And commitment.
Come back to me, my love, Diarmuid said, pulling me onto my side. Youve wandered so far into the clouds, Id dare not venture to guess your thoughts.
Ah, but Im here, I said, thinking of you.
As Beltane approached and preparations began, it became more and more difficult for Diarmuid and me to steal away for our afternoon meetings. One day he was late, and I worried the time away, despairing that I would not see him at all. I was about to leave when I received a tua labra from Diarmuid, a silent message that only witches can send: Wait for me, my love. I waited, and within moments he was dashing into my arms, apologizing and explaining about the tedious chores his father had given him that day. Another day Ma seemed more suspicious than usual, and I had to concoct a preposterous lie to sneak off to his arms.
The strain of saying good-bye to you each afternoon is wearing on me, I told him as we sat in the moss.
Aye, and each time its without knowing that well both make it back. He sucked in a deep breath. Its getting more and more difficult for us to be together, Rose. Your ma is suspicious, and my da keeps loading me up with work.
I know it, and I thought the Goddess would ease our burdens. He lifted his hand to my cheek, and I pressed against him longingly.
Blast them all, we should tell them! Let them know of our love!
His brash spirit made my heart soar. Would you? I said. And would that be an act of courage or foolishness? For no one is ready to learn of us yet. They would either try to tear us apartor banish us from our clans!
Diarmuids blue eyes clouded with concern. Youre right. And I will protect you, Rose. I wont have you ostracized by Leapvaughns or Wodebaynes or anyone.
We must go forth with caution, I said. I knew the Goddess had deigned that we be together, but how could we begin to clear the way with the rest of the world?
As Diarmuid stroked my hair gently, the answer came upon me.
Make final the bond.
The Goddess wants us to be together, I said. Heart, spirit. and body. Grabbing Diarmuids shirt, I pulled him closer. We must seal our love with a physical union.
His eyes sparkled with wonder.Tis the Goddesss will?
Aye. I nodded, thinking of the upcoming celebration. There would be maypole ribbons fluttering in the breeze, flowers and songs and the scent of burning sage. Each covener would take a ribbon and dance around the maypole, symbolizing the union of man and woman, the joining of all together. And Beltane will be the perfect time.
6. Night Visions
Tiny fingers.
I have short, pudgy fingers, and my da has the hands of a giant. Sometimes he holds me in his palm and lifts me in the air, allowing me to see the world the way birds and flies do. Other times, like now, I ride on his shoulders, laughing because he is reaching up to tickle me behind the knees.
We are at the seashore. The grass is so green here, and from the high cliffs you can see miles and miles of emerald field and roiling teal waters. Da hikes along the cliffside with me upon his shoulders. Occasionally the ocean rises up and smashes against the rocky cliff with a fierce temper, but we laugh at it. My da even dances closer, trying to catch the spray. Tiny droplets of water drench us, but we rejoice.
Da turns so suddenly that I am nearly wrenched out of his arms. I look to see what has alarmed him, and there it is, rising up like a dragon. The ocean is rising, higher and higher in a ferocious wave.
And then, when I look again, my da is not there. Only his laughter remains a hollow, mean sound as the giant wave looms over me. Its monstrous tendrils rise, its power surging overhead.
I am alone on the cliff, a wave curling over me.
I try to run, but my tiny legs are weak, like the twig legs of a marionette. There is really no escape. yet escape is everything.
Somehow I know there is much to be lost if I succumb to the wave. Its not only my life at stake, but also the lives and futures of all my clan, all the Wodebaynes, as well as the Braytindales and Leapvaughns and the witches of all Seven Clans.
So much at stake, but how can I escape?
How to get away from the ominous wave closing over my head?
Rose? Rose! You must awaken.
Gasping for breath, I tried to pull myself from sleep and navigate safely to the sound of my mothers voice.
Rose, child, youve had a night vision.
I felt her hands on my arms, shaking me gently. Opening my eyes, I realized that I was in the cottage, safe and dry. But fear held me in its grip, and I was unable to shake it.
Its all right, child, Ma said. Tell me what you saw.
I squeezed my eyes shut, afraid to talk about it. Afraid to open up to the woman Id lied to so much of late. I had guarded my feelings and fears from Ma. How could I open up to her now?
She rubbed my back gently but firmly, up and down between my shoulders. A soothing warmth went through me, reminding me of all the times Ma had rubbed my back when I was sick or frightened or frustrated at not being able to master something. Whether it was the emotion of the dream or the tenderness of Mas gesture, I wasnt sure. But suddenly I was crying.
I was at the coast with Da, I said, spilling out the details of my dream. I told Ma everything. about my father leaving me and about the giant wave that had been about to slam into me. I dont understand it. Please, Ma, please tell me the truth, I said. Was Da an evil man? Did he ever try to hurt me?
Oh, no, child! Ma insisted. Gowan MacEwan loved you dearly. The man did everything in his power to protect us.
Then why did he leave me behind in the dream, Ma? What does it mean?
My mother pursed her lips thoughtfully. In the dim moonlight seeping in through the window she looked old, with lines creasing the corners of her mouth. Perhaps he left you in the dream because he left you so early in life, she said. Or perhaps the rumors of his death make you suspicious of him.
Did he really die in his sleep, here in the cottage?
Aye. She sighed, and I felt sure she would change the subject as usual.Twas so sudden, his death, she murmured, as if to herself. All the coveners suspected that someone had cast a dark spell upon him. Many said that the threefold law of magick was the reason for his death.
I thought about the threefold lawthat magick returns to the sender magnified three times. In this way dark magick would hurt the sender the most. But that would mean that he was practicing dark magick, that he had fallen away from the ways of the Goddess.
Aye, Ma agreed, staring off into the distance, and Ill never believe that of your father. She stood up from my bedside and beckoned me to follow. Come. Lets cleanse the cottage for sweet dreams.
While Ma lit the candles, I swept the center of the cottage to create a small circle around our table. I was surprised to see that she had taken out our yellow candles, which were usually reserved for special occasions, but she explained that they were to help me gain true vision. Its time you learned to have a second sight, to see past the ordinary and witness the Goddesss will.
I swallowed hard in amazement. How was it that she knew of my own plan? At that moment I wanted to sit down and tell her everything about Diarmuid, but as she started chanting over the candles, something held me back. Standing in the lemon circle of light, I watched as Ma beseeched the Goddess to bring me vision, to show me Her will for me.
Then Ma brought me to the center of the circle, and, standing behind me, she wrapped her arms around me. I felt so loved and protected there in her armslike a child again.
Gracious Goddess, she said, let Your love rain down upon Rose. Show her the path she must pursue to fulfill her destiny. Walk with her through this time of darkness to come again into the light.
So mote it be, I said.
My mothers hands went to my head. She stroked my hair back gently, then clasped her hands around my skull. Rid her mind of frightening night visions. Let her see only Your vision, Goddess. Rid both our minds of dark thoughts. Chase evil from our home.
So mote it be, I repeated as a warm feeling came over me. Leaning back against Ma, I remembered how she had summoned the Goddess to help me when I was littleto cool a feverish head, to guard me against eating a poisonous herb, to give me the wisdom to learn my runes. Ma and I had been at odds so much of late, but I knew that despite all of her disapproval and criticism, she did love me, her only daughter.
And in time, she would come to love Diarmuid as a son.
7. Beltane Rites, the Fifth Day of May
Spring daisies and cornflowers, Kyra said, climbing over some flat rocks to reach another patch of wildflowers. With the early spring weve had this year, twill be one of the most colorful Beltane rites ever.
As was our annual practice, Kyra and I had risen before dawn to creep into the woods on a quest for flowers. We would hang fresh flowers on the doors of our cottages and strew them about the circle in gay decoration for the nights festivities. We would also make a crown of fresh flowers to be worn by the high priestess. Today I would make an extra crownone for myself.
I think Beltane is my favorite celebration of the year, I said. And this year twill be my most memorable. I silently thanked the lilac bush for her offering, then used my bolline to cut off a fat bunch of fragrant flowers.
Because you are in love? Kyra asked.
I pressed the lavender blooms to my cheek. Because I shall become a woman in love, in every rite. When Kyras brows lifted in curiosity, I explained, Diarmuid and I shall have our own maypole celebration tonight. Do you see the ribbons I took from the cottage? I reached into my pocket and pulled out streamers of red and white ribbons.
What? Kyras mouth dropped open.
Aye, red and white ribbons to signify the blood that flows from a woman when her purity is taken. For thats how Diarmuid and I will celebrate Beltane.
This I cannot believe! Kyra screeched. Do you know what youre doing, Rose?
Aye. I twirled around in the field, letting the ribbons stream behind me. I know quite well. I believe the Goddess has called us together for this. And Beltane is a festival of love and union, is it not?
Kyra swallowed hard. I dont know that the Goddess intends us to take every detail so literally.
I danced over to Kyra and tugged on her hand. Dont be an old toad in the mire! Were seventeen years under the Goddesss sky.
Aye, but theres been no handfasting, no joining of the two of you in the circle.
That will come later, I insisted, pulling her into my dance.
She dropped her basket and spun around with me, our eyes meeting in laughter until we grew dizzy and dropped to the grass.
Oh, dear Goddess, now Youve convinced me, Kyra said, staring up into the clear blue sky. Rose has lost her wits.
I have not! I protested. And Ill wager that youll be telling me the same thing soon, about you and Falkner.
I cant imagine it, though I am so in love.
I rolled onto my side and squeezed her arm. You must pretend that Im with you, tonight after the circle.
Oh, Rose, you know I am a terrible teller of tales.
Twill be nothing. The younger coveners always end up celebrating a bit on their own as the others dance by the light of the Beltane fires. Just tell Ma I am with you.
Lying to the high priestess, she said. Goddess, forgive me.
I knew I could rely on you. I stood up and brushed grass from my hair. Wed best go and see to the decorations.
We filled our baskets until they were brimming over with blossoms, then headed back to our cottage. Ma looked on as we made bunches to hang on the doors, leaving aside other flowers to decorate the circle. Then Ma set some sage leaves afire in a clay pot, and we blew off the flames until the burning ashes produced a pungent smoke, which we spread through the cottage.
As we set about our tasks, Kyra spoke of Falkner, how he thought her the best baker in the Highlands, how he had come to visit her just the day before. Ma did not comment until we were finished smoking the house and ready to head over and do the same to Kyras cottage. That was when she brought out the sewing basket along with a few old snatches of cloth.
Hearing you talk of young Falkner, Ive come to think you should put your thoughts into action, Ma told Kyra. If you truly want to bring love into your life, its wrong to trap a particular person, as you did with the charmed moonstone.
Kyra lowered her head. Im sorry, maam. I know.
Trapping a person with a spell is dark magick, Síle said. It has the potential to harm someone by tinkering with their destiny and stripping away their free will. However, Ma went on, the Goddess can help you bring love into your life, as long as youre not targeting a particular person and meddling with their destiny. You can work love magick through poppets. She placed two pieces of cloth together and began to cut. As she trimmed away the cloth, the shape of a gingerbread man began to emerge. You must make two small dollsone to represent you, the other to represent the boy, or man, of your dreams.
I watched carefully as Ma showed us how to make the poppets. She helped Kyra sew brown ribbon on the girl doll to make it resemble herself.
Then Ma handed Kyra the boy doll to decorate. Make him handsome in your eyes, but dont inscribe him with a name or a rune that points to a particular person.
Kyra thanked Ma when we finished, then we raced off to decorate her cottage and our covens meeting place in the woods. It was afternoon when our work was done. Kyra headed home to bake some of the ceremonial cakes with her ma, and I headed off to decorate my own maypole. We were just about to go our separate ways, when a tall chestnut horse came trotting up the road. It was a majestic sight, the rider sitting tall.
Its Falkner, Kyra said, patting down her hair.
Tis not, I muttered, blinking into the sunlight. Kyra was right, though I had not expected this beanpole of a boy to be transformed into a knight.
Good day! Kyra called, waving wildly.
Falkner stopped his horse as it reached us, then swept down and landed at Kyras feet. Would you like a ride? he offered Kyra and me. Ive got to return the horse. Da just fixed his shoes, but you may ride along the way.
Im headed off into the woods, I said, but Kyra has been afoot all day, preparing for tonight.
Are you tired, then? he asked her, the fondness in his eyes unmistakable.
She nodded at him sweetly, and he boosted her up onto the horses back. There you go.
Thank you. Gazing down at him, Kyra seemed like a different person. Not the gawky braided girl who used to skip over stones in the brook, but. a woman.
The image stayed in my head as we parted ways. On my way through the woods I stopped by the brook and sat down at the waters edge. Here the water slowed into a clear, still pool, where tiny minnows darted through the weeds and bugs skittered along the glassy surface. I reached down to cup a drink of water but stopped, startled. Staring back at me was the face of the Goddess.
No, twas but a reflection of a woman. Me.
I had grown in the ways of the Goddess, and I was ready to take the next step. For Beltane was not only a feast of love, it was a feast of fertility. It was a time for joining two halves to make a wholethe third entity. And although every young witch knew the spell to cast to close the door to the womb, I would not speak that spell. My lunar bleeding was but a weeks past, and my body was ripe for his seed.
Tonight we would make a child.
Laughter rumbled through the forest as the covens Beltane celebration wound down. Sitting on a log, Kyras father strummed a lute and another covener piped, making merry music for revelers to enjoy. In another part of the circle I sat with the young coveners, finishing up the last of the cakes and wine.
There you are, Falkner said to Kyra, who giggled behind her hand. I tell you, it looks quite fine that way, unbridled and untethered. He had removed one of the braids from her hair and was now combing through it intimately with his fingers.
Kyra pressed a fat flower into his face. You are such a silly goose, she teased.
As far as I was concerned, they were both quite silly, but perhaps I was just impatient to be off to my own Beltane celebration. And worried. What if Ma would not let me go? What if Diarmuid could not get away?
Tis time to leave the circle to the elders, I told the others around me. Kyra agreed, and plans were made to head off to Falkners cottage. I crossed my fingers as we went to our parents for approval, but the festive, relaxed mood prevailed. Just beware that you are not spotted traveling in a group, my mother advised us.Tis a night to revel, but we must not let the Christians get wind of our celebration.
I could hear my mother laughing with friends as we left the circle. Within minutes we were a distance away, and I was saying good-bye to Kyra.
Be careful! she whispered before Falkner pulled her away with the others.
I just smiled as I walked quickly through the dark night.
Diarmuids dark figure was unmistakable. Standing naked under the maypole tree, he was silhouetted by the small fire he had lit in the north quarter of the circle. Now my eyes feasted on what my hands had explored, his rounded muscles, long limbs, smooth skin. He was a god. The red and white ribbons fluttered in the air over his head; the same wind feathered the hair from his noble forehead. The night was dark, the new moon having just passed, but Diarmuids skin seemed to glow from across the clearing as I paused.
The space between us seemed alive with warmth. Around us the forest sang, its crickets and toads and swaying trees a symphony so clear and sweet, even a deaf man could hear its answer.
I loosened the girdle at my waist, then dropped my own gown to the ground so that I was wearing only a shift. The rustle of cloth made him turn my way, and he smiled. I ran across the clearing, and Diarmuid caught me in his arms against his warm body. We were meant to be together, to participate in this rite tonight. I noticed that he had already lit the candles, so I swept the circle while he called upon the four Watchtowers, drawing pentagrams in the air. Then we went to the maypole and each took a ribbon.
Tis a time for joy and a time for sharing, I said as I started to walk around the tree. The richness of the soil accepts the seeds. For now is the time that seed should be spilled. I knew the words to most Greater Sabbats by heart, but today this particular ritual seemed so fitting! Let us celebrate the planting of abundance, I went on. The turning of the Wheel, the season of the Goddess. Let us say farewell to the darkness and greet the light.
The Wheel turns, Diarmuid said. He walked behind me, wrapping his ribbon over mine.
Without ceasing, the Wheel turns.
And turns again, he said as our ribbons twined as inexorably as our love.
When the tree was wrapped with a lovely weave of red and white, we went to the altar, where the crown of early red roses and daisies lay. Diarmuid lifted off my shift, then picked up the crown and held it over my head.
The Goddess has brought us through the darkness to the light, he said. He lowered the crown to my head, and I felt the heady fragrance of the roses surround me. Now our Goddess is among us, Diarmuid whispered, his eyes sparkling. Speak, Lady.
I am the one who turns the Wheel, I said evenly. I felt the pulse of the Goddess within me, steady and strong, hungry and ravenous. My body was ready to take on his seed, my spirit prepared to mingle with his. When you thirst, I said, let my tears fall upon you as gentle rain. When you tire, pause to rest upon the earth that is my breast. Know that love is the spark of life, the fire within you. Love is the beginning and the end of all things.
I opened my arms to Diarmuid, the light of the fire dancing over my naked body. And I am love, I whispered.
The next morning I left my bed at dawn to bathe in the spring. Most days I simply wash with a rag, but today I went to the deep part of the brook for a more thorough cleansing.
On the grassy bank I glanced around to make sure no one else was afoot. A peahen rushed through the bushes, but otherwise the woods were quiet. Quickly I slipped out of my robe and stepped into the brook. The water was cold, barely two lunar cycles away from the last winter snow, but I ventured all the way in, submerging myself to my neck, just below where my hair was knotted.
A cleansing.
And an offering.
I touched my belly, wondering at the tiny babe inside me. I had a new life to offer up to the GoddessDiarmuids baby. Already I knew it to be true, but my secret would grow safe within my belly for a few months. There would be enough time to work on our two clans, time to help them accept Diarmuid and me as man and wife.
Waving my arms through the water, I smiled. My whole body felt aglow with the promise of motherhood. This child would tie us together in a physical way. I knew our baby was another part of the Goddesss plan, which was slowly being revealed to us. I was eager to tell Diarmuid, but for now I would keep my secret as a delightful surprise to be enjoyed after our love was sanctioned by the clans.
Feeling cleansed and refreshed, I arose from the waters and climbed onto the muddy bank. Quickly I pulled on my robe and stepped into my sandals.
But what was that noise?
I peered out of the bushes, searching the path. There was no one in sight, though I felt a strong sense of anothers presence.
Had someone been watching me?
8. Esbat Rites, Mid-July
When the moon is full and the sky is dark,
We meet within our circle.
Now hear the singing of the lark
And dance in the circle, move in the circle.
Do what thou wilt if it harms none,
As the Goddess wills it, may it be done.
A covener sang as we stood in the coven circle, surrounding the High Priestess Síle. Falkner played a pipe, and Kyra joined in the music by beating on a small drum. I think she and Falkner had devised the ruse of practicing their music in order to spend time togetheras if their parents werent wise to their swelling emotions. Kyra had mentioned something of it, but I had been so wrapped up in attempting to see Diarmuid that Id lost track of the details.
The music ended, and Síle called two covenersKyras parentsto come forward for the cake and wine ceremony. Side by side, Lyndon and Paige stepped before the altar, where Ma handed Paige a goblet of wine.
Paige lifted the goblet with both hands and held it between her breasts. Facing her, Lyndon took his athame and held the handle between his two palms, the blade pointing down.
Slowly he dipped his blade into the wine, saying: In like fashion may male join female for the happiness of both.
Let the fruits of union promote life, Paige responded. Let all be fruitful and let prosperity spread throughout the land.
Lyndon raised his athame, and his wife held the goblet to his lips so that he could drink. When he finished, he held the goblet for her affectionately.
Watching them, I felt a stirring inside me. Could it be my child waking lazily? My belly had not begun to grow yet, but I had noticed a heaviness in my breasts. Diarmuid had noticed, too, and had teased me that I was coming into womanhood. I still had not told him, and he did not yet realize that my body was preparing to nurse a child. Glancing around the circle, my eyes fixed upon Kyra, whose face was alight tonight, probably warmed by her love for Falkner. A few times I had almost slipped and told her about my baby. I wanted her to know in the worst way but didnt think it fair for her to find out before Diarmuid.
As the wine was passed, I thought of all the couples blessed by the Goddess: Kyra and Falkner, Lyndon and Paige, Diarmuid and me. We had been together for over three months now, seeing each other nearly every day despite the obstacles. Last month we had celebrated the summer solstice by coming together in our circle, surrounded by red feathers for passion. I was more in love with him now than ever, still happy to guard our secret love, our secret child, but I had to admit, I wanted more. Watching a ceremony like tonights, I realized that change must come. If we were to raise our child together, in a strong coven, it was time to reveal our love to our clans.
After the wine and cakes were passed around, the talk turned to spells to be cast and tales of witch hangings. One covener reported that a Wyndonkylle woman from a village to the south had been pulled from her home and charged with human sacrifice. She was still in prisonif the frightened guards had restrained themselves from burning her without trial.
Tis worse than you say, said Ian MacGreavy. For that womans coven believes that she was turned in to the authorities by two of our own! Theyre accusing Wodebaynes of naming her as a witch!
No! everyone grumbled. It cant be!
But there are no Wodebaynes residing in the south, said Falkners mother.
Aye, but at the time two of our own happened to be traveling south, right through the Wyndonkylles village, the miller answered.
Will we never have justice? one elder railed. It was Howland Bigelow, an old woodcrafter. Once again were being blamed for someone elses evil! Why dont they just heap more condemnation upon our already burdened reputation?
I felt the ire of the coveners rising as folks broke into smaller groups to tell their own tales of hateful acts against Wodebaynes. A few times in the past we had discussed bigotry in the circle, but never with this level of unrest and anger. The glitter of hatred in Ian MacGreavys eyes harkened me back to the time I had witnessed him casting a dark spell, and I wondered if any of the other coveners had turned to black magick in private. Perhaps Aislinn, the young rebel, not much older than me, who often railed against the bigots who hated us?
I pressed a hand to my bodice, worried about the child within. I was convinced my bairn was a girlanother future high priestess. But she could not come into a world of hatred and chaos; this rancor had to subside before my child entered this life.
Twould be wise to calm your tempers and your fears, came a firm voice. Coveners looked to my mother, who spoke with the authority of the high priestess. I daresay this is nothing new.
But Síle, its getting worse! old man Bigelow claimed. Ive half a mind to cast a dark spell upon the Wyndonkylles to show them what real black magick is. Were taking the blame for it; we might as well do the deed!
My mother remained quiet while people grumbled, then answered, Howland, I know you are far too gentle a man to ever wish harm upon another.
Oh, I can wish, he said. I can wish the Goddess would send a mist over their fields to dampen the soil. Ruin their planting!
Hes right! Aislinn pushed into the center of the group. Havent we endured enough hatred? Isnt it time to fight back?
People murmured in approval, nodding.
I couldnt believe how eager the folks in our coven were to engage in a war between clans. I winced, realizing how impossible it would be to see Diarmuid if we took to fighting.
That is quite enough! Síle said sternly.
The coveners fell silent as she demanded their attention. Well have no more talk of evil spells. Have you all forgotten your own initiation into the circle? Your vow to do the Goddesss will? Have you forgotten that you committed yourself to foster love and peace under the Goddesss sky?
Aislinn tucked a loose tress of red hair behind her ear and let out a disappointed sigh, but most of the others seemed thoughtful. They seemed to be listening to Mas words.
Remember the Witchs Rede? Síle asked in a commanding voice. Whatever you desire, whatever you ask of the Goddess, let it harm no one. And remember that as you give, so it shall return threefold.
Tis right thinking, Síle, Ian MacGreavy said. This coven will never engage in dark magick, so tis futile to waste words upon it.
I looked at him in awe, remembering his own dark rite. What a hypocrite he was!
But Ma seemed satisfied as the coveners broke into small groups and talked of other matters. My mother had calmed the uproar, but discontent hung in the warm summer night. I worried that this could brew into a terrible storm and vowed to share my fears with Diarmuid.