"Is it really going to be okay, Zoey?" Shaunee asked.
"Is it?" Erin echoed.
"I think so," I said.
"How?" Shaunee asked.
"I don't really know. I think all we can do is take one day at a time."
Surprisingly, I'd finished all my soup. I did feel betterwarmer, more normal. I was also unbelievably tired. The Twins must have noticed my eyelids getting heavy, because Erin took my tray. Shaunee handed me a little vial of milky liquid.
"Neferet said you should drink this, that it'll help you sleep without nightmares," she said.
"Thanks." I took it from her, but I didn't drink it. She and Erin just stood there looking at me. "I'll take it in a minute. After I go to the bathroom. Just leave my pop in case it tastes nasty."
That seemed to satisfy them. Before they left Shaunee said, "Zoey, can we get you anything else?"
"No, thanks though."
"You'll call us if you need anything, right?" Erin said. "We promised Stevie Rae ..." Her voice broke and Shaunee finished for her, "We promised her we'd take care of you, and we live up to our promises."
"I'll call you," I said.
"'Kay," they said. "Night "
"Night," I called to the closing door.
As soon as they were gone I poured the creamy white liquid down the sink and threw away the vial.
Then I was alone. I glanced at my alarm clock, 6:00 A.M. It was amazing how much things could change in just a few hours. I tried not to, but flashes of Stevie Rae's death kept playing across my mind, like there was a horrible movie screen stuck inside my eyes. I jumped when my cell phone rang, and checked the caller ID. It was my grandma's number! Relief surged through me. I flipped the phone open and struggled not to burst into tears.
"I'm so glad you called, Grandma!"
"Little Bird, I woke from a dream about you. Is everything all right?" Her worried tone said she already knew it wasn't, which didn't surprise me. For my whole life my grandma and I had been linked.
"No. Nothing is right," I whispered as I began to cry again. "Grandma, Stevie Rae died tonight."
"Oh, Zoey! I'm so terribly sorry!"
"She died in my arms, Grandma, just minutes after Nyx gifted her with an affinity for the element earth."
"It must have been a great comfort for her that you were with her at the end." I could hear that Grandma was crying now, too.
We were all with her, all of my friends."
"And Nyx must have been with her, too."
"Yes," my voice caught on a sob. "I think the Goddess was, but I don't understand it, Grandma. It doesn't make any sense that Nyx would gift Stevie Rae, and then let her die."
"Death never makes sense when it happens to the young. But I believe that your Goddess was close to Stevie Rae, even though her death happened too soon, and now she is resting peacefully with Nyx."
"I hope so."
"I wish I could come visit you, but with all this snow the roads out here are impossible. How about I fast and pray for Stevie Rae today?"
"Thank you, Grandma. I know she'd appreciate that."
"And, honey, you have to move past this."
"How, Grandma?"
"By honoring her memory by living a life she'd be proud of you for living. Live for her, too."
"It's hard, Grandma, especially when the vamps want us to just forget about the kids who die. They're treated like speed bumps, just something to pause a little about, and then go on."
"I don't mean to second-guess your High Priestess, or any of the other adult vampyres, but that seems shortsighted. Death is more difficult if it goes unacknowledged."
"That's what I think. Actually, that's what Stevie Rae thought, too." Then an idea came to me, along with a feeling that it was the right thing to do. "I can change that. With or without permission, I'm going to be sure Stevie Rae's death is honored. She's going to be more than a speed bump."
"Don't get in trouble, honey."
"Grandma, I am the most powerful fledgling in the history of vampyres. I think I should be willing to get in a little trouble for something I feel strongly about."
Grandma paused, then she said, "I think you might be right about that, Zoeybird."
"I love you, Grandma."
"I love you, too, u-we-tsi a-ge-hu-tsa." The Cherokee word for daughter made me feel loved and safe. "And now I want you to try to sleep. Know that I'll be praying for you, and asking the spirits of our grandmothers to watch over and comfort you."
"Thanks, Grandma. Bye."
"Good-bye, Zoeybird."
I closed the phone softly. I felt better now that I'd talked to Grandma. Before it had been like there was a huge, invisible weight pressing down on my chest. Now that it had shifted some it was easier for me to breathe. I started to lie down, and Nala popped in through the kitty door, leaped up on my bed, and instantly began me-uf-ow-ing at me. I petted her and told her how glad I was to see her, and then glanced over at Stevie Rae's empty bed. She always laughed at Nala's grumpiness, and said she sounded like an old woman, but she had loved the cat as much as me. Tears stung my eyes and I wondered if there was a limit to how much someone could cry. Just then my cell phone chimed that I had a new text message. I rubbed my eyes clear and flipped my phone back open.
R U OK? Somethings wrong.
It was Heath. Well, at least now there could be no doubt at all that he and I were linked through an Imprint. And what the hell I was going to do about that, I didn't know.
Bad day. My best friend died. I text messaged him back.
It was so long that I didn't think he was going to respond. Then finally my phone chimed again.
My friends have died 2.
I closed my eyes. How could I have forgotten that two of Heath's friends had just recently been killed?
I'm sorry. I typed back.
Me 2. Do u want me to come see u?
The instant, powerful yes! that burst through my body surprised me, but I suppose it shouldn't have. It would be wonderful to find oblivion in Heath's armsin the scarlet seduction of Heath's blood ...
No, I typed hastily, my hands shaking. You have school.
Nuh uh SNOW DAY!
I smiled, and spent a sweet second or two wishing that I could return to the time when a snow day meant a mini-holiday of tramping through snow with my friends and then curling up to watch rented movies and eat delivery pizza. My phone chimed again, breaking into my past-life fantasy.
I'll make u feel btr fri
I sighed. I'd totally forgotten about promising Heath I'd meet him after the game Friday. I shouldn't meet him. I knew it. Actually, I should go to Neferet and confess everything about Heath and have her help me fix it.
Neferet lies. Aphrodite's voice whispered through my mind. No. I couldn't go to Neferet, and for more reasons than just Aphrodite's warning. Something felt wrong about Neferet. I couldn't confide in her. My phone chimed.
Zo?
I sighed. I was so tired that it was getting hard to concentrate. I started to text back no and tell Heath that I just couldn't meet him, no matter how much I'd like to. I even hit the N and the O keys. Then I stopped, back-spaced over them, and resolutely typed: OK.
What the hell. It felt as if my life was unraveling like the hem of an old skirt. I didn't want to tell Heath no, and worrying about our Imprint was just one thing too many to worry about right now.
OK! Came his quick reply.
I sighed again, shut off my phone, and sat heavily on my bed, petting Nala, staring at nothing in particular, and wishing desperately that I could turn the clock back a day ... or maybe even a year ... Eventually I noticed that, for whatever reason, the vamps who had cleared out Stevie Rae's stuff had forgotten the old, handmade quilt that she kept folded on the end of her bed. I put Nala on my pillow and got up, pulling the quilt from Stevie Rae's bed. Then Nala and I curled up under it.
It felt like every molecule of my body was tired, but I couldn't sleep. I guess I missed Stevie Rae's soft snores and the sense that I wasn't alone. A sadness washed over me that was so deep I thought I might drown in it.
Two soft knocks came on the door. Then it opened slowly. I half sat up to see Shaunee and Erin, both in their pajamas and slippers, clutching pillows and blankets.
"Can we sleep with you?" Erin asked.
"We didn't want to be alone," Shaunee said.
"Yeah, and we thought you might not want to be alone, either," Erin finished.
"You're right. I don't." I swallowed back more tears. "Come on in.
They shuffled in and, with only a little hesitation, piled onto Stevie Rae's bed. Their long-haired silver-gray cat, Beelzebub, hopped up between them. Nala raised her head from my pillow to glance at him, and then, as if he were beneath her queenly notice, she curled back up and went promptly to sleep.
I was just drifting off to sleep when another soft knock came on the door. This time it didn't open, so I called, "Who is it?"
"Me."
Shaunee, Erin, and I blinked at each other. Then I hurried over to the door and opened it to find Damien standing in the hall wearing flannel pj's with pink bow-tied bears all over them. He looked kinda damp, and unmelted snowflakes were caught in his hair. He was carrying a sleeping bag and a pillow. I grabbed his arm and pulled him quickly into the room. His chubby tabby cat, Cameron, padded in with him.
"What are you doing, Damien? You know you're gonna get in a buttload of trouble if you get caught in here."
"Yeah, it's way past curfew," Erin said.
"You might be here getting ready to defile us virgins," Shaunee said. Then she and Erin looked at each other and burst out laughing, which made me smile. It was weird to have a happy feeling in the middle of such sadness, which is probably why the Twins' laughter and my smile faded quickly.
"Stevie Rae wouldn't want us to quit being happy," Damien said into the uncomfortable silence. Then he walked to the middle of the room and spread out his sleeping bag on the floor between the two beds. "And I'm here because we need to stick together. Not because I want to defile any of you, even if all of you were still virgins, although I do appreciate your use of vocabulary."
Erin and Shaunee snorted, but looked more amused than offended, and I made a mental note to ask them sex questions later.
"Well, I'm glad you came, but we're gonna have one heck of a time sneaking you out of here when everyone's eating breakfast and rushing around before school," I said, trying out escape plans in my head.
"Oh, you don't have to worry about that. The vamps are posting that the school's closed today due to snow. No onell be rushing anywhere. I'll just walk out with y'all whenever."
"Posting? You mean we'd have to wake up, get dressed, and go downstairs before we found out there wasn't any school? That sucks," I said.
I could hear the smile in Damien's voice. "They announce it on the local radio stations like normal schools do. But do you and Stevie Rae listen to the news while you get ..." Damien trailed off, and I realized that he'd started phrasing the question as if Stevie Rae were still alive.
"No," I said quickly, trying to cover his awkwardness. "We used to listen to country music. It always made me hurry up and get ready quicker so I could escape from it." My friends laughed softly. I waited until everyone was quiet again, and then I said, "I'm not going to forget her, and I'm not going to pretend like her death doesn't mean anything to me."
"Neither am I," Damien said.
"Me either," Shaunee said.
"Ditto, Twin," Erin said.
After a while I said, "I didn't think it could happen to a fledgling who had been given an affinity by Nyx. II just didn't think it could happen."
"No one's guaranteed to make it through the Change, not even those gifted by the Goddess," Damien said quietly.
"That just means we have to stick together," Erin said.
"It's the only way we can get through this," Shaunee said.
"That's what we'll do thenstick together," I said with finality.
"And promise that if the worst happens, and some of the rest of us don't make it through, the others won't let them be forgotten."
"Promise," my three friends said solemnly.
We all settled down then. The room didn't feel so lonely anymore, and just before I drifted off to sleep I whispered, "Thanks for not letting me be alone ..." and wasn't sure if I was thanking my friends, my Goddess, or Stevie Rae.
CHAPTER 25
It was snowing in my dream. At first I thought that was cool. I mean, it really was beautifulit made the world look Disney-like and perfect, as if nothing bad could happen, or if it did it was only temporary, because everyone knows Disney is all about happily ever after ...
I walked slowly, not feeling the cold. It seemed to be just before sunrise, but it was hard to tell with the sky all snowy and gray. I tilted my head back and looked at how the snow clung to the thick branches of the old oaks, and made the east wall look soft, and less imposing.
The east wall.
In my dream I hesitated when I realized where I was. Then I saw the figures, hooded and cloaked, standing in a group of four in front of the open trapdoor in the wall.
No! I told my dreaming self. I don't want to be over here. Not so soon after Stevie Rae died. After the last two times fledglings died I saw their ghosts or spirits or undead walking bodies or whatever here. Even if I had been gifted with a weird ability to see the dead by Nyx. Enough was enough! I didn't want
The smallest of the cloaked figures turned around and my internal argument scattered from my mind. It was Stevie Rae! Only it wasn't. She looked too pale and thin. And there was something else about her. I stared, and my initial hesitation was overcome by a terrible need within me to understand. I mean, if it really was Stevie Rae, then I didn't need to be afraid of her. Even weirdly changed by death, she was still my best friend. Wasn't she? I couldn't help moving forward until I was standing only a few feet from the group. I held my breath, waiting for them to turn on me, but no one noticed me. In my dream world it was as though I was invisible to them. So I moved even closer, unable to take my eyes from Stevie Rae. She looked terriblefranticand she kept moving restlessly, shifting her eyes around her like she was extremely nervous or extremely afraid.
"We shouldn't be here. We need to leave."
I jumped at the sound of Stevie Rae's voice. She still had her Okie accent, but nothing else was recognizable. Her tone was hard and flat, lacking all emotions except a kind of animallike nervousness.
"You're not in charge of usssss," one of the other cloaked figures hissed, baring his teeth at Stevie Rae. Oh, ugh! It was that Elliott creature. Even though his body was weirdly hunched, he stood over her aggressively. His eyes had begun to glow a dirty red. I was afraid for her, but she didn't let him intimidate her, instead Stevie Rae bared her own teeth, her eyes blazed scarlet, and she gave an ugly snarl. Then she spat the words at him, "Does the earth answer you? No!" She walked forward, and Elliott automatically took several steps backward. "And until it does, you will obey me! That's what she said."
The Elliott thing made an awkward, subservient bow that the two other cloaked figures mimicked. Then Stevie Rae pointed toward the open trapdoor. "Now, we go quickly." But before any of them moved I heard a familiar voice from the other side of the wall.
"Hey, do y'all know Zoey Redbird? I need to tell her I'm here and"
Heath's voice broke off when the four creatures, with blurring speed, rushed through the door after him.
"No! Stop! What the hell are you doing?" I yelled. My heart was beating so hard that it hurt as I ran to the closing door in time to see the three of them grabbing Heath. I heard Stevie Rae say, "He's seen us. Now he comes with us."
"But she said no more!" Elliott yelled as he kept an iron grip on the struggling Heath.
"He's seen us!" Stevie Rae repeated. "So he comes with us until she tells us what to do with him!"
They didn't argue with her, and with inhuman strength they dragged him away. The snow seemed to swallow his screams.
I sat bolt upright in bed, breathing hard, sweating and trembling. Nala grumbled. I looked around the room and felt momentarily panicked. I was alone! Had I just dreamed everything that had happened yesterday? I looked at Stevie Rae's empty bed, and at the lack of any of her stuff around the room. No. I hadn't dreamed it. My best friend was dead. I let the weight of the sadness settle into me, and knew I'd be carrying it around for a very long time.
But hadn't the Twins and Damien slept here? Still groggy, I rubbed my eyes and looked at my clock. It was 5:00 P.M. I must have fallen asleep some time between 6:30 and 7:00 A.M. Sheesh, I'd definitely gotten enough sleep. I got up, went to the heavily draped window, and peered out. Unbelievably, it was still snowing, and even though it was early, the gaslights were illuminating a slate-colored night and glistening with little snow haloes. Fledglings were doing typical kid stuffbuilding snowmen and having snow fights. I saw someone I thought was that Cassie Kramme girl who'd done so well in the monologue competition making snow angels with a couple other girls. Stevie Rae would have loved it. She would have made me wake up hours ago and had me out there with her in the thick of all of the fun (whether I wanted to be or not). Thinking about it, I didn't know whether I wanted to cry or smile.
"Z? Are you awake?" Shaunee called tentatively from the cracked door.
I motioned for her to come in. "Where'd you guys go?"
"We've been up a couple hours. We've been watching movies. Wanta come down with us? Erik and Cole, that totally fiiiine friend of his, are gonna come over." Then she looked around guiltily, as if remembering that Stevie Rae was gone and sorry she'd been acting normal. Something inside me made me speak.
"Shaunee, we have to go on. We have to date and be happy and live our lives. Nothing's guaranteed, Stevie Rae's death proved that. We can't waste the time we've been given. When I said I'd make sure she was remembered, I didn't mean that we were going to be sad forever. It meant I'd remember the happiness she brought to us, and keep her smile close to my heart. Always."
"Always," Shaunee agreed.
"If you give me a second I'll put on some jeans and meet you guys downstairs."
"'Kay," she said with a grin.
When Shaunee was gone, some of my happy façade faded. I'd meant what I said to her, it was just the acting out of it that was going to be hard. Plus, I was having a hard time shaking the bad dream. I knew it was just a dream, but it still bothered me. It was like I could hear the echoes of Heath's screams in the oppressive silence of my room. Moving automatically, I got dressed in my most comfortable jeans and a ginormic sweatshirt I'd bought from the school store a couple of weeks ago. Over my heart it had the silver embroidered insignia of Nyx standing with upraised hands cupping a full moon, and somehow it made me feel better. I brushed my hair and sighed at my reflection in the mirror. I looked like poo. So I spackled some concealer on the dark smudges under my eyes, added mascara and my shiny lip gloss that smelled like strawberries. Feeling more ready to face the world, I headed downstairs.
And paused at the end of the staircase. The scene was familiar, yet completely changed. Kids clustered around the flat-screen TVs. There should be talking, and there was, but it was definitely subdued. My group of friends were sitting around the TV we liked best: the Twins in their matching poofy chairs, Damien and Jack (looking very cozy) were sitting on the floor by the love seat, Erik was on the love seat, and I was surprised to see that his fiiiine friend, Cole, had pulled up a chair and was actually sitting between the Twins. I felt my lips twitch up. He was either very brave or very moronic. They were all chattering softly, and definitely not paying attention to The Mummy Returns, which was playing on TV. So, except for two things, it was a perfectly familiar scene. First, they were being way too quiet. Second, Stevie Rae should have been sitting on the love seat with her feet folded under her telling everyone to be quiet so she could hear the movie.
I swallowed back the teary, burning feeling in the back of my throat. I had to go on. We had to go on.
"Hi, guys," I said, trying to sound normal.
This time there wasn't an awkward silence at my presence. Instead there was an equally awkward everyone-talking-perkily-all-at-once.
"Hi, Z!"
"Zoey!"
"Hey there, Z!"
I managed not to sigh or roll my eyes as I took my place beside Erik. He put his arm around me and squeezed, which made me feel weirdly better but guilty. Betterbecause he was totally sweet and hot and I was still a little amazed that he seemed to like me so much. Guiltywell, that could be summed up in one word: Heath.
"Good! Now that Z's here we can start the marathon," Erik said.
"You mean the dorkathon," Shaunee said with a snort.
"If it was the weekend we could call it the geekend," Erin said.
"Let me guess." I looked up at Erik. "You brought the DVDs."
"Yep I did!"
The rest of the group groaned in exaggerated pain.
"Which means we're watching Star Wars," I said.
"Again," his friend Cole muttered.
Shaunee arched one perfectly waxed brow at Cole. "Are you saying that you're not a big Star Wars fan?"
He smiled at Shaunee, and even from where I was sitting I could see the flirty glimmer in his eyes. "Watching Erik's long extended director's cut of Star Wars for the millionth time is not why I came over here. I am a fan, but it's not of Darth and Chewbacca."
"Are you saying Princess Leia does it for you?" Shaunee quipped.
"No, I'm more colorful than that," he said, leaning toward her. "I'm not here because I'm a fan of Star Wars either," Jack piped in, giving Damien an adoring look.
Erin giggled. "Well, we know Princess Leia doesn't do it for you.
"Thankfully," Damien said.
"I wish Stevie Rae was here," Erik said. "She'd be all, Y'all, you're not bein very niiiice."
Erik's words made everyone shut up. I glanced at him and saw that his cheeks were getting red, like he hadn't realized exactly what he'd said till after he said it. I smiled and rested my head on his shoulder.
"You're right. Stevie Rae would be scolding us like a mamma."
"And then she'd make everyone some popcorn and tell us to share nice," Damien said. "Even though she should say share nicely."
"I liked the way Stevie Rae messed up the English language," Shaunee said.
"Yeah, she Okie-fied it," Erin said.
We all smiled at each other, and I felt a small warmth begin in my chest. This is how it startedthis is how we would remember Stevie Raewith smiles and love.
"Uh, can I sit with you guys?"
I looked up to see that cute Drew Partain kid standing nervously at the edge of our group. He looked pale and sad, and his eyes were red as if he'd been crying. I remembered how he had looked at Stevie Rae, and felt a stab of sympathy for him.
"Sure!" I said warmly. "Pull up a chair." Then an inner prompting made me add, "There's room over there by Erin."
Erin's blue eyes widened a little, but she recovered quickly. "Yeah, pull up a chair, Drew. But be warned, we're watching Star Wars."
"Cool with me," Drew said, giving Erin a hesitant smile. "Short, but cute," I heard Shaunee whisper to Erin, and I do believe I saw Erin's cheeks get a little pink.
"Hey, I'm going to make us some popcorn. Plus, I need my"
"Brown pop!" Damien, the Twins, and Erik said together.
I disentangled myself from Erik's arm and went to the kitchen, feeling more lighthearted than I had since Stevie Rae began coughing. Everything would be okay. The House of Night was my home. My friends were my family. I'd follow my own advice and take one day at a timeone issue at a time. I'd figure out a way to wade through my boyfriend issues. I'd do my best to avoid Neferet (without being too obvious that I was avoiding her) until I could figure out what was going on with her and the weird nondead Elliott (who was enough to give anyone nightmaresno wonder I'd had such a terrible dream about Stevie Rae and Heath).
I put one bag of extra-butter, super-pop popcorn in each of the four microwaves and grabbed big bowls as they started popping. Maybe I should cast another private circle and ask Nyx for help understanding the gross Elliott issue. My stomach clenched as I realized that I would be minus Stevie Rae. How was I going to deal with replacing her? It made me feel sick, but it had to be done. If not now, for my private ritual, I'd have to find someone before the next Full Moon Ritual. I closed my eyes against the pain of missing Stevie Rae and the reality of going on without her. Please show me what to do, I prayed silently to Nyx.
"Zoey, you need to come into the living room."
My eyes sprang open as Erik's voice startled me. The look on his face had my adrenaline surging through my body. "What's going on?"
"Just come on." He took my hand and we hurried out of the kitchen. "It's the news."
Even though the big living room was full of kids, it had gone completely silent. They were all staring at our big-screen TV, where Chera Kimiko was looking into the camera and speaking solemnly.
"... police are warning the public not to panic, even though this is the third teenager to have disappeared. They are investigating, and assure Fox News that they have several viable leads.
"To repeat this special bulletin, a Broken Arrow teenager, another high school football player, has been reported as missing. His name is Heath Luck."
My knees no longer held me, and I would have fallen if Erik hadn't put his arm around my waist and helped me to the love seat. It felt like I couldn't catch my breath as I listened to Chera continue:
"Heath's truck was found outside the House of Night, but the High Priestess there, Neferet, assures police that he did not enter the school grounds, and that he has not been seen by anyone there. Of course there is much speculation about these disappearances, especially since the medical examiner's report states that the cause of death of the other two abducted boys was blood loss from multiple bites and lacerations. And while it is true that vampyres do not bite when they take blood from humans, the lacerations do follow a pattern that is consistent with vampyric feeding. It is important that we remind the public that vampyres have a binding legal agreement with humans to not feed on any human being against his or her will. We'll have more on this story at ten o'clock, and of course will break as news becomes available "
"Someone get me a bowl, I'm gonna be sick!" I managed to yell over the humming in my head. A bowl was thrust into my hands and I promptly puked my guts into it.
CHAPTER 26
"Here, Zoey, it'll help if you swish this around in your mouth." Blindly I took whatever Erin handed me, relieved when it was just cold water. I spit it into the nasty bowl of puke.
"Ugh, take it away," I said, suppressing my gag reflex as I got a whiff of puke. I wanted to cover my face with my hands and burst into tears, but I knew that the entire room was looking at me, so I slowly straightened my shoulders and pushed my damp hair back behind my ears. I didn't have the luxury of dissolving into a panicked heap. My mind was already processing the things I needed to dohad to do. For Heath, He was what was important right now, not me, and not my need for hysteria. "I have to see Neferet," I said resolutely and stood up, surprised at how steady my knees had become.
"I'll go with you," Erik said.
"Thanks, but first I need to brush my teeth and put on some shoes." (I'd just stuck on a pair of thick socks to come down and watch TV.) I smiled my thanks to Erik. "I'll run up to my room and be right back." I could feel the Twins getting ready to follow me. "I'll be fine. Just give me a sec." Then I turned and hurried up the stairs.
I didn't pause at my room, but kept going down the hall, turned right, and stopped before room number 124. I'd raised my fist, but hadn't knocked when the door opened.
"I thought it would be you." Aphrodite gave me a cold look, but she stepped to the side. "Come on in."
I walked in, surprised by the pretty pastel interior of the room. I guess I'd expected it to be dark and scary, like a black widow's web.
"Do you have any mouthwash? I just puked and I've seriously grossed myself out."