The next morning as I went to meet Diarmuid, I felt a strange heaviness inside. The covens anger was still roiling inside me, along with my breakfast. I realized that the sour feeling might be from carrying my baby. Perhaps there was a spell in Mas Book of Shadows to alleviate it? I would have to take another look. I had been reading up on many of her spells latelyincluding one I wanted to try with Diarmuid. Although Ma had encouraged me to study her Book of Shadows, I didnt think she had expected me to find the entry on love magick. It claimed that couples sometimes made love in the center of the circle, offering their love force to the Goddess! Nothing like that had ever taken place in our coven circles, but I felt drawn to the idea of making love magick with Diarmuid.
I was also unsettled by the fact that I had lost my love charm. I had taken to carrying the rose stone in my pocket ever since Diarmuid and I first shed our clothes, but I had not come across it for weeks now. Twas not the best of days.
Diarmuid was in a far better mood. He chased me through the clearing, swiping at my skirts and wrestling me onto the grassy moss. The carefree play lifted my spirits, but after we kissed for a while, he sensed that something was wrong.
Rose, theres no light in your eyes today. What is it, love?
I told him about the trouble brewing between the Wyndonkylles and Wodebaynes.
Ive heard the same tale, he said. But surely the Wodebaynes arent involved.
We are not, but were being blamed, and I fear a storm brewing among the clans. A war that would destroy our chances of ever seeing each other again.
I wont let that happen, he insisted.
Then we must take action now. I paused, reluctant to push. Let me ask you, Diarmuid, when you think of us, how do you picture us being together?
I have always wanted to marry you, Rose, he said, his eyes bright with promise. Cant you see us two in the circle for a handfasting?
Ill wager Ive imagined it, I said, studying his beautiful face. Oh, Diarmuid, we should marry. And soon. Let it happen now.
Today? he joked. Let me run and fetch my ma, for she wont want to miss it.
Would that it could happen so soon.
Aye, sooner. That it happened yesterday and were an old married couple, with me poking around the cottage and asking you whats for dinner.
Twould be a blessing. Far better than what I fear might happen.
Stop that! He pressed his hands over my eyes, then over my ears. Dont listen to what the coven folk say. We are going to be married. He stood up and straightened his white shirt. Ill go to my coven today and tell them everything. That I love you, that youre the best thing under the Goddesss blue sky, and that were to be married.
And if they argue that youre marrying a Wodebayne
They wont. I will not give them the chance. He pulled me to my feet. I love you, Rose. Ill make things right for us.
In that moment I knew he would. The Goddess had chosen a true hero for me.
I went up on my toes and kissed him. And I have a spell to help us through. Have you ever heard of love magick?
Diarmuid smiled. No, but I think I will like it.
The spell in Mas Book of Shadows was simple. I swept the circle and told Diarmuid to shed his clothes, lie back, and think of what we wanted to dedicate ourselves to.
When I had finished the preparations, I lay beside him, staring at the cloudy sky. Picture us together, I whispered, our union accepted by our clans, by all clans. I reached over and touched his shoulder. He quickly turned on his side and kissed me.
Would we be together like this? he asked, running a hand along my thigh.
Aye, always.
As close as this? He lifted his body over mine and pressed against me.
Aye, I whispered, focusing on our union, offering our act to the Goddess. Within the circle our bodies rose in heat and splendor, and I felt the glow of our love rising to the heavens.
Aye, Goddess, we are here for You, I whispered as Diarmuid and I tumbled into passion.
Our love magick was strong. That night when I left our circle I heard thunder rumbling overhead. I felt sure the Goddess had received our offering. She was shaking up the heavens in preparation for Diarmuids big announcement.
But the next day, when Diarmuid was to have met me at our secret place, he did not appear. Nor did he make it there the day after that. On the third day I sent him a tua labra: Where are you? Why can you not meet your love? But I received no response. I wondered whether he had received my message. Had something terrible happened? As each day passed, I waited for the rumble in the heavens to manifest itself on earth. Surely if I looked carefully, I would see Diarmuid tramping up the path to our cottage, his parents marching dutifully behind him, eager to work out with Síle the details of our union.
With the dawn of yet another morning I pushed open the shutter and peered out, longing for the glimpse of a Leapvaughn tartan or a flash of Diarmuids lovely blue eyes. The path was still but for a jackrabbit searching for greens. My rescuer had not come for me. at least, I thought, not yet.
That afternoon Kyra and I went to the woods to gather fresh summer herbs. While Kyra was cutting clover, I went in search of clove, which was good for settling the stomach. When our pouches were full, we went to the circle Diarmuid and I had gathered in so many times. There, on the rock altar, we consecrated our herbs. As we finished, I noticed that Kyra had been unusually quiet today. I watched her sorting herb pouches in her basket, her chestnut hair braided into a twist at the top of her head.
You know, with your hair up like that, you look like your ma, I said.
She smiled. Falkner likes my hair free and loose, but tis too much to endure in this heat. Leaving her basket, she lifted my hair from my shoulders and waved it over my neck. Youll roast under the sun with your hair down.
Ill be fine.
I must say I am worried about you, Rose. How many days has it been?
I knew she was talking about how long since Id seen Diarmuid. Seven. no, eight.
Eight days and you still believe hes coming back?
Of course he is. We rendered some powerful magick together, Kyra. Right here in this circle. My hair slipped out of her hands as I kicked off my shoes and walked the circle. I had come to know every tree root and dirt clod in this sacred place. I went over to the green moss that had often served as our bed and sat down. The last time I saw him, we performed love magick. Did you hear the thunder in the sky that night? Twas us, devoting our love to the Goddess.
I thought the rumbling was the sound of coming rain, Kyra said. Rose, I really am worried about you.
Dont despair for me, I said. My Diarmuid will be here soon. You must help me plan the handfasting ceremony.
Kyra smiled. I shall be so happy for you on your wedding day, Rose. That a Leapvaughn could love you so. tis truly the work of the Goddess.
I smiled back, trying not to worry. I didnt want to admit to Kyra that I had begun to wonder what had happened to Diarmuid. Where was my love? Why was he taking so long to come to my clan and my coven and announce his intentions to marry me? I knew the Goddess intended us to be together, but my patience was beginning to wear thin.
We returned to my cottage and found it empty.
Ma said she was going into Kirkloch today, I said, pouring two mugs of cool tea. We set my share of the herbs out to dry, then went outside to sit in the shady grass, hoping to catch a breeze. Kyra told me of her first kiss with Falkner and of how they now kissed constantly, as if theyd both had their first taste of honey cakes. As I listened, I stared intently at the edge of the cottage path, willing Diarmuid to appear.
And lo, as my eyes strained in the distance, I saw the brush move, giving way to a pair of feet.
Hes coming! I cried, scrambling to stand and adjust my skirts. As I settled myself, I saw that it wasnt Diarmuid, but a young boy. Its not him. My voice dropped off in disappointment.
But it is a Leapvaughn, Kyra said excitedly. Look at the plaid of his tartan.
Indeed. My heart swelled as the young boy smiled at us shyly.
Ive a message here for Rose MacEwan.
Thats me, I said, coming forward to meet him.
He reached into his satchel and removed a piece of pressed linen, much like the parchment we used in our Books of Shadows. Handing it to me, he bowed. Good day to you.
My heart swelled with joy as I held the note to my breast. I can barely breathe!
Read it! Read it! Kyra gasped.
I started to read.My dearest Rose, it is with heavy heart that I write to you. I will always love you, but.
The words began to stick in my throat. I could not speak, but neither could I tear my eyes away.
I have come to see that we can never be together. It was foolish of me to think we could marry, though I will ever think of you longingly in our special place of the forest. Think of me when you go there, for mine eyes will never feast on that place or on you again.
Please, Rose, do not cry for me. There will be others for you. Perhaps a stout, hearty Wodebayne lad? In the meantime, the best thing you can do is forget me.
Truly,
Diarmuid
Pain cut me like a spear through the middle of my body. I folded myself over the note, collapsing onto the ground. Sobbing in the dirt, I was barely aware of Kyra fluttering about, trying to get me inside, to fetch some water, to stroke my hair.
Diarmuid was not coming.
He would not marry me.
My life was truly coming to an end.
The days were a blur of swallowed tears and pain. When Ma first found me abed in the cottage, she pressed her hand to my forehead in alarm. Are you ill? she asked, her eyes stricken with concern.
Quite ill, I told her.Tis my digestion. Nothing tastes quite right anymore.
She quickly set about placing cool rags upon my head and wrists and making me a special potion to drink. I watched as she boiled together meadowsweet, mint, and catnip leaves and flowers. Twas a lesson in herbs, but a painful one. I didnt know how long I could pretend that all my pain was physical, but I couldnt begin to tell my mother the truth about Diarmuid.
My Diarmuid!
I was devastated. How could he turn away from me? I pressed my face to the pillow as a new round of tears racked my body. Ma kept asking me where it hurt, and I lied and said that the pain was in my belly. I couldnt bear to reveal that I was suffering a broken heart.
Kyra came to see me every day, bringing me flowers and fresh-baked biscuits that did sit well once swallowed. One afternoon Kyra stayed with me while Ma went out on an errand, and she encouraged me to throw on a summer shawl and venture outside the cottage for some fresh air.
The sun was hot, but there was a cooling breeze, making the heat tolerable. My body felt feeble, like a creaking old cart, but Kyra said that was from staying in bed so long. We sat under an ancient tree by the path.
You cannot let one boy strike you down so, Kyra told me. Youll forget about him in time.
Never, I said, reaching to touch my belly. A tiny mound was growing there, though it was still too soon for anyone else to notice. I cannot let Diarmuid go, for I am to have his child come Imbolc.
Kyra gasped. A babe! Tis no wonder youre feeling ill.
Aye, but Mas teas of mint and meadowsweet have helped the illness in my body. Tis the pain in my heart that will not relent.
Oh, Rose. poor Rose! Kyra rubbed my back gently through the shawl. To be with child! It must be terrible for you. I wish you had told me earlier. Ill help you be rid of it. There are herbs that
I want the child, I said.
She shook her head sadly. Not here, not now? To bear a bastard child in these parts is dangerous. Youll be ostracized by everyoneeven some in our own coven!
Kyra was right. To give birth to a child out of wedlock was a sin shunned by all in the Highlands. My life would be ruined. I folded my arms across my belly.Twill be fine, for the child has a father. Diarmuid will come to me before Imbolc.
And if he doesnt?
I bit my lips tight, refusing to answer.
No one has to know you lost the babe! Ive heard you can brew a tea
Tis enough talk of that! I insisted. Diarmuid will be a father to my child. I drew the shawl around me closer. Im sure he would be here now if he knew... As my words trailed off, I realized I had stumbled upon the solution.
This baby would bring Diarmuid to me. Once he knew of its life, he would leap over the obstacles between us.
Thats it, I said, blinking. I must tell him. I stood up, feeling strength rise within me. I must go to him.
Kyra stared up at me, shaking her head.
If I go to him with news of our child, surely he will think of a way for us to be together! He will be so overcome with joy, nothing will deter him.
But the note... Kyra stood up and brushed her skirts. He said that...
I waved her off. He knew nothing of our child when he wrote that. I headed toward the cottage, thinking of the new possibilities. Perhaps when his parents learn of our babe, they will soften, too. We could live with them. Or if they reject us, Diarmuid shall come live among the Wodebaynes. I know our coveners will be suspicious of him, but once they come to know him, they will accept him.
With each breath, the flush of health filled my body. I had been sick over Diarmuid, but the cure was within my grasp now. I could go to my love. And once he learned of the blessed child within my womb, he would welcome me with open arms.
The following day I set off in a horse-drawn cart toward Diarmuids village of Lillipool. Falkner had managed to secure the cart and horse from his fathers shop, and Kyra sat between us, warning of the punishment the three of us would face if our parents found out the true reason for our visit to Lillipool. She could be so mettlesome at times, though I did have her to thank for arranging for the cart. In my current condition, I was not sure I could walk all the way to Lillipool without incident.
Lillipool was considered to be a Christian village, though for some time our coven had known that the Vykrothes had a circle nearby and Leapvaughn sheepherders lived in cottages on its outskirts. There was the usual small church, which I assumed Diarmuids clan attended to avoid persecution as witches. A mill cranked at the edge of the village. We passed by it, then came upon the village center. In Lillipools small, dusty square, peddlers displayed their wares amid clouds of blowing dirt. No one knew why grass refused to grow on the village green here, but my mother had once told me that although Leapvaughns have a gift for sales and carpentry, they were known to be barren farmers.
Falkner guided the wagon through the lane, stopping for passing villagers who paid us little mind. He brought the cart over to a small wagon at the end of the square, its side panel painted Ye Finest Wood Crafters. Ive got to pick up a table for Da, he said.Twill be a short while, if you want to walk around.
He helped us down from the cart, and we dusted our skirts and stepped forward gingerly, our arms linked.
I hope he is here, I said. His father likes him to tend the sheep, but Diarmuid prefers to spend his time in the village and at market.
Kyra nodded, averting her eyes as a tin peddler leered at her.Tis an odd village, she said. Like a desert in the Highlands.
As we walked past a tinkers wagon, a cart laden with fruits, and another with an array of bonnets, I kept searching for Diarmuid. I spotted a lad who walked with the same gait and another who seemed to share his broad smile, but I did not see my love.
When we reached the end of the row of carts, I spied a head of gingery brown hair. It was feathered back from his face, revealing startling blue eyes and a smile that warmed my heart.
Diarmuid.
There he is! I gasped.
Kyra squeezed my arm. You found him.
But he was not alone. A tall, swanlike girl with pale yellow hair walked beside him.
Who is she? Kyra muttered.
I dont know. Perhaps a friend.
Kyra looked back toward the cart. Ill go see if Falkner can find out.
I barely noticed that she had left my side. My Diarmuid was within reach, so close I could run into his arms, yet something kept me there, my feet mired to the ground. Who was the girl? I watched in horror as she said something to him, making him laugh. It had all the markings of flirtation. But then he chucked her under the chin, seeming more like an older brother. An older woman came by and handed the girl a tart. She took a taste, then fed the rest to Diarmuid with her bare fingers.
Such an intimate gesture. And he took it from her hand, licking his lips. Oh, Goddess, what did it mean?
Rose, Kyra said, softly resting her hand on my arm.Tis terrible. your worst fears confirmed! She is Diarmuids betrothed! They were promised to each other as children, and they are to be wed upon next Samhain!
I shook my head. An arranged marriage? How could it be? Why had he never told me? I pressed my hands to my hot cheeks. If Diarmuid was promised to another, we had no chance of being married.
Oh, Rose! Kyra squeezed my arm. Such dire news, and you with child...
It couldnt be. My hands dropped to fists at my side, and for a moment I wanted to rush over and pummel him. Diarmuid was not the hero I had thought him to be. He had lied to me.
But then, hed faced overwhelming obstacles. Perhaps hed been trying to protect me from this until he sorted it out? And if his parents had arranged the marriage, that meant hed had no choice. So he doesnt love her, I said, thinking aloud. And of course, his parents would want him to marry within his clan. Im sure its part of the reason they dont want him to marry me.
Not really, Kyra said. The girls name is Siobhan MacMahon, and she is not a Leapvaughn, but a Vykrothe.
An arranged marriage to someone from another clan? Anger rose in my throat, hot and painful. His parents thought it acceptable for him to marry outside his clan but not to marry me? Or was it that he could not marry a Wodebayne?
Falkner has the table loaded in the cart, Kyra said. Hes ready to leave.
But I havent... I glanced over at Diarmuid. Siobhan still hovered about him like a bee collecting nectar from a flower. It was hardly the time to march over and tell the boy I was going to bear his child.
This meeting had not worked out the way Id planned. Not at all.
Rose, youre crying, Kyra said gently.
No matter. I swiped the tears out of my eyes with the backs of my hands. I needed to see him with her. I needed to see the enemy.
I stared at the swan-necked girl who was fawning over Diarmuid. She was tall and lithe, with flaxen gold hair. Everything about her was the physical opposite of me.
Diarmuid could not love one so unlike me. How could it be, Goddess? How was it possible that he could love another at all?
Wed better go, Kyra said.
I felt her clamp my arm and pull me away toward the cart, my eyes still on Diarmuids betrothed. How could he even think of marrying another?
How could he?
9. On the Making and Charming of Poppets
I promised myself I would cry no more. Everyone knew too much sobbing could harm the child in a mothers womb, and I was beginning to learn that tears were futile. I needed to do something to secure my babys happiness and health.
It was time to use my powers.
Why had I not thought of this before? I wondered as I steadfastly sewed and decorated my poppets, working a little each day and night. The course of my relationship with Diarmuid ran parallel to my magick. Had I not captivated him completely with the rose stone? And then, when Id misplaced it, he had fallen away, never returning to our secret circle. It was so clear. I needed to enlist the Goddesss help to get him back in my arms.
I went through Mas cupboard of stones, searching for a gem to replace the rose stone. I weighed each stone in my palm and turned it about, hoping to feel a swell or glow of power, but nothing moved me. Perhaps a charm wasnt the right thing anymore. Time for a spell.
First I dedicated a candle to him, carving runes up the side that spelled his name. Although I had to hide the candle from Ma, I burned it whenever she went out, chanting to the Goddess to rekindle the love flame in this boy. And when the flame was doused, I censed my belly with the smoke, inviting my babe to feel my love for her father.
While working candle magick, I also searched for a powerful love spell. Although Ma had instructed Kyra on the making of love dolls, I could not recall the details. Searching my mothers Book of Shadows, I came across the spell. It was called simply Poppets.
Thou must craft two poppets to represent the two lovers.
What is done to the poppets shall be done to the lovers.
Cut two pieces of cloth shaped like a man, then two shaped like a woman. While cutting the cloth, bring to mind the person it represents. If the ideal lover has long, flowing hair or a comely beard, so should the poppet. Thou must heed the lover thou seekest is thine ideal mate, not a named lord or lady.
Stuff the figure with herbs governed by Venus. Such herbs: verbena, feverfew, yarrow, motherwort, rosebuds, or damiana.
Tis strong magick! Use only for a love that will have permanence, not for a mere dalliance.
Thou must thrice perform a love ritual over the poppets during the waxing moon.
The spell was very specific and promised to be very powerful. And I would give it all the more power by making my doll look just like Diarmuid and embroidering his name upon it. My own brand of magick had worked well when charming the rose stone; I felt sure this would be even stronger.
It took me days to construct the dolls, during which Ma noticed and encouraged my work. You are seventeen years of age, Rose. Perhaps tis time for you to fall in love with a gentle witch. She didnt see the name I had stitched upon it, didnt realize that I was making a Diarmuid poppet, designed to capture his love, and I didnt dare tell her that I was working magick she considered to be dark. When the dolls were done, I had to wait for the waxing moon to begin the spell. I felt impatient, but I knew that the spell would have its full potency only if I followed the instructions.
By the time I was ready to perform the spell for the third time, it was August and Lughnassadh preparations were upon us. During the weeks of preparing the dolls and consecrating them, I missed Diarmuid desperately. My only consolation was that we would have the rest of our lives together once we made it past this obstacle. I also noticed that the babe was growing, pushing at the swath of cloth I belted around my skirts. I had to adjust the girdle higher, which only seemed to accent the new lushness of my breasts. Perhaps this was the Goddesss purpose in waitingto give Diarmuid a visible sign of my love for him, the child within my womb.
10. Lughnassadh
Rising before dawn on the day of Lughnassadh, the celebration to honor the Sun God, I set off to my secret circle to complete the love spell. As I had done before, I placed the poppets facedown on the stone altar and consecrated the circle. I charged the girl poppet to be me, then picked up the boy, with feathery brown hair made of spun wool. Sprinkling it with salted water and censing it, I chanted: This poppet is Diarmuid, my mùirn beatha dàn in every way. As Diarmuid lives, so lives this poppet. Aught that I do to it, I do to him.
I kissed the Diarmuid poppet, then put him back beside the other on the altar. Kneeling before them, I moved the two poppets closer to each other, touching, turning, pressing face-to-face. As I moved them, I pictured myself reaching out to Diarmuid, meeting him, touching him, kissing and holding him so close in my arms, I could taste the salt on his skin.
When the poppets were face-to-face, I wrapped my red ribbon around them. Now may the Goddess bind these two together, as I do bind them here, I said. Around and around I circled them with ribbon, then tied it tightly so they would never, ever break apart. Now they are forever one. May each truly become a part of the other. Separated, they shall seem incomplete. So mote it be!
I rested my athame over the bound puppets, asking the Goddess to lend Her power to this and all spells I cast. Then I wrapped the poppets in a clean white cloth. I would stow them in the rafters of the cottage so that no animal or human could meddle with my magick.
After my task was done, I lifted my head to the bright midday sky. The heat was blistering hot today, casting a white glow across the land. Aye, twas the right day to honor the Sun God. I would go to Lillipool, but not until the sun had passed. Twas best not to make such a journey in the heat. Besides, of late my babe had drained me of strength. I no longer needed special herbs to calm my dizziness, but it seemed the babe wanted me to sleep the day away! I needed rest and a sip of cool tea.
By late afternoon, when the air had cooled and Ma was off preparing for the Lughnassadh celebration, I knew twas time to go. As I walked, I chanted bits and pieces of the love spell. Now may the Goddess bind these two together, as I do bind them here. Separated they would seem incomplete... The spell sustained me, and in no time the old mill of Lillipool loomed before me.
Today I was not so lucky as to find him in the dusty marketplace. I knew his coven would also be preparing to celebrate the sun festival, but what were his assigned tasks? To mull the wineor consecrate the circle? I wouldnt dare go near another covens circle, not that I would be able to find it.
Help me, Goddess, I prayed. Point me in the direction of my love.
I circled the dismal marketplace, hoping for an answer. Diarmuid did not appear, but as I paced, I came across a red feather. It sat in the middle of the lane, alone and abandoned, and the sight of it reminded me of the red feathers twined with ivy that I had used for our celebration of midsummer night. I had twined ivy around the feathersred for sexualityand festooned them around our circle.
Now this feather pointed down a lane. Was it pointing me toward my love?
I believed it to be so. Making haste, I followed the lane, which led past the church and quaint cottages to the countryside. My eyes followed the dark green patches of grass to a small hollow where a figure lay sleeping in the shade.
Diarmuid.
He was probably supposed to be tending sheep, though this summer heat would drive any lad to napping. I ventured off the road and crossed to him, my shoes whispering in the crisp grass. Although I did not call out to him, he stirred with my approach, rubbing his eyes. He turned toward me, saw me, then bolted upright.
What vision is this? he gasped. Has the Goddess herself descended, or am I but asleep and dreaming of love?
My heart melted. He was still the same Diarmuid, a poet and a tease.
I have come to reclaim you, I said firmly.
He took my hand and lifted it to his lips. You will always have my heart, Rose.
I want more, I said, thrilled by the spark of his lips upon my hand. We summoned the Goddess to bless our union, and she did. She looks down upon us with favor, yet you allow another to become your betrothed?
He stared at the ground.Twas not my doing, Rose.
Do you not remember your last words to me? That we were to be married forthwith?
I do, he said sheepishly. But tis not so simple a matter.
Aye, there are complications, but I have come to help you through them.
His blue eyes sparkled with regret. Im afraid you cant help, Rose. No one can help me. I have learned that a man cannot cross his elders or defy his clan. I need the approval of my coven, and they have vowed not to give it.
Aye, I face the same challenges, I said, thinking of my ma and the coveners who wanted to rail against rival clans. But this is no surprise, Diarmuid. We talked of it often. Twill not be easy, but you must remain steadfast and strong, lower your head and charge, like the ram in yonder field.
Would that I were a ram, destined to chew grass and laze in the sun. He reached for his throat and nervously squeezed the pentagram concealed by his shirt. Instead, I am a marriageable lad, a property of my parents dangled like a carrot before a horse.