He said strictly speaking its not aunties at all. Anything between the high tide & low tide marks belongs to the Crown & the spring tides here reach several feet up the cliff but it would take a bold trespasser to argue the point!
I couldnt argue with this. We soon reached the edge of the water where he paused staring out to sea & said something I didnt catch.
sorry? I said.
He spoke again more clearly but I still couldnt make any sense of it.
Seeing this he smiled rather patronizingly I thought & repeated the sounds.
thalatta thalatta he declaimed (thats how its spelt I checked it out on the Net) the sea the sea
no argument there I said its the sea sure enough
its Greek he said tho I hadnt asked its what the Greek army in retreat from Marathon all shouted in releif when they breasted a hill & saw the Aegean which meant they were home I know how they felt my own heart always swells when I glimpse our own dear North Sea
I suppose he was trying to impress me with his classical learning & his poetic sensibility but I just felt he was trying a bit too hard plus when I checked the word on the Internet I also got the history & the plonker didnt even have his facts right! Not Marathon but some place called Cunaxa & not the Aegean but the Black Sea!
I said OK now weve established what it is are we going to swim in it?
He said of course & then youre not going to believe this he pushed his trunks down & stepped out of them so there I was standing alongside this guy wearing nothing but his big nobbly Rolex thats his watch I mean! with his trio of womenfolk not thirty yards away.
I said for Godsake!
He said dont be shocked I always skinny-dip
I said Ive got 4 bros plus I grew up on a farm Im not shocked but what about Lady D & the others?
He laughed & said oh theyre used to it auntie pretends to look the other way but like many old country ladies she likes her meat well hung & Ive often caught her taking a peek
through powerful binoculars you mean? I said sneering quite unjustly! hed have made a donkey envious! then waded out till the water was deep enough to dive into.
He took his watch off dropped it on his trunks followed me in came up alongside me & stayed there doing a pretty fair crawl smiling at me from time to time as if to say dont worry I wont sprint away & leave you so youre quite safe
Well you know me not the fastest thing on fins but can keep going forever.
There was a buoy about 1/4 mile offshore I fixed my eyes on it & got into my rhythm. He stuck with me for a while then dropped behind & when I reached the buoy it was 3 or 4 minutes before he joined me. He tried a smile but I could see he was knackered & I started to feel guilty. Just cos he had a lousy chat-up line didnt mean he deserved to drown! & dragging that thing along beneath him must have been like a plane trying to take off with its flaps down!
We clung on to the buoy for a few minutes then I said ready for home?
He nodded & I set off back breast stroke this time a lot slower & it gave me room to keep an eye on him.
By the time we reached the shallows he was so whacked a little wave knocked him over when he tried to stand up.
Big test time now would he turn nasty or could he take it?
He collapsed on the sand. Wed come ashore about 30 feet from where wed left our gear.
He gasped do me a favour Charley fetch my trunks will you? Id like to be buried decent but not at sea please!
So that was OK. Dont mind a prat so long as he can laugh at himself.
I fetched his watch & his trunks he made himself decent then we sat on the sand together warming ourselves in the sun till he got his breath back.
I said do you ski as well as you swim?
He said better youll be glad to hear but I usually keep my clothes on. Why?
I said I was out in Switzerland before Christmas near Davos bunch of my mates from uni thought I saw your sister there at a dance but could be wrong. Kind of place us poor students party at not really her thing I shouldnt think
He pulled a face & said might well have been Aunt Daph had a rush of blood to the head took me & Ess on a skiing holiday last Christmas near Davos
That was generous of her I said where were you staying? Morasinis? The Fluela?
O no he laughed dear aunties not that generous! we had a chalet but in fairness it was very comfortably appointed
so why would Esther be moving & grooving with the plebs? I pressed.
why not? he said in the casual tone the upper classes use to disguise an evasion. Could be there was a ski instructor she fancied holiday romance no strings no harm but wouldnt do for auntie
I almost asked whats it to do with her? but I didnt need to being such a clever observer of human behaviour! She who pays the piper calls the tune right? Lady D definitely would not care for the prospect of any of her money now or later finding its way into the pocket of a penniless foreigner. So if her beloved neice wanted to stay in her good books & her will shed better pick her young men v carefully. The HB feels much the same so the way youre going Ill probably be getting your share!
I was also recalling that according to George Emil was a student not a ski instructor. Teddy I thought either youre lying or Ess lied to you
I said so Esther went slumming with us plebs & Lady D never found out
He said happily auntie had her own affairs to divert her
The way he stressed affairs got me curious but our interesting chat must have been observed for now it was interrupted by a sergeant major bellow Teddy! what are you doing down there? Time for lunch!
The bart flinched & made a face but he still started to get to his feet.
Shes really got him at the end of a leash I thought as we headed back to the group. Must be hard for both of them having to be careful who they got the hots for in case Lady D disapproved. Wonder how shed feel about me?
I was soon to find out!
The women were all on their feet. Clara was gathering up their stuff bags towels Lady Ds folding chair while Esther gazed out to sea like she was trying to freeze it over. Lady D greeted me with a stern look then she said Miss Heywood if you could lend me your arm too much sitting makes me stiff
Not much sign of stiffness the speed with which she walked me away from the others but it quickly became clear what she wanted was a private chat.
a word to the wise she said Teddy is a fine young man
yes I noticed I said.
That got me a sharp glance then she went on but alas he may flatter to decieve
you mean hes not to be trusted with a girls affections! I exclaimed all shock horror.
you mean hes not to be trusted with a girls affections! I exclaimed all shock horror.
of course I dont mean that! I am talking of his circumstances she declared He may look like a good catch big mansion expensive watch but Denham Park is entailed cannot be sold & needs more spent on it in repairs than it would probably fetch anyway. As for the watch
yes I noticed the Rolex I said all bright eyed thinking no harm in letting the old cow peg me as a predatory fortune hunter could lull her into a false sense of security if I decide to have me wicked way with the bart! That must be worth 5 thou of anyones money!
yes indeed she said triumphantly mine! it was Sir Harrys my late husbands Teddys uncle. I gave it to Teddy as a memento there was nothing in the will you understand but I beleive Sir Harry would have wanted it family meant much to him & as Teddys circumstances have meant he has had to part with many Denham heirlooms it is good he should retain at least one item to remind him of dear Harry & better days
Meaning I interpreted that Teddy wouldnt dare flog it cos shed be asking him the time whenever they met!
Well I had news for her Id wondered why the bart took off his Rolex before entering the water those things are supposed to be still working when theyre dredged up from a ten year old shipwreck. So when I collected the guys trunks I checked it out & its definitely a Hong Kong job 20 quid off a sampan you could bend the expanding gold bracelet with two fingers if you took a fancy to! I reckon Ted-on-the-rocks has flogged the original & invested in a fake to fool auntie. Could explain how come he could afford a Buell. That won-it-in-a-lottery story had sounded pretty feeble!
Good for him! I thought & I said to her yes I understand & Im sure someone as attractive & talented as Teddy will have little difficulty in finding someone his equal in name & his superior in income
Nicely put eh?
She nodded & smiled & said Im so pleased we understand each other my dear now I must toil up this path to lunch
She let go of my arm & Ess whod been veiwing our tete-a-tete with great suspicion went into ministering angel mode leaping forward presumably to ensure Lady Ds foot did not dash against a stone.
Her ladyship did not look at her but gazed on me assessingly. I guessed she wanted to reward me for being a sensible peasant possibly with an invite to lunch which I wasnt crazy about but might just accept to put Esthers nose out of joint!
Then she said in a very measured extremely condescending tone Miss Heywood do tell Tom Parker to bring you to my hog-roast this Sunday
Her hog-roast which according to Mary the Consortium was paying for!
I resisted the temptation to do a curtsey & said that would be lovely but Im probably going home on Saturday
I expected her to react sort of amazed anyone could turn down a royal invite instead she said yes of course your family must miss you family loyalties are so important. Come if you change your mind meanwhile do feel free to stay here as long as you like & dont be afraid to come again whenever the public beach is full
There! In my place or what?
I felt like kicking sand in her face.
Instead I said very dignified thank you so kind but I really ought to get back to my freinds & off I stalked!
Id gone about a dozen yards when Teddy caught up with me.
dont take any notice of the old bat he said she cant help it still thinks were living in the dark ages!
Which might have impressed me with his independence if he hadnt still been whispering for fear of being overheard!
I said better get back else you might be sent to bed without any lunch
He grinned hes got a great grin & said who cares about lunch so long as the company in beds good? Look Id like to see you again soon
I said pushing it is that an invitation to Denham Park then? or do you need permission to invite someone to your own home?
He winced then said of course not though I warn you the plumbings terrible! What Id really like is to give you a ride on the Beast I mean. You could borrow Ests leathers. The trick is to get the full experience not to wear anything at all underneath!
Who writes this guys scripts?!!
But like a good thriller it may be a load of crap but you cant stop reading it!
I said Ill think about it & scrambled over the rocks back to the main beach even more crowded now than before. Suddenly the peace & friendliness of Kyoto House seemed very attractive.
So off I set to trudge back up the hill.
But my exciting adventures werent over yet!
However youll have to wait for the next exciting episode as I have to go & interview a woman who says that an infusion of whortleberries & a nettle oil massage have taken 20 years off her age.
You see Im a working girl too!
Much love
Charley xxx
15
FROM: charley@whiffle.com TO: cassie@natterjack.com SUBJECT: sex on wheels!Hi again!
Well that was fun! If the berries & nettles have made her 20 years younger she must have been nigh on 100 before. Fits under my grasping at straws category. Ready to beleive anything except that youre going to die.
Back to the land of the living. Now where was I ? Oh yes. The foot of the hill.
The road up North Cliff seemed a lot steeper than when Id come down & showing off to the bart had taken more out of me than I thought. By the time I reached Witch Cottage I was ready for a rest so I sat on the little garden wall. There was an ancient motorbike plus sidecar parked outside. Some poor sod hoping to alleviate his saddle soreness by having needles stuck in his bum I theorized.
I heard the door open behind me & glanced round to see Yan Lee ushering a man out. He was wearing motorbike leathers & putting on a helmet but the brambly beard was a dead giveaway. It was Gordon Godley the healer from Willingdene. I remembered Tom saying hed agreed to come over to check the set-up here in Sandytown. Remembered too my sense he knew a lot more about the set-up here than hed let on.
& when I saw them exchange a hug & a kiss not a one cheek peck either but a full lip job & I thought hello! not so unworldly after all bit of pillow talk going on here Id guess wonder if theres a book on faith-healing in that Teach Yourself series!
When he clocked me sitting on the wall he stopped dead in his tracks like hed seen a rabid Doberman. Behind him Miss Lee gave me her little Oriental bob went back inside & closed the door leaving him & me standing facing each other both stock still like a pair of gunfighters in a spaghetti western each waiting for the other to make a move. While his biking leathers didnt do for him what they did for the bart they did have a juvenating effect & I adjusted my estimate of his age down a few notches more 45 than 55