Dancing To Happiness - Marisa Santi 4 стр.


What dude! After all, he left me alone last night.

Fortunately, on the way we meet Roberta.

<<Hi, Robbie>> I say thanking my lucky stars to give me the chance to discuss no more with Max.

<<Hi, Isabel. Hi, Max>>

<<Since I have fulfilled my duty I can go now>> Max says making what might be called a fake smile. He kisses me and says goodbye to Robbie.

<<Talk to you later>> I say returning the kiss.

When I see Max going away I breathe a sigh of relief. Nothing gets past Robbie and she looks at me inquisitively. So I tell her everything that has happened in the last hours.

<<Isabel, forgive me if I take the liberty of...>

<<Tell me! You know you can tell me everything>> I say worried about the pearls of wisdom that are going to come out of her mouth.

<<In the last two months you have practically been a paranoid sourpuss and today all of a sudden you have a smile from ear to ear. When you talk about this infamous Matthias you can not help but notice your enthusiasm. I hope you werent so euphoric while you talked about him to Max too! I have no idea what can be so special about this guy. But he did a spell: your eyes have found the light that had been extinguished for quite some time.>>

<<Cant I just be serene because today is a beautiful sunny day and because, after many days, I spent some time with Max?>> I ask her confuse about what she has just pointed out to me.

<<Look, whatever it was, welcome back Isabel! Whoever succeeded in doing it, I thank him from the bottom of my heart.>> She says taking me by the arm while we walk towards the entrance of the classroom.

Its true that in recent times I could hardly feel new emotions. In fact, the more time passed, the more my pout was getting worse. My discontent will always remain a mystery. Robbie sees me practically every day and knows me better than anyone else. I didnt know she was so worried about my fickle attitude. Maybe Im just a little more tired than usual. I should control myself and put a stop to the constant desire to expect too much from myself. Im constantly in competition with the whole world, I should give me some limits. But if I want to fulfil my dreams I can not afford to give up. Sometimes Id like to be more carefree. I have chosen the department of psychology to study the mental processes and to understand human behaviour. In the future I want to work with children and adolescents, very sensitive persons. Some of them may have behavioural problems and Id like to combine my studies with my passion. I love the discipline that is better known as contemporary dance: performance art that expresses the movement of the body and includes more styles on the basis of classical ballet. I want to be able to impart the same emotions that I feel and I want to teach others to unite body and mind to get carried away and overwhelmed by this combination. Contemporary dance is an expression in the round, also it includes the recitation of texts. One day it would be great to have my very own school! I do not dream to take part in musicals for a lifetime or to gambol in some stupid TV show. I love dance for what it gives me. Its poetry for me, unconditional love and it makes me feel free. I do not need audiences, the music enters into my bones and, from that moment on, my body is able to do whatever I want, even to fly.

I get lost in my thoughts and I do not notice the time that is passing, when Robbie thinks to bring me sharply back to reality <<Is he engaged?>> she asks me point blank.

Understanding that she was referring to Matthias I answer: <<I dont know...>> I pause and then I ask her: <<Could you come for dinner tonight? In this way I will introduce him to you and you can ask him it personally.>>

<<Its not a bad idea>> she answers immediately, seizing the moment.

In the afternoon I was able to study a little and to spend a couple of hours in the gym, this time without embarrassing interruptions. I go to the bathroom to freshen up and to get ready for dinner. Robbie will come here in a while. Im still in my bedroom when her message arrives on my mobile phone:

Come down, Im at the front door.

I rush at the entrance to let her in and make her sit. Matthias has not been seen at all before dinner time, but when he makes his entrance in the dining room to join us, I notice Robbies look and open mouth. Maybe now she can understand too why he upset me so much. It should be illegal to be so devilishly handsome With two fingers I push upwards Robbies chin to make her close her mouth and I say amused: <<Close your mouth, you are indecent!>> theres only one thing she can do: remain silent. But she takes revenge with a little kick under the table.

<<Hi Matthias, how are you?>> I ask him staring into his eyes without being mesmerised by his overwhelming magnetism.

<<Fine, thanks. And you?>>

<<Im fine too! This is my best friend Roberta>> I say to him pointing at her.

<<Nice to meet you Roberta>>

Despite the initial block, Robbie becomes friendly with Matthias. She shows off her cheeky beggar and bombards him with questions. How is it possible that he doesnt affect my timid friend as he does to me? Last night I was petrified and could hardly speak. We exchanged roles: she has become extroverted and I have become excessively shy. In the dining room theres the background chatter typical of more open conversations. Suddenly Vanessa tells me shouting from a table not very close to ours: <<Isabel, remind me what is the date of your next competition!>>

<<Do you have to take part in a competition?>> Matthias asks me leaking the desire to be invited too

<<Yes! do you want to come along with these lunatics? At least you could control them to avoid making a fool out of me!>>

<<Sure!>> he answers staring at me in way of making me feel uncomfortable. I look down to hide the blushing and above all to prevent Robbie from noticing it.

The evening passes pleasantly. We decide to stay at home and, as usual, we lose track of time if it wasnt for the first symptoms of tiredness that stand out. Given the time, Roberta decides to go home.

<<Im going, accompany me to the door>> she says, dragging me with her. She thanks me for the invitation to dinner and above all to make her become acquainted with Matthias.

While we are heading for her car she looks at me and says: <<I could not help but see how much tight-knit you and Matthias are: Im worried about this! Im your friend as well as Maxs friend. I would be really sorry to see your relationship destroyed. You know that I love you Isabel, be careful. If Max sees what I saw tonight, arguments could arise.>>

<<You are exaggerating, I act with him just as I do with the others...>>

<<Are you really sure? Was I the only one to notice how he watches you?>>

<<Why? How does he watch me?>>

<<With sex drive!>>

<<Robbie!>> I growl at her.

<<Trust me, Isabel! Matthias likes you, it is clear. Also when he was taking his leave he watched you deeply.>>

I burst into a nervous laughter and say: <<Robbie, its the effect of alcohol! Tonight we overdid the wine at dinner. In my opinion its not as you say!>>

<<Whatever. I really hope that this is so. However, I can guarantee that he doesnt take away his eyes off you!>>

<<Why? How does he watch me?>>

<<With sex drive!>>

<<Robbie!>> I growl at her.

<<Trust me, Isabel! Matthias likes you, it is clear. Also when he was taking his leave he watched you deeply.>>

I burst into a nervous laughter and say: <<Robbie, its the effect of alcohol! Tonight we overdid the wine at dinner. In my opinion its not as you say!>>

<<Whatever. I really hope that this is so. However, I can guarantee that he doesnt take away his eyes off you!>>

I try to get rid of her to not continue this useless conversation.

<<Good night, Robbie! See you tomorrow! And just take it easy! Okay?>>

<<Yes... Good night, Isabel!>>

We kisses on the cheeks. I see her moving away with her car and then I return home.

I try not to think about what she told me. I dont want to dwell upon what my friend believes she has seen and upon her brain movies. Its true that he embarrasses me much and I can not help but look at him, but its only because Im attracted by his appearance. I not even know him. Why does Robbie always demoralize me in this way? Heigh-ho!

IV

The last two weeks have been devastating but the long-awaited day of the competition arrived. Oscar, my dancing partner and friend, and I waited for hours for our turn to arrive. We began with a paso doble and two pas seul. During the wait Oscar has had anxiety all the time. Finally they start with the ranking and we hear our names placed in first position. The strain and the intense sacrifices of these months have been useful!

<<Isabel, we did it!>> Oscar exclaims, then he takes me in his arms and makes me spin like a top.

The tears begin to run down unexpectedly, probably because of the tension accumulated during this last period. Besides discovering myself shy, I have become whiner too.

Still incredulous for first place: <<They have certainly appreciated our harmony. We have always been coordinated and precise in the movements. And we bring home this victory too, Oscar!>> I say to him happily.

In these circumstances all the tiredness gathered in days past vanishes. We are a competitive couple and the presence of our friends made us stronger. Their affection gave us a great energy. We had a great responsibility and we could not disappoint the school, our choreographers and all those who believe in us. This will be our last year together. I will miss Oscar a lot. He will go to Broadway, in America. We dance together since we were ten years old. I will never forget the time in which he became depressed because he had not the courage to face his homosexuality. He made many hearts palpitate. He is good-looking and a disarming sweetheart; nobody could imagine he wasnt hetero. In these years many girls wanted to have him as a partner and not only for dance. After he has overcome his fear and has been accepted by his family for who he is, he succeeded in finding love too. His boyfriend has his own interests and helped him much to come out of the abyss. We have faced many adventures within the school and in life. The thought that hes going to leave makes me nostalgic. How am I without my Oscar?

I throw my arms around him and say: <<Ill miss you terribly! Thanks for these wonderful years together, I love you!>>

Since I can no more hold the gathered stress, I burst into tears again, leaning my head against his chest. He holds me tightly: <<Hey, Isabel! You and I will never separate ourselves. You will come to visit me whenever you want and Ill do the same with you. You will not get rid of me so easily. You are my best friend and dancing partner and I have an unlimited love for you! Come on! Stop being sad... We have to celebrate!>> he tells me, with one of his wonderful encouraging smiles.

We go to get the award and perform again our choreography. We change our clothes and catch up with the others to go for a drink together.

When we arrive at the club I introduce Matthias to Oscar and he, like me and all the women who watch Matthias, remains enchanted by this charming man.

<<Where were you hiding this guy, Isabel?>> he whispers in my ear.

<<I wasnt hiding him, I know him for a while...>>

<<Is he hetero?>>

<<I would say so! Hey, arent you already engaged?>> I ask pretending to reproach him.

<<Yes, but to be engaged doesnt mean that we should stop feasting our eyes. It is not that because one is on diet can not read the menu!>>

<<Youre right, dont worry! He has done the same effect on me... But lets not tell anyone about this>> I confide to him smiling.

<<Apparently your Max isnt so sporty.>>

<<Absolutely not!>>

We look at each other and burst into laughter.

The days pass and I resumed the same routine. Thinking about it, it has already been over a month since Mathias arrived and a beautiful friendship is being born between us. Yeah, a friendship that is causing me a lot of problems with Max. We quarrel often because he does not like me to spend time with my new friend; his suffocating jealousy grows day by day. His stupid scenes are getting me tired and nervous. Soon Im going to have a psychology exam and Im studying hard. Its difficult for me to focus upon it with one who bombards me with messages and calls to continuously supervise me. Lets add to this, the exam of the dance school for the academic diploma. Sometimes I think that I have been foolhardy to have chosen both the department of psychology and the ballet school. I did it because I need both. In both cases I can be of some help to others. If I go on like this, I will be the one who needs a psychologist! I stay locked in my bedroom to study for days now. Sometimes I wonder how my father succeeds in not freaking out. He is a businessman, he follows the Financial Exchange and helps my mother with the boarding house. I must have gotten from him to involve myself with thousand tasks. Stop thinking, Isabel! It would be better that I exercise a little to release stress. I go down to the gym and start working on the new choreography for which Im going to be examined, but each attempt ends badly: These new steps are driving me crazy! Im going through a bad artistic period; Im much tired and my relationship with Max is taking a turn for the worst: the one towards the decline! I decide to give it a rest with the workout and to go on the terrace to try to relax a little. I sit on the porch swing and my eyes begin to fill with tears. While Im busy feeling sorry for myself I dont notice Matthias presence and seeing him I wince.

He sits next to me and sweetly asks me: <<Why are you crying? Whats wrong?>>

I look at him astonished by his presence and his care and answer with a weak voice: <<In a few days I will have to pass an exam and I have an insane fear of not succeeding in it. This is my last year at the ballet school. I feel tired, stressed out, I try to be strong and indestructible and I want so much to fulfil my dream. I know that I could take a break from the university and concentrate on one thing at a time, but I dont want to fall behind. Im currently studying hard and there are days, like today, in which I drown in an inch of water. I have trouble doing some stupid steps. Today Im Miss Doom and Gloom! I dont know, maybe Im just anxious for the time that is running away too fast...>> surely I can not tell him that I also have some problems with Max because of his presence.

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