. You have my word.
Good. She motioned to the door with a tilt of her chin. Go on. Youve got places to be, Im sure.
I stepped into the halland prayed the world would suddenly end. Frosty and one of his more feral friends were waiting for me. Clearly. Their gazes zeroed in on mearrow, meet bulls-eyeand they leaped into motion, closing the distance between us. I bet they were here to warn me away from Cole.
How humiliating! I kept walking, and they kept pace beside me, flanking me. Testosterone walled me in, neatly shutting out the rest of the world.
Sup. Im Frosty, the rough-looking blond said. Up close, I saw that his eyes were not completely brown but a pretty blueberry with flecks of chocolate.
My stomach growled. Okay, so I was hungry, and that was probably why his eyes reminded me of delicious food. So what. An appetite was a good thing, and Id been without one all summer.
This heres my boy Bronx, he added when I failed to respond.
Im Ali. Either I hadnt noticed Bronx earlierso not likelyor hed been running late. Bronx, huh? Is that where youre from?
Nope, Frosty answered for him.
Bronx said nothing, but oh, did he stare. For a guy with barbells in both of his eyebrows and hair dyed an electric blue, that stare bypassed demon-dark and went straight to devil-damned.
Okay, I said. What else was I supposed to say?
A group of jocks passed us. To my surprise, they practically flattened themselves against the row of lockers to get out of the way of my giant, muscled bookends. I could even smell their fear, an acrid scent coating the air between us, stinging my nostrils.
So weird.
At my old school, jocks had ruled, their word law, and the only thing theyd worried about was the next game. Different schools, different worlds, I guess.
Boys, I heard Dr. Wright say. I picked up the clack clack of her heels before I spotted her at the end of the hall. Youre not manhandling Miss Bell, correct? She spoke as she walked toward us. Her gaze remained locked on Frosty. Id hate to have to ruin the rest of your day with detention.
No reason to ruin, Dr. Wright, he said with military precision at the same time I said, Im fine.
She wasnt satisfied. What do you want with her?
Frosty smiled, all innocence. Just to talk, what else?
Why?
Were all principals this nosy?
Because shes cute? Frosty replied, a question rather than a statement.
In that moment, I could have fallen flat on my face and experienced less embarrassment.
Dr. Wrights suspicions were not assuaged, judging by the narrowing of her eyes, but she briskly passed us without trying to stop us. Just make sure you watch your mouths or Ill have to call your guardians, she threw over her shoulder.
Frosty shuddered. Bronx saluted with mock respect.
So how do you know Kat? Frosty asked me, jumping back to the conversation. As determined as he looked, he was done with distractions.
I relaxed. They werent here for Cole, and they werent here because I might beor might not bemoderately attractive. We ran into each other during summer break. Hopefully that was the right thing to say. I wasnt sure about proper etiquette when dealing with a friends ex.
Where at? he asked, pretending an ease those M&M eyes failed to project.
Well, uhhmm. How could I answer that without spilling info about myself?
The two boys guided me around a corner by pressing their shoulders into mine and steering me. Id wanted to go the other way, to my locker. Whatever. I could deal. I might not want anything to do with violence, but I could handle myself, even with bruisers like these. My dad had made sure of that.
In fact, Id taken my dad down a time or twelve, flipping him over, popping his eye and once even breaking his nose. Every time Id bested him, hed smiled, so wonderfully proud of me.
A burning in my eyesa tremor in my chin. Dang it, I needed to concentrate on the here and now.
What had Frosty asked me? Oh, yeah. If you want to know where I met Kat, youll have to ask Kat. There. An answer without being an answer. Meanwhile, Id be pulling her aside the next time I saw her and asking her to mentally torch the details.
Frosty acted as if hed just been stabbed in the gut. Cruel, Ali, so cruel. At least give me a hint. Pretty please with cherries on top of me.
Charming. But I couldnt forget that hed cheated on Kat. Thinking fast, I said, Okay, heres a hint. A lot of people were there. There was some screaming, definitely some writhing. A looot of touching. Doctors were very hands-on.
In the next instant, I was given a deeper glimpse of the criminal-in-the-making Frosty was. That mask of affability fell away, revealing hard, dark eyes and lips compressed with rage. Did she touch anyone? Did anyone touch her?
Dude. You left her for the entire summer. Its been nice talking to you and everything, but I really need to
We rounded another corner and I slammed into something solid, losing my concentration as I stumbled backward.
Bronx caught me, righted me and then let go of me as if Id just given him third-degree burns.
Im sorry, I began, focusing on the person Id hit.
A girl, shorter than me by several inches. Silky dark hair curled to the middle of her back and framed a face God might have used to design his favorite angels. Her makeup was perfect. Her skin was slightly sunburned but still perfect. Her clothes were expensive and sexy, yet still elegantand perfect. She wore a pink cashmere sweater and a flirty white skirt. She was the only diamond in a sea of glass.
I wasnt into girls, butwow. This one could probably turn anyone. Not even Kat and her catalog friends could compare.
Is this your newest slice of tail? she asked Frosty, all kinds of youre beneath me in her tone. A tone clearly directed at me.
Maybe she wouldnt be able to turn me. I wasnt into nasty.
Back off, Mackenzie, Frosty said.
Mackenzie. As in, Mackenzie Love. This was Cole Hollands ex?
Of course she is, I thought next, wanting to laugh without a bit of humor. Beautiful boys dated beautiful girls. Thats how the world worked. And yes, by those rules, I was destined to be with a lanky loner with a tragic past. Wonderful.
Cole wants you, she snapped at the boys, so your little missionary trip will have to wait.
Cue my exit. Id already said my goodbye, so I pushed my way past Mackenzie and enteredthe cafeteria. So thats where theyd been taking me. Time for lunch, then. No wonder my stomach had been growling. The smell of food paired with a thousand other appetites could have turned a mannequin into a savage.
Already lines snaked from every direction. I had no idea what was what, so I scanned the area until I spotted a familiar face in the far corner.
Kat waved me over. Behind me, Frosty yelled for my attention while Mackenzie called him an idiot. Ignoring them, I tromped forward. The deeper I entered the room, the more I noticed the grease that coated the air. I also caught hints of sugar, perfume and cologne, everything combining to form a cloying musk. Goodbye appetite.
What were you doing with Frosty? Kat asked the moment I plopped down beside her.
No rage. Good. He and that other boy, Bronx, were waiting for me after class. Frosty asked me how the two of us had met.
The roses drained from her cheeks. What did you tell him?
I bullet pointed my response, praying Id gotten it right.
Relief wafted from her, her color returning. Rock on! You did almost as awesome a job as I would have done.
I so needed that kind of confidence. Thank you.
Just dont tell anyone where we really met, okay? she said, her gaze pleading at me.
No problem there. But why didnt she want anyone to know?
Before I could question her, the rest of her troop arrived. I greeted each with a half smile, since thats all that I was currently capable of.
As the girls launched into details about everything theyd learned about people I didnt know, I felt the little hairs on the back of my neck rise. I endured the sensation for several minutes before caving and twisting in my seat, searching for the source of my discomfort.
Cole and his gang sat a few tables away. Cole wasstaring at me. Staringsuch a mild word for the slitted gaze leveled on me, piercing me. If eyes could throw daggers, Id have a few embedded in my chest. (Not that thats where he was looking, mind you.)
I gathered my courage and maintained contact, waiting, expectant. Except, there was no vision this time. No mental unfolding of us kissing. This morning must have been a one-time thing. A fluke.
I was relieved about that. I wasnt disappointed. Besides, things were better this way. Proof: the angelic Mackenzie was perched next to him, her arm draped around his shoulders, staking her claim, warning me away. She, too, glared at me as she whispered something in his ear. I didnt have to be a mind reader to know shed just plotted my social death.
Whatever. Popularity wasnt a concern for me.
What? I mouthed at her, and it was a legitimate question. What had I done to her? Nothing, thats what.
She ran her tongue over her teeth just before growling something that sounded like, Let me teach her, to Cole. Just a little lesson. Please.
I didnt hear his reply.
Kat patted my hand. Are you listening to me? Because these nuggets Im throwing out are golden! Namely, if you want to be in power, you have to knock the current queen off her pedestal. Kicking works, as does punching.
I wasnt listening, Im sorry, I responded, my cheeks heating as I faced her. So whos the current queen?
The ex of the guy you were just stripping in your mind, Reeve said. To think, I had a front-row seat to the day the war ignited between Mackenzie Love and Alisomething.
Bell, I said as Kat said, Ali will totally win, but shell want me to have the throne, Im positive.
I shuddered at the thought of anyone thinking I was a person to emulate. I dont want the throne.
Kats chin lifted in delight. See?
Cole must think you give good eye, because he was making out with you right back. Still is, Wren said, glancing between us. Mackenzie will probably try to kill you before the week ends, but honestly? Hes not worth the hassle. Hell only drag you down, ruin your life.
Poppy twirled a strand of that beautiful red hair around her finger. The last girl to receive that kind of look from him spent a year in a full body cast.
What girl? I found myself asking.
There was no girl, Kat said with a frown. I would have remembered something like that.
Wren sighed with sadness. Shes right. There wasnt a girl. We were just testing you to see your reaction. You failed. She turned to Kat. Have you told her about your association with Frosty? How he nearly got you kicked out of school?
Someone tapped me on the shoulder. My gaze shot up, and I came face-to-face with the dark-haired boy from Buttholes class. The one whod made everyone laugh, drawing attention away from me.
My table went quiet.
Dont let Mackenzie scare you, he said, which let me know that everyone in the cafeteria had noticed her silent vow to ruin me. Shes great with her fists, but only if shes standing. Get her on the ground, and youve already won. With that, he straightened and walked off.
Shocked, I faced the girls. All four were gaping at me. Kat, Poppy and Reeve with awe. Wren with a sharpness that confused me.
I spread my arms. What?
A grinning Kat said, Cole is sooo not gonna like the fact that hes got competition. That was Justin Silverstone, and he never talks to anyone except his sister. Youre definitely not his sister.
Poppy nodded with enthusiasm. I honestly thought he was gay.
Wren slapped her arm. Hes not gay!
Reeve anchored her elbows on the tabletop and leaned forward. So howd you do it, Ali?
Do what? I asked, truly baffled.
Get his attention, Wren said, her tone as sharp as her caramel gaze. Hes a straight-A student, never misses a day of school and already has his future mapped out. Hes going places. Not that you couldnt normally get a guy like him, but hes so reclusive.
I shifted in my seat, saying, I didnt get his attention. The only boy Ive even talked to is Frosty, and thats because he ambushed me.
Mmm-hmm, Kat muttered, all doubt and amusement. Well, lets see if Cole noticed your unexpected visitor.
My eyes widened as I reached for her arm. Dont
But it was too late. Shed already twisted to look. A second later, her mouth fell open.
I couldnt help myself. I looked, too. What I saw shook me to my soul. I wasnt the only one whod gotten a death glare today. Cole was watching Justin as if he meant to flay the skin from his bones, throw it down and play Dance Dance Revolution on it.
That has nothing to do with me, I managed to croak. It couldnt.
But part of me kind of hoped that it did.
4What Bloody Bloody Nonsense!
That night, I sat at my windowsill, peering out at the darkness. To my astonishment, Cole and Mackenzie had never sought me out, never spoken another word to me. Neither had the rest of their friends, and that Justin kid had never come back, either. And if anyone had said anything to anyone else about me, I hadnt heard about it.
So, either Mackenzie had changed her mind about teaching me whatever she thought I needed to learn, or someone had stopped her. Cole? But that would mean she had listened to him, had cared about what hed saidand that hed told her to stay away from me. That couldnt be right, though. I couldnt think of a single reason for him to defend me.
Sighing, I rubbed my temples to ward off an oncoming ache. If I didnt stop thinking about this stuff, I was going to give myself a brain bleed. Besides, I had more important things to worry about. Id finished the day with Kat, gotten on the busagain keeping my head downand shut myself in my room. Nana and Pops had eventually summoned me, wanting to know how Id liked my new school and if Id made any friends. Id answered with a vague fine on the first and one or two, I guess on the second. Utter silence had then taken hold, and theyd peered at me as if expecting diary-type details. Uncomfortable for the bazillionth time that day, Id then made the mistake of telling them about my first-hour tardy and Mr. Bs lecture. (Honestly, Id already forgotten his real name and didnt want to admit to my grandparents that Id dubbed him Butthole.)
Of course theyd next wanted to know whether or not they should call my school counselor to tell him how rough things were for me, and that I needed my teachers to give me a break. Kind of them, but please mark that down as a big fat never, ever, ever, never. I think I surprised them with my vehemence, but at least they capitulated. No way did I want to be known as Pinot Grigio. (Thats what my parents had called me anytime Id gotten my whine on. Theyd called Em Pinot Noir.)
Now, with dinner eaten and the dishes cleaned and put away, my grandparents were asleep in their room, and I was once again alone in mine. A golden half-moon graced the black velvet sky, no clouds in sight, allowing a blanket of stars to twinkle in every direction. A slight breeze danced twigs and leaves together, adding a sense of eerie to the loveliness.
As I had every night since moving in, I watched and I waited, tense as a rubber band about to pop, hoping to catch a glimpse of Bridezilla. So far, no luck.
Id been here, oh, no more than a few hours and already I was yawning, exhaustion heavy on my shoulders, but I was more determined than ever to stay awake. I planned to prove, beyond any doubt, whether or not the monsters existed.
A few things Id noticed during these too-late interludes: Bridezilla did not appear every night. She showed up about once every seven to fourteen days. Id been keeping notes, thinking she must come out only during a certain phase of the moon, but no. The moon had no bearing on her manifestations. Nothing seemed to, but even when I didnt see her, I still felt as if sheor someonewas watching me.
Paranoia on my part, surely. I wasnt even one hundred percent positive Bridezilla was truly out there. But oh, one night, maybe even this one, I would be. As long as I stuck to the plan, I would figure this out.
Every morning after a sighting, Id checked the forest behind my grandparents backyard and found several sets of human footprints. Most were big and wide, as if theyd come from a man wearing boots. A few were smaller, thinner, as if made by a woman in tennis shoes.
Those prints should have already proven my sanity, yet part of me feared I was seeing only what I wanted to see, that even the prints were a mirage. Orwhat if the prints had been caused by a group of kids who liked to play hide-and-seek? How stupid would I look blaming monsters?
As stupid as Id once considered my dad, I thought with an acrid laugh.
Another hour passed as I watched and waited.
More hours passed. Lord, give me strength, I prayed. If Bridezilla failed to appear tonight, Id try again tomorrowand the next night and the next, however long was necessary. I wouldnt give up.
Okay, so close to 2:00 a.m. I considered giving up. Only a few times had Bridezilla arrived after two and now my eyelids were as heavy as boulders and my jaw ached from numerous yawns. I was disappointed, angry andif I was being honesta tiny bit relieved. No monsters meant there was no reason for a confrontation.
Yep. My plan involved getting up close and personal.
I stood, scanned the forest one last time. Id lie down, read and The barest hint of white fabric peeked from behind one of the trees. Breath caught in my throat, burning, as cold fingers of dread crawled down my spine. Okay, so there would be a confrontation, after all.
Adrenaline rode through my veins on a tide of urgency, and I knew there would be no talking myself into staying put.
I grabbed the baseball bat Id borrowed from Pops.
I should have done this a long time ago, but Id allowed fear and memories of what had happened after the crash to stop me. But I was smarter now, stronger. Id survived my first day at a new school. I could brave the scary outdoors to discover what, exactly, haunted the forest.
Im sorry, but I have to break your rules, Dad, I whispered.
The monsters hunger for your flesh, your organs, I heard him say, and for a moment, the past held me enthralled. If they see you, they will chase you. And if they catch you, they will devour you.
How do you know? I remembered asking him, not because Id believed him but because Id hoped to trip him up and force him to see how wrong he was. Have you ever been chased?
A few times, but theyve never caught me.
Well, if theyve never caught you, how do you know they wanted to devour you?
I could feel the evil of their intentions pulsing from their bodies.
Dad, you cant
You can, but more than that, a few years ago I found a book that tells all about them.
And you believe everything this book says? Undoubtedly a work of fiction.
Hed thought for a moment. Well, no. It says guns cant hurt the monsters, but guns can hurt anything. And Ive talked to others like me
In chat rooms, Id said drily. Where forty-year-old men liked to pretend to be seventeen-year-old girls. Awesome.
Yes, and they all say the same thing. The monsters want to eat us.
I forced the memory to the back of my mind, where guilt and sorrow and a million other things churned, and quietly stalked down the stairs. Out the back door I went, stepping onto the porch and stopping to give my eyes time to adjust to the dark. Warmth bathed the night, a cloying blanket I couldnt shake. Crickets chirped, and locusts sang. Leaves rubbed together as the wind whistled.
In and out I breathedand caught the most disgusting scent ever. My nose wrinkled, and I grimaced. Honestly, if you stuck your head inside a dead horses rectum, you wouldnt smell anything close to this. (I havent, by the way. I was only guessing there.) It was like rotten eggs mixed with dog farts and doused with skunk spray.
My hand tightened on the bat as I scanned the yard. Grasshoppers jumped in different directions. Flaxen moonlight and writhing shadows tangoed as the trees swayed, but nothing jumped out at me.
Okay. All right, then. I could do this. One step, two, I approached the back of the stockade fence. I trembled violently, my limbs threatening to lock up, but I convinced myself to keep going.
Finally, I stood at the gate that led to the forest. Little beads of sweat slid down my spine, and all I wanted to do was race back into my room. Again I listened, breathing in more of that rancid decay. It was stronger now, thickening the air and actually burning the back of my throat. I gagged.
With a shaky hand, I reached out and unhooked the latch. As the gate creaked open, I lifted the bat and assumed the I will beat you to deathreally, I mean it! position. A minute ticked by, surely an eternity, but nothing happened. No one attempted to accost me.
Come on, Bell. You can do this, remember? Inch by inch, I moved past the fence, past the line of bushes and into the core of the forest. My gaze scanned left and right. Id seen that hint of wedding dress overget readythere.