Not any that I know, he replied, deadpan.
Was he teasing her? Or was he just that blunt?
Finally the box stopped for good, and the doors opened to the lobby. Her companion politely waved her forward. She offered a bemused smile, said Thanks and hurried outalive.
Almost alone, she thought wistfully. She would be able to sort through her thoughts and figure out what she was going to do when her sister... When Laila...
She couldnt think the word, even though she knew it would happen sooner rather than later. A mercy for Laila. Another sorrow for Nicola. She wasnt sure how many more she could bear and still survive.
Most people with their condition and underdeveloped heart died in their late teens. But she and Laila had lasted into their early twenties, a true miracle in itself, and she should be thrilled with the time theyd had together. And yet, she wanted more. For both of them. Laila wasnt satisfied with her life, and a person should be satisfied before they died. Right?
Nicola just...well, she needed to decide on a plan of action today. For once, her mind wasnt shrouded by a thick veil of fear and anxiety. And why were people looking at her as if she were a hideous beast monster determined to
Not her, she realized, but the man beside her. The giant from the elevator. Nicola stopped, and so did he. He failed to maneuver around her, as if her slight presence was somehow blocking his path. She faced him fully, anchoring her hands on her hips. He stepped three feet away from her, and she found herself shivering all over again.
The heat did come from him.
He peered down at her, his golden eyes framed by the blackest, most luscious lashes of all time, so unexpected in that rough-and-tumble time-traveling-warrior face.
Can I help you? she asked.
No, but you can have coffee with me.
No, hed said. Meaning, she couldnt help him. He really took the honesty thing seriously. And had he just...asked her out? Why would you want to do that? she wondered aloud. And why hadnt she just said no? She had to return to work, like, soon. Her lunch hour was almost over.
Im not ready to go home.
Ah. Not a date, then. He simply craved a distraction from whatever had brought him to the Palace of Tears and Death, and oh, could she sympathize. And she wasnt disappointed that he wanted nothing romantic from her. Really. Her mother had been right. Boys equaled excitement and excitement equaled another heart attack. And really, she hadnt ever missed boys and excitement all that much because shed always had Laila. But Laila was...was...
Coffee sounds great, she croaked as her chin quivered. Clearly she needed a distraction, too. The planning could wait. So could work. Pulling herself out of this pity pit was more important. Theres a little shop down the far corridor.
He stepped up beside her, and all that delicious heat returned. They kicked into gear, earning several more stares and even a little whispering. People had to be shocked by the difference in their sizes, and she couldnt really blame them. The top of Nicolas head failed to reach the mans massive shoulders.
So, whats your name? she asked.
Koldo.
Cold-oh. Had to be foreign. Im Nicola.
Nicola. Latin, meaning a victorious people.
They turned the first corner, though the scenery didnt change. All of the hallways were the same: white and silver with signs posted along the walls. Uh, did you just secretly look that up on a cell phone I cant see or did you already know?
I knew.
Why?
The words we speak are important, powerful, and since names are spoken every day, directed at specific individuals, people often become what they are called. I like to know who Im dealing with.
Well, she wouldnt tell him she was the most defeated person ever and shatter his illusions. What does Laila mean?
Dark beauty.
Interesting. Laila was fair, but she was lovely. What does Koldo mean?
Famous warrior.
A warrior, as shed first assumed? She wondered if he was in the army. Are you truly famous?
Yes.
No hesitation. No pride. In his mind, he must have simply stated a fact. She admired his confidence. So, what do you do, Koldo?
Im in the army.
Nailed it!
Two more corners, and they reached the shop. He directed her to an empty table. What would you like, Nicola?
Her name on his lips...an embrace and a curse, all rolled into one. It was a little disconcerting. Oh, I can
You wont offer to give me money, and insult me, he said, and for once he sounded genuinely offended. Now, then. Lets try this again. What would you like? Im buying.
She smiled. No one had ever insisted on buying her something to drink. Most offers came from the coworkers who knew about her situation, and were mere tokens. The moment she mentioned taking care of her own bill, the other person immediately acquiesced. An herbal tea, please. Something without caffeine. And thank you very much.
A nod, and he was off, leaving her chilled. She watched as he approached the counter. Watched as the punked-out cashier stared at him with utter fascination. He didnt seem to notice as he placed the order and waited for the drinks...and muffins, scones and croissants from the looks of it.
What kind of woman would capture his attention? she wondered.
Another warrior-type probably. Strong, capable, with big-enough bones to withstand any kind of abuseuh, contact.
He returned a few minutes later and spread out a feast before her, the scent of berries, yeast and sugar wafting up and making her mouth water. She hadnt eaten in forever, it seemed, because shed been too consumed with worry for Laila, dread over paying bills she hadnt begun to make a dent in and, well, trying not to drown in a sea of despair.
Today was different, though. Even as upset as she was, she felt better than she had in a long, long time, and her stomach rumbled.
Cheeks flushing, she claimed her tea and sipped at the burning liquid, savoring the sweetness. Seriously, Koldo. This means a lot to me. A thousand times thank you wouldnt be enough.
Its very much my pleasure, Nicola.
So polite. She liked that.
And the likes were certainly outweighing the dislikes now, werent they?
The food is for you, as well, he said, pushing a muffin in her direction.
Her eyes widened with astonishment. All of it?
Of course.
Of course, hed said. As if she was used to eating for an entire legion.
You will keep up your strength, he added. Right now, youre too pale, too frail.
She wasnt insulted. She was pale and frail. Nicola selected one of the croissants, pinched off a warm, buttery corner. So...were you here visiting someone?
Yes.
Though she waited, attentive, he offered no more than that. Im sorry.
Dont be. Im not.
Annnd...again he offered nothing more. Do you come here often?
That could be the plan, yes.
Silence.
Talkative much? But okay, no problem. They werent really here to get to know each other, were they? They were here to forget their lives, if only for a little while. Im here a lot. Every day, in fact.
Perhaps well see each other again. He lifted a steaming cup of coffee to lips as plush and red as candy apples and gulped. His expression never changed, the fiery temperature somehow not melting and welding his tongue to the roof of his mouth.
Perhaps, she offered.
Again, silence.
What were girls supposed to talk about with boys they werent interested in romantically? Because, if she were being honestsomething he would definitely approve ofthis was kind of painful. It wasnt what shed expected or hoped for.
What do you do when youre not here, Nicola? he asked, at last taking up the reins of conversation.
Relieved by his efforts, she relaxed in her seat. I work. Im an accountant every weekday morning and afternoon. A job guaranteed to keep her blood pressure steady. She could crunch numbers, sort receipts and design a financial plan to get anyone out of debt. Anyone but herself, that is. She was still working through her parents bills, and her and Lailas medical costs were still stacking up. Im a checkout girl at an organic food market every evening and on weekends.
Neither of those jobs sprang from a childhood dream.
No, but dreams died...and if you werent careful, the ghosts would haunt your present. Why do you think that? She wasnt fond of her jobs, but shed always done whatever was needed to survive.
Im highly observant.
And quite modest.
So, what did you want to do? he asked.
Why not tell him the truth? I wanted to live, she said. Really live. I wanted to travel the world, jump from airplanes, dance on top of a skyscraper, deep sea dive for treasure and pet an elephant.
He tilted his head to the side and steadily met her gaze. Interesting.
Because shed mentioned activities rather than a career? Well, there was a reason for that. Shed never known how long she would live, so a career had seemed pointless. What about you? she asked. What did you want to do?
Im doing it. He refused to look away. You could still do all of the things you mentioned.
Actually, I cant. My heart couldnt take it. Let him assume she meant her nerves would get the better of her rather than the truth.
Youre right.
Wait. What?
If words are the power of life and death, you just pointed a loaded gun at your head.
What are you talking about? Thats absurd.
You speak what you believe, and you believe youre doomed. If theres one thing Ive learned throughout the years, its that what you believe is the impetus for your entire life.
A spark of anger caused her heart to skip a beat. I believe in reality.
He waved a dismissive hand through the air. Your perception of reality is skewed.
Oh, really? How so?
You believe what you see and feel.
Uh, doesnt everyone?
Everything in this natural world is changeable. Temporary. But the things you cannot see or feel are eternal.
She slammed her tea on the tabletop. Liquid splashed from the hole in the lid, burning her hand. Lookit. Maybe youre not getting enough oxygen up there where your head lives, but you sound like a crazy person.
Im not crazy. I know you can be healed.
Healed? As if she hadnt tried everything already. Some things cant be changed. Besides, you dont have any clue about the things Ive done or the future I have.
I know more than you think. Youre so afraid to live, youre actually killing yourself.
Heavy silence descended. Hed...nailed it, she thought. Shed watched as fear slowly ate away at her sisters happiness, tainting every aspect of her existence. And in the days before shed landed in the hospital, thats all Laila had had. An existence.
Her stomach had always hurt, ruining her appetite. Nicola was already striding down that road.
Laila had lost weight, and even her bones had seemed to wither. Give Nicola another few months.
Lailas hair had lost its glossy sheen. Blue and black smudges had become a permanent fixture under her eyes. Yeah, another few months should take care of that for Nicola, too.
Somewhere along the way you lost hope, Koldo said, and there was a grim quality to his voice, as if he had suffered a loss of his own. But if youll listen to me, if youll do what I say, your heart and body will mend and youll at last do all the things youve always wanted to do.
Are you a doctor? she demanded. How do you know that? And what do you think you can do for or to me that hasnt already been tried?
Ignoring her questions, he said, Selah, Nicola.
And with that, he disappeared, there one moment, gone the next.
CHAPTER FOUR
DETERMINED TO PROVE A POINT to Nicola, Koldo flashed out of the hospital to his underground home in West India Quay. The place of his greatest shame.
The place he kept his mother.
The small, hidden cave was illuminated by a soft green glow emanating from a lake of water uncontaminated by human life. Air so fresh it literally crackled with vitality enveloped him.
Just like the home in South Africa, he kept no furniture here, no wall hangings, no decorations and no amenities of any kind. Unlike the other home, there was a cage, a bucket for food, a bucket for water and a blanket. He would have provided his mother with a bed, but then, shed never given him one.
Well, well, she said. Look whos returned.
And there she was. Cornelia. A name that meant horn. And she was certainly that. Sharp and deadly, able to puncture a mans heart and coldly walk away as his very life drained from him.
She sat in the corner of the cage, wearing a robe made by human hands and natural fabric. One Koldo had tossed her after ripping off the one made in the skies, for the robes their people wore could clean themselves and their wearers. But he hadnt wanted Cornelia cleansed in any way. Hed wanted her to know the feel of dirt that could never be scrubbed away.
Her skin was pallid, her freckles a stark contrast. Her long hair had been shorn and now fell to her ears, the locks tangled and sticking out in spikes. He hadnt been the one to do this deed. A few weeks ago, she had been captured by a horde of pică and dragged into hell in an attempt to force Koldo to betray Zacharel. He hadnt. He had rescued her instead.
He had no idea what else had been done to her, only that torture had, indeed, taken place. When hed found her, she had hovered at the edge of death, and that was the only reason she hadnt fought him as he doctored her back to health. Now, here they were.
Her, as hate-filled as ever.
Him, shockingly dissatisfied with the situation.
As a child trapped under his fathers reign, he had dreamed of punishing her in the worst of ways. And he still wanted to. Oh, did he want to. The desire was always there, burning in his chest. But he hadnt. He wouldnt. Hed allowed himself to do little things, like denying her the bed and proper robe, but nothing else. He was nothing like her, and every day he proved it. He would come here, pit himself against the pull to act and then leave.
Wise men knew not to even approach the door of their temptation, but Koldo hadnt yet convinced himself to stop.
Hello, Mother.
She sucked in a breath. I should have cut your tongue out of your mouth when I had the chance. She tossed a pebble at him. The stone bounced off his shoulder and tumbled to the floor.
Just like you should have drowned me. I know.
Her eyes narrowed, long lashes fusing together and hiding the violet depths he so often saw in his nightmares. I hadnt the stomach for violence back then. But your father... I expected better of him. He should have done what I could not.
Oh, never doubt that he tried. Many times.
Koldo thought back to the day Cornelia had flown him over his fathers camp and dropped him. As weak and agonized as hed been, landing had hurt more than the brutal removal of his wings.
A huge, bald man with more muscles and scars than Koldo had ever seen stomped toward him. Cornelia called, Meet your son, Noxmay you destroy each other, before flying away.
Nox. A name that meant night.
Koldo had blacked out seconds after that, only to awaken on the floor of a spacious tent, the bald man looming over him, grinning widely, his eyes as black as his name implied.
Youre my son, are you? Raised by a do-gooder angel.
His mother? A do-gooder?
Im betting youre filled with silly notions about right and wrong, Nox had continued. Arent you, boy?
Concentrating on the words had proven difficulteverything inside Koldo had been screaming at him to run and never look back. But hed been trapped inside a body too weak to move or flash. All he could do was watch as thin curls of smoke wafted from the males pores, scenting the air with sulfur.
Thats when realization had slammed into Koldo with collision force. A bald head, bottomless eyes and black smoke could mean only one thing. Nefas. His father hailed from the most dangerous, vile race in existence. A race that sneaked up on humans, poisoned slowly, painfully...destroying utterly. A race without a conscience.
A race just like the demons.
The Nefas were death dealers. Soul suckers.
The age of their victims never mattered. The gender of their victims never mattered. They lived to inflict pain. They killed. And they laughed while doing it.
No worries, the man had said. You can unlearn.
Nox had wanted Koldo to embrace the Nefas way of life, and Koldo had resisted...at first. But every time hed tried to escape, flashing away, his father had been right on his heels, easily finding him and dragging him backpunishing him. Once, Nox had tied him down and poured acid down his throat. The time after that, Nox had plucked out one of his eyes and nailed it to the bar of his cage, so that he could watch himself watching himself. Koldo had had to win the eye backand stuff it back in. By then hed been a little older and had been able to partially heal it. Still, his sight had never been the same.
Bitterness and hatred had taken root inside him. Why him? Why had no one saved him? How much more would he be forced to endure?
Finally, hed lost his will to fight. Hed given in. Hed raided villages. Hed helped his father and the other soldiers fit their mouths over their victims mouths and suck out innocent souls, leaving only lifeless shells.
A man will do just about anything to survive, boy.
It was the only one of his fathers lessons that hed taken to heart.
Now, Koldo was certain hed passed the point of redemption. He could have fought harder. Should have fought harder. That he hadnt... Guilt would always ride him, and shame would always fill him.
He had too many memories. The dark kind that never went away. Each one made him long to pluck out his eyes, just to blank his line of sight, or cut off his ears, just to quiet the screams.
Over the years hed earned a big-enough name to draw Germanuss attention. An army of Sent Ones had swooped into his fathers camp to destroy Koldo, had seen the scars on his back and mistakenly assumed he wasnt Nefas, for Nefas could not grow wings, and Koldo had obviously had them at one time. So, the soldiers had captured him instead.
That had been the beginning of his new life.
Germanusa name meaning brothercould have and probably should have slain him despite his origins. Koldo had been feral. He had snarled and cursed and attacked anyone who neared him. After all the things he had done, after all of the people he had killed, he was supposed to forgive himself and adopt the do-gooder approach? Impossible!
But Germanus had looked deeper than the surface, had seen the shame and guilt in Koldos eyes. Emotions raw and intense, even back then.
The king of the Sent Ones had spent the next several years coaxing Koldo from his rages, doing his best to comfort a young male with such a damaged past, ensuring Koldo was trained to fight the right way, that he had a safe, comfortable place to sleep, that he always had a proper meal to eat.
It had been Koldos first taste of actual caring and concern, and hed soon grown to love Germanuswould still die to protect him.
Why did you mate with Nox? he asked his mother as he stalked around the cage.
Why not? He was a very beautiful man.
Some women would find such a dangerous male attractive, Koldo supposed. Despite the bald head and dead eyes, hed had a face far lovelier than any Koldo had ever seen. A purity of features, a radiance most beings could only ever dream about.
Did you hope to tame him? Did you think you would be the one to change him?
Cornelia pushed to her feet, always keeping her gaze on him, never permitting him to have her back, where her beautiful white-and-gold wings lay. She expected him to remove them. She was right to do so. It was one of his biggest temptations.
Evil cannot be changed, she said.
Did he betray you for another? One of his own kind, perhaps? A female better suited to his particular tastes? Or, perhaps he turned to many other females.
Shut up.
But he couldnt. He was closing in on the truth. Even as sickness churned in his stomach, he said, He used to laugh about you, you know. Said you loved him, begged him to be with you, to stay with you. Said you sobbed when he left. Said you
Shut up, shut up, shut up! she shrieked, racing to the bars where Koldo stood. She shook with so much force he was surprised the reinforced metal held steady.
The ferocity of her reaction should have pleased him. This was what hed always wanted from her, after all. Rage, frustration. Helplessness. Mirroring what hed felt for so many years. But the sickness intensified. How could he do this to a female? Any female?
How could he hurt another of his kind?
She spit on his boots. I hate you. I hate you so much I can barely breathe past it. I hate you so much Id rather rot in this cage than pretend I love you or say Im sorry for the way I treated you. Im not! I never will be. You were an abomination then and youre an abomination now. The day you die is the day I rejoice.
Hurt and fury joined the collage of other emotions, the darkness in his mind thickening, once again banging at the dam. He stepped back, away from her, lest he lash out and end herbecoming just like his father. The scent of jasmine and honeysuckle followed him.
Even here, she carried the despised fragrance with her.
What had an innocent little boy done to elicit this kind of rejection? How could she blame Koldo for his fathers treatment of her?
How could Koldo still hurt, after all this time?
If ever I die, he said, you wont be the cause. Youre too weak. Youve always been weak, and thats why Nox let you go.
Again she spit on his boots.
Hands fisted, he flashed to his home in South Africa. He had sixteen residences throughout the world, each tucked securely away from prying human eyes, but more and more this was the one he preferred, the one where he spent most of his free time.
Before he even manifested, he was beating at the walls, tearing the newly healed skin on his knuckles. Blood splattered. Bone snapped.
This time, the rage failed to drain as quickly.
Hours seemed to pass before he was shucking his clothing, ripping the material in his haste. The shirt and pants hit the floor and drew together of their own accord, the tears and halves forming a perfect robe. Cool water droplets splashed against his bare skin as he peered out at the turbulent waterfall.
That woman...
He punched the side of the wall, dust and debris ghosting through the air. Always she reduced him to this, to a man who felt as if his heart had been cleaved from his chest, stomped on, sliced, kicked around and burned to ash. He had to gain the upper hand with her.
Otherwise, he would kill her.
When Cornelia breathed her last, her spirit would leave her body. But she would not go up, would not spend the rest of eternity with the Most High in the Heavens of heavens. She couldnt. To die with hatred blazing in her heart was to go down, down, down. It was a spiritual law no onenot even a Sent Onecould supersede.
Devilish things could not coexist with divine things.
Reason number one Koldo was in such danger himself.
Cornelia deserved such a fate, yes. She deserved to suffer for all eternity. But he wasnt going to be the one to send her to an early grave. He wasnt like herif he had to remind himself every day, he would. More than that, he wanted...what he could never have. Answers. Her love.
Absolution.
He gritted his teeth. No, he wasnt like herand he no longer wanted those things. A taste of vengeance was all he craved.
The thought hit him, and he paused. There was no way someone like him could help a female as fragile as Nicola, was there?
He should have stayed away from her, he realized. But he hadnt, and now it was too late. Hed flashed away from her to prove the existence of supernatural activity, hoping to force her to accept it and take the first step toward fighting the demons. Now she knew.
Now she would ask questions.
If she asked the wrong people, they would give her the wrong answers.
He scrubbed a hand over the smoothness of his scalp. He had to stick to his plan.
And that wasnt such a bad thing, he told himself. Nicola intrigued him. Her voice, so soft, so sweet...so addictive, a caress his ears already craved again. Her wit. Her resilience. Her bravery. Hed snipped at her, yet she hadnt sobbed and begged for mercy.
Throughout her very short span on earth, one disaster after another had befallen her. Perhaps the demons were responsible, or perhaps the imperfect world. Perhaps both. Whatever the reason, he wanted better for her. The better he himself had found with Germanus.
Koldo just had to teach her how to fight the toxins. And he had to do it while keeping her calm. Fear would strengthen what the paura had left behind, and tension would weaken her immune system, strengthening what the grzech had left behind. Without fear and tension, the toxins would fade. With hope and joy, the toxins would fade faster.
Bottom line, what you fed grew and what you starved died.
Would she be able to look past her negative emotions and see the light?
A spark of anticipation beaded, somehow overshadowing the nearly overwhelming cascade of acid his mother had caused. Despite everything, he couldnt wait to see Nicola again, to learn what shed decided about his disappearance. If shed convinced herself shed imagined him, or if shed accepted he was something other than human.
So not the view I was hoping for, a male voice said from behind him.
Still naked, Koldo spun and faced Thane, the second-in-command of Zacharels army. Thane, meaning freeman. And the warrior certainly seemed to be everything the word implied. The males carnal appetite was well-known. He hunted a new lover every day, discarding those he finished with as if they were dirty tissue.
And yet, even knowing that, women still flocked to him, as though he was the only male in creation with curling blond hair and big blue eyes.
What does Zacharel want me to do this time? Koldo demanded, reaching into the air pocket at his side to withdraw another robe. He yanked the material over his head, trying not to stare at Thanes wings. They arched over the warriors wide shoulders, sweeping all the way to the floor. Pure white was broken up by dazzling gold. Tryingand failing.
Itll be better to show rather than explain, Thane said, an odd note in his voice.
That didnt bode well. Very well. Lead the way.
CHAPTER FIVE
THE NEXT WEEK PASSED in a blur for Nicola. Every day she woke up at the butt crack of dawn, went to work, went to see her sister on her lunch hour, went back to work, went to her second job and toiled until the wee hours of the night before at last heading home, watching TV to unwind, then falling asleep for four measly hoursand the cycle started all over again.
Now, she sat at her desk at Estellä Industries, watching the clock. Come on, noon. Get here already. The only aspect of her life that had changed was her thinking. She couldnt get Koldo out of her mind. Who was he? What was he?
After his disappearance, shed asked the girl at the coffee shop whether or not shed actually spoken to a giant of a man with a bald head and beaded beard. The answer hadnt surprised her.
Are you kidding me? Im not blind. But, uh, are you guys dating or, like, is he available? Because I already wrote my number on a napkin if you want to, like, give it to him.