Seeker - Кейт Тирнан

SeekerSweep Series, Book 10Cate Tiernan

1. Invitation

Poor Dagda is still clomping around the house in his kitty cast. He has another week before it can come off. In the meantime je keeps giving me baleful stares, as if it were my fault that he ran in front of the car.

Since Hunter dropped the bomb about Skys leas on his parents, Ive been waiting for him to say, Todays the dayIm off. But he hasnt yet. Hunter. He makes me crazy: he keeps me sane. He seems so English sometimes, kind of distant or reserved, but then hell look at me, and his eyes see right through to my soul, and I go all shivery and want to kiss him. He makes me feel safe, and at the same time he makes me feel like Im standing on the edge of a cliff. Does love always feel like this?

 Morgan

Since Skys been gone, Im amazed by what her presence meant in this house.Theres less laundry.Theres more food, but of a less interesting kind. The post is piling upwhy does she get so many bloody catalogs? I always get the good parking spot right in front of the walkway. And the house is quiet: there are no vibrations that tell me Im not alone, that my cousin is with me.

Now Im here, and theres no getting around itmale laundry is boring. I wear jeans and shirts and socks and underwear. Those four things, day and night, summer and winter. Skys clothes are so much more complicatedall sorts of weird girl-type articles of clothing, things I couldnt even name. Morgan doesnt seem to have as many varieties of clothes as Sky. She mostly wears corduroys or jeans, shirts or sweatshirts. Plain underwear, no bra, ever. (Excellent.) Its funnyshe doesnt ever deliberately try to be sexy. She doesnt have to. Just looking at her, in her regular clothes, and knowing what she feels like wrapped around me, pressed hard against me, knowing what her skin feels like, knowing the scent of her, the vibration of her, her aura. . my brain cells start fusing, and I cease being able to form coherent sentences. Like right now.

I still cant get over Sky finding a lead on my parents. Seeing them again is something Ive dreamed of for more than half my life. And now that my employer, the International Council of Witches, has given me permission and helped narrow down their whereabouts, Im ready to go. I just need to make plans.

Alwyn, who was only four when they left, can barely remember them. Linden died trying to see them again. He failed. In some ways, it seems too huge. In the years theyve been gone, my parents have taken on almost mythical proportionswitches say their names with reverence or curiosity or even disdain; they look at me as though their legacy was stamped on my forehead.

This is simultaneously the most exciting and most terrifying thing that has ever happened to me. More, even, than our run-in with Ciaran in New York. Or when Morgan shape-shifted into a wolf, tracked me, and almost ripped me apart. Goddess, what weve been through together. . I just wish Morgan could go with me now.

If Sky were here, she would offer to go. I wouldnt let her, though. She is still fairly battered emotionally from her breakup with Raven. Spending time in France will be good for her.

But to have Morgan by my side as I see my parents for the first time in over a decade would make this so much easier. She is practical, powerful, able to face almost anything. I need her so much.

Morgan met me at Practical Magick, one of the areas only occult bookstores. It was a popular Wiccan hangout, and I was good friends with the owner, Alyce Fernbrake. The bells over the door jangled, and I looked up to see Morgan coming toward me, a little smile on her face.

Im over six feet, so Im used to looking down at people, but Morgan always seems to be eye to eye with me. Objectively speaking, though, shes about seven inches shorter than me, which still makes her taller than a lot of women. At seventeen, Morgans face shows no lines of age or wisdom, pain or laughter. Only striking bones, features that seem strong and womanly and intensely attractive. Her eyes are almost frighteningly knowledgeable, her expression solemn, her mouth generous yet not prone to vacuous smiles or asinine giggles. She is one of the most stubborn, strong-willed, prickly, reserved, and irritating people I have ever met. I love her so much, my knees buckle every time shes near.

Hi, she said.

Hi. Lets go in the back.

Morgan and I passed through the tattered orange curtain that separates the back room from the rest of the shop. It fell closed behind us, and then we were standing, looking at each other in the poorly lit room.

Her hair was loose and needed brushing. It fell in unsmooth waves past her elbows, almost to her waist. Her black peacoat was unbuttoned; her jeans flared slightly, with thready bottoms, to the tops of her scuffed leather clogs. Her large, brownish-green eyes watched me, and her strong, classic nose was faintly pink from cold. This was Morgan Rowlands. The daughter of Maeve Riordan, the last, powerful witch of Belwicket, and of Ciaran MacEwan, who was one of the darkest Woodbanes that Wicca had ever known. Adopted daughter of Sean and Mary Grace Rowlands. My love.

My desire for her came with no warning, like a snake striking, and suddenly I pulled her to me by her jacket, pushing my hands beneath the heavy coat and around her back, feeling the sweater she wore. I had a brief glimpse of her startled, uptilted eyes before I closed my own and slanted my mouth across hers, kissing her with an urgency that both scared and embarrassed me.

But Morgan met fire with fire; she has never backed down from anything in the months I have known her, and she didnt push me away with false modesty now. Instead, she clung to me, her arms moving around my waist, and kissed me back, hard, stepping closer to me and putting her feet between mine.

Finally, who knew how long later, we eased apart. I was breathing hard, every muscle in my body tense and wired and urging me forward. Morgans lips were red and soft; her eyes were searching mine.

I missed you, I said, surprised to hear my voice sounding hoarse and breathless. She nodded, her own breath coming quick and shallow. Come on, sit. I led her toward the battered wooden table, and we both sank onto chairs as if we had just finished a marathon. Every bit of idle chitchat I could have summoned fled my brain, and, instead, I just held her hand tightly and blurted out my news.

Im leaving Saturday for Canada, to see my parents.

Morgans dark brown eyes widened, and for a moment she looked afraid. But that impression faded instantly, and I wasnt sure if I had really seen it.

She nodded. Ive been expecting this.

I gave a short laugh. Yeah. The council contacted me again this morning. They actually gave me directions to my parents house. Can you believe that? They think Mum and Da moved about three months ago.

She nodded thoughtfully, not meeting my eyes.

Im driving, I told her. I think itll take about eleven hours. They live in a little town north of Quebec City. Morganwill you go with me?

Surprise lit her eyes, almost immediately replaced by clear longing.

I dont know how long Ill be gone, I said quickly. But if you need to get back before I do, I can put you on a plane or train or rent you a car.

As we held hands across the little table, we both pictured what it would mean. Long, intimate conversations in the car. Hours and hours of time alone together. Being together day and night. Meeting my parents, her being with me during this incredibly meaningful experience. It would take our relationship to a whole new level. I wanted her to say yes so badly.

I want to go, she said slowly. I really want to go. She fell silent again. In her mind, she was probably having an imaginary conversation with her parents. I groaned to myself. What had I been thinking? Her parents dont even allow boys in the house. There was no way theyd let their daughter take off to Canada without at least one chaperone, like wed had in New York. And this would be a much bigger trip.

Her face fell, and I could feel her disappointment because it was mirrored by mine.

I cant, she said. Why am I even thinking about it? Im still trying to get my grades out of the toilet, my parents are still twitchy around the edges, theres no school vacation anytime soonits impossible. Her voice held frustration and impatience.

Its all right, I said, covering her hand with both of mine. Its all right. I just thought Id throw the idea out there. Dont worry about it. There will be plenty of time for us to take trips in the future.

She nodded, unconvinced, and I felt sorry for bringing the subject up, sorry for making her feel guilty that she couldnt accompany me on this important journey. Looking into her face, I brought her palm to my mouth and kissed it. She sighed, and I watched the heat flare in her eyes.

2. Preparation

Goddess, I feel stupid. Stupid and childish and mad and guilty about not being able to go to Canada with Hunter. Why am I only seventeen? After what Ive been through in the last five months, youd think I would be at least twenty-three by now. I cant stand being my age. I want to live in my own place, make all my own decisions, study the craft as much and as openly as Id like. I want to be an adult. I should be an adult. Until I discovered Wicca, Id always assumed Id finish high school, go to college, and get a job that was incredibly satisfying, fun, creative, and that paid a ton of money.

Now the whole rest of my life seems up I the air. Eoife wants me to go to Scotland to study with some important teachers. I want to be with Hunter. My parents expect me to go to college. What for? I have to take the SATs this spring, have to start collecting college brochures. Suddenly everything seems so pointless.

Oh, Hunter, how long will you be gone?

 Morgan

Alyce Fernbrake recommended a friend of hers, Bethany Malone, as someone to lead my coven, Kithic, while I was gone. When I rang her doorbell on Thursday night, I had no idea what to expect and wondered if my being a Seeker would have a negative effect on our meeting.

She opened the door almost immediately. As soon as I saw her, I realized that I had seen her at least a couple of times at various witch gatherings here and there. Bethany was almost as tall as I am, big boned, with large, strong hands and a sturdy-looking body. Her short black hair was fine and straight; her eyes were huge and so dark, they seemed to have no pupils. I guessed her age to be about forty-five.

Hunter Niall, she said, looking at me consideringly. Come in.

Bethany, I greeted her. Thanks for agreeing to see me.

She led me through the short foyer into her lounge. Despite the buildings boxy, modern appearance, Bethany had created her own haven here, and this room was warm and felt familiar.

Im having some wine, she said, getting down a glass. Will you have some?

Yes, thank you, I said, watching her pour the dark, rich fluid. I took the glass and looked into it, inhaling the scents of fruit, tannins, earth, and sun. I drank.

This is terrific, I said, and she smiled and nodded. We sat across from each other, me on the sofa and Bethany in a large, overstuffed chair that was draped with a mohair throw. The room was lit by shaded lamps and several candles; there were herbs hanging in neat rows along one wall. I sipped my wine and felt a bit of the days tension start to melt away.

Alyce told me youre looking for someone to lead your circles for a while, she said.

Yes. Im going out of town. Kithic is a fairly new coven, and Id hate for them to get out of rhythm while Im gone.

Tell me about them, she said, folding her long legs beneath her. Are you all one clan? Im Brightendaledid Alyce mention it?

Yes, she did, and no, we arent, I said. In fact, out of the twelve, only three are blood witchesme, my cousin Sky, and a girl named Morgan Rowlands. And Skys on holiday right now, so there would be only eleven, including you.

Morgan Rowlands, said Bethany. Goodness. Shes in your coven? Whats that like?

I grimaced. Unpredictable. Exciting. Frightening.

Nodding, Bethany swirled the wine in her glass. What about the rest of them?

Theyre all in high school, I explained. Theyve all known each other, more or less, for most of their lives. Widows Vale is a pretty insular town, and there arent many different schools. One girl, Alisa Soto, left the coven recently, but I have a feeling shell be coming back. She was the youngest, at fifteen. The others are Bree Warren, Robbie Gurevitch, Sharon Goodfine, and Ethan Sharp. Theyre all juniors. Simon Bakehouse, Matt Adler, Thalia Cutter, Raven Meltzer, and Jenna Ruiz are all seniors.

So many young people, coming to Wicca, said Bethany. Thats really nice. How sincere do they seem? Are they just flirting with it, or do you think they take it seriously?

Both, I said. Some are more sincere than others. Some are more sincere than they realize. Some are less sincere than they realize. Ill leave it up to you to figure it outI dont want to prejudice you.

Bethany nodded and sipped her wine. Tell me about Morgan.

I paused for a few moments. How to put this? Well, shes powerful, I said lamely. She grew up in a Catholic family. She only started studying Wicca five months agoand only found out about being a blood witch maybe four months ago. And she was, you know, involved with Selene Belltower and her son.

I tried to keep my face neutral as I said this. Cal hadnt been dead long enough. Anytime I thought of Cal and Morgan together, of his convincing her he loved her, of the black plans he and Selene had for her, an overwhelming rage came over me and shattered my usual self-control.

Yes, said Bethany, her dark eyes on me. As with Alyce, I got the impression that she wasnt missing much. Id be interested in meeting her.

In my opinion, I went on, Morgan desperately needs to learn as much as she can as fast as she can. Its nerve-racking being around her, feeling like she could blink and make a building collapse.

Shes as powerful as that? Bethany looked very interested.

I think so. This is someone who has had barely any instruction, whos uninitiated and who has never even thought about going through the Great Trial. Someone who grew up having no idea of her powers, her heritage.

Yet she shows such great promise?

She lights fires with her mind, I said, shrugging helplessly. No one taught her how to do that. She has an inherent knowledge of power chants and other quite complicated spells that would be very difficult for a well-educated witch to do. She scries with fire. And a few weeks ago, she shape-shifted.

Holy Mother, Bethany breathed. What did she shift into?

A wolf.

For a few minutes Bethany Malone and I sat looking at each other, drinking our wine.Goddess, Bethany said finally.

Yeah, I said wryly. It gets rather tense sometimes.

I see, she said. Tell me a bit about how you conduct your circles.

I went over our usual rites, our check-ins and meditation and energy-raising. Bethany listened attentively as I briefed her on the lessons I had led so far, about basic correspondences, purifying the circle, focusing skills. Kithic has had some ups and downs, I concluded. But in general the members are coming together in an interesting way, and Im committed to helping them as long as they want to continue and as long as Im in the States. It would be easy for them to get off track if they missed several circles.

Yes, Bethany agreed. She set down her empty glass. Im intrigued, Hunter. I want to meet Morgan. Im curious to meet these kids. Id be happy to take over your circles while youre gone.

Relief flooded my body. Instinctively I felt that Bethany would bring good energy to the group, and the fact that she was recommended by Alyce set my mind at ease. Brilliant, I said. Thanks very much. The circles meet every Saturday night at seven, but the location changes. This Saturday itll be at Jenna Ruizs houseIll give you directions.

I left half an hour later, a huge weight off my shoulders. Bethany was both strong and sensible; Kithic, and especially Morgan, would be safe in her hands.

What time is it there? I asked. I had called Sky when I got home but guessed I hadnt calculated the time difference correctly. Sky sounded sleepy and uncharitable.

Its. . I pictured her craning around for a clock. Its oh-dark-thirty, she finally said irritably. Whats up?

Sky and I had grown up together; though I had two siblings and she had four, we were the same age and had compatible temperaments. Though neither of us was much given to sappy emotional outbursts, we were as close as brother and sister, and we both knew it. Now I told her my news as briefly as possible, picturing her almond-shaped black eyes widening under her golden eyebrows.

Oh, Gìomanach, she breathed, lapsing into my coven name, the name she had called me through childhood. Oh, Goddess, I dont believe itafter all this time.

Yeah. I leave on Saturday. Its about an eleven-hour drive, I think.

I just cant believe it, Sky repeated. She paused. How about I catch a flight back and go with you?

I smiled with gratitude. Thanks, Sky, but Im all right going solo. Besides, youve done enoughId have never found them without you. Youre on holiday.

I paused, and changed the subject. Hows the mighty Cara? Skys sister Cara was living in Paris.

Sky gave an uncharacteristic giggle. Shes pretty much the same: beautiful, successful, extremely popular, blokes panting at the door, constant promotions at work, the usual.

Gross, I said. And of course shes still sweet and kind and impossible to hate?

Sky sighed. Yes, damn her. Shes been great. Im glad Im here. I still feel sodrained. Tired. Achy. I keep expecting to get the flu, but it hasnt come yet.

I waited, wondering if she would ask for news of Raven, but she didnt. Listen, I said, Ill call you from there and let you know whats happening. Who knows what Ill find? AnywayIll keep in touch.

Do, she said. I might be back in England, or maybe even America, by the time you get home. I dont know how much more fabulousness I can stand.

Paris or Cara?

Both.

We rang off, and I sat for a moment, hoping that being away was doing her good. I frowned, thinking about how she was still feeling run-down. Was it just a simple mental thing, caused by stress or unhappiness, or was she really sick?

I knew Morgans number by heart and braced myself to talk to one of her parents if they answered the phone. But it was Morgan who said, Hello, Hunter.

Morgans slightly husky voice sent shivers down my spine, and I realized I was gripping the phone a little tighter. You are pathetic, Niall, I told myself. Hi, I said. How are you?

Okay. Have you been getting ready for your trip?

Yes. Ive lined up a replacement circle leader. Her name is Bethany Malone. Alyce recommended her, and I went to see her tonight. She seems terrificI hope youll like her. I think shell be really good.

Hmmm. I guess I just like it best when you lead the circles.

Morgan wasnt being coy or trying to inflate my ego. She was naturally shy, and it took her a while to be comfortable with new people. Making magick with people is an intimate thing: its very hard to hold on to your barriers and defenses when youre connected by the energy. And Morgan wrote the book on defenses and barriers.

I know, I said. But Bethany is very learned, and its a good opportunity for you to work with someone new. You know Im not the best teacher for you. Because I want to ravish you.

She remained quiet, and I sensed that she was feeling conflicted about things.

HunterI know you have to go, she said finally. Its incredible that your folks are alive. You have to go see them. I know that. Its justIll miss you while youre gone.

Love, I said. Im going to miss you, too. I wish I knew when Ill be back. I mean, I might be back in three days, or it might take a week. . or longer.

Uh-huh, she said, sounding down.

Ill be thinking of you the whole time, I said. Ill try to call as often as I can. And Ill be so glad when Im back. Part of me felt almost guilty saying that. The truth was, I really had no idea what would happen. What if my parents no longer had to live in hiding? What if they could live openly and we could be a real family? Maybe they were planning to move back to England, to be near Beck and Shelagh. We would have actual family holiday celebrations, like for Ostara, coming up. Maybe next years Yule would be truly joyous, with all of us together at last.

And if they did return to England, where would that leave me? I can easily work in Englandplenty of witches are there. And I knew the council would be eager to send me out on another job soon. Nothing was holding me in Widows Vale except Morgan. What if I had to choose between being with my parents or being with Morgan? If I could be near my parents, see them, make magick with them, learn from them. . that would carry a lot of weight. And Morgan wouldnt be able to join me in England, not for at least a year and a half.

A lot can happen in a year and a half. A lot can happen in three months.

Ill be glad when you get back, too, Morgan said. I sensed her taking charge of herself, deliberately deciding to be stronger. But I know itll be wonderful for you to go. Her voice sounded much more brisk and matter-of-fact.

Thanks, I said softly, feeling the warmth of my love for her.

I cant believe I cant go with you, she said. But anywayI was thinking, if youre leaving early Saturday, maybe we could have dinner together tomorrow night, just the two of us. Unless you think youre going to be really busy getting ready.

Terrific idea. No, Ill make sure to get everything done before then. Dinner alone tomorrow sounds wonderful. Lets do it at my houseIll try to put something special together.

Great, she said, and I picked up on her waves of relief and anticipation.

Ill look forward to seeing you, love, I said.

Me too, she said, and we rang off.

3. Good-bye

I cant believe Hunter is leaving tomorrow. I feel a sense of dread when I think about his being gone. I tried to scry last night but really didnt pick up anything except images of woods. Frustrating.

Now, on the main thing. Ive read in Maeves Book of Shadows that blood witches can do spells to either get pregnant or not get pregnant. I went yesterday to Practical Magick and tried to find a spell, but I couldnt and was too embarrassed to ask Alyce. So this afternoon after school, I drove over to Norton, to the Planned Parenthood office there, and got a three-month supply of the Pill and a prescription to fill if I need to.

I parked down the street (so original) and crept up the block to the building, which of course had humongous letters on the side screaming Planned Parenthood! Catholic teenagers having premarital sex against their parents wishes, step right up! Goddess, by the time I got inside the building, I was shaking with mortification. If only I were Bree! Bree has her own gynecologist and suavely went on the Pill when she was fifteen. The whole thing only underlines how immature I am. Yet I do absolutely feel ready to go to bed with Hunter. I mean, Im dying to. Ive been wanting to, but things just havent worked out. But tonight is going to be the nightI feel it. I came hoe and took the first pill as instructed. Well need to use a condom, too, because the Pill doesnt kick in for a month and even though I trust Hunter, Id rather be safe that sorry.

I cant believe I thought about doing it with Cal. I still feel incredibly sad when I think about himsad that hes dead, that Selene destroyed his life, that I had anything to do with it. What I feel for Hunter is so different than what I felt for Cal. I love Hunter truly and deeply, I trust ad admire and respect him. I feel sure that he loves me, that he will take care of me and doesnt just want to remake me into what he thinks would be a perfect girlfriend. I feel comfortable with him. I feel safe. I trust him.

And physically, oh, Goddess, he makes me crazy. So tonights the night. Tonight Im going to quit being a kid, a little girl. By tomorrow morning, Ill be a woman.

 Morgan

By Friday evening I was tightly wound. Everything was weighing on my mind: Should I stop the mail or ask a neighbor to gather it? Would my car make it to Canada? Did I have enough money? Thoughts consumed me as I surveyed the table I had set. I looked at it suspiciously, certain Id forgotten something. Something for the trip, something for dinner? I couldnt think. Shaking my head, I tugged at the tablecloth and leaned over to light the candles. Dinner was basically done and waiting in the kitchen. I like to cook. I frowned: had I ever seen Morgan be picky about food? I couldnt remembermy brain was fried. In general, she has an appalling diet. For example, she considers Diet Coke to be an appropriate breakfast food. And she eats these thin, horrible pastries with a teaspoon of jam in the middle and frosting on top. Pop-Tarts. Goddess, it makes me ill just to think about it.

The doorbell rang, and I jumped about a foot in the air I hadnt felt her coming up the walk. Automatically I pushed my hand through my hair, then remembered too late that always makes it stand up in a stupid way. Goddess, help me.

I opened the door, my heart already thudding. It was dark out, of course, and Morgan stood framed in our weak porch light, her brown eyes huge.

Hi, I said, feeling awash in love for her. Come on in.

She came in wordlessly and took off her coat. Hmmm she was wearing some long skirtlike thing that swept the top of her clogs. Usually she wears jeans, so she had made a special effort for tonight, and I felt oddly pleased in an old-fashioned, male-chauvinist-pig kind of way. Her clingy brown sweater showed off her broad shoulders and her arms, which I knew were strong and toned. Once again the knowledge that she never wears a bra popped into my fevered brain, and I felt my knees start to go wonky. Her skin, and the curve of her waist, and the way she responded when IHunter? she said, watching my face.

Ah, yes, I said, snapping my mind out of the gutter. Right. Hi, love. I put my hand on her back and leaned down to kiss her. She kissed me back, her lips gentle on mine, and I was struck by how alive she felt, how vibrant.

Are you hungry? I asked when we pulled apart.

She smiled, her eyes lighting up, and I laughed. What am I saying? Youre always hungry.

Half an hour later I was pleased by the fact that Morgan wasnt picky about food. While I wasnt sure if she knew the difference between bad food (instant tarts and diet soda) and good food (the linguine I had made for dinner), still, the fact that she ate everything and seemed to enjoy it was heartening.

How did you learn to cook? she asked, taking another thin slice of bruschetta.

Self-defense. My aunt Shelagh was pretty uninspired. I couldnt blame hershe had years of cooking for twelve people at every meal before she caught on and started making the oldest kids help out.

Morgan laughed, and I felt the same kind of inner glow that came over me when I had worked a particularly nice bit of magick. I loved her. I didnt want to leave her. I wanted her to be packed, to be ready to get in my car tomorrow morning and drive off with me. Like her, I was frustrated by the fact that she was only seventeen.

I brought dessert, she said, going into the parlor. She returned with a white pastry box and opened it at the table.

Voilà. Two éclairs.

Brilliant, I said, reaching for one. Witches and sweets seem to go together. I know that after spell-working, I tend to fall upon whatever sweet carbohydrate there is. Even Aunt Shelagh, during her macrobiotic period, had been observed wolfing down a brownie after a Lammastide rite.

As I fixed a pot of tea, I began to realize that Morgan was coiled almost as tightly as I was. I knew she was upset about my leaving tomorrow. I was both upset and incredibly excited. Part of me was aching to go jump in the car right now and set off, every minute bringing me closer to my long-lost parents. I tried as unobtrusively as possible to feel her aura. Regular people cant feel someone do this; even a lot of witches would be pretty unaware of it. Id had a lot of training in feeling auras as a Seeker. It was literally my job to know people, to be able to detect nuances about their behavior, their energy.